My dh and I had an independent minister (not affiliated with any church per se, but holding a certificate to marry - or whatever the state calls that license) preside over our ceremony (purely for the legality with the state), but we wrote our own words as we are both of alternative religion backgrounds. We formatted our beliefs and feelings, speaking to, and pledging our hearts to each other, without all the traditional trappings provided by the minister. We put our own unique twists on the 'traditional' ceremony (I was 9 months pregnant when we were finally able to get the ceremony done -- not what we wanted, but sometimes you just can't prevent jobs from getting in the way!), so instead of walking down an aisle from center, my brother literally rolled me in from the left side on a hand-cart! Then when the minister asked if anyone objected (apparently a state-required statement), my dh flipped a coin and asked his best friend to "call it in the air". Our ceremony was full of laughter and jokes, but our promises to each other for a lifetime of love and happiness were spoken from our hearts, thus (IMO), approved by The Creator, regardless of our past relationship status. I don't believe any known Higher Power would disapprove of the love between two people (this is my third and most successful marriage; his first) as long as you speak from your soul and pledge yourself to the one you're with. We found out from our Minister what phrases were needed from them for the State legalities (they apparently vary from state to state), and sprinkled them (sparingly) into the mix. Also, if you have children from previous relationships, (as our minister provided on her own before declaring - for the state - us married) it is a wonderful experience for them to be joined to the new family member as well. My dh had spoken with our minister apart from me regarding my two children, proclaiming his love for, and eagerness to provide for them as his own blood children. She (the minister) advised dh give each of the children a trinket that they would understand as their own pact with their 'daddy' (they know their bio-dad, but don't spend time with him), and they in turn provided him with their own token of their love and acceptance of him. In the end, we appeased all aspects of legality, state and religious alike, as well as tears of laughter and joy to our family and friends who witnessed our joining. I know there are a few religions who hold their own joining ceremonies (i.e.: Wiccan handfasting, Native American gift exchange/binding) without all the heavy traditional rites from structured religious organizations. I hope this helps. Good luck in your quest for answers, and best wishes for a wonderful and fulfilling life with your chosen one.