Tonight, my sister called at 9pm to chat about church tommorow, and then my dad called at 10 and so I was on the phone for a while. At around 10:30, I got off the phone, and my husband was watching a super cheesy Batman movie. I asked him if we could watch something else and he agreed that it was corny, but kept watching it. Whatever, I got on the laptop while he watched it, complaining the whole time for him to change it. We havn't had sex in like 2 weeks, so I was planning on having a nice night with him, spending time together...
I got upset b/c he kept on watching his movie, and ignoring my requests (we can record tv.. hello!) and he says it's my fault for being on the phone and getting him interested in a movie b/c he had nothing else to do. Nevermind that we have game systems, 3 tvs, 2 laptops, he plays guitar, etc...
I was hurt b/c he was more concerned about the movie than me, and he was hurt that I was on the phone for an hour. I just think he was being inconsiderate. If I am watching Dr. Phil and he comes in, I ask him if I should change it b/c I know it's not his thing.. . Who's right?
Thanks for the responses ladies. We were being childish I guess, most of it me. I threw a fit instead of letting it go. If I had just let it go, then the night might have ended on a better note. We are usually a great couple, and we love each other dearly, but every once in a while, we get into a stupid arguement. I guess we were getting upset b/c neither one of us felt like we were getting heard. Church today is a marriage series, so I guess I need to pay more attention. :)
My hubby watches really bad movies too - it seems like pretty common male behavior when they are trying to veg out. When a man is vegging out to a bad movie (ie: anything kung fu or 1980's action movie), it sometimes is futile to request couple time (unless you feel like watching the bad movie along with him)...I don't think he was being inconsiderate, just maybe a little in his cave (see: Men are From Mars Women are From Venus).
Geeeezzzzz! How about just being honest with each other. Make direct statements and then deal with it! Since you were looking forward to spending a nice night with him, tell him that. The movie and the phone calls did not need to change that.
A statement that I learned in marriage counseling helps a lot! Would you rather be right or be happy?" If happiness is your goal you can find ways to avoid this sort of situation.
Why even start a fight by asking to change the program? Go directly to what you want. Use some humor. Joke about the corny movie and suggest that you change the channel. If he's not interested do something else but say something like, "you're going to miss out on some real cheese cake. But I understand, chuckle, that Batman might be more sexy!" Laugh the whole time. And leave the room.
Let changing programs drop! Work on finding a way for you to be happy without him. Later, tell him how you felt in a calm way and not only listen to him tell how he felt but also accept that you both felt hurt and that situation is over. Talk about what you can do next time to prevent this. Perhaps you can agree that you'll only talk on the phone for that long on certain nights or at certain times. Perhaps plan certain nights or times that are your time together and nothing will interrupt that time.
Plan ahead but when plans fail accept that happens and focus on doing better next time.
When life becomes who's right and who's wrong no one can be happy. Work towards direct and honest communication. Counseling can help the two of you learn how to do that. I wish you well. Life is hard and it's even harder when people live together.
You were on the phone for 1 and 1/2 hours, and he started to watch a movie. When you got off the phone, you expected him to drop everything for you. I understand your hurt feelings at his lack of attention, but did he KNOW you were planning on spending time with him, or was it just something you were thinking about?
Sorry, you can't expect him to read your mind, or turn off a movie he has been watching for over an hour just because you don't like it. His choice of activities while you were busy may not have been what you wanted him to do, but that is not really the point. You both need to consider each other's feelings here. You were hurt because he was more concerned about the movie, he may have been hurt because you were more concerned about your phone calls. Talk to him.
He's right. He has every right to watch Batman if he started it and got into it. If you got into a movie and wanted to see the end, wouldn't you be annoyed if someone were telling you that you should be doing something else? Just because Batman's not your thing...
If you want sex, don't harp on him and complain, get sexy and pull off his pants and *%$#@. That'll make him stop caring about Batman.
What prize do you win if you are voted right?
Seriously, this is not about a movie. It is about a refusal to communicate with each other. You are mad because he didn't drop everything once you were ready and it was convenient for you, and he was mad that you ignored him and dug in his heels by being stubborn and childish. Or he was just totally clueless and you are all upset for nothing. Although it probably isn't that since you complained the whole time he watched it. Even clueless guys can pick up on that. There is a saying: "Cutting off your nose to spite your face". You both missed out on something that I'm pretty sure you both wanted to do, just to prove your point. Who wins there?
You guys are both adults and old enough to take turns watching what you want on tv. You sound like a pair of 5 year olds arguing over the remote. Just because you walk in the room, and hour into a movie you're not into, doesn't mean your husband should just drop the remote or change the channel. If you were really that broken up about two weeks with no sex, I'm sure you could have made that happen =) Men are very visual. Next time start getting undressed and say to him "Hey would you rather watch batboy here or come in the bedroom with me for some fun" Unless he's had a really crappy day, I'm sure he will follow to the bedroom! Honestly you sound a bit needy and are being overly sensitive imho.
i agree with the poster who said you were both right, and both wrong! :) sorry, we have had this almost exact same situation in my house. if you knew that both of you had plans for a romantic night, i can see why he'd be a little put off by you being on the phone for an hour and a half. (and yes, i have done something similar, and i do feel it was kinda thoughtless, looking back) and men being men, he reacted childishly and sat there watching his stupid movie in retaliation for being "ignored". just one of those silly situations. in my case, we talked about it, and i tried to be more thoughtful, and definitely made an effort to "follow through" as soon as possible. i felt bad for hurting his feelings, but then he was a big baby and deliberately hurt mine back...so we just had to get over it and try again. men are wonderful creatures! :) it's really not the end of the world, this doesn't call for marriage counseling or to go "find yourself" or find ways to "create happiness within yourself". it was just a simple thoughtless moment that can easily be rectified. talk to him! admit you made a mistake. hopefully he can admit he did too.
You both are right! And you both are wrong :( Instead of getting annoyed at what he has done wrong (i.e. keep the movie on), tell him "Honey, can we turn the TV off so you can turn me on?" Cheesey, I know, but sometimes guys just need it spilled out for them.
It sounds to me like there are issues going on that are more all encompassing that what movie he is watching and how long you are on the phone. Reread Mardas' response to you....over and over again...burn it into your brain!!! Marriage is a relationship..it requires work, compromise and honesty. If each of you puts the other person first...then the marriage is going to be SO much better!!
I feel like people should get to watch what they want sometimes. It is nice to watch TV together but that shouldn't mean always giving up watching what you want to. My husband and I often compromise...sometimes I rent a movie that I like (even if he doesn't) & sometimes we watch what he wants. If I really don't like the movie, then I will find something else to do for an hour or two. My husband, on the other hand would prefer me watch TV with him no matter what I like! Too bad : )
You are both being big babies!
1) You are in the wrong to expect him to just put his life on hold while you stay on the phone for hours at at time.
2) He is in the wrong for playing "tit for tat".
You BOTH need to grow up and move on. Personally we do NOT answer the phone after 8pm in our house and our friends and family know it. They know NOT to call after 8pm unless it is an absolute emergency. Of course we also do not answer the phone during dinner.
Just my two cents.
