2 Yr Old Sleeping with Parents

Wow - you have a recieved a real variaty of responses on many extremes. I just wanted to recommend a book that I found extremely helpful and moderate in it's approach - "Good Night, Sleep Tight, the Sleep Lady solution" It's age specific in it's advice and goes all the way up through 5 years old. Hope that helps.

Habits are hard to break with kids and it is generally harder on the parents than the kid. But you need to make a firm decision are you going to let them sleep in bed or not and then stick with it. It will take a few nights, and just because you are making them sleep in their bed you can sit with them, until they get comfortable.

Let her sleep with you!!! It's obvious she wants and/or needs to be near you. I had the same issue with my son, who is now 5 and sleeps on his own. My daughter is now 2 and is having similar issues, but it's easier since she can share a bed with her brother when she needs to. I know alot of people will tell you to tough it out, my own doctor did. I just feel it's more humane to let her have you if she needs you. You might want to check out a website www.attachmentparenting.com. They have some interesting philosophies that directly contradict mainstream thinking. Be open, and listen to your daughter. There will come a time that she'll want her own space. Remember, she won't be little forever, and there will come a time when you'll wish she would cuddle with you!! Good Luck.

Oh S. I totally sympathize with your pain. My son slept with me until he was 3, my fault of course for starting the whole thing to begin with when he was a baby, but breaking the cycle was SO hard.
I sort of weened him off my bed and me by letting him fall alseep with me and then putting him in his own bed. He would get out of bed and cry and come lay down with me, but after awhile of this he eventually just slept through the night. Getting him to quit falling asleep in my bed altogther? That was a bit tougher. Story time helped. He loves reading a story or two every night and if I threatned that he wouldn't get one it would upset him enough he'd lay in his bed.
Then for awhile I would lay in his bed with him until he fell asleep (to avoid the tears and screams)and after awhile of that, it was and still is brush teeth, story time, hugs and kisses and lay down and go to sleep. He's really good about it now, his routine is very consistent. He still asks me to lay down with him sometimes, but I don't ( I will fall asleep too!).
Good luck, regardless there is light at the end of the tunnel, she will stop sooner or later!

Hi S.,
I would personally recommend letting her stay with you. Unless it prevents you from getting sleep, or someone is going to get hurt (kicked or something!), then I wouldn't discourage her. It's not unhealthy or unnatural for her to want the comfort and companionship of her parents at night.
See the book Good Nights by Dr. Jay Gordon, I enjoyed it.
However, if you need to "wean" her from your bed, consider getting her a "new, grown-up" bed of her own, with girly bedding (or whatever she would like), and make it HER space. Get her to sleep for several nights by laying down next to her so she's comfortable and secure... if need be, lay with her until she falls asleep. After awhile you will be able to lie down with her for shorter and shorter periods of time.
This kind of worked for my 11-month old son (with many ups and downs), when I had to get him out of our bed because I was having baby #2 three months later! I actually started him first on his own mattress on the floor right next to our bed, then when he was ready, moved him down the hall to his room.
Good luck!
M.

I had the same problem with my two year old son. We found out we were pregnant with our daughter in jan of 2005 and decided it was time to break the "habit" with him. So instead of just putting him in a different room right away, we decided to make a transition from our bed to his bed to his room. So we got a toddler bed and put it right next to my side of the bed. He slept there for about a month. THat way he was used to the bed and not being in our bed. Then we moved it into his room, and ever since, he has slept alone in his room. Letting him be a big boy in a big bed by himself and showing him that he could do it before putting him in a different room was sooo easy. I couldnt belive it myself the first night he was in his room!! Good Luck!

That is one habbit that needs to be nipped! I know it is hard but you have to just let her cry. If you give in, I believe you "teach" them that if they cry, they will get what they want. My son done it and I just let him cry. He learned I wasn't going to budge so he gave up. Good luck!

Our daughter slept with us until she was 7 years old but I know this isn't for everyone. A few things that you can try is to lay down in her bed with her until she falls asleep or stay with her for 10 minutes (tell her this so she isn't surprised when you leave) and then you will check on her every 10 minutes. Do this until she falls asleep. Then every few weeks, check on her every 15 minutes, etc. Or after you put her to bed, everytime she yells your name, go in and rub her back and soothe her.

Good luck!

Hi S.!
My name is L.. I am a full time nanny and have worked with lots of families on this issue. I would suggest moving your daughter's bed into your room for a short time and explaining that she can stay in your room for a time if she is willing to sleep in her big girl bed. This may seem like a concession but usually after a time kids readjust to their own bed and then you can transition them back out to their own room. Best of luck!

~L.~

Wow! This is a little can of worms- the two schools of thought: let her stay or transition her slowly meets Don't let her control you!
I have to say, this is not an issue of control, anyone who looks at parenting in a manner of "you have to be the boss or you are going to lose the fight" sees parenting in a sad light. We are not fighting our kids for control, we are slowly teaching them to be in control of their own lives so that someday they can be an adult who makes wise choices.

I would say to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I let my 3rd child stay in my bed when she wanted to. She is now 2 weeks from her 4th birthday and a few months ago asked if she could have a pretty bed like her big sister has. They now share a room and have two pretty beds. She loves it! I think that if we had forced her into a bed alone, she wouldn't have remembered that she cried years from now, but the crying nights would have hurt her confidence and her feelings that we care about her.

What you do has to fit for your family- do you mind her being in bed? Does your husband? If it is hard (she moves a lot, takes up a lot of space, etc.) then the second bed in your room is an idea to look at. She will let you know when she is ready for her own room!

Good luck!

I would look at how you help your daughter transition from the activities of the day to preparing for sleep. Rituals really help, and making it gradual and pleasant so that she welcomes the sleep that comes at the end of ritual. Does she have a night light? Does she have a plush toy to cuddle? Have you asked her why she doesn't want to sleep in her bed? This may also be a classic case of intermittent reinforcement where you are tired and understandably give in sometimes so that it is always worth her trying. Last thing, do you sleep on the same floor of the house, ie both bedrooms upstairs, or both downstairs?
S. O'Hara-Brill

As a mother of a red-head myself I understand about the temper, my son is 3. You have to break this habit. She is testing you and at the moment she has the upper hand. She is old enough to know that when she cries you come running. You have to stick your ground and tough it out for about a week. Let her cry, after 10 minutes go in and try to comfort her without picking her up, don't stay long just reassure her that you love her and tell her good night. If she keeps crying wait 15 minutes and do the same thing. Then wait 20 minutes and so on. It is hard on you but it will be worth it in the end. It usually takes about a week and she will realize that you are not giving in and she will go to sleep on her own.
Try a calming night time routine. A bath, reading a book or two, then tuck her in. Maybe give her a kid flashlight for her to keep with her after you leave. I found animal flashlights at Walmart. They turn off after a certain amount of time. My sons love them.
Good luck.

Hello S.,
I would suggest you check the archives at mothering.com and look for articles about co-sleeping. They have a quite a few, some of them by Dr James McKenna who has done a ton of research in that subject.
It is really not that bad in most circumstances and may just be what she needs right now, for a while.
Hope this helps :-)
Uta CD(DONA)
Certified Birth Doula (DONA)

My husband and I have a 21 month old daughter who is the same way. Now I have started laying down with her at about 8/8:30 in our bed until she falls asleep and then we move her into her own bed in her own room. For about 1-2 weeks she would wake up in the middle of the night crying but I would go in and just cover her back up and give her her nippy and pat her back and she would fall right back to sleep. She sleeps in her bed now all night but we still have the routine of falling asleep in our bed first. Good Luck.

S.,

Children will not cry for ever (even if it seems that way). Your little one knows that if she cries long and loud enough, you will give in. She might be attached to you at night because that't the only time she has you to herself. Perhaps if you do a regular pre-bedtime routine that will A. wear her out and B. spend time with you. You should also warn her that "tomorrow night you are going to sleep in your bed" that way she knows what to expect. When my son was two years old he was put in his room to wind down, sometimes he would cry for ever, but we had the gate up so he couln't get out of his room. He would get really upset and turn the lights on and off several times to get us to give in. He would even threaten to pee on the carpet all to get us to get him out of his room. This lasted about one week and then he got the idea. After that it turned into positive time, my husband and I would take turns playing and reading a book before bed time. I just learned that when you go into "battle" with a child, you better make sure you win. Prepare for it mentally and don't give in. It helps children when rules and limits are clear. In the long run, you are helping your little girl become a loving independent little girl. Take Care.

Hey S.. I just went thru the exact same thing. What I ended up doing was putting her in her bed in her room at night and then making a place for me to sleep on the floor next to her. I did that for about a week so she got use to the idea of me being there and when she woke up I was right there. Then the next week, I started out the same, sleeping on the floor next to her, but when she went to sleep I would leave the room. When she woke up to find I wasn't there, she was mad of course, but I reassured her that I was always there for her. Then the next week, I put her down for bed, kissed her on the head and told her if she needed me to just yell mom. It seemed to work. Now she sleeps in her bed at night, all night by herself without crying. Maybe you could try something like this.
Hope it helps
T.

hey S.---have you ever read anything by Dr. Sears re: co-sleeping? not popular and i know there are plenty who disagree but...it is an option. it would obviously have to be something that your husband agreed with. we have loved it and our experience and transition has been fantastic with our first. just a thought. :) maybe it's not a habit you have to worry about breaking. :)

D.

it is a hard situation - my daughter is going thru this with my youngest grandson who is a terror. The worst thing to do is to give in - I know it is hard to hear them cry but THEY also know THAT is the way to get to you - they will get tired of crying and consistency is always the best way - if you let her know that she needs to sleep in her OWN bed, just like big brother does, just like mommy and daddy sleep in THEIR bed - everyone sleeps in THEIR own bed just like grandma and grandpa sleeps in their own bed, etc. Just like any basic discipline issue, consistency is ALWAYS the best way. Hope it helps.

Dear S.,

I had the same trouble with my son. I was given a technique that significantly decreased the amount of crying and anxiety for all involved. Each step should take about a week to accomplish. So, she should be in her own bed in a month, but out of your bed tonight. These are the suggested steps:

1. Make a bed on the floor next to your bed allow her to sleep there for one week. Make sure you notify her of this frequently throughout the day so that it is not a surprise for her. You can even use positive reinforcement for a job well done. ie.)no crying, no protesting, etc.

2. Move the bed on the floor close to the bedroom door, but make sure she can see you. Allow her to sleep like that for a week.

3. Move the bed to the hallway. Making sure she can still see you. Allow her to sleep like that for a week.

4. Move her to her room. Place her bed in such a way that she can see you. The only problem with this step is the fact that her room may not be conducive to seeing you from her room. So, you may need to adapt this step to accomodate the layout of your house.

Remember to make each step like a graduation party for her. Positive reinforcement works well. But, whatever you do, don't ever let her back into your bed. If she is ill or you are afraid for her safety, you may sleep in her room. But, make sure she knows that is an exception. Even though she is only two, she can understand that you are going to sleep with her tonight because she does not feel good, but tomorrow you will sleep in your own bed. With several reminders throughout the day she will be prepared for each step by the time bedtime rolls around.

I hope this helps.

Sincerely,
T.

Wow, you have a tough situation! You have to be firm and consistant!! Don't give an inch or she will take a foot! You may want to try giving her a night light or let her pickout a stuffed animal to sleep with. It isn't going to be easy, but you have to make it clear that you are the boss and she has to sleep in her bed! don't give in, it will only make it harder!

Hi S.,

I do feel for you! I know how important sleep is for me and I am only a SAHM of one. You work full time outside of the home and have two dear children! But, I must say that I would probably let her either sleep with you or in your room on her own bed. Like you said, it is just a phase and she will let you know when she is ready to go back to her own room. I wouldn't consider this a win or lose "battle". She has a reason for reaching out to you at night. It is not just to manipulate you. While I realize that she would not remember a "Cry it out" approach years from now, I can't help but think it would affect her on a deeper level. Trust your motherly instincts on this one and if it hurts you to let her CIO in her room than don't do it. I don't think we should have to "harden" our hearts to make our kids sleep through the night. I also reccomend "the no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.

Good Luck,
S.

I would recommend the no cry sleep solution or good nights books both will first help you evaluate exactly what you want from the child sleep wise and WHY you want her out of your bed as this can effect your attitude and the vibes the child gets from you so how successfull attemps are.

As for the actual solution, have you tried a matress or air matress next to your bed? This is what we do when our older children have recurrent nightmares (meaning when 1 lasts more than 2 days) and need to be with us b/c they take up too much of the bed. It works well as they are nearby but not used to sleeping with us. Also does she start out in your bed or come in later, other solutions will vary based on this.