Hi C.,
I know exactly how you feel.
When my daughter was born I was INSTANTLY completely head over heels for her. Deeply in love. I loved her smell, I loved how she snuggled up to me, I loved her soft soft skin. I was EXAUHSTED because she was not a baby who would just lay in her crib when she was awake, and really hated going to sleep on her own... not to mention the round the clock feedings. BUT, I couldn't stand not being with her. COULD. NOT. STAND. IT!
I don't know if it was because I am an older mom (pushing 36 now) or the fact that my husband and I were apart for much of my 3rd trimester due to his work ... or what it was. But, for the first 3-4 weeks my daughter slept every night in my arms. I felt GUILTY if I put her in the bassinet. After a few weeks I was able to put her down ... but I would be up all night checking on her and just putting my hand on her and falling asleep half hanging over the bassinet next to our bed.
My mom was staying with me because my husband had to leave us again for his work. Once I went to a doctors appointment, by myself. I couldn't get home fast enough.
I never was to the point where I felt I needed medication ... .but who knows...maybe I was.
However, I will tell you ... over time the anxiety has subsided and things are great now.
I'm not sure why it would be affecting your milk supply. That is typically determined by how often your baby is at the breast. Contact your local la leche league... I'm sure they will have some GREAT advice for you in that area. Also, keep in mind, 6 months... that is about the time your milk should really be regulating itself...the whole supply and demand cycle is well established. Many women will feel their milk supply is dwindling because they don't feel as 'full' as they did before...but in reality it is just they aren't making MORE then what baby is taking like they did in the beginning. Particularly if this is your first. Often times with your first your body makes WAY more then what baby needs at first ... so when you do hit that stride it really feels like you're not making enough.
*Is baby having at least 6 wet dipes per day?
*Does baby seem satisfied after nursing? Is there the long sucking and swallowing cycle in her nursing? (sucking like you're sucking through a straw... chin dropping down then some short pause while she swallows)
*Does SHE tell you when she's done and doesn't cry like she's still hungry?
If you answered yes to these, then I would venture to say you ARE producing enough milk and it's just that you aren't used to this new feeling of not overproducing. Nurse on demand. Setting her schedule will affect your supply. Letting baby tell you when she's hungry and nursing on demand will help your supply stay active. But you won't, nor should you, have that super full feeling all the time at this point. In addition the let down feeling may start to be less. But, it also may stay strong. That is different for many women.
As far as the anxiety ... you need to start making little trips. Don't try a full evening out right from the get go. Try a trip to the grocery store, or something like that. Make sure she is with someone you trust completely. The more you come home and find your daughter happy and content, the easier it will be.
Also, don't worry that she will think you're not there for her or that she won't bond with you (I think that was part of my thing). YOU'RE mommy! You're her WORLD!! And that is not going to change any time soon.
In addition, if there are days you don't feel like being away from her... let yourself have those days. It's OK to want to be around your baby all the time. It's OK to hold her alot. It's OK to lavish her with love and attention!!! That's what babies need!!!! Some people have this idea that babies are supposed to lay in their cribs all day, not really need us, sleep through the night at 3 weeks old, and just generally fit into OUR day and OUR schedule.
Wrong.
Babies change your life. Babies NEED attention, touching, love, closeness. I never felt guilty for wanting to hold my baby alot... and quite frankly she wasn't having it any other way. I never measured my attention for her. She is a thriving, independent 18 month old who loves learning, knows I love her and is well adjusted.
You do need some 'me' time. You DO need to take care of yourself. Maybe try something at home at first. Have someone you trust come over and watch your daughter while you take a nice long bath or shower, whichever you like... or take a nap. Then, try a little trip out of the house. Because yes, you DO need 'me' time so you are recharged and can be the awesome mom you are for your daughter.
I would try to deal with this without the use of medication. First, it really sounds like 'new mommy' stuff and I think you can overcome it with time and some stragety. Second, even medications they say are 'ok' for baby ... STILL WILL get into your milk and baby will react in some way shape or form even if it isn't life threatening. Their systems are so young, medications can be very harsh.
Try the baby steps I have suggested. Also, think about whether you are getting a good amount of sleep. Sleep deprivation distorts our reality and can make things like seperation anxiety even more heightened.
You obviously love your little one very very much. She is blessed to have a mommy who cares for her so much and it is awesome you recognize that you need to change something so you are healthy for her and you! Baby steps. Your life has just been turned upside down. Don't expect to just jump back into your normal life or feel like you did before. You now have this little life who you feel totally responsible for. You carried her in your womb for 40 weeks! You feel connected to her... you were together ALL THE TIME 24/7 for 40 weeks! No wonder you feel a bit of anxiety when you leave her! She still was inside you longer then she has been out of you. Give yourself a break and take baby steps.
I think it just shows what great love you have for your daughter... but yes, it needs to be addressed and you need to start taking baby steps. I will say, my daughter is 18 months old. I can leave her and be gone for an entire day and not have a knot in my stomach ... but I still miss her terribly when I am away from her. I love coming home and having her run up to me gleefully shouting 'MAMA!!!!!' and throwing her arms around my neck. We both can be away from eachother...but I will say, we do prefer to be together.
Good luck. Congratulations on your new adventures in mommyhood. You're doing great!