2 Young Boys and Weapons!

In play AND real life ANYTHING can be a weapon (did you read about the mom who fended off an intruder with a PLASTIC bat?) so play is a GREAT opportunity to start teaching IF, When, How and Why we should use a weapons

I have a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old girl and I can tell you that boys just have more energy! My daughter has a ton too, but his is just on a different level. My son has also recently started making everything into a gun, and I do mean everything! He doesn't wrestle so much, but it is more of a jumping, running, climbing, etc. All I can tell you is that if you threaten a time-out you must follow through. It's hard, but they won't take you seriously if you don't. Taking away a favorite toy or privledge seems to work better for us than the time out. Also, if you see them behaving the way you would like them too, praise it. You could say "You have been behaving so nicely Mommy really loves it when you do that" and smother them with hugs and kisses. My son really responds well to that. You can just see him light up. Occasionally treat them when they have been behaving nicely. As far as the gun thing, I kind of just ignore it except to tell him not to point them in the direction of people. We have no actual toy guns in the house, but whatever he is using at the moment I just tell him it's not nice to point it at people. Lastly, as the weather gets nicer, get them outside as much as possible. I think the crazy behavior is due to boredom and just needing to get the energy all out. Good Luck!

like everyone else said boys will be boys. I have a 2 yr old that loves to wrestle. Usually when hes fighting sleep. Wrestling is a male bonding thing. as far as the guns I think it is instinct for them. my son has cowboys and horses his two favorite toys. HOw does a 2 yr old know the rope is supposed to go over the horses head. We have taken him to bull riding and don't watch rodeo on tv. even the westerns we watch they don't do that. I think its just instinct. relax if you make an issue out of it they will do it more. Like the one mom said set down gun rules. And be very firm with the gun rules. NO pointing at head, don't shoot unarmed people or animals.

After reading "Bringing up Boys" I learned that this behavior is totally normal and does NOT lead to agression or sociopathic behavior. In fact, they NEED to do this to work out what it means to be a man (boy). They are innately wired to play this way and to grow up to protect, fight for those they love, etc. My son was inadvertently exposed to this at 2.5 while visiting my mom overseas (military installations). My friends and their kids were the same but the rule was no shooting AT people or things. My son once took a water bottle and "shot" at cars while I was driving (he was 4). I played along and we pretended there were "bad guys" all along the way. The less you resist, they may eventually find something else. But there is tons of it - Star Wars, Bakugan, Super Heroes. My son is 5.5 now and has entered a huge snuggling phase - with me he wants to snuggle all the time (not for the first 5 years, though, very independent). As long as they are not violent and trying to hurt each other, back off a little. There will always be sibling fighting, but I wouldn't worry about the weapons. We have a small arsenal here and he barely touches it, though yesterday he played with his pop gun. And yeah, he's made his waffle into a gun, pointed it at me and said "I shoot you Mommy." More than once. My response "don't shoot Mommy at breakfast. No shooting Mommy in the morning." "What about lunch?" "Sure, at least let me drink my coffee". We haven't had that conversation for almost 2 years now.

sorry for the diatribe, but boys are boys. Active and physical describes my son to a tee. when I ask for a hug, I squat and he JUMPS into my arms (hate that, it knocks me over).

Good luck. Love them for who and WHAT they are. We need to boys to grow into MEN who love, care for, and want to protect their women!

I can relate. Boys are loud and very active. My sons (6 and 4)turn everything into weapons, of any kind. Guns,swords,bow and arrows,sling shots, etc.~They also have a collection of star wars guns:)They do play army men all the time. (Their dad was in the Army and always watches army shows on TV) They also wrestle all the time. I think it comes naturally to them. Don't you ever remember watching your cousins/brothers/friends playing cowboys and Indians when you were little?

To answer your question....YES, YES, YES! It is common for boys to be so active and physical.

I have no real advice (other than sending them to run laps around or thru the house, to wear them out)...I am a mom/auntie to a bunch of boys....I've learned to deal with it.~I have pockets on the side of my couch and at my house it is considered "the weapon holding device":)

Hi there - I am a mother to two boys (ages 4 and 7) and the oldest sister of FOUR brothers.
It's natural. My mother remembers waiting until my dad got home and telling him that she thought my brother had an extra chromisome that made him more violent. She is one of 4 sisters. My dad looked at her like she was kookoo and told her "he is a boy! That's what we do!"
My boys wrestle, fight, jump on the trampoline while wrestling...it's non-stop. But, I don't think there is anything wrong with it! I wouldn't put them in time out or take toys away for them doing something that is natural.
The only time I step in is when they start pointing objects (we don't have guns in our house either, or video games with shooting...nothing like that!) at each other or other people. That is a no no.
Take a deep breath, it is going to happen for a while. Being a mom of boys is fun!
L.

I have to agree with everyone else, boy will be boys. I have two boys and when my oldest was two he started turning everything into a gun, even though he had never seen one.
We do have many toy guns, but we have very specific gun rules. No aiming at someone who is un-armed or animals. No pointing guns at anyone ones head, armed or not. If these rules aren't followed the guns are takedn away.
When they get really wild and loud wrestling and playing I send them outside to play.

~ I learned a very important lesson at my oldest son's birthday party last year. One of the boys we had over was not allowed to play with toy weapons. Which I didn't know until his parents came to pick him up. Otherwise I would have had our toy weapons put away so no one could use them. Well this kid was Obsessed with our toy guns and swords. He wouldn't put them down at all.
The lesson I learned was that if you completely ban something, the kids going to want it even more.

I only have one boy, but I can speak from experience with him that boys indeed will be boys!!!
My son saw a gun for the first time two years ago when he'd just turned two and he picked it up and knew exactly what to do with it...I was shocked, he'd never even seen one on TV before. How did he know to go "bang bang" with it and aim it at something? It is natural.
My son also will wrestle with anyone who is willing and even those who are unwilling and unfortunately unsuspecting.
I'm one of 5 girls and I never expected this when my son came along. It took a long time for me to embrace the fact that he is just a boy. However when he is too rough, there is swift and strong action against it, sometimes even spanking. If he and his sister should choose to fight or wrestle against my wishes, I tell them that they can do that but that they must go to their rooms or outside and do it. They immediately stop!!! They want my attention and when they realize they are not going to get it they just stop!
I understand your frustration...hang in there, they do learn, but just remember that they are boys and this is natural for them!

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF THE 'HE'
'HE' will spend the rest of his life using sticks as swords, point fingers as weapons and will be disciplined beyond belief. But having one of the two "hes" I raised return from the service, I will tell you this, no amount of juice or timeouts will teach them the lessons that they learn in the real world. For you, I would make sure your home is heavily padded and you have a lock on the bathroom door (that's for YOU) AND a bottle of champaign at the end of the week to celebrate one more week of excitement. As my mother used to say (if you can that is) IGNORE IT. The amazing thing is that they grow up whether we scream at them or not.

I think it's just normal. Boys will be boys.
If they are to loud, maybe they can go play outside?
As in another post, you can set "gun rules" but it will be impossible to have them not play weapons.
At my son's second birthday, there were plastic guns in the pinata. He thought they were whistles and was happily blowing in them during his party!
He is now nearly 3. He doesn't have any toy guns and doesn't watch TV. However, he always plays knight/dragon or fight monsters... with a sword (usually a toy broom stick).
So, I also think that it's just normal for boys.

Oh wow! I have two daughters and I feel for you. My 5 year old says, "I don't like to play with boys because boys have trouble controlling their bodies." I think that about sums it up. I volunteer a lot in her school and believe me when I say that boys and girls are just empirically different. I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't witnessing it with my own eyes. Two girls can sit and draw and color and chat for 12 minutes. Two boys can't even do the sitting part for 2 minutes without getting in each other's faces and whatnot. Not in a destructive way, but just a can't-control-themselves way. It's like they are compelled to do it. There is something wild and wonderful about boys.

That said, I do think--as the mom of two girls--that sometimes the "boys will be boys" thing can be used as an excuse to allow behavior that we don't allow girls to exhibit. Case in point: at a birthday party, a couple of boys were climbing all over and jumping off the family's couch. The parents were watching them do it and saying, "Oh, those boys." And I'm thinking, "Hello! Your children are treating a person's furniture like a playground! Boy or girl, that is RUDE! This is not how to act in another person's home! This does not teach respect for property." So with that caveat, I'd say settle in for the fun. Simply draw the line on the "boyness" when it threatens to hurt someone, displays bad manners, or otherwise shows disrespect to their surroundings. Good luck!

Another mom once told me when I expressed concerns about the same issue - that even if you take away the toys, little boys will make guns out of sticks. Most of the aggressive/active war-like play is just how testosterone displays itself. Granted if they are exposed to it - whether through TV or other sources, they will be more apt to act-out those types of scenes; however, I think it is pretty natural for little boys to be more aggressive than little girls - it's a testosterone thing.

Like what all the other mamas posted here, I think it is a natural thing for boys to have so much energy. I have 2 boys 7yrs and almost 4yrs and OMG....I feel like my house is always a battlezone. I do not allow them to watch violent shows, but they still turn every item into a weapon. I am constantly re-directing their behavior. Last summer they spent some time with some family members who were watching WWE (wrestling), I quickly banned that show from my house and they are not allowed to have any wresting toys including figurines. We don't buy toys that look like weapons either but in the summer time I battle with the idea of water guns...can these be an exception since they are used for fun-play and really not battle stuff? what r ur thoughts on waterguns?

Hi J.--
I have 3 boys -- 2 of which were in the same ages yours are now..Sorry to tell you this but...That's what they do! and you know what? 1 is 18 on 3/12 and 1 is 15 and they STILL wrestle and believe me you I cannot stand it either!! Dev. 15 is much more laid back -- the youngest is 10 and he's the same as the oldest so...1 out of 3 for me! I'm really sad though that 18 moved to Nantuket with his dad and also 15 wanted to go to H.S. there...I'm very sad--but again I truly don't know if I could deal all the time...of course they're here too - as much as possible. They will calm when they get a little older -- do they listen to Dad? Mine did much more.. But yes they should have consequences or they will take charge and you have to know you are in charge not them....it is exhausting on no uncertain terms - but I "think" that's the meaning of Mommmmmmm......Good Luck.

Hi J.,
As all these responses suggest, you are NOT alone in being overwhelmed by the energy and weapon-obsessiveness of your boys! My eldest son is particulary rambunctious, though very loveable, and I like to refer to him as "Tigger." My second son, though much gentler and calmer, enjoys turning his toast into a gun. I've learned not to make weapons the "forbidden fruit," so I simply say "Wow, that's interesting, but I really don't like guns because they can hurt people." When my sons were 2 and 4, they were at each other's throats constantly, like your sons seem to be. I thought I was losing my mind being a non-stop referee, never getting a moment of peace. I would allow supervised wrestling in a safe place for five minutes, using a timer. I also found "tickle therapy," making pillow sandwiches, and indoor obstacle courses gave them a safe way to release their physical energy. These activities also allowed me to enjoy my boys rather than get frustrated and frazzled. If they got really out of hand, I would send them to separate rooms, which I still have to do on occasion. Now that they are 4 and 6, they are able to play harmoniously together with legos, action figures, cars, etc. for a good amount of time, most of the time. Hopefully, you'll find that your sons will grow out of some of the nerve-wracking behaviors you describe as they learn more self-control and get into imaginative/ constructive play. Good luck & enjoy your little guys!

I have 3 boys that are now 16, 19, and 21. My boys never fought. The rule in my house was always...No restling, no hitting. Not allowed!!! Not even in play. Don't allow it at all. Say "NOT ALLOWED!" Someone always winds up getting hurt. They are older and I still have the same rule. They get along very well too. They don't have to prove who's tougher. They are brothers. They are out to watch eachothers back. As for weapons. Don't buy any toy weapons. They will learn to play with other toys. If they have some already. While they are sleeping throw them in the trash. They will just think that they are lost. Don't tell them or take them away in front of them. If they use their fingers...it may pass if it is ignored. See if you can get the other to ignore it. I also had a rule that there were no violent games allowed. I'd ask the teacher too. As they get older, other kids might bring higher rated violent video games to your house. Don't allow it. My were not allowed certain games, but their friends were and they would bring them over. I did not like it at all. Some parents chose the easy way out and let their children have whatever they want.

Hi J.,
I have only one son (only child) and somehow he still manages to engage in the behaviour you describe! Like others have said, some boys seem to be hard-wired that way even if we don't like it. I have made peace with the wrestling but still remind him to be careful because someone could get hurt, I emphasize that I hope he's PLAYING, not being violent, and no matter what I discourage violence. Once the playing crosses the line to something more viscious, I put a stop to it. And the instant someone gets hurt, it stops.

Unfortunately I cannot stop my son from fashioning weapons from things he's got at home, in fact it's creative, etc. But I refuse to buy him toy weapons. Period. And he sees the message that is sending.

That's what I think the difference is: the attitude at home.

I have three boys (one is just a baby; the others are 2 and 4), and we don't watch TV, ever. The only DVDs they watch do not involve weapons (favorites are Bob the Builder and Dinosaur Train). We have no weapons in our house. And yet ... my boys pretend things are guns, wrestle, talk about killing and shooting, and the like. My husband and I are often surprised and have no idea where it comes from (neither boy is in daycare or preschool, and I am present at all playdates -- most of which are with little girls!). So I think this is just what boys do, and I don't think you should worry about it so much. Obviously, hitting out of malice should be punished, but safe play involving guns or wrestling will not necessarily turn into violent behavior later. In fact, I think boys need this safe outlet during play. As long as you provide clear guidelines about pretend versus real life, you should be ok. I know lots of men who played this way as boys, and they turned out just fine.

I used to try to stop pretend games I felt were really out of hand, but as you say, it's exhausting. If I'm really uncomfortable with something they are doing, I try to redirect play (so I don't tell them to stop what they are doing, but I try to get them interested in something else). If that doesn't work, then I just let them have their game (as long as no one is getting hurt).

I am a firm believer that, while there is some small wiring differences between boys and girls, generally speaking, gender behavior is catapulted and taught/learned, as a result of pre-concieved notions/expectations, based on their gender, right from birth.

How many of you were pregnant with your first child, or expecting your 2nd child of the opposite sex than your first, and upon telling someone you were having a boy or a girl, were told off the bat what to expect, based on THAT parents experiences (who, by the way, also got a 'heads-up' when they were expecting.)?

"Boys will be boys" is such a common phrase, and one that is thrown around a lot. It tells us all we need to know, about the behavior of the majority of boys today. "OH, you're having a boy! You world is about to change....."....and the expectations are put in a new parents head, before that child is even born. Often by a parent, who also just expected their 'boy to be a boy', and their girl to 'act like a lady'. These behaviors are really re-enforced with permitting certain behaviors that one was told to expect, if they are a boy, or more frequently discourage, if they are a girl. Girls are often reminded to 'act like a lady'. Some fathers, who teach their sons, "Boys don't cry. Toughen up", because it's what they were always told too, adn they have learned to suppress their own tears.

Adults who work with lots of children, (teachers, day care providers, etc.,) will often think they know for sure....because they are with kids all day, every day, and they know better than anyone the vast differences in behavior between boys and girls, because they see it all day. And they DO see the difference! It's there. But again, it's a glimpse of society as a whole, of children who came into the world, with preconcieved ideas from others, of what to expect from them, as a girl or a boy.

I really don't all that I have said, to come off as criticizing parents. Most new parents, are going to soak up any advice they can get, to take on their new role as a new parent. They are going to listen most, to those who have children. Parents are a big source of children learning how to behave/what is acceptable or not generally speaking in terms of gender and/or discipline. But so is society! Everyone is witnessing the same girl/boy behaviors out in the world/school/playgrounds/others homes, and see it as some form of confirmation that 'it's the truth'. "Boys will be boys", etc. Kids do learn their behavior from other kids, as well. That is something that is usually out of a parent's control, if their child goes to school rised, the bus, etc. But firm correction certainly needs to be applied at home, or upon the revelation that a child has picked up on unacceptable behavior, expectations of themselves, etc.

I know this is long, but I have had this theory for a long, long time. Before I had children of my own, and I have been accutely aware of not asserting such gender behaviors on my own kids. I have also always said, in terms of disciplined behavior, that kids will generally behave as they are expected to. If parents as a whole, had higher expectations of their children's behavior, that their children would have better behavior! Kids can really rise to an occassion, if you simply expect them to. Teach them to. There are so many 'excuse phrases' in society, that also set up expectations, that compound that too. (Terrible twos....three's are worse!....He didn't get a nap today....etc.).

Ironically, God gave me 2 boys, and 2 girls. To further test/apply my own theories, we have triplets that consist of 2 boys, and 1 girl. Our oldest girl is 12, and triplets are 7.

I'm not about to tell you my kids are 'proof'. That's for others to assess I suppose, and they surely do! I will tell you, that I am getting exactly what I want from my kids.....in terms of their disciplined behavior, and gender behavior. They all have the same expectations in terms of manners, social skills, physical behavior within the home (no running, no standing on or jumping off furniture, no wrestling), and play/interests. None are gender specific. My kids are home schooled, but also do spend a lot of time with other children/people from all kinds of homes/backgrounds/expectations, etc. They are far from sheltered. They see & experience quite a bit, but I do use those opportunities to tech them. On the flip side, because they are home schooled, I have that 'extra time' to help them develop good character, to find themselves and their own passions, follow their own conscious about right/wrong, despite what they hear/see. There are also some things the youngert ones are not exposed to, as I know they are not developmentally ready to accept/understand. In due time though, because the world is what it is. ; )

BTW....guns are not toys out in the world, and therefore should never be 'played with', real or not. Pretend shooting with toy guns or fingers, begins to build a comfort level with such weapons, and perhaps a curiosity. Guns have their place in my mind: law enforcement, range shooting, etc.

There's a book I used to suggest parents of boys read, that I had heard quite a bit about, but had never read myself cover to cover. My boys were babies at the time, and I didn't have a lot of reading time myself. But ti seemed to sort of express my own theories I had thought so much about. This conversation has inpired me to break out that book, and finally read it. It's titled, REAL BOYS; Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood. By William Pollack.

I know this is long. I'm sure I went off topic some. But it all just touches upon a my own intent observances, theories and parental practices I have thought so much about. I just thought I would put it out there for food for thought to the original poster, and any readers. Because while I do think there is some merit to the differences in wiring of boys and girls, I think there is a whole lot to the developments of it.

(Please excuse any typos/mispellings -- I hope this makes sense in my hasty typing. )

Yes boys are more physical and have different sorts of pretend play than girls.
Here is a link for how they play at this age:
http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=679

Perhaps, get them into some sort of play group or classes? where they can get their yah-yah's out.
But also teach them concepts of "gentle" non-hurtful playing... and teaching them boundaries. Rules. So that they don't hurt others/each other or break things in the house. House rules.
Or give them other things to play with. Teach them how to help in the house... wiping tables, cooking, puzzles etc.
AND make sure they nap. Because over-tired kids, can even get more hyper. And over-tired kids cannot wind down, nor rest/sleep even if they are tired. Have a QUIET time everyday... and a routine, daily. Consistently. So they know. They need, to me, more structure perhaps... and a schedule of things. Kids just left to their own devices... will sort of get willy-nillly and bounce off the walls.

You are the "Leader"...

All the best,
Susan

I hate to disappoint you, but it's a boy thing. I think it's inbred in them to play like that! If they don't have any toy guns, they'll pick up a stick that looks like a gun and they'll use that. They truly can't help themselves. It doesn't mean that they'll grow up violent; they're just being boys.
I have 2 boys who are now 10 and 8, and they did (and still do) the same thing. They'll use anything and everything for a "gun" if it fits into their play.
Boys are so incredibly active and physical. They have to be moving all the time. If their bodies aren't moving, their mouths are. :) It's the testosterone. Things that used to keep my sister and I busy for hours when we were little, just don't work with my boys. They have to be rough and tumble. They just can't help it.

Try to let them be boys, of course not if they actually hurt each other or someone else. But playing good guy-bad guy is as old as the hills. Good luck!

I don't think it is natural at all for a child to point a gun (toy or imaginary) at someone and say "bang bang" unless they have heard or seen it somewhere! If it's not TV or another friend, it's something they observed casually with another kid in a store or on a playground. There is NO WAY it is instinct to say "BANG!" I also think boys and girls are wired differently, but agree that we allow things in boys that we would not permit for two seconds in girls. The wrestling might be more instinct, but the jumping off furniture that one woman mentioned is absolute rudeness that needs to be stopped. One of the reasons we have so much violence against women is that, from an early age, girls are taught to behave one way and to sit there and "take it" when boys engage in excessive behavior. So you have to allow certain things and be very firm about others.

We had a "no gun" rule - we didn't have them, our son couldn't play with them at other houses, and kids couldn't "play gun" here at our house. If they came with a toy gun, I held on to it until they left. As our son got older and asked about it, I told him that he could have a gun when he could explain to me why killing someone (person, animal) was fun. The other posts talk about "no aiming at the head" or "not aiming at someone unarmed" - I don't get that. I wanted my son to run the other way if he saw another gun - there are too many tragedies of kids playing with a real gun and not knowing the danger, and some innocent 4 year old gets shot. Even if it's not in the head, is it a good idea? The purpose of a gun is to take a human life, period. I understand why police have them of course - and they should. But it is not a toy. My child was told that it was better for him to leave a house with a gun and go to a strange neighbor's house to ask for me to be called, than to sit there while some kid said "It's okay, the safety's on, and my dad showed me how to use it."

So...um...."stick to your guns" and ban it. You can allow some wrestling if you want, but the rule has to be that both kids must be having the same amount of fun. Once someone is not enjoying it, it stops. You can have rules about where this occurs, and you can walk out of the room so you don't have to watch it. If it becomes a real game of dominance, then you stop it - again, if they can't both explain why it's a lot of fun, then it stops. However, it doesn't sound like you want this to go on at all, and also that your kids are too young to be able to recognize whether the other kid is enjoying it.

If you do give them consequences, make them immediate - they don't understand, at this age, that they wrestled at 10 so they missed dessert at 6. If you immediately put them in separate rooms, and do it every time, they'll get the message pretty quickly. You just have to do the same thing every time, and make sure it's a negative consequence. One of our daughters LOVED playing in her room, so putting her there wasn't negative at all. So we had to find something else.

Good luck and be sure to follow your own instincts and enforce your own values regardless of what you see other parents doing.

I have a son 4 & daughter 5. We do have guns. My husband is a competition shooter. He also has a gun shop & so they are a big part of our daily life. My husband has taught them from little bitty never to point a gun at people & they have seen what a real gun can do.. Not like the movies. I find it interesting that my son doesn't play guns like most boys. On other issues though, he does wrestle & is loud, but can't say much more than daughter. I could see where to boys would egg each other on etc... There are a few rules in my house I'm tired of going over. I just informed my two that the next time I had to mention such n such it would cost them a toy. They could pick the toy & then it would be donated to the local church preschool. So far so good. Hee Hee, I'm doing tough love early so when it really counts I'm an expert! Best of luck.

Boys are active and physical, at least my son is. He has sabers, nerf guns and swords. He wrestles his friends and they play hard. He plays hockey, basketball. BUT...........there is a time and place for all this. No rough housing in my living room and no hitting. When I say stop .......STOP. Your boys are so young that you need to show them fun wrestling so not to hurt each other and what time of day rough housing is ok. Enjoy your boys like I do, moms can get in on the action also. I have some of my best memories playing hard with my kids. Good luck!