Advice Needed for First Time in Daycare/preschool

Updated on October 25, 2008
A.H. asks from Chicago, IL
8 answers

Hi moms. Just wanted to get a little advice. My little one just turned 2 and started his preschool this week. We've begun with half days to try and transition him a little easier. In the mornings when I drop him off, he's getting extremely upset, crying, throwing himself on the floor. Then I get him engaged in an activity and he seems ok, but when I go to leave he gets extremely upset and is held by one of the teachers. He cried and lays his head down on her shoulder. I want to make the separation as easy for him as I can, and guess I need a little help from moms who have been through this before. When I pick him up, the behavior is the same again. He's momentarily excited to see me, then starts kind of throwing a fit in the classroom. I've popped in and peeked in the room during the day and he's been doing great, and also the teachers have told me that he does wonderfully throughout the day. They say they only see that behavior when I'm around.

Am I doing something wrong, or what could I be doing better?? It makes me so sad!

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So What Happened?

Thanks moms, you guys are the best. Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories of dropping off and picking up from daycare. I began trying the quicker drop off, and telling him that I love him and will be back as soon as I leave work. Pickup seemed to naturally just get better as last week finished up - I think that's tied directly to him having more fun throughout the day and feeling more comfortable being at school. I love the picture of the family - actually the teachers display a whole wall of the kids' families (at their height) so they can go over anytime and look at pictures of their families during the day.

Thanks so much for your help!!

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N.D.

answers from Chicago on

My little one has been in daycare for 1 yr now, and in Sept she transitioned to Preschool full time from being part time. In the beginning, I remember it was very hard for us and her. She'd do exactly the same thing -- throw a huge drama when we dropped her off. But 5 min later after we leave, she's fine and the whole day she's fine. It's normal and the teachers will say so too. It's more harder on the parent than the child.
I agree with what the others say. Drop off, give a big kiss and goodbye hug, and l-e-a-v-e. Just go. Don't show that you are sad or it will just make it worse. Show that you are happy and excited and confident and that will exude on him.
Even now my daughter still gets a little sad when I drop her. But I firmly say goodbye and just leave. Always later I get a report from the teacher that she did just fine throughout the day.
Also I agree that it helps to get the child excited about school. The night and morning of school, I always get her excited by talking about the things she will do there and I make myself look all excited and thrilled about it.
Good luck and this soon shall pass. It's very common for them to do this. Don't feel sad, he's going to benefit so much from being in preschool! My daughter was speech delayed and in just a mere few weeks of preschool her speech and socialization skills have skyrocketed!
It shall soon pass. Just do

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

If you want to make the separation easier, take to heart the previous posts! The long goodbye only makes the separation harder and the drama worse. I agree completely with the short but sweet dropoff.

Take him in, give him a hug and a kiss goodbye with a promise to see him at the end of the day. Then leave. Get out of there. And don't be all sad, depressed, and crying because you'll only encourage his meltdown more. By hanging around and helping him settle in, he becomes more dependent on your guidance, thus further prolonging the goodbye. Of course he's going to be sad - one of his favorite people in the world is leaving him and he's going to miss you. But, like the caregivers say, within moments he is doing just fine.

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V.G.

answers from Chicago on

Couple of things that helped me:

1. Prep him on way to school
2. Keep on saying he will meet his friend have fun
3. Do not say you are going to miss him Say you love him and say will see him later in the day
4. Do not carry him to class to promote independence
5. Make it a game to reach class or the vehicle first.. run with him.
6. Maybe have your hubby drop him.
7. Talk about his day his friends and to him not to the teacher. Make eye contact with your kid and talk to teacher.

All the Best!

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

I work in a daycare and have to say it is normal and it may take awhile for your little guy to adjust with the dropping off process maybe put a picture of you and your husband in his bag so he can look at it when he gets upset

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C.O.

answers from Chicago on

Quick dropoff works best. It will take time but he will adjust. Don't sneak out. Just say I love you and I will be back soon. Talk to him at home about what a big boy he is and he is going to "work" just like daddy. For pick up maybe the teachers can start letting him know you will be there soon and have him have everything ready, his bag, jacket etc.. I have a family daycare and I watch a little girl that I need to do this with otherwise it is the end of the world when she has to go home!

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E.F.

answers from Chicago on

You are not doing anything wrong. As a matter a fact you are doing everything right. Continue to work with the teachers to help your little guy adjust and it is okay that he is comforted by one of them and trusted them. This is healthy and needed for separation to occur. It's only been a week so give him that time to make the adjustment. I can't tell you how long, but if you continue to do what your doing he will be fine. There are some books out there that are helpful, the one we have used is the Kissing Hand, don't remember the author but it's about a little racoon if that helps to find it. Stay strong, he will be fine and this is a good thing you are doing for him.

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J.F.

answers from Chicago on

Hi A.,

In my experience, and also having heard this from the teachers themselves, it's best (but not always easy) to be quick about dropping your child off and saying goodbye. I always made sure to have the same routine and I would "prep" my children saying something like, "okay, I'm going to give you a big hug and kiss and say goodbye now and I'll be back a little later to pick you up and take you home. I'll give you another big hug and kiss when I pick you up." Granted, this would usually get them all upset because they knew I was leaving, but they were going to get upset about me leaving anyway. I just figured it was better that they hear it from me, what to expect, and then could see me follow through with it.

I know it's difficult to leave when your child is crying and calling out for you, but it is necessary and what the teachers usually prefer. Dragging the process out never helps anyway. My son settled into the routine very quickly while my daughter took longer. But the teachers always said they were fine shortly after I left and never had any other problems.

Good luck.

Jen

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Hi A..
It could be that he is just really young. He's only 2. Most preschools start at 3. I agree with the PP about the quick drop-ff. I am a teacher and that is what I tell parents. Good luck.

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