Why Is It That....

I know exactly what you mean and feel the exact same way.. I even do that with my son sometimes, lol.. Miss him sooo much, then as soon as I get him from school he does something that drives me nuts, then I can wait for him to go back to school, lol... Us women!

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I know exactly what you mean and feel the exact same way.. I even do that with my son sometimes, lol.. Miss him sooo much, then as soon as I get him from school he does something that drives me nuts, then I can wait for him to go back to school, lol... Us women!

May I suggest that you read an excellent book which might give a little insight?

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

Cliche? Yes. But very pertinent.

I get you.
It's the witching hour. You know the O.? It appears when you have a newborn who is just SUPER crabby at dinnertime and then as the kids age, the witching hour morphs into another type of witching hour...homework time, unloading the dishwasher, prepping dinner, etc.

The days I am home, I can "plan ahead" all I want..but the bottom line is that if son gets home at 4, has homework, we all need to eat dinner, he needs to change clothes & then get TO baseball by 6, I still have to SQUISH a lot into those 2 hours! Then I'm left in the mine zone--exploded kitchen, dishes to do, etc.

I've always said I'm going to find a PT job where I can work 4-7 EVERY day!

Sorry. I can't relate. I wish my husband would just stay at work...... ; )

Are you expecting him to start helping out as soon as he gets home? Do you get upset because you want him to help but he's either not doing it the way you would or you feel like he's horning in on your territory?

This happens to me too and I have to realize it and then take a step back and think about how irrational it is. Then I try to give him a few minutes to transition (like P S said) and then he usually helps with the kids or asks me what I need help with. If he keeps the kids out of my way while j finish what I'm doing, that's usually good for me!

i think it's just the timing of it--the evenings with kids are rarely peaceful and picturesque. The kids are hungry, tired and cranky and then your husband is also hungry tired and cranky from being at work all day. Not even to MENTION how tired you are at the end of the day with 3 kids. I agree with the others that you both need to take a break before you both jump into parenting duty. Let him have his 20 minutes to unwind (my husband always seems to have to poop as soon as he gets home--and it takes him about 20 minutes to do his business and read his book in his "fortress of solitude") and then it's your turn. This is when i go for a run or take a shower, then both parents are happier and refreshed from our busy days. It seems like you should both be happily running into each other's arms after missing each other all day, but you both just need some down time first to recharge your batteries. Good luck!

There are 2 things going on (I'm in the same boat)... one, you miss what your mind has created about him (we tend to remember the positives and block out the negatives)... so you subconsciously expect your prince charming to come home from work... and then your perfectly imperfect husband walks in ;) Two, resentment. You may resent (whether you know it or not), that he 'gets away from it all' and leaves everyday for work (whereas he thinks 'she gets to stay home ALL DAY LONG!). Make sure that when he gets home, give him 30 minutes to unwind (which is usually when I'm making dinner), but then YOU get 30 minutes sans kids and distractions after dinner/homework, while he deals with everything. Once the kiddos go to bed, make it a point to cuddle on the couch and watch tv and hold hands, even for 30 minutes, and always say I love you before you fall asleep :) We're STILL working on it, but these things have made an ENORMOUS change for the better! OH, and make sure you schedule a date night, just you two, at least once a month :)

lol not to make light of it, but occasionally I feel that way toward my kids. I miss them like crazy when they aren't around, but when after a couple hours of the constant demans, bickering, whining, tattling, I wish for bedtime. I try try try to stop the madness and just focus on the fun parts. When I start getting irritated, I change the tone. I will stop whatever chaos we are going through and just sit. Ok - time out! Lets turn off the tv, put everything down a minute and sit down to color. Dinner can wait. Then once we have sat and giggled together a little while and everyone is com again, then I hug them and go back to what I was doing, a more loving, calmer, appreciative mom. I think this works with husbands too. There have been times when he was really irritating me and I have to yell stop! put everything down and come to the bedroom with me. Then I am a calmer, more appreciateve wifey! :)

Sounds like you both need transition time. Come to some sort of agreement or understanding that when he arrives, he's gotta do his thing and you've gotta to yours for 10-15mins, whether its him playing w/the kids or going up to his mancave, or you finishing dinner or cleaning or hleping one of the kids or even going to your room to lie down for some p&q. After 15 mins, you both can ease into each other's company again, knowingyou've had some time to adjust.

Perhaps if he lended you a helping hand with the kids when he gets through the door that would help take the edge off of you having to do everything from getting the boys ready for dinner, bath and bed. When daddy comes home the dynamics of the house changes.

Your mood can change but you may need to make some changes to your routine. Schedule a date night for just you and hubby at least once a month and squirrel away some alone time and/or fun time with hubby at least once a week. It doesn't have to cost a fortune but you do need to reconnect minus the kids as well as learn how to better integrate hubby into the nighttime routine on those days he is available. When he comes come on that late night, even if you are in the bed get up and spend some time with him. This may require you get some early sleep.

Keep working at finding that balance while your kids are still young. Make it a point to check your attitude. I really think exploring why you are feeling the way you are feeling will go a long way to finding a resolution to your feelings.

It's displaced anger & frustration. You're upset about the situation, you want some peace at a time in a young family's day that is the opposite of peaceful. You're wishing for a calm transition home, that your kids would be at peace, not whiny, etc. Try to have dinner ready and the kids prepped before he's due home. Even if it's not yet bathtime get everything ready for their bath: PJ's near the bathroom door, have dinner ready to go, set the dinner table right after lunch, try to get as much stuff ready in advance so there's less chaos when your man walks in the door. I remember my sister rushing the kids around in the half hour before their dad came home saying" come let's get the house all neat and nice so when daddy gets home it looks good for him". I still try to do the same thing with the kids and mine are teens. It's nice to come home to a neat home. let him go in your bedroom and decompress. then agree that you get some decompression time too - even though you really feel like throwing the kids at him the minute he walks in the door so you can have a break!!!

This season doesn't alst forever. Raising young kids is a very tough time in amarriage - kids are so needy that they just suck the energy out of everyone in their orbit... It will pass. Try your darndest to have a date nite - some people say every week - I still don't know how that can be possible - but try at least one a month or every 2 or 3 weeks. It's still cheaper than a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer. ;o)

My husband and I both work... Together at that. ☺

There are times I get frustrated with my husband because I feel like he's one of the kids that can't do things for himself anymore. I say anymore because he was single and doing things on his own when we got together, but now that I'm there, he doesn't "have to" and seems to have forgotten how to somewhere in the last 3yrs. He and I used to have tag team cleaning day. Now... I do most of it. I feel sometimes that he's lost his capability to be an adult.

The way I get through that feeling is by thinking about all the things my husband does that I don't want to do... and used to do as a single mom. Things I've noticed that I started to take for granted. Like mowing the lawn or shoveling/snow blowing in the winter. Raking leaves. Repairing the gutters. Hanging drywall. Taking the stuff to the recycle center. And so on. Yes, while I know how to do all of that and did it all before he was around, I have to stop and appreciate all of those things because I don't HAVE TO do them anymore. Not only does this help me to calm down [because it gives me time & needed space] but I can talk to him about all of this BECAUSE I've calmed down! My husband and I talk about EVERYTHING. If one of us is upset, angry, frustrated, etc... and we're not ready to talk about it, we say so and readdress the issue later. If our conversation starts to get heated... We walk away to cool off and readdress the issue later.

I think we all go through what you're talking about at some point in a marriage. I also think that you and your husband need some time alone. Get a sitter and go do something with each other... No one else. Reconnect. Refresh. Fall back in love.

i know exactly what you mean!!!!!!!!!! for me personally I have a mood disorder so I get really bad mood swings which causes ME to be an, ummmm, Biotch......but to be honest sometimes my irratation at my husband is valid, imo, because of the "where is this or that" questions or the "does ___ get his medicine too?" typed stuff, that is routine so he should know but doesnt because he doesnt pay attention like he should...I think that if you both know it is an issue that is actually a good thing because it means you both know that you have issues and can now work on them. I know, in my house, i feel like when my husband is home he should help out more, w/o me having to ask, and give me a bit of a break. and of course because he works, a full time 2nd shift and a 3 night a week part time overnights job(they overlap 2 days a week), when he is home he wants to be able to relax some and not have to be busy as well.

i say, sit down and talk it out and good luck!

Yes, that "transitional" time sucks. Not only do you both have to switch gears suddenly but the kids always seem to get more worked up as soon as daddy comes home :(
Are you able to spend some quality time together in the evening after the kids are in bed? If nothing else my husband and I generally have some down time together between 9 and 10 pm, usually watching TV and having a glass of wine.
I would try to carve out a little time each day WITHOUT the distraction of the kids. If the evening doesn't work, can you get up with him and have coffee together? Or spend a few minutes talking on the phone during the day?
If nothing else, make sure you get a date night at least once a month. It's SO important for your marriage to spend some one on one time together on a regular basis. If money is an issue, swap babysitting with another family and go out and do something cheap and FUN, like bowling, or playing darts at a pub!

Have you tried the honey I was to spend time with you so why don't we nail all this housework together and send the kids to bed early?

It is a win win even if the kids don't go to bed early. There is something about them pitching in and helping that picks up anyone's spirit. :)

i think what you need to do is set aside some time for you and him once a week. have grandma take the kids and have an adult night. or you can have a family game night. we do that at my house every week just to lighten the stress load ;). does he help you? when he gets home hes tired, your tired and you both feel rushed ;)