Am I Just CRAZY?!??!

It's just hormones because I felt the same way when my youngest was 10 months. I was also content with just my oldest but my husband really wanted another and like you I'm glad I decided to have my second. Just give it some time and see what happens. I've also noticed on this site that many other women have said the same thing around 10 mths. You have plenty of time if you decide to go for another.
Hope this helps! :)
-B

Hi J.,
I have 4 children and I got my tubes tied after the last one. I realized that I really enjoyed the process of pregnancy (trying to get pregnant, finding out that I was pregnant, doctors visits, growing belly, feeling the baby move, giving birth). But I had to remember that after all of that was a child to take care of and I had to go through a grieving process because I just wasn't emotionally (I had my hands full as it was) or financially equipped to have more. But you have to figure out for yourself if you want another child to add to your family or if you really just want the pregnancy experience again. I say if you are "addicted" to pregnancy, you might want to start the grieving process of not having anymore. Even though I didn't want anymore children, I grieved that I would never experience the excitement of pregnancy again.

Biologically, we are programmed to want another baby. Some of us have such a hard experience that we no longer have that desire, and the rest of us logically decide that we have enough and we just hold other people's babies. My guess is that you are just longing for another baby, and the desire will come and go through the years sometimes being stronger than others, but it will go away when you are too old to have more. Try deciding whether or not you want another KID added to the mix instead of thinking about another pregnancy and baby and that may help you understand whether you really want another or your biological clock is just ticking too loud.

I wonder if it could be your "clock ticking."

I was never pregnant, wanted babies but was single when single motherhood was undesirable, and had a strong desire to have a baby until I was in my 40's. So I adopted an older special needs child which may have been what cured my "ticking clock."

I suggest that your emotions, whatever is causing them, need to be counter balanced with reality. Your description of your family sounds to me like having another baby would present numerous difficulties for you and your family.

I have a granddaughter who exhibits some ADD markers and a grandson with speech apraxia. Developmental delays get more complicated as a child gets closer to school age. In 2-4 years your oldest daughter will be entering her teen years which are universally known to be difficult. She especially needs as much positive attention from you as possible now continuing on thru the teen years. With a developmentally delayed 3 yo and a colicky baby for the first 5 1/2 months taking most of your time where does your 10 year old fit in now?

As you said you have your hands full!

I've experienced the strong desire to marry someone I loved and found that I was greatful that I had listened to my brain instead of my heart. He is an alcoholic and has now been divorced twice. We have to listen to reason as well as follow our heart. The two need to be balanced.

I'm wondering if it's possible part of your want/need is related to wanting a baby who is warm, cuddly, and in many ways much easier to care for than a preteen and a develpmentally delayed daughter. Your baby has not and sounds like he's still not the easiest to take care of. Maybe this baby you're wanting will be the perfect baby.

Anyway, since you're thinking 2-4 years down the road this is most likely not a decision you have to make now. Unless you're considering a tubal ligation or a vasectomy.

You are fortunate to be able to stay home with your children. I wonder if getting recreationally involved outside the home might help to allay your want/need. Perhaps the wish for another baby is your wish to be involved with life disguised as a wish for a baby. Being with your kids all of the time is not easy. If you don't have an outside interest/hobby/close friends, life can become tiring and dull. "Same ole, same ole." Another baby would enliven things up for awhile.

As an aside, are you getting professional help with your almost 3 year old? If not your school district will provide an assessment and professional help without charge. It's mandated by Federal law. The law also provides more money for children under the age of 3. We didn't get my grandson involved until a couple of months before his third birthday and he missed out on much needed therapy.

I do empathize with your feelings for another baby. I've had those feelings. I handled them by not focusing on them. They were still there but I knew that I had a "real" life to live. Looking back, I realize that I unconsciously stopped using birth control. I knew I didn't want the difficulties of being pregnant as a single mother but I really did want a baby. This was happening in the 70's when unwed mothers weren't very well accepted. When I adopted in the late 80's my supervisor told me it wasn't right for me to do so because I was unmarried. I'm glad that times have changed.

It's crazy how similar our lives are! My name is J., I'm 26 years old. I have three children also. 9, 3, and 3 months. My oldest has ADHD, my middle daughter has developmental delays and my new baby seems fine, but he desires lots of attention (what baby doesn't). Yet, even with all that I still want another baby and I don't know why! I am breastfeeding so hormones very well could be the culprit.

Whenever I start to feel like I NEED another baby, I immerse myself in the other children. During those particularly trying moments when the baby is crying and the other two are fighting, I remind myself how much more difficult it might be with another thrown in the mix. It doesn't make that desire go away completely, but I don't think anything will. Good luck to you!

I have a technical term for it even-- baby-itis. I have suffered with it, but to hear your hubby gets down with it too-- how cool is that!!

A couple years ago I decided that the world is full of people that need mothered. My saying for a while was if someone needs a mother they can show up on my doorstep, no need for me to gestate them. If you need a "baby" find someone to "adopt" (adult, child, teenager, any lost soul will do). Bonus they don't need to live with you, no diapers, and you can decide that you need a day off and take it. Just like a baby you might need to spend some nights up with them talking, your family can get resentful of the new baby, you might need to make sure they eat and they might cry.

I truely think baby-itis is a call to make this world a better place. That incomplete feeling is totally normal and there are tons of excellent outlets that you can put it to good use!!

Oh and if you aren't really up for taking on a human being a plant or small animal helps to fill that void as well. Take care and have an excellent day!!

I totally agree with Tara. I absolutely thought I wanted to have another baby. I LOVED being pregnant each time and the excitement and anticipation surrounding the whole process.

But this is another life to be responsible for. For A LONG TIME! And after I fully realized that - no more babies for me. I was lucky to have three successful pregnancies and healthy babies. I have been blessed. And it sounds like you have too.

It is a process, though. Give yourself time to accept this. It is hard, but many other women feel the same way, if this is any consolation to you. And count your blessings!

yes honey...you are crazy...I am too because I feel the same way. I also have three kids. 12 year old boy, 5 1/2 year old boy and 1 year old boy....yet, I have this yearning for another. We can be CRAZY together!! My husband says he doesn't want anymore so, I keep hoping we will have an "oops" child....yeah for me..right? Maybe that will happen to you too. I'm not sure if it's a hormonal thing or a my baby is too cute, and I want another thing....but I have the same issue! You're not alone and you're not crazy. Unless there are alot of Crazy women out there!!! HAHAHA!! Good luck Sister!

I am so crazy with you!!! Thank you for writing this! I too have 3 kids, (all boys - thank you very much ;)) ages 5, 19 mos, and 5 mos. I also have my hands completely full, and also have to work full time (insurance). But I've had the pregnant/baby bug for a couple months now, and especially this week since two of my friends from high school just had babies. I was seriously wishin' it was me in the delivery room! And like you, my 3rd is more high maintenance and colic-y than the other two. I know that I'm not/can't do anything about it now. There's just no way, especially financially, but in 3 or 4 years we're gonna use the "try'n for a girl" excuse. Until then, I'm just trying to enjoy each day w/ my babies, while they still are! Good luck, and you're not alone!

You're not crazy at all. I loved being pregnant, and I felt good. Everyone has unrelenting feelings, yours are sooo normal BUT..... it will pass, like all things. As you say, you have your hands full. Maybe if you look at it with a different perspective. Your children now, with their special needs, deserve your time. Another child would really diminished your time and ability to provide them with all the love and caring they need. You also have a great husband and it sounds likes lots of everyday pressures..... you don't need anymore. You are young, enjoy your family, your life and remember it's not about getting what we want, but wanting what we have. Enjoy and Best wishes to all your family
J., Mill Creek

It looks like you were really young when you had your first child, so I can understand you still wanting another one. If I was still in my 20's I probably would too. Actually I am almost 35 and still sometimes want another. My husband though is totally against it wich is probably a good thing because we should probably not have anymore just because of finances and that we have 7 and 8 year olds and want to be past the baby thing. It doesn't stop the wanting inside me. But to bring in another baby in our already crazy lives would not be good. Think about your situation and your want and see what is possible. You are still young so maybe a few years from now your situation will be better, by then like you say you might be over it because you will have older kids and you may not want to go back to the diapers, spit-up, colic, etc...

J., Hi I agree with Marda. Wait and when you feel the urge, go care for your youngest and the other two. Your time, mental and emotions do get time consuming as they get older. Try to REALLY enjoy what has been given to you (not to say that you don't) maybe this will fill you up completely. And of course, don't forget your husband they take our attention too! If you are interested in support for your balanceing your horomones and support nutrtionally for the kids let me know. When our bodies get what they are missing, the body can fix itself, especailly with the two oldest kids from what you discribed! Take care!

I think you are normal. I did the same thing. Had my oldest daughter and was completely content with just having her until she turned three and I thought I could maybe do it again. Now she is about to turn 5 and I have a three month old little girl. Another girlfriend of mine... same exact thing... and now we both cant stop talking about having another one in a couple years. I think for some of us, having another child filled a void where we didnt know anything was missing. Maybe deep down we feel like if one more child gave us that much more joy then onther one would fulfill us even that much more. Who knows! All I know is that what you are feeling is normal not crazy. You sound like a wonderful mom too by the way!

Hi J.! First, you are not crazy... unless you consider that being a mom makes us all a little nuts. :)

I've got 4 monkeys (boys 13, 10, & 8, a daughter 5). All my boys have variations of Autism, OCD, Tourette's, anxiety & sensory issues so life is pretty crazy at my house. Plus my hubby works full time & goes to school nights, I work part time & run a t-shirt business (Crazy Mom logo, go figure!).

Three of my sisters had babies this spring -one had twins!- and I went super baby hungry!! It has been great for me though to have someone one else nearby with babies, so I can get my fill of snuggle time and make silly faces but go back home where I can sleep through the night!

I'll admit that after each of my boys I "knew" that there were still more to come but after my daughter it was like a weight lifted and I "knew" we were done. It's still a hard choice to make though, and my best advice is not to rush into another child, but find a friend with a baby you can cuddle because, as someone else mentioned, the developmental issues do not get easier as the kids get older. Some do fade a bit (or they learn to mask them a little better) but you will still find your self in full battle mode for quite a while.

Best of luck to you.
M. aka Crazy Mom
www.cheldesign.com

I am 26 and have 3 kids also. My husband and I are pretty sure we'll have more kids, but know that right now we are at our limit as far as time/money/emotional offerings to the kids.

I like to say that I had my "first batch" in my 20's and I'll have my "second batch" in my 30's! Who knows! So we just pray about it and go on with the daily excitement of life. We try to enjoy every single day with our girls, not knowing if there will even be a tomorrow.

I hate the idea (that is so pervasive) that 3 kids is the limit. People in society today have this strong reaction against people with 4 or 5 kids, and I don't understand why. Usually it's the mothers who are great and can handle kids and love kids who have that many, so I say good, they *should* be the ones to do it!! If you think that's a bad idea, then I guess you shouldn't have more than 2! (Sorry, now I'm venting . . .)
Follow your heart and decide as a united team!

J.,
If you are crazy then I am right there with you. It seems that when my kids hit 5 months I start wondering when I can have another one. Only I am infertile and the mother of 5 children- 19,7,3,2,6mo. We just finalized the adoption of our 4th child and we have one foster child and I am wondering when we can have another. I am a stay at home mom and my hubby works two jobs so I can be home with our kids. My oldest has mental issues, my 2 year old is developmental delayed but that hasn't slowed me down. I to love being a mom and God puts it in our hearts to be that way. I think part of it for me is just the idea that I can have one more or that I have a say in it. Enjoy!
S.