Advice on Getting 2 Yr Old to Fall Asleep with Out Nursing

I breastfed both my kids, and for me, I let them self-wean.
My daughter self-weaned at about 2.5 years old, and my son at about 1 year old.

For a "toddler" child who is doing extended breastfeeding... you CAN do it. But it takes egging them on, or encouraging them. BUT, I have found, that they will 'self-wean' when they do.

For me, and what I did is:
1) I talked to my girl about it...explaining gently that she is a "big girl" now and one day, she will need to stop. (2) Use distraction and redirection. ie: if they "ask" to nurse... say "One moment, Mommy is busy..." and then stand-up and make yourself "busy." Do NOT sit down or lie down. KEEP busy. Then, they will either forget about it or will get distracted. (3) Nurse someplace else. NOT IN THE BED. NOT LYING DOWN. For me, if my daughter wanted to nurse I did... but, I started doing in a particular chair ONLY. Then for bed/nap, I laid down next to her... and co-slept, afterward. (4) Replace your boobs for something else... perhaps get him a special sippy cup or something. Or, start a NEW "habit" pre-bed, and make it sound EXCITING! ie: for a "big boy." (5) Give him a 'lovey' to have for sleeping... ie: my kids both have certain stuffed animals they LOVE to sleep with. Let him choose one just for himself. (6) YOU DECIDE how long to nurse... don't just let him stay at the breast for eternity. After a couple minutes, just pull away. Then open a book or something and read to him. Make the book reading the 'last' thing you do to sleep, NOT the nursing.
(7) Teach him "manners." For me, I taught my girl that pulling-up my shirt and grabbing at me was not "polite." NOR, doing it anytime. It is only for certain times... and "Mommy" decides. My girl then began to 'ask' instead of just using me like a water-fountain or a 24-hour 7-Eleven store.

My son on the other hand, just started to dislike nursing and would actually 'grumble' when I put him to breast and would slap away my breasts and yell and turn away... but (he was hungry) and would indicate to me that he just wanted the bottle. So, that is how he stopped breastfeeding. He was less 'attached' to it, unlike my daughter and they each had their own sense of 'self-weaning.'

Bear in mind, that for some kids, yes they are VERY attached to nursing. But, it WILL one day be a distant memory. But it takes time. For me, my girl DID stop on her own... just one day out of the blue she told me "I'm a big girl now, I don't drink (from you)..." and she even laughed and thought it was silly/funny that she was still nursing. And that was the end of it. She stopped on her own!

For some of my friends (who had kids this age), what they did is: they put Band-Aids on their breasts to cover their nipples, and they simply told their child "Mommy has a bo-bo..." or, "Mommy's milk doesn't work anymore..." and for them they said this worked!

Your son IS weaning... because he only nurses to sleep. But like anything else, this is the hardest 'time' for them to let go of. Because it's comforting. So try to replace it with something else...

Or maybe, get him his own doll... and let him put the doll to sleep... and with a toy bottle. Let him sleep with it and cuddle with it. If that is, he likes stuffed animals/dolls.

All the best, I know it's not easy. But it WILL end one day.
Good luck,
Susan

Yikes, this is a hard one, emotionally and strategically! :) I think you've already gotten some good advice on this, I just wanted to add what I went through with my son who was a night nurser. He was a little younger than your son, about 15 months when I decided it was time to end the sleep/nurse association. It took grit on my part and tears on his - BUT I didn't leave him to cry alone, I stayed with him in his room hanging over his crib hugging him while he screamed at me (very mad about all this)and was very bleary eyed the next day (for about a week). Once he understood that there was no more nursing at night he came back into our bed and still required lots of back rubbing/ patting for the next year... ahhhh! I also incorporated a sippy cup of water that he had access to all night - he chose the cup at the store and it was only used at night time to keep it special. Good luck to you - this is a tough transistion, but you will get through it!!

Hi A.,
I'll be honest, I still nurse my 16 month old daughter to sleep every night, and for naps on the weekend. However, her sitter has always gotten her to nap by either holding her and rocking her, or waiting until she's totally pooped and laying her in her crib. So my daughter has learned that she nurses to sleep with mom, but naps without nursing or a bottle at the sitters.

There have been a few nights where my daughter refused to go to sleep, and I'm exhausted. What I've done in those cases is lay her down in her crib at bedtime, turn on her musical aquarium, leave her with a bottle of water, and walk out of her room and shut the door. She's gone to sleep if she's tired enough, and if she's not, she screams and I come and get her, but she knows playtime is over and if she doesn't go to sleep nursing she's going to have to go to sleep on her own in her crib.

I think what you need to do is establish a new sleep time ritual (which I also need to do with naps, because I can't keep holding her forever). If he likes to be rocked, rock him for a little bit. Or lay down with him in his bed and pat his back or stroke his forehead for a while, whatever calms him down. If he still takes a bottle, maybe offer him a bottle of water so he still has the comfort of sucking on something? Whatever you do, it's going to be tough for a while, since he's gotten used to the way things are. You need to be consistent on your timing and sleep ritual.

It's either that, or I've heard some children stop nursing when mom is pregnant because the taste of the milk changes to colostrum as it gets near the baby's birth. Maybe he'll want to stop when the taste of your milk changes.

Good luck to you!

To finalize the weaning of my daughter, I put lime juice on my nipple. When she tried to nurse, she looked at me and said "Ucky". Refused it after that. I told her that when you get older, it doesn't taste good anymore, and it's best to have a sippy of water when falling asleep. Worked for me. She was 20 mos.

Okay, with 6 kids, I can honestly say they are ALL different. For the one most similar to yours, After getting jammies on etc, gave him a warm cup/sippie of milk. ( i did not use bottles) and read a story, then tucked him in with a sippie of water(mostly to wash the sugars left by the milk). It will take a child 7-10 days to become completely use to a new idea with out ALL the extra fuss. Some less but avg.7-10.You have to no matter what be consistent. Talk to him and let him know you love him and he will be all right. Some say stay I did not, I tucked and left, he cried got up, I put him back and again left. My son is extremely STUBBORN, the more i stayed the more he wanted. If he received less attention the quicker it worked for us.Again all kids are different, no 2 are the same!! I had one, that I did stay with for about 10 minutes and then left, it was harder at first for her, but then she enjoyed and still at 13 enjoys the "cuddle time" or "tuck in time". Enjoy your children!! There is no right or wrong way it just is! God Bless!

buy the book by Dr Ferber. Google the Ferber method and you'll see the book I am talking about. It has worked with my daughter and I would use it again if I had it to do over. :-) The book and what I learned from the book was so valuable. Good luck. Just be consistent and it will work beautifully and you too will have a baby who sleeps well.

Great job nursing so long. I'll be in the same boat as you soon, but what I've learned so far- read, Le Leche League talks... is that it will be hard for a couple weeks if they don't self wean, but they'll get through it. Hang in there.

Hi A.,
Congrats on nursing for so long and on your new baby coming in July! Naps are really hard in my house too. My oldest dd was like your son. At 18 months I nursed only for naps and bedtime and when she was 2 1/2 I weaned her as well. Like you we had to drive around to get her to nap. Finally at age 3 she stopped napping all together. My middle daughter who is now 2 1/2 naps about twice a week or so! I have an 11 month old daughter so I don't have the time to snuggle with her or drive around. What I have learned is that she will sleep when she is tired and I put her to bed early. There are some nights when she is in bed and asleep by 6pm but she sleeps all night until 6am the next morning. I know it's hard especially being pregnant and tired. You need the break too! One thing I did when I was pregnant and when I needed a break or when the baby was first born is I would put on a dvd of something relaxing in my room and I would crawl into bed with the girls. Even if the girls didn't sleep at least they laid down and rested and I got off my back. (I never could use the cry it out method either) I hope you find something that works!!

Hi A., I am a Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach. I recommend that you not lay down with him, rather put a chair next to his bed and tell him you will stay there until he falls asleep as long as he lays quietly in his bed. He he fusses or plays then you will not stay there. Every night move the chair another foot away from the bed and closer to the door. Within a week you should be at the threshold. Then move the chair out the door. By then he should be getting better at putting himself to sleep. This is an alternative to Ferber, although it is still not ideal. When you are in the room, your son has a job to do and that job is to constantly make sure you are still there!Only when you are out of the room can he relax. So... even though this method is not ideal, it is something to try. Good Luck
K. Smith
www.theindependentchild.com

Hi A.. The advice and responses that you have received are great. I have two children, 5 & 7, and we went through the same situation. A few things that I did was I put on music, lullaby's, read a story and rubbed their backs in a counter clockwise fashion. It does take time and patience no matter what you do. Being consistent is the key. Good luck and enjoy your children.