Are My Husband and I Being Unreasonable?

Welcome back!!

If my kid flipped out? Nope. I would know my radar was right...

Stand firm mom...

FWIW- As a teen, I managed to skip school, drink, do drugs, have sex without a weekend overnight in the Hamptons. Where there is a will there is a way. Not saying that is what she is up to, but just saying, where there is a will, there is a way. If she is intent on finding "trouble" she will.

Best,
F. B.

PS- I think there's something to be said for some teenage antics. While it is terrifying to parents, these early experiences of flirting with danager, the unknown, and the forbidden; are healthy, age appropriate and normal.

It would depend on the other kids, the neighborhood where the house is, and what other things they are planning to do for 5 days. It's hard to believe they would want to be shut up in a house for 5 days. It seems to me that would get a little boring.

I would be on the fence. Two days maybe, but 5 would make me a little nervous. This is the age when you have to start giving them more and more freedom, and each time they go away farther or longer it's very stressful. But they need to work up to the freedom they are going to have in college.

Any chance an adult can be there for at least part of the time?

Bible study on New Year's Eve in the Hamptons?! Ummmm...no

Bible study during New Years weekend? Really? This is all the benefit you? HAHAHAHA!!! She's good! I would have struggled to not start laughing at that one. =)

My kids would never have enough thought this would be a remote possibility on the scale of life. Ha, NO.

I would tell her "Betty, your father and I have discussed this and while I appreciate you looking out for our best interests, my job is to look out for yours. No, we can't in all good conscience say yes to this trip. As an adult, you will not always get what you want. Accept this as our final answer".

Good luck!

I suggest you call the parents of the other girls and discuss this. I would especially talk with the owner of the house to get a sense of how they feel having the girls there and if there were some damage. They probably have insurance that would cover it.

If you know the other girls and they are as responsible as your daughter I would let her go. I suggest that there won't be damage if all of them are responsible. I would expect them to have a detailed plan for their stay. I would go over it with them.

You could ask that your daughter call you every day. I suggest doing so will help her be more aware of your values and help you be more comfortable.

The more she flips out, the more it means that it's a bad idea. You've gotten good advice here. Bible study is NOT the reason for this trip. The idea that they would use this as an excuse speaks volumes.

You need to have a meeting with all the parents. ONE OF THEM needs to go with the girls. The parent can stay out of the way, so to speak, but that would keep anything awful from happening.

Don't doubt your decision.

So...I was a straight A student, took college in high school, worked since I was 14, never gave my parents much trouble...I was the one kid that they didn't worry about. I came home pregnant at 19.

No freaking way would my daughter be going away like that for New Year's or any time really. We all know what happens when kids get a house to themselves for even one night.

You are not being unreasonable, she is being young and of course wants to go and make "valid" arguments. Don't cave.

Without adults? No way in hell. When something just doesn't feel right but you can't quite figure out why, go with your gut. It's too long for them to be unsupervised. My two oldest are the same age as your daughter and such a trip with no parents would be so out of the question they wouldn't even ask me.

This has nothing to do with going to college anywhere, including out of the country as college is where students are supervised by and in touch with other legal adults who you basically pay (via tuition) to keep your kids out of trouble or mitigate any stupid decisions they may make.

Five days/4 nights without parents = boys, booze and more. I don't care how "good" the kids are, this is just a set up for trouble. Stand your ground.

No is a complete answer. You don't have to explain why you have decided against the trip. As a mom you have to go with your gut and if that tells you this trip is a bad idea then its a bad idea.

And seriously going out to the Hamptons to do bible study? At 17? Yup not buying that for a minute.

My Christian "good girl" friends were the FIRST ones to lose their virginity, and one of them was only 15 and did it at church camp, with a youth pastor!
Just sayin, religion has NOTHING to do with what teenagers will do when they're away from home.
My advice? If you let her go stick a few condoms in her bag, along with a note reminding her to make good choices.

Go with your gut mom. I have made a habit of NOT explaining myself to my kids/grandkids. When I say "no" that's just it - no. They do not have enough life/world experience to fully understand my reasons for things and because their brains are still developing, they really are not physically capable of full understanding of life. Period. Medical fact.

My daughter is a college freshman and is now several states away in college full time. Her maturity has surprised me - but she's changed so very much in the last year. Even still she still displays these moments of extreme immaturity. And last year at this time she was not at all mature. There's a big developmental surge in around 18 that I did not expect.

There is no way my husband and I would have allowed her to go to the Hamptons last year without some parent being on site. As for the bible study - hmmmm. I do know plenty of very conservative kids who would be really reaching up and out and enjoying Christian fellowship with eachother. So if your kid is one of those responsible kids that could actually be a realistic ideal. But i also know many a Christian kid who volunteer at their church, go on short term missions trips, but still get into typical teenage stuff when their parents aren't around. As an adult leader of our youth group I know which kids are which and I can assure you, some of their parents are pretty clueless. If you want to know which kind of kid yours is ask the youth group leaders at your church. If they assure you that your kid is a leader, draws in the lonely kids, is on fire for the Lord then your kid is probably a kid you could trust to go to the hamptons for a long weekend. But if the youth group leaders are evasive - and say soemthing like "well alot of kids go through typical teen stuff at this age, etc." then your kids is one of a clique that is looking for a weekend away from parents to try out drinking and who knows what else.

What about the parents of these other girls? Have you talked to them? Could it be that some of these other parents have not given permission and your kid is saying that they have? I can't tell you how many times one of my kids was crazy about not being able to go somewhere that "all the other kids" were going to - and when i called the other parents I discovered most of them were agreeing with me and their kids were not going.

Finally - trust your gut and don't let your kid confuse your thoughts. Just becuase you don't have a solid concrete reason to say no doesn't mean you should say yes. God gives us discernment about things - particularly our kids. Bottom line - you are the parent and you get to make the decision.

Talk to the other parents. We had a situation recently that was similar and when I talked to the other parents, we realised we all had doubts and were able to come up with a better plan that made us feel our girls were safe and could still have fun. One of the mothers even called a few days later to thank me because she had felt like the only mom who was 'uptight' and was ready to cave to her daughter's pressure against her better judgement.
Ultimately though parenting is not a popularity contest and if you feel strongly it is a bad idea, make the call and take the hit. She'll understand when she gets older.

Nope. And to me, the flipping out is confirmation that no is the right answer. If she's not mature enough to see your concern and accept your decision, then she is not mature enough to spend that much time away without an adult.

I see a lot of parental responses here enjoying the power of being able to say NO just because they can, just because they think something doesn't add up to a safe trip, just because your daughter gave you a story that might convince you it's all going to be above board (the bible study thing - I think not). But she's telling you what you want to hear so that she can gain a little freedom.

However, at 17, I'd be very open to negotiating a few modifications to this trip, because 18 is not some magical moment, she has to be trusted with some decisions that build the necessary maturity to be safe and successful socially.

1. You must contact the home owners and discuss their plans and get a feel for what they have in mind.

2. You must have contact info for the other girls going.

3. Can any of the parents spend a night, providing some intermittent chaperoning? It's only 2 hours away, go in for dinner and a movie and spend the night yourself. Cook breakfast for everyone and leave.

I have said this many times here before:

Extra strict parents create extra sneaky teens.

My focus would be on negotiating a safe experience: I would not unilaterally say no, I would either shorten the trip, coordinate some chaperoning, something to allow you adult daughter to have some freedom. She's supposed to launch and better that she learn now how to choose her friends and manage her free time.

However, I say the above because I trust my kids a lot. They aren't reckless, partying, irresponsible kids, in general. Around a group, that could change quickly. And my kids know that Iwould be contacting the home owners and other parents, and gathering contact info.

My immediate conversation would be: "Sounds like a lot of fun, Let me do some homework. You'll know I want the contact info for the other girls going, plus the parents, Please text your friends and ask them for their parents contact and forward to me at your earliest. "

I would tell her that before any decisions were made, I would request an in-person, face-to-face meeting with the adults who own the house. I'd ask what their expectations are, what would happen in the event of accidental damage, what their rules are and how they plan to enforce them. Who cleans up? In what condition will the house be when they arrive and in what condition do they expect it to be when the girls leave (laundry, beds, dishes, appliances, pantry, etc)? Are there curfews? Do the girls all have licenses and insurance that allow for non-family members under age 21 in their vehicles (or whomever will be driving)? Does the house have a liquor cabinet, or guns?

I'd explain to her that if it doesn't sound like firm plans are in place, then it's not happening. If you're not allowed access to full information, then it's not happening. But I'd gather information before making the decision.

I'd request to speak to the homeowner. If they feel that the "adult" responsible for this shindig is trustworthy enough to leave them in the care of their home, knowing that the teens would be there, I'd let her go.

I would let her know that you ARE nervous about her becoming involved in a dangerous situation. Because you love her and don't want anything bad to happen to her, not because you don't trust her. Don't lecture her, but listen to her response. I think that will tell you a lot. You've raised a trustworthy daughter. Now is where the rubber meets the road and you give her the freedom and opportunity to find out just how well she's taken your teachings to heart. At some point you have to trust that the trustworthy daughter you raised is going to make wise choices. Part of being parents is letting her try, and risk the possibility that she might do well...or not. I'd state it this way: "Honey, we raised you to be responsible and make wise choices. I know you will. If you need help, or want to come home, or find yourself in over your head, we're a phone call away."

RE: Your SWH: I love that you didn't just go with the knee-jerk response. It's easy to do, as you can see by many of these responses.

We're raising adults, not children. We want the adults we raise to be able to navigate the world wisely. In order to teach them how to do that, we guide them and give them opportunities to try out their decision making ability. I think this is a great opportunity for both your daughter and her parents to grow. Good for you.

ADDED: Saw your SWH. Sorry you're backing down. There still is no adult on site, and some other family's tradition of letting an 18-year-old have the house is not YOUR tradition. Why does that sway you?

My kid is very religious and responsible, and like yours, probably would actually do Bible study on such an outing. Unlike some others posting here, I can and do believe there are groups of girls who would behave very well indeed in these circumstances. But your SWH doesn't acknowledge in any way that these girls can all be saintly the whole time but that doesn't mean OTHER people will be. I would still be concerned about a holiday time, a resort area, a time and place where people will be drinking and on the prowl. Other people -- yes, I mean men and teen boys-- will figure out there are a bunch of girls and no adults over just-turned-18 in the house.

As for someone posting that moms on here are saying no just because they can -- it's not about that. It's about adults having better radar for trouble than kids this age, like I said below. Even if the girls never drink a drop of alcohol and have nothing but good clean fun, it's not a time or place or situation that would make me comfortable -- not even with the parents "five minutes away" and some home alarm system saying when so much as a window opens.

Original reply:
Stick to your guns here. Stop worrying about needing to "explain your reasoning." This is a time when "no means no" because you as the adult have better radar for potential trouble than she does at 17. You don't have to explain that to her.

You do not mention at all whether you have talked directly with the parents who own this house. Have you? Is that how you know that you would only have to send "money for gas and groceries and maybe a movie"?

I hope so, because I cannot fathom your even giving this one second's consideration without having talked to the parents who own this house. (And for me, talking wouldn't be enough -- I'd need to know not just that they approved but that they planned to BE there and I would still not let my kid go with these adults there, unless I knew those adults pretty well and trusted them.)

Please update us: Have they or any of the other parents whose girls would go talked to each other and to you? I would be very wary of parents who would let their 17-year-old child (or even their 18-year-old) invite a group of legally underage girls to a home with no adults around.

You are not being unreasonable. I find it troubling that you are now doubting yourself and second-guessing yourself. Your gut tells you this is a bad idea; why are you reluctant to go with your gut here?

I totally agree with Diane B. Re-read her post. Your child is making a spurious claim when she says this is a way to "test" her for college responsibility. Sorry, she is a minor -- as are all the other girls but one. She is still your responsibility whether she likes it or not.

They could indeed be best buddies from church youth group, great kids, trustworthy, very devout, etc. but even then -- are they capable and ready to handle five days in a resort area at the holidays when others around them are drinking and partying? They may sincerely feel zero temptation to do anything other than Bible study and watching TV, but they are not the only people there, and the girls will go out at some point and not stay locked in the house. The girls can't know how they'll react if someone they encounter up there decides to drop by, or follows them home to the house, or invites them somewhere else, and the girls are too polite to say no, or buzz off. They're too young to have decent radar for dodgy situations.

If you have the time: I would tell her, "The answer is 'yes' if and only if I and one of the homeowners are present, but honey, the more you fuss and fume about the 'no' I first gave, the less likely it is you'll get to go anyway; the fussing proves to me that you're not ready for a trip like this." If she really wants this to happen she will calm down and see if one of the owners can go; if she doesn't calm down, the no stands, and if one of the owner-parents can't go, it's moot anyway.

follow your gut instincts....if she doesn't like it she can get therapy someday

Ah the old New Year's Eve Bible study in the Hamptons shtick.

This has little to do with trusting your daughter and everything to do with a situation that could quickly become too much for teenagers to handle.

She may be planning a wholesome trip with her friends but she's a kid. She can't possibly predict all the crazy things that could go wrong. I bet you can. That's what life experience does for you, gives you the maturity and insight to acknowledge things don't always go as planned.

I'd say no too. If you're concerned there is a reason for concern. I'm sure it's no fun but saying no seems perfectly reasonable to me.

You are not being unreasonable.

You can't be serious that her "logic" has you doubting your parenting.

If she wants "a good way to prove to [you] she is responsible enough to be allowed college on another continent," she should try acting like a responsible adult (contributing positively to the household dynamic, holding a job and saving money, respecting her parents and other adults, etc).

Her overreaction to your NO should let you know you did the right thing. Don't fall for the mind manipulations. I'm a Bible scholar and a grown woman there isn't that much Bible study in the world for a 17 year old and her friends.

If you really need an excuse to tell her try this:
We were checking to see how mature you would be if we told you NO. Your reaction and response coupled with the fact we haven't spoken with the owners of the home for their input is why you won't be able to go. You talk of how you are growing up and maturing your reaction to our no shows me you aren't ready to handle this level or freedom and responsibility.

Momma Bear never feel sorry for protecting your cub even from herself. She'll be 18 all too soon and you may see a melt down of a different kind. LOL I've watched it happen with all of my grown babies. LOL.

The difference between this trip and college is that you still have adult supervision in college. While there isn't someone breathing down your neck all the time, the dorms you live in still have adults in charge - and adults available to help if something goes wrong. In the Hamptons, the girls would truly be on their own.

I think four nights is a long time for no one to supervise. Maybe you could make a deal with your daughter and drive her out a couple of days after the others, let her stay two nights, and then she can come home with her friends.

I would call up the other moms and see if at least a couple of you can make it work to invite yourselves along. You can mostly keep to yourselves and still give the young ladies space but feel better about being around in case you're needed. Contacting the homeowner is absolutely mandatory.

I just don't have a good "gut" feeling about this...

Four teenage girls alone in a beach house for four nights with no real tried and true adult close by or available.

I am usually all for spreading the teen wings before leaving home for college BUT this just doesn't sit well with me.

This might be the perfect time to talk with her about those "gut" feelings that can save your life. That you just don't feel right about it. It isn't that you don't trust her or her friends but it isn't sitting well with you. And sometimes that is enough for a no.

You could call the other moms like it was suggested and maybe come up with a different plan. If the home is big enough and has a master suite maybe a mom and dad could go and just stay out of the girl's way but be on the premises. Or two moms could go if they are friends.

I had a group of four girlfriends go to New Orleans for Marti Gras in college. All four of them ended up roofied and raped in their own hotel room by a group of guys they met. They thought there was safety in numbers but there wasn't...

So try and work out a different plan...

You are not being unreasonable. You should insist on adult, preferable the homeowners, being present. Just because some kid says 'oh, my mom and dad won't care' doesn't mean it's okay. It means they aren't here so we can clean up the mess or hide the booze etc.

To many things could go wrong. Even if only girls are invited no says boy couldn't crash the party. A girl could be raped, horseplay could involve someone getting hurt or killed, bad weather could knock out electricity, bad roads could cause an accident.

Teens are not always the best decision makers.

Nope parents need to be there.

I wouldn't let my 17 yr old go (my oldest is 24). Your husband is spot on too, you really should be thinking about sex and I would say drinking is def going to happen. How about telling her she can go if you can go?

You definitely need to speak to the owner of the house. Are you sure it's not a rental? Trashing a rental is one bill you definitely don't want to get stuck with.

Which area of East Hampton? Each area has its own flavor, so that right there might tell you something. I will say it is not exactly the height of party time out here and I don't think there are any clubs open, but there will be a number of house parties on New Years.

You're close enough to drive out. Why don't you have her drive out with you and show you the house? You'll learn a lot from her reaction to this suggestion. Plus it won't be a wasted trip - all the towns are decorated beautifully for Christmas. Worth a little sight-seeing.

That's a tough one. What if you say you'll consider it if she's ok with your husband and/or you dropping by unexpectedly? Maybe you and your husband would theoretically enjoy a trip to the Hamptons. Not the right time of year but could be nice. See her reaction. That might tell you a lot. One thing that would bother me is all the driving in the Hamptons. She can go crazy her first week at college too. I did. But at least we weren't driving. Don't think underage drinking is far fetched for any kids at 17. I was by all appearances a really good kid (and I was) but I was drinking by 16 at times. The things my friends and I did... Of course, there's texting and cell phones now to be able to check in a lot so that helps. Have you talked to the other girls' parents? Driving and someone drinking so much they throw up in their sleep and die would be my real concerns. Sounds dire but they all experiment with drinking bc what an opportunity to do so and then don't know their limits etc. No adult for 4 days? You're right to be concerned.

Go with your gut. If you feel it is not right then you are right. You would not forgive yourself if anything happened.

Yes, she will be going to school away from home next year but this year no. Going away without anyone over 18 for four days is a lot of time to do many things that are not quite right. You don't want to be a grandmother before college is finished.

You are the parent and she is the child. What you say goes. So if you are the bad mom then you are the bad mom. But you are her mom and that is all that matters. Stick to your guns and follow through. She might surprise you later and thank you for not letting her go.

the other S.

You've already made your decision.. I simply hope you daughter is safe.

Your daughter is 17, a junior in high school. TOO young to be going on a road trip 2hrs away with 18yr old seniors. I'm sorry... I am a very lenient mom with a responsible daughter and even I would not buy a story that they were going to bible study the whole time they are away.

I think you need to read and re-read NYMetroMom's response.

This is a prime opportunity for young women to explore the unknown away from parents.

She's 17 and no adult will be there. There's your answer. If she wants to probe herself being an adult, she'll move on because adults don't get what they want. I would not let my 17 yr old, no matter what, go. If she were 18, bye. She'd be a legal adult and her own responsibility.

Hi K.,

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Go with your gut. If both you and your husband are uncomfortable with the idea, I don't think you should allow her to go. God forbid it - if something were to happen to her, you'll never forgive yourself.

Facts:
She is 17 and will be spending 4 days/5 nights without adult supervision. No, no, no. For me, that's a no-brainer.

She is 2 hours away - not too far away but not exactly around the corner either.

Good girl or not, hormones are still raging. You don't know if other hormones will be meeting them there.

Don't doubt your decision. You are responsible for her well-being and sometimes that means saying and sticking to "no". I know it hurts you but she'll get over it.

As much as you'd like to always explain your reasoning to your kids, you're certainly not obligated to. How do you explain: "As your parent, I have to do what is best for you, and even though I know how important it is for you to get your own life experiences, sometimes I have to go with my gut. That being said, you are in no position to make sound judgment about those matters" because of the conflict of interests".

I've seen too many innocent kids end up in hot water just because they were at the scene.

Hope this helps!
A

Makes my stomach flop just reading it. Even if they are not drinking there are a lot of drunks on the road during news years weekend I would just not feel comfortable. Also there are lots of drunk creeps and seemingly nice people do terrible stuff under the influence...to say what if some drunks decide this group of young girls is an easy target?

The I'm going off to college in 6 months - well dorms have some level of security and monitoring

If they are going to have a low key weekend then I think you should join them and have a little rest and make sure everything is okay. You can give them space and do some reading while accomplishing this.

Alternatively, no is a complete answer and sometimes "Because I'm the parent and I said no" is appropriate

Hope that is helpful

Shocked the parents/homeowners are letting this happen. Waaaaaaay too many things could go wrong--
Someone spills the beans and boys or party city happens
Snowstorm and dangerous driving conditions
Drinking
Something in the home gets damaged

I would really want and expect parents to be there in order to let my child go so far away and for that long. There is a reason hotels don't rent rooms to kids.

I would let her go. If you trust her and she's going away in the fall for college, then why not trust her now?

I would, however, have a pow-wow with the other parents and kids involved. You can state expectations, etc.

Also, tell her this is her chance to prove herself.

OH, it's for YOU mom, she's only thinking of how much it will help YOU prepare YOURSELF for her studies abroad...LOL!

You don't have to ALWAYS give a reason. And you don't have to give your permission to a no adult trip at 17. Thats' a loooooong trip. They might read bibles (or not) for the first day or two, but it's a week long vacation??! And I'm sure no New Years Eve plans whatsoever other than bonding. And dad DOES have a solid reason why he doesn't want it happening.

How 'bout this reason for her. "Honey, this is for YOUR own good to PREPARE you for adulthood when you're really not going to be able to flutter off on week-long vacations until you've been working in a good career for lots of years and save up vacation time, or marry someone rich. So let's start practicing now on how you can't go on this vacation. We'll trust you to go away to college when it's time for you to go away for college even if you don't go on this trip. But thanks so much for your consideration."

I actually guffawed when I read "filled with Bible study."
"Sarah, your father and I discussed, at length, whether or not we would allow you to go away for New Years. We have come to the decision that the answer is no.I want you to know that we love you very much and every decision that we make is because we believe it is in your best interest. While you may not understand it and you may be angry with us, we are not changing the decision we made. If you would like you may study your Bible with your friends in our living room."

Have you actually spoken to the parents who own this house? I would not be opposed to letting her go if you have allowed it before and you know she is trustworthy. I would however make it clear you will be making a surprise unannounced visit several times throughout her trip.

Nope. Not for 4 nights. At 17, that's a bit much. I'd be curious to see what the other parents really think about this too. I have a son, and I would say no unless there was an adult supervising. There is a measure of safety that triumphs the trust card. It doesn't matter how much you trust or want her to prove that she is responsible - it just isn't safe. Their needs to be an adult around. if the owners or someone reliable and trustworthy that lived very close by, and that would check in on them periodically- maybe. Two hours away, for four nights, under 18 - with no supervision at all - NO.

Tell her you don't feel comfortable with it. Going away for a few days is different than going to college. She's underage. There won't be adults. You think it's too long. Etc. I would say no as well. They think they are grown at that age and they are not. If she wants to spend time with these friends who are going away, what about offering that they can come visit at your home sometime instead? I am suspicious that this is a good experience "for us". Frankly, you aren't comfortable with it and that's enough reason. There are very permissive types on this forum but I think you are right and she should not go there for NYE. Even if teens may find trouble anywhere, I also don't think you need to roll out the red carpet and make it easy.

ETA: It may be different in another country, but when I, my SS and my SD all started college, we lived in dorms with RAs and RDs and people kind of looking out for us. I was really surprised at how much SS's college paid attention to incoming frosh and made sure they were OK. Far different than being on her own with her friends on a party night.

My son will be 17 in 3 weeks and he recently asked if he and a couple of friends could plan a road trip for Spring Break. We said, no.

Like you, we feel our son is a good kid, but there is plenty of time for road trips without adult supervision when they are a bit older and can pay for their mistakes just like we did. ;)

Instead, we're taking one of his friends with us on our family vacation to the beach this summer. He's happy about that.

I have started my response to this 3 times now. I guess I am on the fence too. I am usually the one who says no to these things, while everyone else says, quit hovering.

True enough, it is almost time for her to go off to college and soon to be an adult. At the same time, she is still under aged and you are responsible for her. The 18 year old is not going to say to them, everyone in the house by curfew.

Maybe their intentions are harmless and everything will be fine. But, someone else mentioned 5 days is a long time and it is.

Is studying the bible something they normally do? Is this just a spur of the moment...let's start studying and have a kick off party on NYE? It just seems there are organized retreats through the church she can go to if she wants to go off without her parents looking over her shoulder.

I think I would have to say no and my reason would be because there is not an adult there to be responsible for you. I would want just one mature adult to be present.

Will there be any adults? Do you know the owners of the house? Without adults I would not let my under age daughter go party with just her age mates.

at 17 i'd allow it, with a good kid. my boys were pretty independent at that age.
but mommy radar is what it is. can you compromise? let her go for 2 nights?
are they REALLY likely to trash the joint? if drinking and sex seem far-fetched for these girls (which is great), why the suspicion that they'll be irresponsible with property?
can you just have them send you a walk-through video of their clean-up before they head out?
it seems to me as if there are ways of making this work, and more importantly to let your daughter know that you have confidence in her, and still feel comfortable with it.
ETA- mum4ever, as always, is brilliant!
khairete
S.

I doubt there will be "Bible Study", but I went away with friends at that age and somehow survived. There was drinking, and boys were part of the equation...but since everyone was in a group, as far as I knew, there wasn't any sex going on.
It is a tough call, I would be worried about the drinking and driving, but I agree with whoever said to call the other parents to see what controls are in place. With all of the technology now, it should be easy to check in frequently.

Hi K.,

I see you have tremendous feedback already so I'll keep my comments brief...EVERY SINGLE TIME I've EVER ignored my "mom alarm" it's led to disasterous results. I'm not much of a "because I said so" mom either because it made me insane growing up. Having sad that if this is causing your mom alarm to go off...follow that impulse and decline the trip in it's current encarnation. Happy New Year. S.

1 night, yes - 5 days, no.

Can she go up just for New Year's Eve? That seems much more reasonable. Sure, that is the night will all of the fun but if it's just the girls, all should be ok. Now, if anyone else is coming along (boys and beer) then you might want to keep her home.

Plan a family getaway, it was supposed to be a surprise darling daughter, we didn't want you to miss it. We'd miss you terribly if you weren't with us during those days...maybe she could bring a friend along with your family instead? The other parents may thank you!