Advice on Short Temper

By all means do not feel so bad! Two year olds can be so stubborn and frustrating! They want to control their world and as parents, we have to set boundaries. Whenever he bites or hits, put him on his bed or a time out spot and walk away. He needs to stay there for two minutes. You may have to do this many times before he accepts it; however, be consistent. Staying calm all the time as a mom is impossible. Just do your best and realize that he is not the only child whose mother yelled sometimes!
Also, an occasional swat does wonders! I know this makes a lot of people say, if I want my child to stop hitting, then why do I swat? Children understand the difference if you use it sparingly. You are the one in charge.
Good luck! It will get easier!
K.

M.,

I don't know if I have got good advice for you, other than trying to take a deep breath and force yourself to speak calmly to him. I know it is hard, because I am the same way. My son has a short fuse, just like me, so we butt heads often. So if I am feeling like I'm getting ready to lose my cool with him, sometimes I just take a deep breath, walk away, and return to him in a calmer voice. I know it is hard. But our children learn behaviors from us. Just know that you aren't alone, and try to find something that works for you. I wish you luck!

Oh yes, I recognize this in my 18M old. I was hoping for at least 6 more month of bliss but alas...

When our kid freaks out (pinching, scratching, yelling) we put her in her booster chair for time out. The booster chair has a strap so she cannot get out. We put her in the corner & leave the room so no one is there to entertain her. We do not talk to her except to say at the beginning that she's getting a time out & that hitting is not acceptable. I'm sure she doesn't get "time out" b/c it's relatively new, but she will soon enough. This allows you to regroup & have some distance from all the tension & stress. After a few minutes we get her out, pretend like nothing happened & try to carry on. If it's obvious she's tired, she goes immeditely to bed. No talking, mediating, bribing, story-time...nothing. Into bed, lights off & within minutes she's asleep.

Once she freaked out in her bedroom before bedtime & my husband just stood back, watched her throw her garbage can, hamper & slam doors/drawers. He waited, said nothing & once she ran out of energy, he put her to bed. It's just plain crazy to watch all this & not want to respond harshly, b/c it's CRAZY, but they cannot control their feelings or behavior at this age & is considered "normal".

Don't worry about yelling. At times I not only yell but cuss like a sailor. Trust me, you're doing fine.

M., my little guy is about a month away from hitting two, but you could just as easily been describing my son! I am just as confused as you are, this is my third child and the first time I have gone through this behavior. I am not sure how you teach a child to be gentle...but I am doing my best to stay calm not yell and not swat, because a lot of advice I have got is to pop him on the bottom and I am really confused as to how this is a good thing when I am trying to teach him not to hit...Just my two cents on that part = ) I have noticed that some of his out bursts seem to be motivated by jealousy so maybe a little extra one on one time might help. I am hoping it is a phase. My son is also speech delayed so he doesn't have the words to express himself adequately so I am trying to talk talk talk all the time...identifying objects, always using the same words that I want him to pick up on. I wish I had better advice...I know one thing I have done about the throwing is I have really pared down the toys that he has access to.
At least you know you aren't alone! I hope you get some great responses = )
B.

First of all, dont beat yourself up over getting angry. He is entering the My opinion only counts stage of his life. This is going to be very hard for you to transition to, but this is very normal, and you will get better at it. Its very hard to keep your cool in situations like this, but when you get angry this is what he wants, he wants attention even if its negative. Just stick to your guns and sometimes when you get really angry, you just need to walk away and come back to the situation when you feel better, or have your husband take charge. If it makes you feel better, my daughter is 4 and I feel like I yell at her all the time! They will always test you. Sometimes I am very disapointed in how I react to things, and sometimes I really surprise myself when all that gets thrown at me, I handle it pretty well. You will always have your times when you get angry, and trust me, I dont think he will be scarred for life if you have to raise your voice sometimes. You will get used to it ;) Good luck!

I liked Scream-Free Parenting a lot.

http://www.amazon.com/Screamfree-Parenting-Revolutionary-...

Notice that the misbehavior is worse at bed time, that means that while he is learning to control his behavior, it's too hard when he's tired. Use that observation and find ways to avoid that excessive tiredness (as much as possible).

We used time outs at this age. If our daughter hit someone we would just put her in the pack n play and walk away. Time outs are usually recommended to be a minute long for every year of age, sometimes I'd go to 3 or 4, but longer than that doesn't have any benefit.

It also helped me to note that while a short time out can be useful, yelling has never had the slightest benefit. It actually amazes me how totally ineffectual it is in getting any kind of positive response! Seeing that helps me to be motivated to find better ways of dealing with the situation. I just have to remind myself that I want to change the negative pattern more than I want to blow off steam.

Another book I've been reading lately is Brazelton's Touchpoints 3-6, which is for older kids than yours, but an interesting point he makes is that learning self-control is a lifetime endeavor, and some adults never get it. It's even harder at 2, because he doesn't have the neurological development yet to master it. We do, though, and we can model self-control for our children.

He might be old enough to talk to about this, too. "I'm really angry right now, and I feel like yelling at you, but I'm not going to, because I'd rather we talk in a civil tone of voice." "I see that you aren't able to control your behavior right now, so I'm putting you in a place where you can't hurt anyone, so you can have a chance to calm down."

hth

With my first child, it took a while for me to learn not to give the tantrums too much attention. I always felt like 'I need to do something to stop this'. It turns out, the more attention I gave the tantrum, the bigger it got. There's a point where there is no reasoning with a child when they are in the middle of a melt down.
So, I learned to make sure he was in a safe spot (moved him if he wasn't) and let him work it out (to some extent...at least to the point of being ready to talk about it). That gave me the opportunity to take the time to cool down.
Please don't misunderstand...I'm not saying to ignore him. I'm just saying that time outs are necessary for both parent and child.
Don't feel bad for losing your cool...I believe it's perfectly human. What's important is that you recognize this behavior as something you want to improve upon and your looking for ways to do it. Kudos! You're already taking steps in the right direction! I would suggest finding ways to de-stress...exercise, yoga, a long soak in the tub, nap when he does, creative projects...this helps to control my urges to raise my voice.
I agree with the suggestions of moving bed time earlier. If not the bed time, start the bed time routine a little earlier so that he has a little longer to adjust to what is going to happen next.
hth!
lb

May a I also suggest moving his bedtime a little earlier. If the situation is worse at bedtime he is probably really tired. Try moving his bedtime up 15 minutes each night. Sometimes even going to bed 30 minutes earlier can really do the trick.

We also started warning my son about how much time was left and what was going to happen next at his age. (for example, you have 5 mins left to play and then we are going to put on your pjs.)

Good Luck.

It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one that feels the same way! My son just turned 2 and he throws tantrums too. Are they short lived? My son's are (thank God)...I raise my voice at him sometimes too but I more "zone" out when he becomes "difficult". I'm trying not to cry really. It stresses me out big time. Do you get any support from your husband? I'm a single Mom so I don't have the option of a husband helping me out. Maybe you guys can switch who puts him to bed at night so you can get a little break. Luckily this stage is only temporary...so I'm told :) Good luck and God bless!

everyone needs a break sometimes! You can put him in his room for a while or turn it around and say Mommy needs a time out and go to your room and close the door for two minutes. The situation is usually done with after I do that.

Our 2 1/2 year old was doing the same thing. Time-outs really work for us, but we have a bit of a twist. If he really wants to watch his Elmo DVD but he does something naughty before we put it in, he gets mad thinking that he can't watch the DVD. We say, "I know you want to watch your DVD. First, you need to sit. First, you need to sit. Then you can watch the DVD." Just knowing that we understand what he wants really helps him calm down.
Also, we can usually tell when he's getting worked up, so we'll put him in the "calm-down" spot (his bed with his blankets and a few stuffed animals) so he can calm down before he does anything naughty.