Awkward! Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Ugh my daughter and I were out having ice cream just the two of us. She was only two and at that age where every older woman was "grandma" every woman my age was "mommy" and every man my husbands age was "daddy"

So here we are eating ice cream, and these two young guys walk in. My daughter shouts, "Hi Daddy!" I thought this dude was going to have a heart attack. I am quickly saying, "Honey, that's not daddy. He has a name." His friend laughed till he cried.

Quite a while back I was sitting outside enjoying the day when my neighbor's grandson and daughter in law happened to stop by for a visit. "I've got on my new big boy underpants" he proudly announced. "They've got (whatever character was popular at the time) on them." "Oh that sounds nice" I responded. "And I'd show you but mommy got so upset when I showed them to the lady at the grocery store that I'm not allowed to pull down my pants and show my underwear any more."

I almost didn't want to share this one, but its killing me to keep it a secret. You know by your story kids just take things so literally.

In the check out lane like 2 days ago. I have 2 bottles of laundry detergent (on sale great deal woot) and a smattering of other things. A nice looking young man is behind me. I notice he handsome, and smells very good. Thats it.. so my 5 year old, and 2 year old are giggling over some made up game. The man says to them "are you being good and helping mommy?"
girls: yes mommy is shopping, we need more soap for our clothes.
man: ah thats good, do you have a lot of laundry to do?
Girls: yes, (one wipes her forehead like shes been slaving away all day) we have to wash mommies pink undies, they have some dirty marks in them SO gross. I just dont know what we will do with mommy.
Girl #2: yeah she needs more baby wipes. mommy sickky.

WHAT? where did that freaking come from. They never see my undies. HAHAH and I dont think I leave skid marks either so I HAVE no clue where the h-e-l-l that came from. Time to sign up my children for theater classes. Anyway.. there was no reply to give, and I payed and ran home.. I mean RAN...

My DD was about 3 and we were in line at Target. She was in the cart, so just slightly ahead of me. She kept saying "Captain Feathersword, Captain Feathersword!!" over and over. (I don't think the show is on anymore, but remember the Wiggles? He was the pirate with the eyepatch and silly outfit?). Anyway, she keeps repeating this and I'm just like "yeah, you sure like him, blah, blah, blah". Meanwhile people ahead of us are giving me horrified looks. I'm a little confused, kids just ramble sometimes right? So the line is moving and I move forward a bit, just enough to see what she was seeing. Which was, yep, a cashier with an eye patch. I felt so bad, but I couldn't even explain ourselves that I couldn't see this guy, etc., because it would just draw more attention. Awful!

My daughter was at the age where she THOUGHT she was whispering but really she was not. We were in the checkout at Target and there was a larger lady in front of us with her items on the conveyor belt. My daughter says in a loud whisper "why is that lady so fat?" I was horrified, so I said "Everyone is built different, and it's not nice to discuss anyone's weight." Then she said "well you tell me not to eat too much sugar or else I could get fat, so maybe she shouldn't be buying Oreo cookies."

Just when I thought about pulling the cart out of the line and RUNNING for the hills, she adds "Why is she wearing a bed sheet?" The woman was wearing one of those big flowered wraps.

At that point I did pull the cart out of the line and made a dash for the the furthest checkout. Unfortunately for me the woman had PARKED next to me and I saw her loading up her car when I exited. I walked very slowly, and waited until she left.

I got a text from my daughter, but it was intended for my guy.

She said:
I think she's still mad but the flowers helped. Better stop for beer on your way home.

Apparently, he had texted her and asked her how my mood was before he came home from work.

:)

When my son was 4 he answered the phone for the very first time ever, without us asking him to. Of course it happened to be for his dad and he said "He can't come to the phone, he's making poopie". Then the girl didn't leave a message so he had to call her back and find out what she wanted! It was my son's t-ball coach!!!

More recently, (he's 6 now) I had to take him in to the ER cuz I thought he had a concussion. The nurse was asking him all these questions like "Is everyone at home nice to you? Do you get enough to eat? Do you feel safe?" etc (I assume to make sure he isn't being abused?) Then as an after thought, she said "And I assume no cigarettes or alcohol?" And he goes "Well........" with this sheepish little grin.....I was mortified! He then proceeded to tell this woman that mommy and daddy let him have wine!!!! I was like what????? One time my husband let each of the kids have one drop of wine and I was so completely against it and he just kept saying it was no big deal! Who knew that would come back to bite me in the butt! Fortunately the nurse moved right past that but I was mortified! I still fear DCFS showing up on my dorrstep! j/k

We have an old, ornery cat who takes medication daily to control her potty situation. We were in the isle at the grocery store that sells carpet cleaners and my daughter said (quite loudly) "See Mom, there is the carpet cleaner the commercial says will get the diarrhea out of the carpet."

Even in this mostly annonymous forum, I still compelled to explain our house and carpet are clean. Yikes....

A couple weeks ago I was at a book store cafe with my kids and the 2-1/2 yr. old thought it would be a good idea to reach out her hand and tickle the rear end of the woman in front of us while exclaiming "tickle tickle tickle!". So my 4-1/2 yr old saw the look of horror on my face, thought it was funny, and reached out to do the same...luckily I was able to stop him and the woman never even turned around!

When I was about nine months pregnant (and huge, huge) my then five year old and I were talking to my landlord. I think my landlord saying something like, "Well, it must be any day now, look how big you are!" and my daughter looks at me and goes, "Mommy, she's a lot bigger than you are." (The woman is overweight.) Oh my, I was SOOOO embarrassed. I mean, what do you say?

Not so much words... When my son was 4 or 5 my parents had come over on a Sunday to visit. We (Mom, Dad and son) were standing in my sons room talking. My son was on the floor playing, I was standing there wearing sleeping pants and a t-shirt, nothing else. About midway through the conversation, my son, from ground level, yanked my pants down. Yep, standing in front of my Mom and Dad with my pants around my ankles.... Priceless..

My son has a bad habit of drinking from my glass, I got tired of arguing with him about it, so I started telling him no, that has liquor in it. Worked like a charm until he went to school and announced to the class....
"My mom drinks liquor!"
Everybody laughed and when the coordinator told me about it, she laughed and she would drink too if he's as hyper at home as he is at school! lol gotta lovem

The worst was when we in the checkout line at the grocery store. I had my daughter in the cart (age 1) and my son (age 3) was standing in front of the cart looking at candy and what not. There was a "larger" lady in front of us. My son turned towards me with a look of suprise and said quite loudly "Mom, look how big her butt is"..........oh, man. She didn't turn around, but I'm sure she heard. I quitely told him that it's not nice to comment like that and we'll talk about it more on the way home.

The only thing I can recall was when my daughter was 2 and we were in the McDonalds playland and she said really loud..."Gotta poop mama!" while she was holding her butt lol. It was more funny than awkward since everyone started laughing with understanding looks =)

My DD and I once walked down our street when she was preschool age and she saw a friend on her steps across the street. It was one of those really nice summer days and there were tons of kids and neighbors outside enjoying the day. My DD called to see if the friend could come over and play at our house. And the friend yelled back very loudly. "I can't come over yet because I have to ask my Dad and he is on the toilet going poopie!" LOL, I shared that with her Mom later and we had a good chuckle over it.

Last night I was mortified...while no words were used...my 4 year old is a physical kid and he went right up to my friend without any warning and spanked her on her bottom. She yelped don't do that because it obviously stung...I apologized but OMG she must think my kids are totally obnoxious hellions.

My daughter had a fundraiser and I ended up not getting some of the items. So I called the school and asked who I should talk to, they said "Mr. B" and they would transfer me. So the phone gets picked up and I start in right away with what happened, I think Im speaking to a woman the whole time because of the voice. At the end of the conversation, I say something like, "I'm sorry, I didn't even get your name, are you Mr. B's assistant?". He said, "No, I'm Mr. B". I was like, "Oh, haha, I thought they said they were transfering me to an assistant! Ha, I guess I'm confused! LOL, thanks for your help Mr. B!!" How freaking embarrasssing! =/

I'm relatively short 5'1" and petite not a big person, my daughter who is 8 is 4'1" and she weighs about 72lbs, again not a big kid. We're standing outside in the morning waiting for the buses for kids and my daughter yells "it's not my fault you're short and I come up to your boobs, but you really don't have boobs mommy do you when are you going to get boobs?" *Face palm*

This was in response to a discussion about the various weights and heights of people in our family and how she is a foot shorter than I am and weighs over half of what I do. *Note this was not in a mean convo at all but rather I was pointing out why 1) I cannot pick her up and 2) she should not be picking up her 5 year old brother.

My husband and daughter were so kind to swing by my work and I had complained about my boss a few times (cough cough) at home, and while they were visiting my daughter yells out "MOMMY WHERES YOUR MEAN BOSS".

This is not my most embarassing, but a friend of mine had her son enrolled in the private school where I worked. I was standing in a 2 year-old preschool class helping the teacher at drop-off time, when one of the students loudly told me to get the *uck off the table. It seems he had a tendency to substitute the tr sound with an f. His mom was hysterical when I told her.

My sitter’s spouse works 5-2 therefore is home for a little bit before I get my kids. My wonderful 3 y/o proceeds to tell me that Mr. E told the sitter to shut up today and he didn’t say sorry or go to the corner SMH

I had 2 friends over at a dinner party recently, and they are both in very different places in their lives than I am (single, childless, living in NYC). That was brought home strongly when one friend was telling a convoluted story about a trip to Aspen, some exclusive parties and showing up a neighbor she hates by getting in when he couldn't.

In the middle of the story, my 3yr old daughter comes out of the bathroom and stands in the middle of the living room, pants around her ankles, to inform us that we are out of toilet paper.

Yep, our lives not quite the same.

Well, mine wasn't as awkward for me as it was for some other people. It's not exaclty about kids, but I actually got a bit of a chuckle out of it....

My husband had to have same day surgery on his knee. We lived very close to the hospital so I went home and waited for them to call me to tell me his surgery was done. They called. I went. They gave me directions to the room. I walked in and there was someone I'd never seen before with a whole bunch of family members and for a second I thought I had the wrong room. One of the patient's family members said, "It's okay, honey...come on in. They just haven't brought your dad back from recovery yet".
I said, "Thank you, but he's my husband."
The poor lady looked like she wanted to die.
When I told my husband about it later, he SO did not find it funny.
He was only 42. I was 32.

I know it's evil of me, but I got a kick out of it.

My son repeatedly teased me about snoring, which of course, I denied.
Well, one evening, he wanted me to listen to something he had recorded on his cell phone. It was some pretty loud snoring.
It was me.
He started laughing so hard when he told me that he had taken it to school for all of his friends to listen to.
PROOF POSITIVE that I snore.
Yay.

I have a friend whose 5 year old's favorite word right now is "awkward".
Just out of the blue when someone says something, she'll say, "Awkward".

Kids DO say and do awkward things, for sure.

How fun reading the posts!