Am I over Reacting?

I do disagree with the last comment. She doesnt want you to tell your husband b/c he will be very very upset. I understand that completely, we all were once 16 years old. I would inform him, but make it be known that you have taken care of the situation yoursef as she needs her mother now more than ever. If her father doesnt play a huge role in her life, it is possibly she is rebeling to get the "male" attention she desperately is needing as well. She may not admit to being "active" in that way, neither did I and I found myself pregnant at 16. Parents differ on the birth control issue and so do researchers, however if she is already coming home with hickeys on her neck dont be surprised that she is not having sex. Many believe putting their daughter on b.c. promotes sexual intercourse, but at least she is protecting herself against an unwanted baby. They are going to explore at this age and go with this fearless kind of action that it wont happen to them. Those that do not fear, it often happens to them. Also, she is 16, there is NOTHING wrong with putting your foot down and saying "I do not expect this kind of behavior...etc." She is still living under your house, your rules, etc. Take it safe, put her on b.c. If she ends up pregnant who will take responsibility emotionally and financially (YOU the GRANDPARENTS) (unless you were my family, I got kicked out when I informed them, so I raised my child on my own, without help, not knowing how to raise a child and it has really affected me emotionally...)

So this is what I have to look forward too? I have 2 daughters (7 & 4). I remember being young too and getting a few hickeys. I also remember how pressured it feels to have boyfriends and wanting to keep boyfriends. My mom put the fear of God in me and it kept me from getting pregnant while I was a teenager. I waited til I was 18 to have sex and a month later my boyfriend and I broke up. Its a hard lesson dealing with boys, but we all go through it.
I would definately sit down with her. At this age it is important that she sees you as someone she can talk to. I couldn't talk to my mom. You want her to feel safe coming to you when she is ready to have sex. As far as birth control goes, on one hand it is better to be protected. On the other hand, you don't want to promote her having sex. Do you think she's being honest with you about not having sex yet?
As far as telling her dad, it's a matter of trust. If you tell him, she may feel like she can't trust you when she needs to talk about the bigger issues. If you don't tell him though, you are hiding things from him. The fact is your little girl is growing up and both you and your husband have to deal with it. Does your daughter feeling like she can talk to her dad? I know some things are "girl things" between a mom and daughter, but dads play a huge role is how girls see themselves. It'd be nice for her to hear that male perspective.
I'd say have a good hear to heart with your daughter. Based on your vibe from that converstaion, I'd decide whether or not dad needs to know about this incident. Good luck.

I would try to find some one-on-one time with her where you two can talk privately about what's going on. Ask her how she feels about boys, and if she feels she needs birth control. Even if she says she isn't sexually active, I would encourage her to look into the various methods of birth control and their success rates. Sometimes just seeing what's involved gives girls a chance to give it some deep thought before being placed into a situation where they might feel pressured to have sex. If she isn't sure about it, let her know that while you would like her to abstain from sex until she is married, that you are always there for her, and encourage her to come to you with whatever is happening. Maybe mention that her father would be there for her as well?

As far as your husband, is there a reason she wouldn't want to tell him? Sometimes fathers do react very strongly and negatively to the possibility of their girls becoming sexually active. If you don't feel that he would react that way, I would encourage her to talk to him (but don't force it). In the meantime, I would not tell him directly, but nudge him with comments about how she's growing up and will soon be a woman. He may simply be in denial about where she is in her life, and just needs a little eye opener to prepare him for it.
They should talk about it, but you can't force it. Just try to support and gently nudge them both, and hopefully things will fall into place.

Good luck!

Hi S., they do grow up fast. I too have a 16 year and my advice to you is to just maintain the trust you have in her. It seems that you have raised her to be a good person and now is the time to see how all those words of wisdom we tought them come to play and from what ive learned and know its our turn as parents to trust them. Like i tell my daughter...i trust you and im here for you and Im proud of your accomplishments so far, but please dont break that trust because its a rare gift. Just be there for her always for guidance and someone she knows she can always turn too.

DO NOT tell her dad if she asked you not to. At this point in your daughter's life she is starting to spread her wings and experience new things. Not just with boys, but with life. She needs to make her own choices and with that comes mistakes that she needs to make and correct herself. And as a Mom you need to be there for her as a support when she needs you, and offer advice when she asks for it or needs it. But, if you go against her wishes by telling her dad, you will do nothing but push her away and make her feel that she cannot trust you. It is boys and her dad, to her that is YUCKY. And it is only a hickey, and as long as you are there for her, it will only go as far as a hickey. I know many people may disagree with me on this issue, but I see it as this: If you hold an egg too delicately it will fall and drop, if you squeeze it too hard it will break in your hand and ooooze out your fingers. So you need to come to a happy medium where the egg is safe and secure, where both you and the egg are happy. I am dealing with this issue right now with my 15 year old cousin and her smothering mother. She refuses to talk to her Mom and will only talk to me because she doesn't feel she can talk to her Mom at all. And I just want to put my experience out there so others can decide for themselves if this is a path they want to take. And btw since I am her adult confidant, I asked her to always tell me what is going on and I will NEVER judge her, Never tell her parents what she has told me in confidence all I would do is to just guide her if she needs me to, and in exchange for that I made her promise she would not have sex until she was at least 18 years old and absolutely ready for it. Sorry this is so long but I hope it helps.