Who's a "Perfect Mom"?

Every day, I think I aquire a new "mom-flaw." With a 3 1/2 year old and an 18 month old, I make so many mistakes and am constantly trying to learn new ways to deal with everything. My biggest ones are as follows:

Yelling too much-which I know makes the situation worse and I am diligently working on
Letting the kids watch more than the recommended amount of tv or not the "appropriate" shows-can't help that my 3 1/2 year old loves X-men and any movie with fighting and guns
Am not Betty Crocker-don't bake, and most nights hubby cooks

I do have to say my house is probably cleaner than most, the laundry is always done, and I am very good about taking the kids to the park, hiking, and all kinds of different activities.

Not being more accepting - of other's parenting styles, of other kids, of myself and my shortcomings, of my kids not doing what I ask the first time, etc. I'm just too hard on everyone!
Making mountains out of mole hills
Not doing a better job at appreciating what I have, and teaching my kids to do the same
Not stopping enough to "smell the roses"
Forgetting/not documenting certain things my kids have said or done. I'm already forgetting so much about their babyhood!
Those are my top 5.

Well, when I am just totally frazzled and it happens to be like PMS time... and when I just cannot squeeze anymore "patience" into my plastered on smile and when they kids are going non-stop, I tell them "Do you want a Nice Mommy or a Grumpy-no fun-mean Mommy?" (I tell them this when I just cannot even bear another iota of noise). Then my kids look at me all big-eyed and say NO! We want a nice Mommy! Then I say "fine, then no more noise...and behave!"
And it usually works.
But I know this isn't real 'nice' of me.

good luck,
Susan

I'm a perfect mom and so are most other mommies. I'm perfect because I do what I feel is best for my children and family.

If my house isn't clean....it's set up a fort, then painted, then played dress up
If my dinner is ham and cheese....it's because I want them in bed at a decent hour
If I.....you get my point. As long as I am trying to do the best job I can as a mother than I am perfect. So are you and all the other mommies that try their hardest!

I'm raising my hand to your question because I am perfect!

Well.... except I would like more patience... and I need to make my preschooler eat healthier... and I hate housework and cooking (although that's not a MOM's job, just a domestic job)... and I need to work on getting my son more focused... and I need to work on getting my daughter to be more respectful... and.......

Hi Theresa,
I love your question! Sometimes I just need to hear other people have not-so-good days too! Mine....
~ I yell when I know I should be using my "nice" voice
~ I skip veggies because I don't want a fight
~ I turn on the TV when I just need a few minutes
~ I do this dishes myself instead of having my kids do it (to learn responsibility) becuase I don't want to hear the complaining.
These are just a few, I'm sure my kids could give plenty more! I just hope in the end I am doing my best to love them the best way possible and that they feel safe.
Best Wishes!

My biggest mom-flaw with a bullet is getting angry and loud during situations where being calm, but extremely firm would be so much more affective (and create a better home environment with less stress for my kids and myself). I also make mountains out of molehills and pronounce doom...(usually just in my own head or to my spouse or other family/friends) but I actually wasted time worrying that my youngest was never going to walk and my oldest was never going to learn to write her name...stupid!

Lack of patience (as the other mom said) as well as keeping up with house work... I can let the dishes, laundry, cleaning pile up and sure that is ok sometimes BUT I let it happen way too much. Those are my biggest flaws, but no one is perfect :)

Great question - no one is perfect... and that can be our flaw. We need to be nicer to ourselves and more forgiving. Ask - are you loving your kids? Are you showing them? Then BE IN THE MOMENT and enjoy them... that's my challenge/flaw every day - slow down, relax, enjoy. This time will go fast, and I don't want to wish I'd spent more time enjoying it vs. doing it "right" or getting the housework done... They won't remember how clean or nice the house was - they will remember if they felt loved... Thanks for the reminder!

Oh, gosh, I have several mom-flaws. First, I don't always listen to my kids especially when they are talking about their games, toys, or some kind of character. I just answer, uh-huh, sure, you're right, yep, okay...then I go back to whatever I'm doing. Second, I think, I should be doing more fun things with my kids like taking them more to the park, to the mall, play a game, but I don't. Third, I should take them to church more, but it's such a hassle because my oldest is very energetic and keeps asking when mass will be over, and my little one fusses too much, can't sit still, plus my hubby is working out of the home 90% of the time, so I'd have to take them by myself which for me, is too stressful and people look funny at you when your kids act up in church, so I just don't go. There are so many other flaws, too many to list I'm afraid.

:(
M.

Hi ladies,
I have to say that first of all I have raised 2 children and now help raising our 3 grandchildren. My daughter works 3 days a week and that's when I have the grandkids. So here's the thing, as mothers you need to be good to yourself first because you have so much that needs doing with little ones. Your relationship with hubby is very important, your partners after all, and you "both" should be in this role as parents 50/50 or 60/40 pick a number that works for you. Having said that, as women, we need to realize that we can't have everything perfect all the time, and that includes you. As young moms these days, I feel that its so important to not judge eachother about whats right or whats wrong in your mothering styles. You all need to stick together and loving talk about whats really bothering each of you. Every women needs to vent once in a while. I write a blog called "Loving Life" at www.loving--life.blogspot.com I'm going to create a page for young moms like yourselfs...so check out my blog and let me know what you think. Also, I would love to know what kind of topics interest all of you, and I'll be happy to include all of your suggestions and ?'s.
Sending all of you wonderful moms blessings,
A.

I have to "force" myself to play. Im not good at getting on the floor and playing with action figures. I do it, but I dont find genuine joy in it. Even as I type this I feel guilty. Everything else I love, painting, playing outside, princess and monsters, cooking together, learning numbers and letters, but the getting on the floor and just playing, Im not good at.

None of us and all of us.

I read something like this, and it has changed my view on everything.....

Yesterday is over so let it go. Tomorrow isn't here yet so don't worry about it. Be in the moment.

I'm a SAHM who hates to clean house, even though it's a big part of my "job." I just can't keep the freakin' thing clean.

My biggest worry ~ or mom flaw ~ is that I may not be strong enough to teach my son the important lessons he needs to be successful in life. I worry that I over-indulge him. That I don't say NO enough. That I don't let him experience the natural consequences of his behavior because I try to protect his feelings. But I committed myself, when he was born, to only fight the important battles. To only say NO when I really meant it ~ that it would not become my auto-response to everything he asked to do or asked for. To allow him to develop into whoever he would be, and be there with him, no matter what.

Sometimes I just don't know if I can help him learn life's hard lessons because I want and try so hard to protect him...

I only read a few responses, but makes me feel not alone.
I have a 3 and 4 yr old and somedays I feel like I am going to lose my mind or explode-yelling I know is not good, but it happens and from other responses I know I am not alone and no there is no excuse-like today was a bad day here-I think my 3 yr old lost his listening ears-LMAO! Imagine that! I always tell my husband and he even made a comment one day-I can at least escape to work(if u consider that an escape?) but where do we AHMs escape to? NOWHERE? By 9pm I am zonked-there are dyas I hate to wake up-I cant wait for nap or bedtime-How horrible, but I make the best of it-I love my Kids even though they take all they got out of me-LOL! I am glad to see I am not alone L.:)

I am sure NONE of us have all the answers! I try my best at what I do. I let my kids take control at an early age. I don't clean my house to great lengths, I am not a domestic goddess by far, I love to go out to eat so I don't have to cook or clean, and I don't have much patience when I have to comes to listening about video games. My 19 year old daughter thinks I am cool! (That is a big feat in itself) My 15 year old son needs a positive male role model. (Can't do that!!) We are trying and he still calls me mommy. My 6 year old would love to be connected to me at the hip. (until his friends show up) I am a single mother and I am trying to break the cycle and raise my kids differently then I was raised. My mother was a victim of her environment and could not stand up and grow as an individual. I know she would if she could but I can so I will!

Thank you for asking this question, I am always worried that I am not the "perfect mom" but I am learning that as you said, no one really is!

I wish i had more patience with my 18 month old daughter, especially if I am tired or cranky!

I yell too much and often have FAR less patience than I wish I did! My house is never clean -it wasn't when I was a SAHM and it's not now that I work outside the home. I simply don't have the time to keep the house perfect and be a mother or a "working" mother! I think we should all cut ourselves a lot of slack. Kids with "perfect" moms have no idea how to handle adversity or grumpy authority figures ;-)

too many to list. deep down i think i do my freaking best, yet, every night, without a fail, i go to bed thinking i should have done more, i should have this i should have that.
my thing is i just don't have a lot of energy. so when we're out and about i can do so much hopscotch, then i like to pull a chair, sit and read while my kids play around. but they don't play, they want me to play with the ball, or blow bubbles, or play soccer. i do, and then i have to stop. i wish i had more energy.
cooking: i do a lot of mediterranean cooking (read: kids aren't big fans) so i wish i knew simple american dishes. you know the veggie side and the meat. i don't know how to cook those kind of things. i still don't know what chicken cutlets are? so yeah even that basic thing. or, or? chicken fingers? they sound easy. i bet ya my kids would love it instead of moussaka but i don't know how to make those.
i wish i knew how to bake breads and salty pastries. i suck at baking. my cakes either come from a box or are ordered. since i hate cakes from a box i order their cakes. so hence wish i knew how to make cakes.

wish i didn't have to take 6 different pills a day. they mess my body up, hormones all over, fatigue, grumpy you name it. hence another 'i wish.'
major flaw? i want to be THAT AWESOME MOM, i don't know how to be, or what i should do.
oh why did you post this :( now i am sad again.

The list is too long to write

not to throw a kink in the chain but I notice that none of the respones mention time for your husbands or significant others??? I'm not looking to piss people off but where does he come in at. I only have 1 child now and we are talking about another I too am a SAHM and wonder if I am doing everything or anything for that matter correctly.

I believe we are perfect because of our "imperfections" - my kids are happy and healthy - and that is what matters most! Striving for someone else's version of perfect would be too exhausting and I would miss out on the reality that makes my family so wonderful!

I have bipolar disorder and I see that sometimes as a flaw. When I'm down I yell more. I take more things personally. Yes I take meds but sometimes even with that I am ready to run away and join the circus!
I have jobs for my daughter who is 6, but I admit I am not consistent in having her do them. I spend more time with my son because he is younger (20 months old) and I feel guilty that my daughter gets shortchanged. I nag.. but guess that's part of the momma contract=)

Honestly, I just read your post...just got to work and am sitting on a conference call and I have to tell you, while I see the humor of it all and I could definitley add my flaws, I have been working very hard to stop focusing on those flaws and start focusing on the positives, realizing that no one is perfect and that I should be proud of all that I do in the day that is right not worried about what I did so much that was wrong...whats my point? I'm not even sure as I haven't even had a first sip of coffee yet but this "question" raised my blood pressure a little bit. I think at another moment I could add to the list and have a chuckle too but not right now! ; )

In my opinion we are ALL perfect moms IF we do the "best that we know how." What is good for your child might not be good for mine, but if YOU feel it is good for yours then it is. Sometimes giving a child chores can be more of a bother than doing it yourself, so who is to say you are 'bad' for not giving chores? But (giggle) since you are a good Catholic girl you were raised to have guilt feelings, so.......... LOL
Take it easy on yourself and watch your babies for a little while. Are they happy, healthy and beautiful? Then you are a great mom and (practically)perfect in every way.

I would have to say that my flaws are yelling, i tend to yell, not just at the kids or whatever, but im a loud mouth in general. LOL giggle. Also i tend to give in to my 3 year old instead of listening to him scream. he has been through a lot if you have noticed any of my questions. but hey whatever no one is perfect so dont stress yourself out. if you are not harming the children or neglecting them you are great.

Speak for yourself I AM a PeRfEcT MOM !!!! LOL really loudly!!!!! I can't seen to figure out how dishes and laundry breed on their own. It is worse than rabbits! If I could have someone to just cook and do dishes I would be all set! I too am a SAHM to 3 girls! ( 9 yo, 3 yo, and 9 month old!) I would also like to know WHY CAN"T I TAKE A SHOWER ALONE!!!!! My Mother's day gift was 1/2 hour in the bathroom without ANY visitors! If I was a perfect Mom I wouldn't need to shower or privacy!!! LOL AGAIN!!! God Bless ALL us MOMS!!!

I secretly cringe at the thought of school coming to an end and having the kids home 24/7. All the fighting, whining, crying, demanding....come on, August 25th!!