Who Would You Believe

My 3 1/2 year old INSISTS that he DROVE Grandpa's truck. Didn't happen-- won't happen, but there's no point arguing with him about it

First reaction would be to believe the kid, BUT a child that I used to watch told her mom that I went to Walmart when I didn't. I had told her that something that I got was FROM Walmart, and her little 3 year old brain thought that it meant I must have gone just then to get it or something. I cleared it up with the mom and still work for her. Kids can make up some crazy stuff in their heads!

Kids don't know the difference between dreams and reality sometimes. She may have been dreaming about a car.

BUT, I don't know why it matters so much. I personally would not provide care for anyone that doesn't trust me to drive the kids if and or where I need to.

By 3 my son had ridden in an abulance 5 or 6 times...

the house had burned down (and he'd been burned)
he'd been shot
he'd been in a car accident
he'd been electrocuted
he'd had a broken leg

NONE of this was true.

What was true was that my son REALLY wanted to ride in an ambulance. He though it would be fun/ exciting/ etc.

I had to work on him for MONTHS to start using the phrase
"Wouldn't it be exciting if _________________???" INSTEAD OF
"Guess what? I ________________!!!"

Some of these are obvious Ummmmmm? things. Especially when he said it happened last week. Others were not so obvious. He came up with GREAT back stories, and he figured out early on that people didn't buy a recent timeline. So everything became "last year".

It's a developmental stage. The "what if?" + "plausible physics" + "age of reason" + "imagination".

It's not technically lying, even though it's absolutely not the truth. ((And part of why toddlers aren't allowed to testify in court.))

__________

COULD it have happened (the ride to the store)? Sure.

But it could also just be something this child thinks would be exciting.

.

My daughter "remembers" me making her eat a salad on her birthday. Never happened. I still "remember" my mom punishing me by locking me in my room and putting my dinner plate with food and all under my door. My mom showed me it wouldn't fit but yet I still remember it. Believe the sitter.

I believe the sitter.

2 year olds can tell the best stories.

They get things all confused. Things from conversations, the TV, a book, wishful thinking, then make it sound so true.

The more they say it the more it becomes the truth to them.

My husband picked up my son from school today and ds (5) began crying horribly saying he was hungry. He said they didn't call his name for pizza and he missed lunch altogether. My huband called me really pissed off. I had no idea because they had him on the pizza list last week. My sister in law is an assistant in his class and I told my husband she would never let him miss lunch. He said he texted her but that he was stopping to pick up some food for him immediately. My sister in law texted back that he definitely ate lunch and also got a birthday treat with the rest of the class. I had already called the school and left a message for the teacher to call me back.

Yesterday he came home crying saying the teacher was mad a him and all of his friends were mad a him for staying outside too long. I asked SIL and she said that did not happen either.

I don't know what is going on with my son but he is exhausted after school and usually falls asleep in the car on the way home. I guess he is just acting up because he's tired but crrraaaaaapppp!

We had a good talk about honesty today and how people get in trouble when we lie. He's only 5 and all I can think is wow!

This isn't even your child?

My 2 year old daughter was extremely verbal and imaginative and you would faint if you knew some of the stuff she came up with.
For instance, my parents had horses and my daughter insisted that she rode them all by herself up and down the road.
She would even point and say she visited this neighbor and that neighbor on the horses as we were driving in the car back and forth from my parents house.
My parents never would have let her around the horses by herself and she couldn't have gotten on a horse and ridden it by herself if her life depended on it anyway.
She saddled up a horse and rode it around to visit the neighbors?
NO.
Not humanly possible.

Is the babysitter, with a 9 year reputation, forbidden from driving somewhere with the child?
Maybe the little one wishes they could get in the car and use the seat belt and go bye-bye.

What little ones WISH could happen can be far different from the truth.
It's called imagination.

"Still the sitter did not confess".
What if she had nothing to confess to?

Just saying.

Hmm, I'm not sure. At that age their imaginations are so full force. Maybe it is just something that she really really wanted to do, but couldn't.

thats a tough one. I want to believe the child, but at that age they are unreliable. Maybe the child just wanted to go somewhere in the babysitters car really badly but did not actually go.
Recently, my 2 year old had a bruise on his back from falling down when getting out of our truck. When staying over at my moms house and taking a bath, my mom asked him how he got his boo-boo and my son told her our dog bit him! My son has absolutely never been bitten by the dog, and we knew exactly how he got that bruise, so I have no idea where that story came from!
I would tell the baby sitter you believe her, but also reinforce your expectations with her. If she is not supposed to be taking the child in her car, I would say something like - "I do believe you that you did not take little Johnnie to the store. He probably just really wanted to ride in your car and got confused. I know we are on the same page that you are not to be taking him anywhere without my knowledge, and I am confident you would not break my trust in you like that"

I would believe the sitter. My daughter used to tell such good tails she got DFS called on me because I left her alone while I took Andy to the store.

Um, I didn't leave her that was the lie, she just made it good enough with enough detail that the school believed her.

If I HAD to give an opinion, I would tend to believe the adult over the 2 year old, for obvious reasons.

my son is 5 and still makes stories up, mixing up reality, fantasy and older memories of things he did a while back. He would tell me he did things he would never know how to do by himself or that he's seen people who live abroad (he doesn't understand well distances/geography) like the day before or something...so unless it is something very serious that requires more investigation I would shrug it off for now. I doubt she could describe WHY/HOW what she is saying is true, so i guess you don't have much choice but deciding by yourself who's better to believe depending on the situation.

When my son was about 2, we all got in the car (husband, son, and me), and my son says, "Mommy, don't drive on the sidewalk!" as though he is reminding me of something. My husband looked at me and asked if there was something he should know. LOL I have no idea where he got that idea! I have never driven on the sidewalk! I was all over myself trying to explain that I had no idea what he was talking about. It was funny, but sort of alarming to me. He could say anything and people would believe him. After all, why would a 2 year old make that up? He did!

Hmmmmm....tough to say. What does the babysitter have to lose if she's lying?

2 year olds don't really have the full capacity to distinguish fact from fiction or truth from lies.

I'd believe the sitter. My kids had trouble distinguishing fact from things they really wanted to do, at that age. My oldest would tell people she had been to Disneyland (she hadn't) - she did not perceive herself as lying though. It was almost like saying it enough times made it so.

You have to take everything kids say (up until the age of 6, probably) with a grain of salt.

Child.

Edit* Dawn's post made a lot of sense to me. I am probably going to change my original opinion as I sit and think about it!

Based on what you provide, I would tend beleive the child. At 2 most children really don't understand lying.

However, if the child is very creative and likes to make up stories, then this could just be part of make beleive. It's also possible that it may be something she saw on tv.

To answer your question, the babysitter. As others have mentioned, kids really do say the darnedest things. Out of curiosity, why do you care? Would your sitter driving your child somewhere bother you? I ask because it wouldn't bother me in the least. If I can trust someone to watch my child, I can trust them to drive my child.

Let me start with this.... My daughter starting when little has always been told she can tell mom anything. She also knew that she need not be afraid to talk to me as I am here for her. (coming from being abused as a child. I want honesty and open communication with my kids)

Anyway, same child is being taken to a in home day care with her older sister. She comes to me and says... "mommy I had an accident at daycare and the lady pulled my hair and yelled at me for it." So I go to the lady and ask her about what was said. The lady then replies, "don't listen to her she is lying. You should only listen to what the older girls says."

I then tell the lady that I will not be bringing my girls back. It would have been one thing to tell me it did not happen that way. But when you tell me I should never listen to what my child says and only listen to the older one. That is when I put my foot down. (What would happen if I followed her advice and that same daughter who had the accident comes to me and said that an adult sexually abused her. I would be already used to ignoring my child and that is not right)

SO WITH SHARING THIS... If you are wanting an open communication with your child/someone elses child and they can give extreme details(what is in the car on the seat or floor) at that age. I would believe the child. JMO

HTH
Dawn in AZ

My son used to occasionally tell me that he got in a bus or van and went somewhere from preschool. This is a large licensed preschool/daycare place. I would be shocked if any of those stores were true.
It's a tough call in your case though...

When my 5 year old was 3, he used to tell stories that began "once when I was older, like 8..." and then would proceed with a really detailed account of something that happened. Someone's house he went to, a trip that we took, a game that he played, something that happened in school. All of the events were things that he had never done. What he would say was totally believable, except for the time-travel part.

Kids can tell great stories and get things mixed up in their little heads. I would tend to believe the adult - several teachers my kids have had - from day care to elementary school - have said "If you can manage to not believe every story they tell you about me, I'll make sure to not believe everything they say about you!"

what has she watched on TV lately? was there a sitcom with a story line about going in the car. There is a great power of suggestion. My kids used to "drive" sitting on the couch with a steering wheel and it was amazing some of the places they used to drive to and things they used to do--showed signs of great imagination.

I'd believe the child. At that age, they don't lie. They may misinterpret things so they may not be accurate, but they do not know to lie yet. So if you're wondering whether the child left the house and went for a ride somewhere in the car...chances are pretty good she did.

Is there more to this story that we're not hearing?

I agree with the people who say that the child very likely either really, really wants to ride in the car (but hasn't); or had a dream about riding in the car; or otherwise just is willing it to be so, but it wasn't. Two is THE age for that form of imagination. It's not full-on lying, I believe, because at just two -- they're barely out of babyhood -- they really do believe that what they're saying actually happened; they're not covering up something by making up something else. She knows to add details like using the seat belt, saying bye-bye, etc., from riding with her family, by the way.

But the fact that you even felt compelled to ask about this makes me wonder: Do you have some other reason to suspect the babysitter is lying and did indeed take the child somewhere? A reason other than the child's statements? I think most of us, as the posts here indicate, would put it down to a tiny kid's wishful thinking and would believe the adult; however, the fact you didn't do that makes me wonder if there's more going on.

If there isn't any more to it, I would believe the adult I'd known for nine years and then I'd completely let it go. And be prepared for similar things to happen again -- this is really typical at this age and for a while to come.

I don't know why she'd lie unless she had too many kids in the car or took them without car-seats. I always took the kids everywhere in my child care center and when I was a nanny. I just put what ever kids I was taking and went. But my parents did sign permission slips for the kids to go on field trips too. A general one that covered things like that.