Why Wait?

We have 3 kids and each time we waited until I was about 4 1/2 mths. pregnant to tell anyone else. Why? I am a terribly private person when it comes to health issues and if I would have miscarried I wouldn't have wanted to share that with anyone. I hate all the attention that goes along with things like that. It's just me though, I'm weird like that. Most people love to be fawned over, but not me. In fact, my husband says that if I ever had cancer or something bad, I probably still wouldn't tell anyone. He's right, I wouldn't.

I waited until I was about 18 weeks with my tiwns, to tell anyone other than close family. I chose to wait because I had a miscararriage at 14 weeks a few years before and I had allready told the world and it was really hard to tell people that I wasnt pregnant anymore. I was terrified of reliving that again.

The risk of miscarriage goes down after the first trimester so I told no one but my husband I was pregnant until after 13 weeks. I had a fear of telling someone I was pregnant and then loosing the baby. I would not want to talk about loosing the baby with anyone who asked how my pregnancy was going even my parents...so I decided until the odds were more in my favor that I would stay quiet. Some people say they would want the support if that happened...I am the type that needs to deal with things on my own/in my own way and would not want to be forced into that conversation. That is just me. When someone tells me they are pregnant at only 6 weeks, I say congratulations, mean it and wish them well.

Most women having unprotected sex get 'pregnant' 4-6 times a year.

Wow.

Right?

But unless they're TTC, they don't know it, because they have their period like normal OR a few days or a week late. First 3 weeks is the *highest* chance for losing a pregnancy (DNA zippers wrong in most cases, we're talking acid for blood, or no bones, not things that are survivable, not even 'lethal' "birth defects" because the fetus can't survive the pregnancy, much less being born).

In the medical world, they're called Chemical Pregnancies. Because the body *starts* but then realizes something is very VERY wrong, and self destructs. Or your body does (there are 2 check systems, the embryo has it's own, as do you).

The SECOND riskiest period is the first 12 weeks. It's a DNA problem about 50% of the time, a structural problem about 25% of the time, and a chemical problem the other 25% of the time. (these are very broad 'ball parks' btw, here, not actual stats).

Because it's so common to miscarry in the first 3 months, docs don't even have you tested (because it's usually *nothing wrong with you*), until you've miscarried 3 or more times in a row *during weeks 5-12* (during the first 3 weeks, it doesn't 'count', because again -actual stat- chemical pregnancies happen 4-6 times a year on average for most women, and it's nothing solvable. Just DNA doing it's thing. We *can* test for conception on day of. We never will. Can you imagine knowing each and every single time???)

First 3 Weeks, and First 3 Months. Those are the times when MOST women lose the pregnancy.

Culturally, it's considered bad luck to tell in the first 3 months in many cultures.

Personally, it's VERY hard on most women to have to go around and tell everyone they miscarried. Most would rather not. And most women miscarry at least once in the first 3 months.

They wait because when a miscarriage does happen, it reallllllly sucks to tell everyone about it and have them look at you like you are an alien while you suffer through an awkward silence so they can say something like "well, at least you have more alone time." Sorry. That's what happened to me. We told people after we heard the first heartbeat and got our first ultrasound at 8 weeks, but I miscarried at 12 weeks. While I realize that anything can happen at any time in a pregnancy, once you've been burned, you tend to avoid it happening again. Aside from the awesome ladies on MP, most people don't know that miscarriages are common, so the process of informing others that you're not pregnant anymore can be really weird.

I had five miscarriages in a row while trying to have our first baby...so, we learned not to say anything it was way too painful to have to "un-tell".

I have not read any of your other responses, but I tested today and found out I am pregnant. My husband knows and my family doctor knows (only because of a medication I needed to stop) and I will call my OBGYN next week. Other than that I will wait. This is my 7th pregnancy and I have 2 wonderful kids in my life.
With my first pregnancy we told everyone and then had to tell no that it wasn't working out and that was hard.
Then we had our first.
Then two more early miscarriages (no heartbeat ever detected) and I told a couple of close friends and our family. Still hard telling them it wasn't working out.
Then we had our second.
Then we had a surprise pregnancy and everything was going great and then the heart stopped. I had only told my 3 closest friends, but not even my family knows.
Now we found out today that we are pregnant for the 7th time and I will cherish this to myself for as long as possible. Losing one after having all of that hope is hard enough on you emotionally without having to go through the experience of telling others that it didn't work out. I am hopeful, optimistic, scared to death and excited right now and would love to shout it from the roof top, however I am only sharing with you guys.
So there is my story and why I feel the need to keep it to my self, but I envy those that do not feel that need and have not had multiple losses or any losses.

I didn't wait the first time. I was so shocked I couldn't even believe it myself (it was a surprise).The second time, I was more cautious. I told a select few about my second pregnancy. It ended in miscarriage at 11 weeks. I was thankful I hadn't spread my news all over everywhere, and then had to explain what happened over and over again. It was very painful as it was without having to see the looks on people's faces or the uncomfortable silences. With my third pregnancy, I also waited, telling only a select few and being even more cautious. When I was in the clear at about 14 weeks, I shouted it from the highest mountain. :)

We waited a bit...Nothing would be worse than sharing your news and then all of a sudden a misscariage then you are back to explaining all of that with people...

Im like you and can never wait to tell, but I heard some people wait because the highest possibility of miscarriage is in the first 3 months, and some people prefer to wait to make sure baby is viable and healthy first.That is my understanding.

I also had a friend who didnt want to get passed up for a promotion so she waited too.

It's nice to have a secret sometimes.

Sometimes we have been friends to someone who started talking about their pregnancy the day they found out and never shut up about it...my goodness I got tired of hearing every little detail about her body and clothes and sex and every little thing...I didn't tell her I was pregnant until I could not hide it a moment longer, maybe I was about 5 months. Then it was like when she was pregnant, it was all she talked about to me.

There can be other relatives that are having a hard time, maybe they have been trying for months or even years and have not conceived yet. It could be hard for them, they'd be happy for you of course but hearing it, even through the grapevine can still be hard.

Maybe someone just had a miscarriage or lost a child that they know.

It could just be that they want some privacy for a while before everyone starts in with the "You can't afford a baby...You should not have done that...What are you hoping for...(uh, a baby)...the recriminations or living vicariously through you.

After 2 painfully sad miscarriages...we just wait awhile to spread the good news. It is so hard to have to go back to everyone and tell them we lost the baby. We waited to tell the world about our last pregnancy til we got past first trimester...and then I lost baby at 5 months. Soooo, that is our reason for waiting to tell everyone.

I always waited three months because that is when your chance of miscarriage decreases big time. I don't like attention so the last thing I would want is a pity party. All four were fine but it made me feel better.

I have had 3 Miscarriages this year. I told every one for the first two pregnancies and the third time I was going to wait till the end of my first Trimester but I didn't make it. I think that most people wait for the high risk period to be over before they tell their friends and family, because they don't want to let people down. I was so ashamed all three times. Others may wait because they want to be able to share special things like babies gender, ultrasounds, ect.

First time we told everyone as soon as we knew. Then we lost the baby. That was really hard. Second time around we told our immediate family, but waited to tell friends until after the 1st trimester.

we waited bc it took so long to get preggers that I wanted to wait to make sure everything was good. once we found out the sex we told everyone, but kept the name to ourselves till we were closer to delivery.

when I got pregnant with Greg - we had been trying for 4 years...we told everyone the minute we found out...

We waited on Nicholas as we had lost one in between...then I lost two more after that...so we waited until the 1st trimester was over...then we didn't have to say "sorry, it wasn't meant to be" and go through the hurt of telling everyone...

Although losing Alexis at 22 weeks was horrible and we thought we were good...

To make sure the pregnancy is well established. Even though I never had a problem with miscarriage I always knew it could happen, especially in the first trimester, so we always waited until we passed that point.

I think people are supersticious. I know we waited until we hit the three month mark....I don't know why? what I do know is that miscarriage can happy at any point. Sure most people are considered, 'Out of the woods' after the first tri-mester but I am sure we all know someone or 'had a friend of a friend' that had a miscarriage later. I knew a lady who had to deliver at full term her stillborn....so then what?
I put my faith in God and believed in a healthy pregnancy. Supersticion stinks and is nothing more than having something to blame when things do go wrong (i.e. "I knew I should've waited until I was 5 months to tell anyone".) Like you, no judgement. My heart certainly goes out to those who have felt this loss. I pray that I never am faced with that dilemma. Hugs to all who have a wishes for a great weekend!

We wanted to wait until we had all the testing done, because if certain problems had existed, I would have terminated. It's such a personal decision that I wouldn't go out and tell everyone -although I guess one could lie and say you had a miscarriage. However, everyone knew with us because we would be at dinners and parties and I wouldn't have a drink, so that let the cat out of the bag VERY early.

There's also the possibility of miscarriage. I've had more than one friend go through hell because they told people immediately, and then miscarried and had to relive that over and over every time they ran into someone who asked how the pregnancy was going. I have two friends who miscarried several times, and they both quit telling anyone until they were 3 or 4 months.

I couldn't keep it quiet either. I know that some people wait in case something happens early in the pregnancy. I know some people wait because they just want to bask in it all by themselves without hearing, "when are you due? what are you having? is it going to be a natural birth? have you thought of a name?" You get the picture.
L.

We were married 2 months when we got pregnant, a little over 3 months when we found out the good news. We told my out of town friends and all of Jeremy's family within an hour or two. HOWEVER, my little brother was getting married just 3 weeks after we found out, and I didn't want to take any attention away from them. I am very close to my brother, so I told him the evening I found out, under an oath of secrecy. He said his fiance wouldn't care and I said I don't care, don't tell ANYONE. He said it wouldn't be a big deal to his fiance, and I said I know she's cool, but this is her wedding. Don't tell anyone. Then we sat in silence and he said, "Well I don't have anything to say after that news!" and I said "Exactly. So it's a secret. Can't wait to see you in 3 weeks". We didn't tell ANY of my family or the friends that were local to my family until after the wedding reception.
(Later mom said he got off the phone and said "MOM----you----WOW" and walked out the house, with a big smile....she thought he'd come up with a prank to pull at the reception and was on eggshells those 2 weeks). After his reception, I told my parents over dinner, and then the cat was out of the bag. I let her tell the family.
I also did NOT announce it locally because I had applied at a couple jobs and wanted to prove myself valuable to them, not them pass me over for a non-pregnant person. We needed the extra money now! (I did prove myself valuable, so I didn't feel bad.)
And the waiting until the first trimester is over is NOT a "superstition" like someone mentioned. Please. Things can happen ANYTIME to ANYONE but it is a well known medical fact that the baby is more viable and "safe" once you pass the first trimester.

I think some people wait until after the first trimester because of the chance of miscarriage. I've heard it's bad luck to tell people before then.

With our first child, I told my mom and dad right away. My husband told his family when I was maybe 8 weeks along. With the second pregnancy, we, well my husband, told everyone that I was pregnant at a family gathering a few days after I found out. Then we lost the baby. So he had to tell everyone that I had a miscarriage and that I didn't want to talk about it. Things like this are the reason why people wait to tell. So with the third pregnancy we didn't tell anyone until after we had been to the doctor a few times and everything checked out.

I've known so many people who had miscarriages. My own sister had 5. I didn't want to share, until I knew the pregnancy was viable. It was HARD, because I was sooo sick.

generally its done to get past miscarriage danger.

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Everyone waits because they don't want to have to tell everyone they had a miscarriage. Every woman I know it seems has had one or more miscarriages....I'm sure that is not true but boy it seems like it! My husband's cousin told everyone 3 times and all three times she had to later tell everyone she lost the baby. It was really awful. He was adamant that we not let anyone know until after the 1st trimester bc he didn't want to put everyone through that again. And we did have a miscarriage so I thought that was a very smart thing to do.

I've miscarried three times. Twice (with the miscarriages) we've told people as soon as we found out, and it was absolutely heart wrenching to have to tell so many people that we had lost the babies. The loss is painful enough, but to add to that, many people approach the subject in a very tactless and unintentionally hurtful way, which honestly makes you want to just crawl under a rock and never return to civilization. For us, it's always easier to wait till we know it's a certain thing than to go through that if we have another loss.

I waited until after 1st trimester. I didn't want to jinx it and If the worst happened I would've wanted it to be private and not have to deal with all the pitiful looks and hugs and akward family encounters.

I waited both my pregnancies past the 12 week mark for two reasons: 1) I have beloved friends that told everyone they knew soon after taking a pregnancy test. A couple of weeks later family and distant friends were congratulating the couple and they were whimping and grieving about the miscarriage...
My second reason is that you have to give you and your partner sometime, it is does not matter if the pregnancy was planned or not, so the couple enjoys and cherish this miracle by themselves... Once you tell everyone is over... The rain of unwanted advice begins..
In my case we came up with very inventive ways to make the break the news unforgetable!
Good luck!!!

We have always told family right away but some friends and co-workers we waited until the 2nd trimester. I didn't want to have to deal with talking to people or explaining why i'm no longer pregnant if a miscarriage were to happen.

I waited b/c I tend to be on the private side with some things, that being one of them, other things , not so much. Also, I'm a very shy person, hate attention. When your pregnant , people are constantly asking , what I find to be personal things & many lines are crossed.

most miscarriages occur before the 3rd month... most want to wait until after that point.

I was never comfortable telling right away no matter how early I found out on the off chance I had a pregnancy loss during the most common time frame (within the first 12 weeks). When I was pregnant for the third time I lost that pregnancy around the beginning of the 13th or 14th week. I was relieved beyond belief that we hadn't told anyone. Later when I was pregnant again, a couple of people knew but we didn't announce it until we were close to six months. There were some, ah, family issues going on at the time.

They are worried about a miscarriage.........either jinxing it or having to deal with telling everyone they lost it just in case.

I tell everyone right away!

I told close friends and family right away and let everyone else wait until I showed. Basically the people I told early I was close enough to that I would have told them had anything gone wrong too.

As soon as we found we was pregnant with our first we told mostly everyone. Our second "pregnancy" we told everyone and 7 weeks later we had a miscarriage. Our 3rd "pregnacy we told my parents and his parents but we told them to wait to at least when I was 3 months along b/c we was afraid we might had another miscarriage. Everything we good. Our 4th "pregnancy" I think we told everyone,but we try to not worry about having a miscarriage.That pregnacy went good. Had 3 beautiful kids. :)

I think some women/couples might wait to tell b/c to them it might be bad luck to tell before 3 months or fear of a miscarriage,kinda like we did. Plus some people might jump to the gun and start asking millions of questions like:
"What do you want a boy or girl?"
"Is this the last one?"
"What name are yall going to name it if its a girl?"

Blah Blah Blah....I had people did that to us too. Kinda gets aggravating,when you first find out you pregnant. I mean don't get me wrong i get excited when we found out when we was pregnant. Me and my husband start thinking of names and etc. But have some many people asking you millions of questions when you tell them your pregnant. :)

just like most of the other responders, I waited because miscarriages are pretty common with women in my family. I think getting everyone really excited about your good news and then facing a miscarriage and having to be reminded of it every time you have to tell someone you aren't pregnant anymore is one of the most painful things i've ever been through.

Well I sure don't know. I had to let a family go from my daycare because the mom lied about so many things. She hid other things besides just being pregnant. She's big though and didn't tell me she was pregnant until she was due to take her maternity leave in a week! I knew she was getting bigger. But she didn't look pregnant. Then, she had the audacity to be very ANGRY that I would not take her back after. I'm not going to miss income from the first child for 6 weeks and then go over on my #s so that I can take her daughter and new baby. She said her mother told her not to tell me. WHY? She didn't have an answer to that. So I really want to know the answer to this question myself!

I'm late in responding to this, but I waited to tell my Mom about my first pregnancy because she is a talker!! She would have told everyone. I was worried that something would happen and I would lose the baby and then I would be the one left explaining. And I didn't want to deal with her calling me every 5 minutes with the concerned tone she gets when something bad happens...

we waited because I lost two in the first three months so we waited until we knew everything was going to be okay

I have some pretty serious medical issues that only occur during pregnancy and have a 30% higher chance of miscarrying throughout the entire pregnancy. While yes we were super excited about the pregnancies we were also very concerned and worried about what might happen. We didn't want to tell people and then later have to explain what happened if we did miscarry.

The first time I got pregnant, we started telling everyone in our families immediately. Then at 7 weeks we found out that it was a blighted ovum. I felt kinda bad that we'd told everyone. Mostly because they would feel bad, not so much that I did.

Next time, we waited until we saw the heartbeat on the US to tell everyone. Then, two weeks later, I miscarried that pregnancy.

Third time, we told fewer people, and not quite so soon. This one resulted in our lovely daughter.

I don't think I would do it differently if I'd known how things were going to come out. We were too excited not to tell the first time. We got support from our families for our losses. Everyone was extra thrilled by our daughter's birth (I was 41 by then!) since they understood we had gone through some difficulty.

I did not tell anyone at work until I had to because I started showing. But that's a different decision.

I waited to tell family until I had an early ultrasound pic (9 weeks) and could give a real due date. I think this makes the news exciting to people!

I think a lot of it is because people don't want to have to "untell" if they have a miscarriage. But for me, I would want/need the support of my family and friends if I were to lose a pregnancy.

First pregnancy I told right away and then had a miscarriage. Second pregnancy, waited until early ultrasound where I found out I had another miscarriage. Third, again waited until early ultrasound but all looked good so I told but so they could keep us in their prayers that the third time was a charm, and it was! Once I told my mom, the whole world knew so I wanted to be sure after the miscarriages.

I think ppl wait to tell EVERYONE because if God forbid something happens to the pregnancy then really the only ppl that know/knew about it are the ones that will be there to pick you up and help you to grieve. Would you really want to tell everyone at the office lets say that you are expecting and then God forbid something happens in the folowing days or weeks and you then have to go into the office and tell everyone that you lost the baby? We told our immediate family the day we found out with both and then just made it a point to tell family and friends as we saw them. I waited to tell my work until I was 12+ weeks

The first one I told everyone, but there was no hiding it. I was sooooo sick everyone had already guessed.

The second we waited and only told those that I would tell if i had lost the baby. We had major issues with this pregnancy and we were not sure if we would be able to carry to term.