Bad Behaviour

Is he napping regularly and everyday?
An over-tired kid, WILL get fussy and uncooperative and hard to handle.
My kids are that way.
When my kids were babies/younger... and it was their nap time, we stayed home. I did not take them out, or to any appointments, at nap time... because that will just back-fire. A kid/baby, will not be able to just wait around in an office, when tired.
When tired, a kid/baby sort of short circuits... they are tired. They can't cope.
Just an added component, in addition to all the other suggestions.

all the best,
Susan

Your child is not acting bad on purpose at this point, he is just frustrated and may not even know why. He may not have the words for your to understand what set him off or what he is feeling. I do not totally agree about walking away from your child when out in public, but I do agree with this in your home.

He will not hurt himself when he throws himself down.

In public, I would swoop my daughter up and leaver. Place her in the car and drive off. It only took one time to get her attention, especially when I told her"I sure was sorry, I was not able to finish my shopping because you was throwing a fit."

Give your son words for what best describes what set him off. "You seem frustrated because we needed to go to the potty." "I can tell you are frustrated that your shoe fell off."" You seem angry because you cannot have a cookie right now." "You seem frightened because that dog was barking at us."

What we found worked great for our daughter was to give her a heads up.".You have one minute more to play with the toy, then we need to go to the potty". "When the doctor comes into the room, you will need to put the toy down". Have a selection of snacks available when you are out. "We do not have money for a ice cream, do you want some animal crackers or some gold fish?"

In the car, keep an assortment of car toys and every once in a while introduce a new one.. These can be little cars and trucks, army men. Have a bag of goodies to take into restaurants. Cars and trucks colors, paper, cards for memory game.

i agree with robyn. my dd is the same age and she has started doing this as she sees her cousins do it. i ignore her and walk away and she usually stops.

I second the ignoring the behavior answer from Robyn. He needs to know that he wont get attention for his negative behavior.

Some of this is just his age- welcome to the Terrible Twos! Be warned- this can last well into the age of three as well.

I would not say 'just walk away' from him everytime- because obviously, especially in public or in a taxi, etc. there are going to be times when you can't do that. There is a difference between hovering over him and 'feeding' the tantrum and reacting in a predictable way. But here is what I would recommend.

1) First off- whatever prompted the tantrum- don't give in to what your son wants. If he pitched a fit in the store because you would not buy him something DO NOT buy it just to quiet him down. Do not EVER reward bad behavior, or you are setting up a pattern you will have to live with.

Always tell him EXACTLY what needs to stop. Say " You are not allowed to act like this and scream and yell in a store. You are going to have a time out until you can calm down."

Be specific- you can also start to encourage him to USE HIS WORDS to tell you what is going on with him. At his age, he is just learning and doesn't have a huge vocabulary, but its never to early to start giving him the idea that TALKING about something is better than screaming and kicking! Always repeat the 'use your words' phrase and encourage him to ask for what he wants- even if it is something that is just not going to happen, lol.

If it is something physical- he does not want to go into his car seat or stroller, etc. then you are going to have to hold him and strap him in. It will be difficult- but you can't afford NOT to do this, so he is safe, especially in a car seat. Once he is buckled in, if he keeps kicking and screaming, at least he's in the car seat!

2)Always be consistent. this can be SO HARD- it is very frustrating and embarrassing when they act up like this, especially in public! But you need to be THE GROWN UP and always stay calm! Just remember- sometime 'winning' this battle with a toddler is about being able to stay calm- not that everything goes perfectly.

3) If you are in a store and whining starts, stop what you are doing right away and focus on your son. Tell him very clearly that his whining needs to stop and that you are not going to give him what he wants as long as he is whining. Sometimes this can head off a tantrum. If he continues to get worse, you have a couple of options:

If you can, take him out of the store immediately and put him in time out. If you have a car, strap him into his car seat and let him lose his cool for 5 minutes. While this is happening, read a magazine, listen to the radio, be PRESENT- but do not reward him with attention. After a few minutes, you can ask him if he is done. If he seems like he is winding down, you can take him out of the seat and comfort him.

Tell him you do not want him to act that way, and if he does so again, the same thing is going to happen- boring car seat and no attention! Tell him you are going to try going to the store again and that this time you want him to behave himself. IF he acts well in the store this time, reward him with a VERY SMALL treat and make sure he knows the reward is for his GOOD behavior- just as the time out was for the BAD behavior.

That works best if you have a car to remove him to, but the key thing is that you have to commit to stopping what you are doing (no matter how annoying that is or how short of time you are) and removing him to SOMEPLACE ELSE (preferably somewhere boring!) to show him that bad behavior won't be tolerated. You can do this in a stroller, on a bench, etc. Just remove him from the situation and repeat to him calmly that you cannot talk with him or go back until he stops what he is doing. Eventually he will either exhaust himself and stop- or just get bored with what he is doing!!

If you are somewhere and you CAN'T leave- such as waiting for a doctor's appointment- pick him up and physically hold him close. Again, repeat calmly that his behavior is not acceptable and that you will not let him down again to play, etc, until he can stop what he is doing.

This is so frustrating because you will have to do it OVER AND OVER , always the same, before it really sinks in. Toddler's little brains are absorbing so much stimulus all the time- sometimes they just go into overload!!

4) Set yourself up for SUCCESS! Seriously, look at your routines and patterns with your son. Is he watching a lot of TV? I have to tell you, that makes little kids MUCH more irritable and cranky IME. Less TV time means they have to LEARN to entertain themselves better with a little board book or blocks or cars. It will help teach him to be used to entertaining himself where ever he is- and you can always be prepared with some toys and books in your bag.

Also, keep snacks with you at all times! Little kids only need to eat very small quantities of food at a time- but they get hungry again quickly! A lot of meltdowns can be prevented by having a snack ready.

When my son was small, after a tantrum, I would always ask him to apologize to me for his behavior and ask him if he understood that he was not going to get a 'reward' by acting that way. Also- I would apologize if I had lost my temper and yelled at him. Fair is fair- we get mad at each other sometimes, but we do the best we can and we always say sorry and we always LOVE each other. We still say this today and my son is 10!

Last but not least- this too shall pass! ALL little kids go through this 'phase'- anyone who tells you their perfect darling NEVER had a tantrum is lying, lol! The key thing is- do you want this to be a toddler phase- or do you want this to be a set up for how your kid acts when he doesn't get what he wants FOREVER? Seriously, how you handle this now is going to set the stage for your son for years to come, so get a handle on it while he is little and save both of you a lot of stress!

In a store or public place, most mamas will be sympathetic. We've all been there at least once! If people are mean about it or rude- forget about them! There will always be people waiting to judge or be critical. Just ignore them and parent your son. Good luck- you can handle the TWOS, I'm sure!

I think this is very normal for this age and is not a sign of "bad" behavior. They're trying exert their independence. The key is to not give in to the behavior. Sometimes when going in to a store my son (who is just over 24 months) will throw himself down b/c he doesn't want to hold my hand, he wants to walk on his own which isn't an option when walking through a big parking lot. I don't even go there with him - just pick him up and keep on walking or put him into a shopping cart if there's one near by. It's also hard at this age for kids to make transitions when they're having fun; they don't always understand why they can't stay at the playground for the entire day or why the amusement park ride suddenly stopped. We recently took my son on kiddie rides at a carnival and he had a complete MELTDOWN each time a ride was over and didn't want to get off. I just explain to him through all the crying and tears that the ride is over - I either just carry him off or put him back into the stroller. I went through this same thing with my daughter (who is now 10) at that age - they DO eventually stop as they get old enough to understand what's happening. I'd say by the time she was 2.5/3, she understood that she had to hold my hand in the parking lot, that when mommy says it's time to leave the playground, that it's time to go or we can't go back again. I wouldn't say your son is bad, he's just 20 months!

By the way - at 20 months they don't necessarily always have the language they need to express how they feel - the "bad behavior" is also a result of not being able to communicate, but you can teach him how by saying it for him - "I understand you're upset because you still want to play with that toy, but it's time to go now". He'll still scream and cry, but eventually he'll get it.

Immediately walk away from him. Even in public, ignore his behavior and just walk away. Walk around the corner and watch him enough for safety - but don't ever give in to the behavior, or he will know that all he has to do is throw a fit to get his way.

kids this age are learning that they have a little and only a little control of their world. we went through a little of this and we:
1. gave more warnings for transition. we turn off the movie when the words come on the screen. we will leave the playground 3, 2, 1 minutes. we'd also discuss the whole day's plan in the car in the morning. we still do this.
2. learned to pick our battles (both of us). how important is this, really?
3. transferred some of the control when responsible behaviour is evident. i always get to use the iron but sometimes it's ok to let my daughter wear mismatched socks and take a stuffed iguana into the grocery store. or pick out dinner as long as she helps make it and it meets basic nutritional requirements. she likes to be 'in charge' of stuff.
4. recognized that sometimes she will need to be BIG and sometimes she will need to be my baby. sometimes when she is being irrational it is because she needs me to hold her close and she just doesn't recognize it. i expect to see this one again when she hits adolescence.
5. time for reflection for both of us and a lot of communication about our feelings. i have learned that she has very complicated feelings and she finds very interesting and sometimes hilarious ways to express them in words.

hi mother of 2 boys, i am reading everyones answer here and ignoring it does not work. at that age they are learning, see when my 7 year old use to do that all the time to me sometimes i could not take him outside or do anything with him but there was one thing i learn from it , i kneel down to his level look at him in the eyes camly but in a little mad way i will say daniel if you don't stop this behavior we will go home right now, or i won't take you to the park tomorrow or where ever i was going ,ok it took like 3 weeks and everytime he act like i will take him home or take his toy car away until he stoped all the fussing for no reason.he always wanted his way too.but you know what it worked. by the time he turn 2 years old i never had a hard time till this day.they will learn just because they are small dosen't mean you can't teach them. and by the time they are like 18 months they start to learn how you react when you don't like how they are behaving.

check our "parenting by the book" by John Rosemond........it's a great book:)

I tend to have a different opinion than Robyn. By ignoring the behavior (walking away), you're essentially telling him that it's OK to do.

We have a 2 and 4 year old, so our lives are full of tantrums. Though, it's true that 4 is SO much better than 3, and we're only a week into it.

If it were my child, I'd get on the ground at his eye level and very directly tell him that his "behavior is not acceptable. Stand-up and walk with me to the bathroom, NOW!"

You may not be able to eliminate the tantrums. Some of us still have them as adults in different forms. But, you can control the situation as the parent and establish guidelines for what you're willing to tolerate publicly.

Good luck.