Am I Being a Little Selfish?

No you're not selfish. Yes your husband works...SO DO YOU!! His only day off??? When is your day off. I'm tired of us women thinking that our spouses time and energy is more important than ours. Making ourselves out to be marters does NO good for our kids.

To be blunt....I think when we don't have a break we are cheating our children and being worse mommies!!!

I worked w/ my first and decided to stay @ home after having my second....much harder to stay at home for sure!!!!!

Here's how my husband and I solved our struggle for free time and down time......

We switch off every other evening. I can do anything I want or need to do one night and he has the next night and so on!!

We are both refreshed, get SO MUCH DONE, and I get to really focus and enjoy my children because I know I'm going to get down time and time to do things I need to get done. Sometimes I stay at home and clean while he watches the kids on his night. Sometimes I just go roam a store to "get out"

It took us going to a therapist and him realizing that if he wants his children to have the best mother and father that they deserve we were going to have to come to some compromise. I'm not going to try and be "super mom" at the detriment of my kids.

This works great for us! We don't have a baby sitter (kind of same boat as you) and didn't want to spend money on babysitting. Good Luck!

A.,
I know how you feel. I'm a mother of Two also I know things are always crazy. I'm a stay at home mom thats runs my own in home daycare. If you ever need a few hours I would be glad to help. No money needed the only thing I would ask is for some help also. My husband always help other people with there kids but when it comes to us we have no time together. We have asked friends just to go to a movie, but they don't jump to help us. any question let me know.

R.

You are not being selfish at all. We all need our "me" time. You should sit down and talk to you husband and explain to him that you are asking for one or two times a month for him to watch the kids so you can have some time. I know when I was in your position I started resenting my husband and kids b/c I was so tired and needing some alone time. Hopefully your husband will understand. Maybe your mom can watch one and he can watch the other. I hope something works out for you.

J.

It's not selfish in the least. It's unhealthy to not get any time away alone, and it'll be better for everyone if you can get out. Good luck to you. I hope your husband can be understanding about it. Being a mom is a 24/7 job and you'll go nuts with no time off.

A.,
You should not feel guilty or selfish to want some "me time". Nor should you feel guilty to have your husband keep his children while you get some time out. They are his children too and therefore it isn't considered baby sitting it is considered his share of the responsibility. I would start small maybe let your husband know you would like to go and have dinner with your girlfriends one night. As long as you are not sticking him with the kids every night I don't see where he would have a problem. You will be a better mom and wife with a little time to have no responsibilities, even if only for a couple of hours.
Good for you for realizing you need a break before you get too stressed out.

A.:

Too much to ask for your husband to watch his own kids!? Are you kidding! I understand that your husband works (like most husbands do), so on his day's off he should want to spend time with his family.If you take on all the responsibilities of the children, and allow dad to not do his daddy duty, you are only contributing to future problems. You are not selfish to want time for yourself, it is normal and healthy. If a woman works, is she allowed "not" to be a mom to her kids!? Of course not. It took two to creative your wonderful children, and should take two to raise them. Are you being selfish? Heck no........but your husband is, if he doesn't want to spend time and take care of his own children.

A. L

No, you are NOT being shelfish. I totally understand about him being tired and all that but the kids need to be with him one on one. I work in evenings so my husband has our kids 3 or 4 nights a week. My husband tried to give me a hard time about working and how much he has them etc......until I went off. I explained to him that if he really wanted me to be a stay at home mom, I would do that but I would still need a break and these are HIS kids too. He doesn't have to worry about what he is going to do with the kids while he is at work or if he has an appointment where the kids can't go. I did take it a little too far by stating if he'd like he could see the kids every other weekend at least that way I would get a break. I don't recommend saying that but it did get my husband's attention. I think mothers already feel guilty leaving their children we don't need our husbands giving us a hard time.

I would recommend talking to him and letting him know you know he is tired after working but so are you and you need a break. I would tell him your plan and maybe giving him a night to himself once a month. The truth is if he has the kids by himself he will see why you need a break and the kids will bond with their dad. It is good for everyone!
Good Luck!

I feel your pain! Most churches have a program called MOPs it'd be perfect since your son is going to be going to preschool soon. You get together with other moms and have crafts and talk and the kids are watched by other people. It generally runs for two hours I think. I actully didn't finish reading the question before replying now that I have, no I don't think it's too much to ask, maube if the both kids are too much see if the older one can have time wirh your mom and your hubby watch the baby or have your older child have a play date at a friends home. Good Luck.

I dont think its selfish at all...actually I think its selfish of you NOT to. I can imagine how cranky YOU get being so stir crazy, thats not very good for the kids either. I know hubs works hard for his family, but he has to realize that what you're doing is a tough job too and you dont get ANY time off. A couple of hours to unwind once a month is very little to ask IMO, and a great time for boys to bond with dad.

I can understand you situation...I work part time, and watch myson the rest of the time. His father works two part-time jobs, and goes to school fulltime so sometimes when Ive need some me time it was a bit of a battle. What I would do is see if your husband would be willing to watch them one night, after the've gone to bed. If you want to go out with your girlfriends maybe see about doing on a night where he doesn't have to work the next day so he can maybe sleep in a bit in the morning, or maybe you can.

You are definitely not being selfish. You would go crazy if you never get any time to yourself. My husband can be the same way about watching our kids, but it has gotten better since my 8-month-old daughter has gotten a little older. I think newborns can be a little overwhelming to dads sometimes. Usually , what I do is leave to go to the store or somewhere after the kids go to bed, usually at 8pm. Then my husband doesn't mind too much, and he gets some alone time, as well. Your baby probably doesn't sleep too regularly yet, but before long, he probably will. I hope this helps and hope you get some time to yourself.

I don't think that's too much to ask at all. It is strongly recommended that parents have time to themselves and away from kids every now and then. The benefits to this are it can improve the relationship between the two of you because you have time to be more than mom and dad, you have time to be husband and wife. You can have time alone which is beneficial to your psyche, time to relax does wonders on reducing stress and frustration. Also it's important to stay in touch with who you are. Sometimes mother's get so wrapped up in the kids that they forget themselves or let themselves go. Also, it's important to maintain relationships with your adult friends. Granted we all grow and go our seperate ways to live life, but even having families my friends and I try to have get togethers, one day a week at the park, emails, text, anything to keep in touch with each other.

I also think that being so wrapped up in the children's lives and never making time for yourself and your marriage is where the empty nest syndrome stems from. Women invest so much in the kids, that once the children leave they feel they have nothing left. So it's very important to stay true to yourself as well as remain loving, involved partners in a marriage. You want to remain just as close when no kids are around as you did when you first got married.

One thing to remember too, just as you want to relax and enjoy yourself your husband might too. So a fair trade is once a month you go hang with your friends and once a month he gets to do the same. He might even be more agreeable to it with those conditions.

It is absolutely NOT selfish to take time for yourself. It is essential for your sanity!

I know hubby is tired from working so much, but you are just as tired from working with the kids, house, etc. You both need a "day off" and I suggest one together as well.

Perhaps you could find other moms close to you with whom you can start a babysitting co-op. You know, I'll watch your kids Saturday night and the next Saturday, you watch mine.

I hate to be the one to burst your hubbys bubble...although I took great pleasure in doing so for my husband but.....and I know this may be a shock to his macho ego...it's not called babysitting when it's your own children...its called parenting! My husband tried the same thing until I stopped allowing it. I mean I am not the type to party every night, but I do have a girls night out once a month. I used to do it more, but when talking with your guy you have to be willing to bargain. I simply told him I was doing it and he was going to have to take care of the kids for a few hours. Maybe if you put it in a way that benifits him somehow, he'll take it better. Maybe tell him, you'll have a few drinks if makes sure the kids are ASLEEP by the time you get home. That might encourage him LOL! The point is you don't have to ask him to "babysit" his own kids and he is certainly not doing you a favor. He is their father and while I agree that being a SAHM is your career, when he is off you are off and you are no longer 100% responsible for the kids. You are now jointly resposible as parents.

You are absolutely not being selfish!! Every parent deserves a little "me" time. Have you talked with your hubby about what you're going through? Maybe he'd be willing to do it. You mentioned your mom can watch your older son, another option would be to have her do that, and have your hubby keep the baby. It would be less stress on him only having to watch one.

You are not being even a tiny bit selfish! One, they are not just your kids! Two, ask your husband how he would feel if he had to stay at work 24 hrs a day with no break!! We all love our kids, but anyone who says they don't need a break from them is lying or some kind of saint.

A., You are not selfish at all, and you should not feel guilty for asking your hubby to give you a break, I have 3 boys and I am a stay at home mom and my hubby works all the time. You need to have a social life with other adults or you are going to go crazy, trust me. They are just as much his kids as they are yours. He gets a break from them everyday when he goes to work. I think that you are intitled to at least one day a month. Have a talk with him and see how it goes. I wish you the best of luck. I also think it will help with kids to have a stronger bond with there dad, right now it is you that meet all there needs. Maybe you can set up a father sons day and give him some ideas of some things that he can so with them on his day. Like go to the park, out for lunch or just something small. Hang in there. Don't go to crazy, N.

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT being selfish in asking for your husband to take sole responsibility for his children a couple of hours a week. Believe it or not, you work more than 40 hours each week being a full-time Mom, and you don't have the luxury of going out for lunch or "taking a vacation" day.

A truly great dad wants to spend alone time with his kids and make sure that his kids mother is well-taken care of.

No you aren't selfish. By all means he needs to get over his being grumpy and deal.

You are working 2 full time jobs per child and you work 24/7 so there is no reason he should ever get grumpy about this. Even if you worked outside the home you cannot do it all and you shouldn't be expected to do it all.

Here's what my husband and I agreed upon after my middle child was born (his first child) I handled breast feeding and child care when he was at work and the days he had off all I had to do was breastfeed. We continued this after I returned to work, when I had my own business and brought my son with me to work, and after I stayed home with our 2nd child. From the time he returned from work on Saturday until he left on Tuesday mornings I was off duty except when the baby needed feedings or both needed tending to to avoid a real mess. We continue this to this day. He also handles breakfast, does the dishes and getting the older one off to school while I sleep in.

Each night he handles putting away the meal, does the boys bathtime routine and gets them off to bed after reading them books for 20 minutes each, alone.

On Saturdays he comes home, picks up the boys and takes them to the library, comes in and he works with them to pick up their rooms, dusts, washes and vacuums the rooms. Their reward is to get videos for their rooms. We have family night that evening where we choose games to play or books to read we even watch videos together.

My point is that just because he "earns" the money doesn't mean he gets a free "ride" at home.

I moderate a board of moms that used to go out once a month to get together, had a weekly online chat and bi-weekly playdates until gas became rather high. Try to find something like that in your area.

You are not being selfish at all. You need some time to be around adults once in a while. I would just sit down and have an honest conversation with your husband about how you are feeling. He may not even know that you feel this way. One night a month is definately not too much to ask.

I'm going to be real blunt here too. DO NOT allow your husband to pull a guilt trip on you because HE had to watch them for a few minutes. Problem is that you have allowed him not to watch them and if he complains, you back off. Right? Well stop it. Do you get to clock out at 5pm? No you work 24 hours a day, you have small children so I know you are not sleeping a lot. Plus he needs to simply "plug in" as Dr. Phil would say. No he's not a bad father or husband, but like mine, if you let him be lazy with the kids, he will. Mine works his butt off, 12-15 hours a day, but that doesn't mean he's "clocked out" when he walks in that door.

You have to get out of the house, getting time to yourself will make you a better Mommy. There is not a Mommy in the world that can't do it all successfully without a break for herself.

Like other's have said, find a Mother's Day out, they are all over the place, find another Mommy who will switch off with you, something, but you have to get away. Pray about finding a way, God will answer your prayers, he's pretty fond of us Mommies.

No darlin', you're not being selfish at all! It's very hard being a stay-at-home mom and not having any time for yourself. Especially, if you haven't had a break in a very long time.

My only suggestion to you is to research local churches to see if they offer a moms-day-out type of thing. Mine does, and it's really helping me keep my sanity. Also, you might research a group called MOPS (mops.com) to find one close to you. This is a group where all the members are parents of young kids and you can make connections with other moms dealing with what you go through everyday. I've just joined one and am looking forward to the relationships I'll develop.

Hope that helps you!

Hi A.!
You are not being selfish! Your husband needs to realize that raising the children, and taking care of the house (or what I call being a Domestic Administrator) is a job! The difference being that you work way more than 40 hours a week, and just as he likes a break from his job, you need one too. Schedule a night off ahead of time for him to watch the kids for a few hours. An even better idea is for you to hire a trusted neighbor to watch the kids for a couple of hours so you guys can have a date! Most important is that he needs to understand that having children was a mutual decision....and is a mutual task to care for them.

if you ask me i don't think you are being selfish at all. i know how you feel. i am a stay home mom also but i am new at it my daughter is only 7 weeks but sometimes i wish that i could just get away for at least an hour for i can gain my sanity back.i love her dearly but somedays i feel like my world is turned upside down. so i know what you are going through. i would sit down with your husband and plan a certain night each month that you get to go and have some me time. either get your hair done hang out with the girls or just go shoping do something that makes you relax. if your husband has an issue tell him that you need this and that it will not hurt him once a month to take care of the kids. i wish that i could do this with my husband but he doesn't have any days off he works 2 jobs and works everyday of the week and doesn't get home untill late at night and i do not even have family here in pratt. both of our parents live in halstead ks. so go and enjoy a day out to be you do it for all of us stay home moms.
H.

No its not too much to ask, and no your not being selfish. I know exactly where your coming from. I am not a stay at home mommy but I work at a home daycare and I bring my daughter to work with me. So I alway have her. I am Never without a kid. My fiance' works 50-60 hours a week and only has one day of but he still watches the my daughter(7mos), my nephew that has lived with us for almost 2 yrs ( he is 2), and his 5yr old son. No matter how much we love our kids and how selfish we think it is, EVERY MOTHER NEEDS A BREAK! So if you feel as if your are being selfish by asking him to watch the kiddos 1 night a month, then BE SELFISH SWEETIE! Its just one night a month!

Hi A.,
I'm gonna first say that yes your husband does work a 40+ hour work week and he gets probably 2 15 minute breaks everyday and a half hour to an hour lunch.
Now on to you have you ever sat down and logged the hours that you are working? I guarantee that it will exceed your husbands by far and I will bet there will not be a scheduled break of any kind or lunch in there. That being said all of us moms working outside the home, stay at home moms, working inside the home, and just being a stay at home mom all "work".
Now as for my advice you are absolutely not being selfish for wanting a little time to yourself every day, week or month. It is your husbands job to take care of his kids, he is not the babysitter, he is their father.
My husband and I had lots of disagreements about this subject he thought because "I stay at home" I should be able to have everything done like laundry, house cleaning, kids had their baths and everything else. Until he was on vacation one week and got to see things in full swing and finally realized we both work very hard at our jobs everyday.
I would have a conversation with him about what you need, what you would like and how often. And also I would look into finding a sitter you trust so the both of you could go out "together" and have your "me" time. I hope this helps you. goodluck. W.

Hi A.,

I totally understand how you feel. I stay at home and rarely ever get a moment away to do fun things for myself. Fortunately, my husband is more than willing to let me do whatever I need to do to be sane :) (I shouldn't speak too soon I am about to have another baby and I don't know if he will be so generous). We all need a break and you are entitled to one. Does your husband work on the weekends? If not maybe you could go do something on a Saturday. They are his children too and he can watch them while you take some time for you. I also understand what you are going through with your mother not wanted to watch your kids my mom has watched my son a very few times, luckily my husbands parents just love to watch our son (who by the way will be 3 on April 22) but as I said we are about to have another baby and I don't know how that will go. Good luck to you just remember you are not selfish for needing time away for yourself. You deserve it!!! M.

No it is not too much to ask or expect your husband to watch the kids. He is not a babysitter, he is dad and that is part of the job. My husband keeps our 3 kids (ages 10 yrs, 5 yrs and 22months) at least once a month so that I can have some me time. Without it I go stir crazy.

I don't think you are being selfish at all! Everyone needs a break and you should not feel guilty about that or feel like you are a bad mom. I would suggest a mother's day out program. You might have to wait another month or two for your littlest one to be old enough to go but they are great!!!! I took my son to one at a church near the Village and they were fantastic! They normally run from 10am to 3pm and it's VERY inexpensive (I think Jon's was $120/month for three days a week) and you can choose how many days you want to send them. One day may be enough for you to get your errands done and still have time to do something special with your girlfriends.

I also would not be so hesitant to ask your husband for help. You work just as hard as he does, you just don't get paid. Maybe he doesn't know how hard it is or how badly you need a break. TALK TO HIM!!! You might be surprised.

No, you are not being selfish. I understand that your hubby works a 40+ hr work week with only one day off, but you work 7 days a week/24 hours a day with NO DAYS OFF. You totally deserve a night one the town once every few weeks...

I don't think you are being selfish at all. You have to have some time to your self and with your girlfriends. If your husband won't watch the kids and neither will the grandparents, then why don't you hire a babysitter for a few hours? Maybe a girlfriend could watch your little ones while you do things. How about putting your 4 year old in a Parents Day Out? Then you would only have your 8 week old and you could maybe run errands, catch up on a few things, see your girlfriends for lunch? Just a thought. Just remember, you are not being selfish by any means.

You are absolutely NOT being selfish. Your husband has his job, and he gets to come home and rest and have a break from work. Your job is your children, and husbands don't always realize how hard that can be. Yes you love them, but even the best moms in the world need a break. It makes you a better wife and mother if you get a little time on a regular basis to just breathe and be yourself without your kiddos. Your husband is not babysitting your kids, they're his too. It's called being a father. I'm sure you're tired at the end of the day too and if he doesn't keep the kids alone for a while, then you don't get a break at all. Stand up for yourself, leave the house and rejuvenate. Good luck!

Hi A.,
First of all I think it is very thoughtful of you to be so considerate of your husband and that he works hard for your family and you don't want to "overburden" him with too much (and caring for his kids shouldn't be a burden or make him upset). It's true that he may have just one day off a week and he puts in long hours at work. BUT when the two of you made a choice to have a family priorities change, lifestyle habits change, etc...basically free time is a thing of the past! :) You take it when you can get it, which unfortunately is not that often, but you BOTH are deserving of it. Just as much as your husband deserves some time with his buddies to watch football or play golf you deserve time with your girlfriends for a movie night or to go out alone to the mall to decompress while window shopping.

If your husband could be as understanding as you are of him about needing some time alone I think you guys could really help each other out. You are not being selfish (as 40+ other moms have already told you!) You've got an 8-week old, you are TIRED. And in addition to the demands of a newborn you are still trying to give your best effort for your older son and as a wife too. I promise that when your newborn is just a couple months older that alone will make things a little better for you because you will be able to get more rest once he's on a good sleeping pattern.

One thing I did after my 2nd was born was to go out after both kids were in bed for the night (we put them down 7:30-8pm). I'd go to the grocery store and get my shopping done w/o the distraction of bringing two young ones along, or I'd go the the mall. But this gave me the chance to get out alone while my husband also got to rest at home and do whatever he wanted because the kids were asleep.

Good luck and don't get discouraged, just have a heart to heart with your husband and see if you both can work out some agreement (if you haven't already!) :)

I am in the same boat you are in. I am a stay at home mom as well. I love my kids but sometimes you just need alone time. For me what worked was my husband came home on day and i looked at him and said that if i dont get some time to my self even if it is just to go get a drink at the store or something then i dont know what would happen. The husbands dont realize what we do all day, they get a break from it so why cant we? I totally feel for you, Me however i dont have family around, so you have the advantage there. No i dont think you are being a little selfish, moms need time to their selfs. I would sugggest to sit down with your husband and tell him that he needs to stop complaining because they are his kids to, and just tell him you are going to leave for a little while and you will be back and then jsut go. They need to understand that we need time to ourselves.

I worked so much harder when home with my son when he was a baby than I have ever done in the office! I was exhausted all the time and my husband just didn't understand. He couldn't figure out why I was angry with him because he came home, and expected June Cleaver in high heels and make-up. I wrote down everything I did on a schedule for a week and gave that to him and he was shocked! Sometimes it's easy to be angry and accusatory when you talk with your husband about these things. But most people only see their side and see how exhausted they are. If you approach him with it in a loving way, I guarantee he will be much more understanding and responsive.

When our kids were younger, we worked out a deal with my sister-in-law that we would watch her two kids on a Friday or Saturday evening so she and her husband could have a date night, and they would watch ours the next weekend. That worked out great. All four kids got to play and entertain each other and we would have a DVD and popcorn night for the kids. It was a treat for them to have a night off from mom and dad too. We actually had a lot of fun having the kids over when it was our turn.

Your husband should be more than willing to watch the kids for a little while so that you can get some time to yourself. My husband works over 40hrs a week and used to work over 50-60 hours. He was always very willing to give me time to myself. If your husband is tired I understand, but what about you being tired. Your job isn't a 40hr a week job it doesn't end. If someone wakes up in the middle of the night it is your job to take care of them. You probably take care of them when they are sick and get up with the baby in the middle of the night. Your husband is being very selfish, especially if he gripes about watching them just so you can go to the store. That is ridiculous for you to have to take them to the store with you if he is home on a 10min trip that has now turned into 30min because you have to get them in and out of the car and deal with the 4year old in the store. I say you need to put your foot down and make him watch them at least 1 night a month. My husband told me one day that I never got a break from the kids (at that point I didn't feel like I really needed one), but he insisted that they were going to be mamma's boys and that I take at least 1 night every other week(at least for a few hours, if even to go visit my grandma) so that I could have some me time. I didn't realize how much I would love that time. I love my kids, but sometimes it is nice (not to mention a little more peaceful) to have some time without them. You shouldn't feel guilty about that.

OMG no you are not being selfish! It is not too much to ask him to do that....after all he is their father too. The reason I think that he gets so crabby when you are gone is that he is not used to being with them for any amount of time and he will get used to that, you have to just go and if he is crabby he is crabby, it may sound mean but it is true you need time away also! Once he would get used to being with them alone every once in a while it would get better and they would get used to him as well. I work full-time now but have been a stay at home mom in the past and it is hard and you do feel like you are going crazy!! Just sit down with your husband and tell him, I need this and tell him a week or a few days in advance when you are going to go for "your time". You are not a bad mother or selfish in anyway for wanting this!!

Good luck to you! S.

Absolutely Not! My husband is a reporter so he works weird hours, often he doesn't come home until midnight. His job is very stressful but he still watches my two boys for me so that I can go out occasionally and have fun. You have to have time for yourself or you won't be able to be the very best mom and wife that you can be. I am sure that if you explained this to your husband he would be understanding. Also, do you have any friends who could watch your children?

no your not being selfish i have 2kids and im a stay at home mom my son is about to be 4 and my daughter is going to be 2 in july and my husband works 60+ hours a week and he has no problem w/me going out once in awhile as long as i make a day for him and my parents are the same way they have no problem watching my son but my lil girl they say she's too young and thats not right cause when my son was a baby and they kept him its just favortism and they dont realize it soo just ask your husband if you make 1 day for yourself and 1 for him if that would work cause you cant do everything yourself cause i was and then i told my husband he needed to give me a break and i left for the weekend and he realized how hard it is and thats when we made that deal w/each other......so good luck

It makes me really sad when I hear women say their husbands are "babysitting" or "watching" their own children... I hope I don't sound rude, but they're his kids too so to me he's not "babysitting". It sounds to me like you're not the selfish one here. I have no family within an 800 mile radius and no friends who ever volunteer to babysit my 9 month old and am also a stay-at-home mom. My husband totally understands when he comes home from a long day and I, too, am exhausted. He's more than happy to let me get away for a few hours with friends or just to run to Target for an hour. Please don't feel like you're being selfish! You're just a normal mommy who needs a break once and a while. Good luck!

I don't have to be the Great Karnack to predict that you will get a LOT of support from this group. Don't think of time off as being selfish - think of it as personal renewal so that you can be an even more devoted wife and mother and self. We all need rest...a break...time to indulge our own needs instead of the needs of others.

Having said that, if your husband is unwilling, find a different way to get it done. I was a single mom living in a city where I had no family. There ARE other ways to get your need met. Here are some ideas:

1) Some churches, especially the bigger ones, have moms' day out programs. I used to drop my two when they were little twice a week, and I took an art class. Call around.

2) Find a mom who will take yours occasionally, if you'll take hers occasionally. I've done this too. Obviously, with a newborn, you have to feel very comfortable with the person.

3) Babysitters! Find one you really like and make a standing appointment. Maybe one week, during the daytime so you can run errands, alternate weeks in the evening and you and your husband can BOTH get out. Or not! Check the community college counselors' office for names of students who are looking for babysitting jobs, or call your church for recommendations to their favorite babysitters.

Anyway, whatever you do, do not feel guilty. Just get out and enjoy yourself... Good luck!

I was a stay at home mom for 8 years. It really takes it's toll on you. I love my son very much, and cherrished the time I was able to spend with him. But in doing that I lost a part of myself that I am just now starting to get back. I am a realtor associated with Prudential. I know it's important to be the best mom you can be, but you have to take time for yourself too! I'm sure if you approached you husband reasonably he would understand. Besides most husbands are happy to do things when thier asked. They're not mind readers. Most of them can't even pick up on settle hints (I know mine don't). And I know you don't want to bother him when he comes home from work tired. Also alot of churches do a mommy's day out program! Good luck, and take care of yourself! A.

No. You're not being selfish :)

I'm just giving you the same response all the other moms are giving, but it sounds to me like both you and your husband are working hard. You both would be well-served by a night out of the house and you would both be better parents and spouses for it.

He probably needs the same break - why not suggest that he has a night off one week (to do whatever he does, but without the demands of home or work) and then you have a night off the next week to do what you need to do.

The woman who suggested the after 8pm idea is right, too - that's how I do it. And it's a great motivation to be consistent and routine when it comes to bedtime for the little ones :)

Good luck to you and hang in there!

It isn't too much to ask of him. Maybe try to explain to him that even though he does work a lot of hours, he does get time off. But since you're job is being a mother and a wife you never get any time off and you need just one night every few weeks. Even mothers get burned out too. Good luck!

You are not being selfish A.!! You are grassping for sanity!! LOL I have been there, and am still going through some of that, since my husbands parents are not in the picture currently, and I lost both of my parents in the last 6 months. But I have at least 2 girlfriends who are willing to either come to my house, or schedule a play date at her house with her children, so that I can go get my hair done, or go the the grocery store alone, etc.

You desperately need to find someone that you trust with your children, to watch them for a few hours!! Also, you need to express your feelings to your husband and your mom and MIL as well. I did this lately with my hubby and my SIL and they just didn't realize it was driving me stir-crazy because of their own lives and stresses. Hubby, since our talk, has requested to take our one year old on a walk around the block in a stroller when he is home from work, and has given his his bath each night to give me a few more minutes at night. He works 40+ a week too, but he needs to spend time with his little guy and he has thanked me lately for getting the time with him. My SIL has offered babysitting for me so I can get out also and I called a friend telling her I might be calling her this week to get out. They all understood after I told them, but they just couldn't read my mind.

It's not selfish, it's perefectly normal to want a break. Being a mom is a tough job.

Are you in Springfield MO? (I know this site lumps other Springfields together.) If so Central Assembly od God is having a Parents Night Out tonight (4/13) from 6:30 to 9:30 for $5 per child. They're taking newborns through 5th graders. http://centralassembly.org/ or ###-###-####.

Lots of churches, gymnatics studios, childcare facilities, etc. offer these special nights. They give the kids a fun change of pace and you can go see a movie or visit a friend. Give it a try.

A.

Ooops, now I see you're in Oklahoma. I'm sure there's a place in your area doing the parents night out thing. :)

I do not feel you are being selfish by any means. Maybe you could get your mother and your husband to help give you one night of your time "only". Maybe your mother could watch the 4 yr old and your husband the baby. This would be less trouble for your husband. This is just my suggestion. Best of luck on all things. God Bless

Hi A.!
I'm a mother of two girls, 4 years old and two months old.on april 17 i'll move to lee's summit. My husband will stay with me only two weeks. He police officer and need to work still here. I'll be alone there with my daughters. I' have 2 interviews there as teacher.i'm a prescholar teacher. I know that change wiil be hard.i want to have friends.
I know exactly how you feel. I'm a breastfeeding mother. I sleep two or three hours each night.i'm give formula to my baby sometimes 'cause it's hard when you don't sleep and have a prescholar kid who talks all day.he he he...
I would like go to the mall at least one hour alone, but it can't be.
I talked with my husband to watch my kids one day that i can make alone different things and vise versa, he can hang out with his friends.
Forgive me if i wrote something wrong.i'm a spanish speaking person who is practicing my english. Do you heve messenger or email to keep in touch. Mine is ____@____.com

E.

Are you willing to keep them one night out of the month and let him go out with the boys?

Nope, not being selfish.. this is your full time job. He needs to take that into consideration. A day off for you is not too much to ask. Find a babysitter and go out just the two of you once a week, as well.
C. C.