Being Judged for Looking Young

I have ALWAYS had this problem. It's nice now that I'm in my 30s but when I was younger it was really annoying. I used to get the looks and whispers as well. I just learned to ignore it.
I still looked like a teenager up until a couple of years ago.
I totally understand where you are coming from.

Edited to add:
I was 24 when I had my first and still looked 15 or 16. I seriously got carded for a movie when I was 28.

Sorry people are so rude. If you want to do something besides ignoring them (which is good advice), how about going to get a makeover or new hairdo? Might help you look older, but even if it doesn't, it's a great self esteem boost! And dressing sophisticated instead of trendy might help.
Good luck!

That sucks--the dirty looks part, at least. =)

I always looked young, but am now 39 and it is catching up with me. I used to shop in the kids section sometimes but I went from XS to S and then M. Although I am still pretty small and young looking, my body has shifted some, and I have some gray hair which is very noticeable. But some peopl still think I am under 30.

You could try wearing very "sophisticated adult" clothing and a "mom haircut" although one person has said that it didn't help for her.
You could move to a less judgmental area, haha.
The people you describe are just incredibly rude.
If you start throwing around references to "my husband", and "when I graduated from college", or "my 5 year high school reunion" ---and those sorts of things, maybe word would get around that you are older than you look.
PS wear sunscreen. =)

Yes, I had similar experiences (2 kids before 19) and I recall what you're going through, but here's what I learned along the way. If you think about this (or read your letter again), you can see a pattern, which is common for this lack of self-confidence. Every thought begins with "I". Every fear begins with "I". You are very focused on what everyone else thinks about you, and it is paralyzing you. Just relax and let go of all that. Can you do anything about what other people think? No. Should you somehow feel ashamed for your appearance? No, be proud. Then why let it create this anxiety for you? You have complete power over this. When someone asks about your age, (or any other personal question), the perfect response is to give them a somewhat horrified look and say, " Why on earth would you ask me that?" End of conversation!

Vent away!!! Yes, I had the same thing happen to me.......I was married, had two kids and then divorced and no one would believe I was 25! It's frustrating as all get out!!! But, it did get me a job buying things for under age people! If they didn't card me, I reported them.
It doesn't last forever either. I'm much older now and although I still don't look my age, my body IS my age!!! Which sucks.
Enjoy being younger looking and when people give you a look, just smile at them and wave or say hi. Being proud of yourself will set them back. And you will see that people won't do that as much either. When I finally made my mind up I didn't care, and I had the job, which I needed really bad due to the divorce, things were going the right way!!! People just didn't seem to notice me as much. Or maybe I just wasn't paying as much attention.
FYI....I have a son who is 30 and he still gets carded most of the time! So you will be passing it on.......make sure they know it's ok.
Good Luck and let it go......you are you and that is great!

K.F.

I am 4'9" and had an 8 pound baby when I was 19. I got so many looks, especially in the final months it was crazy. One day I was with my older sister (who is a little less tolerant then I), in Woolworth's buying a slice of pizza. This woman was just "glarring" at me as if I had done a "terrible' thing. My sister walk right up to her and said in a very loud voice; "JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STARING AT"? The rude woman quickly left the store...I think she was both embarrassed and a little afraid of my red haired Sis.

Another time, I had just come from Baskin-Robbins and was driving alone (with my ice-cream cone) and a cop stopped me for no reason other then "NOT LOOKING OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE A CAR". When he got close enough to see my condition and my license and insurance, it was HE who was embarrassed.

So, to make a long story longer....YOU keep going out and doing what ever you need and want to do. Be thankful for your youthful looks...you will look the best at future reunions. People who pre-judge or judge on appearance are missing out and missing the mark.

Blessings.....

I have always looked young and got the stares and whispers too. No one guessed that I was above 18. And the only reason they guessed 18 was because I belonged to a group that had 18 as the minimum age!

I would also let it bother me, but once I had my baby, I just didn't care...or pretended a didn't. You are right, it isn't fair to your children, and saying get over it just doesn't quite work. You can't control what they think of you, but you can control how you react to it. If someone comments with how young you look, say, "Thank you! I hope that lasts through my 30's too." If someone asks how old you are, say, "Excuse me? How old are you?" Know how you are going to react before you leave the house, then enjoy the time that you have with your kids.

Good luck, and feel free to vent again if necessary. :)

I can really relate. I'm about to turn 40 and just a few years ago got carded buying wine for a recipe! For me, the real frustration was in the business world, where people who saw me often didn't take me seriously. It didn't matter the maturity in the way I talked or dressed, and changes to hair and makeup also made no difference. My mom also had a similar experience as you did ... when she was in her mid-20s and very pregnant with me, a salesman came to my parents' door and asked if her parents were home!

Here's the thing. Now that I'm turning 40, I'm realizing looking young is an asset. Embrace it because if won't be long before your friends will be investing huge amounts of money in wrinkle creams, you won't have to do a thing. When people try to get you down (and some do do this purposely) commenting about your age, respond joyfully back, "Hey thanks! I do take good care of myself and must have great genes, too." Take pride in looking so good that people make those comments. :) It's definitely better than the alternative of people thinking you look much older. That's only a compliment when you're in grade school or junior high.

Boy does this sound familar. When my children were young it was annoying, but it is even more annoying now when I get accused of being a cradle robber when I take my 22 year-old son to dinner. SIGH! I told him to call me mom alot when we are out. There was one time when my son was in middle school and I went up to the school to volunteer, a teacher put me in line with the students!?!?!? I had to tell to her that I was a volunteer mom. I have always had to explain to people that I had graduated high school, and was married 2 years before I gave birth to my first child.

My 21 year-old daughter was accosted yesterday by a bitter, hateful woman who told her she was an abomination to society and she should be ashamed of herself for being unmarried and pregant, obviously too young and immature to have a child. My daughter told her "I am 21 years-old, married and my husband is in the army so you have the right to express hateful free speech."

Now for the good part, I always "gush" at people - "thank you so much for a wonderful compliment, 40 and I have been friends for many years and I will be a grandma in a couple of months". The fun part is watching them squirm in embarrassment, try to talk their way out of the faux pas, and hopefully guard their tongues better in the future.

Yes, my whole life....and I felt just like you, but as I am now approaching 30 I actually enjoy it. Its funny even admitting that I enjoy it now, because like you it made me so mad.
But that being said you're right you just have to move on. You can't let it stop you from going out or having fun with your kids. Screw the people who stare.

I always felt like if I was a good mom and people saw me being a good mom then they can think whatever they think because they see me being a good mom and that's what matters the most. (Hope that makes sense)

Listen....
who cares what other people think? If other people stare...let them.
I know that's easier said than done, but you are not a baby having a baby. And you know that.
My daughter will be 24 in October.
She is the cutest little pixie you've ever seen. She is half the size of my 14 year old son. She's barely 5 feet tall and weighs 100 pounds, if that.
She is built exactly like my mother.
I'm 5'8", my son is taller than me and she's this little tiny thing.
People think she's 16 all the time. I'm not kidding you. They give her the benefit of the doubt even being 16 because she has a car, drives and has a job. She doesn't have any kids yet, but I'm sure people might do a double take with her too.
She doesn't let it bother her. She's used to it.
I went to a chiropractic appointment with her and they gave me the papers to fill out for her. It's no wonder...she had to stand on her tip toes to be at level with their counter.
She didn't get upset.
She's tiny and super cute and she just owns it.
Please don't be terrified about going out.
As far as people whispering and staring....just tell yourself it's because they've never seen anything as cute as you.
You don't owe anyone any explanations.
Looking younger will make you very happy as you get older.
I'm 47 and people think I'm way younger. I'm not going to be sad about it!
We know a woman that is super nice and we've know her for a while. I about fainted when she told me the other day how long she's been married and when she graduated.
Later that day, I asked my son how old he thought she was and he said at least mid 60's. Maybe 70.
God bless her, she's only 3 years older than me.
Everyone thinks my little sister is older than me.
When you hit my age...you'll be glad you look younger!

Also, keep in mind that in polite society, it's not proper to ask a woman her age. And that's all you need to tell people who ask you.

Be proud of who you are!

I didn't have my kids until I was in my early-mid 30's but I did get carded until my early 30's. When I was in my early 20's it bugged me but then I thought it was great because I will stay younger looking longer. I accepted it and would have my DL out and ready. I'm now in my mid-late 30's and miss being carded. =)

When I was younger I was skinny w/ 34DD's myself, blond, and 5'8" and I would get frustrated with all the looks I would get from men, especially when they were with their girlfriend/wife/kids. I had to stop looking at people around me so that it wouldn't get to me. Sure I would still look around but I would tune out the peoples faces. It made it easier for me.

Don't worry about others, ignore them and enjoy this precious time with your son while he's young.

You are living my life! I had my first son at 23 and second at 25. Have you heard, "You must have been a baby yourself when you had him!" or "You are a good sister for taking care of your little brother" ? This may not help right now, but trust me, you are blessed! When I was 16 everyone thought my younger sister was the oldest. I am the oldest of 5 and most people believed I was one of the youngest. I used to pray to look older! Now I do. I am almost 41 and would love to be 25 again and look 16. I am still young looking for 40 and people don't believe me. That is a blessing. I don't mind looking younger than I am now! Hang in there. So much of your life is left and you will be grateful for this "problem" in the long run. If it makes you feel better, set people straight. I used to tell them straight out, "I am 23, married, and planned my family so that I wouldn't be too OLD to keep up with them". Take your son out all of the time. Be happy!

I know you already have a lot of responses, but I thought I would share my little story as well. I am also a younger mom, and just the other day a woman in her early 50s said to me, "Do you baby-sit him often?" To which I replied, "Everyday." She then said, "Oh it must be nice for his parents to have such a great nanny!" To which I said, "Nope, not the nanny, just the mommy!"

It bothered me too at first, but then I thought about it two ways. One, I made her look like an idiot because I was so simple and sweet in my responses, and two, YAY that I still look too young to be his mother! I know a couple of older moms who have been asked if they were their child's grandmother! I know that that question would bother me more than the baby-sitter one. Hold your head up high, ignore the staring people (I know I get it too), and be proud to be such a wonderful, young mama.

P.S. Won't it be great to be the youngest mom in the class? I always think about how my son's friends will have "old" parents, but I can be the young, hip one! YAY!!!

Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's a small book, but it is packed with great thoughts. One of the agreements is not to take anything personally. This is a classic example. What these people think has nothing to do with you. It's their own hangup. What you think about yourself matters. You are a beautiful woman who loves her children. Who cares what anyone else thinks, good or bad. How do you feel? You can't change anyone else, only yourself.

I am 25 and look 18. I have a son who is 15 months. When he was first born people would stop and ask me how much I charged to babysit. They always assumed I was the nanny. I'd tell them he was my son and they'd laugh. On occassion when someone believed me they would say I was to young to be a mother, they can't believ howany teens were having kids. I'd come home upset tell my Hubby and he'd say just laugh and tell emcyou charge 20 an hr. It's not worth getting upset over. And he's right. On occassion I get dirty looks but I smile at them and keep going. Who are they to be judgemental. They don't know me. So ignore them. It's a blessing to look young.

Updated

I am 25 and look 18. I have a son who is 15 months. When he was first born people would stop and ask me how much I charged to babysit. They always assumed I was the nanny. I'd tell them he was my son and they'd laugh. On occassion when someone believed me they would say I was to young to be a mother, they can't believ howany teens were having kids. I'd come home upset tell my Hubby and he'd say just laugh and tell emcyou charge 20 an hr. It's not worth getting upset over. And he's right. On occassion I get dirty looks but I smile at them and keep going. Who are they to be judgemental. They don't know me. So ignore them. It's a blessing to look young.

You could really play people, if you can keep a straight face. Next time it happens in a department store you can sweetly ask where are the prom dresses. Or refer to your husband as "Elvis."

When you are your age and this happens, it is a bit annoying. HOWEVER, as you get older and it happens, you will LOVE it.

I am 48 and people don't believe me if I tell them the truth. I pass for mid 30's all the time. Right now, I like that.

Last year, a salesman came to our house and when I answered the door, he asked for the "woman of the house"... HA! I said she's not here and closed the door.

I've always looked younger. I attribute it to good genes, faithfully taking care of myself. I'm petite, 5'4, weigh in around 118.

Here's another one for you...... I have naturally perky 34DD boobs. MOST people think they are fake. I've had women ask me who my plastic surgeon was and how long the recovery was. I answer with "I am blessed to have my chest the natural way".

I am 23, with two kids, i am 5foot and pretty small myself. I get looks but really i am just one of those ppl who doesnt care what anyone thinks. Dont let it get to you and dont punish yourself or you kids for other ppl being ignorate and childish. I know it is annoying but you really just can't stop ppl from being rediculous sometimes. the way i think of it is that if i look young now maybe when i am 50 i will still look 23. LOL im sorry you have to deal with that and just wanted you to know that you arent alone. dont lock yourself up. good luck hun.

I can really relate. I am turning 27 soon and I do not look my age at all. We had a take your kid to work day thing and one of my co-workers kids asked me who my parent was! I know it is hard when you know people are judging you but you really should just try to ignore it. You want to teach your kids to be confident so you should start practicing it now for their sake and yours.

Feel free to vent. I hope typing it out makes you feel better. I used to hate others reactions, too. I am very small, and have always looked younger than I am. However, now that I'm turning 40 this year I am very thankful to be told that I look 30. That is the bright side. Until you get to the point that you like looking younger, vent anytime. :-)

I wouldn't say "get over it," because this seems to really bother you.

In my son's playgroup the youngest mom was 23 (the oldest was 39) and perfectly sweet. When we all started to know each other better she said that she had started out feeling insecure around us because she was so young but truthfully we never thought anything of it.

Another mom was young, and really dark, while her daughter was born with really light coloring. She said people always thought she was the nanny.

Motherhood is challenging for any age, and brings out our deepest insecurities. I hope you find a social group where you can vent and laugh about things like this.

I personally really envy you because you'll be a young and active mom with your kids... and a fabulous grandma!

I am 33 & expecting #5... I still get carded for lighters, smokes & beer. Personnaly when I was around your age I looked at it as an insult, but now I look at it as a complement - lol. What 8 years can do to the way you look at things.

I did have my first at 17 and married (with my mom's signing all the papers) right before I became a mom - 1 1/2 days before actually. I do remember lots of looks, but I got the point where I just figured oh well. I also remember someone making a comment about "a 37 yr old friend that couldn't have kids & here is this teen poping them out like it's a game". I told her "it doesn't matter if I'm 17, 27 or 37 yrs old - I will love my children the same... that my baby was made out of love and that's all that matters. And that my heart goes out to her friend & that I know she will be able to have her child someday soon." The lady just stood there - she was speachless... it was a co-worker of mine & it took her almost 2 weeks to find words to talk to me again.

Now, I just get a lot of looks cause I have so many kids - lol. Or because they are usually quite & good when we are out & about. Also, I know I get looks cause I have 2 red heads & everyone wants to know where they got it from mommy has brown & daddy has black - lol.

I'm sorry that you are bothered by this so much that it is effecting you & your son's life so much!! Honestly, people like talking and most of them are most likely jelouse that you look so young & good after having a kids. Personnaly, I can't believe how skinny somepeople are after having kids... I've been over 200# for 12 year - well I did loose 35# last fall, but I've almost gained it all back now that I'm 30 weeks closer to my next bundle of joy.

I hope you can find a way of not worring about what others think so much and can enjoy life & your kids! Take care!!

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IM 22 I LOOK MAYBE LIKE A 15 YR OLD!!! i had my daughter at 21, yes i got the looks and the whispers as well, but one day it came into my mind that I JUST DONT CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME!!! i i only live for me and my family, dont let people's words hurt U, go outside and be a PROUD MOMMY!!, and remember only GOD CAN JUDGE YOU!!!!!!!!!! and btw CONGRADS!!!

You have gotten some really great advice!! I just read all forty-three responses and laughed out loud at some of the reactions to the rude stares and comments!! At any rate, just to add my twocents - You need to work on YOU....Tell yourself that you are beautiful and believe it. It doesn't matter what others think. Yours is the only opinion that matters.

When I was younger, I had this same problem. I got all sorts of comments from strangers and sales clerks. They would think I was babysitting. It amazes me how rude some people can be, though. When I was 23, I actually had an older lady come up to me and say "How disgusting--children your age having babies". It was embarrassing at the time, but I never let it keep me from going out . And once I had my second child, I didn't seem to get as many comments. Either I started looking a little older or I just didn't let it bother any more.

Believe me when you hit 30 you won't give a damn about what people think, I think the first 30 years of our lives is a self-discovery journey; by 30 you got yourself somewhat figured out and will have little to no patience for rude comments from people.
Go out with your son and enjoy a walk in the park, the palyground at the mall, just enjoy your little one because not only are you blessed with him, you were also blessed with excellent genes.
In my case I looked younger because I'm short and have a round face with chubby cheeks, yes I looked even younger when I was your age and at work it was hard for people to take me seriously. specially at work, they always were trying to help me as if I couldn't do anything for myself, It honestly irritated the heck out of me.
when I had my first child at 25 , I took out my baby out for a day out at the mall and I had her in her infant car seat in the stroller. When I went into a store I put the car seat on the floor while I sat on a bench and the woman next to me went as far a picking the car seat up with my baby in it to tell me that spot had an air current and that she was going to move the baby to the other side so she wouldn't catch a cold!!!! I couldn't believe it, how can a stranger do something like that? how unbelievably disrespectful.
I have no patience for rude people anymore I just get rude right back at them,
anyways good luck! and enjoy your precious gift!

I had people do that to me all the time! One time this old lady in a grocery store came up to me and started lecturing me on "children having children"! I just told her how old I was and showed her my wedding ring. She was mortified and walked away. I got a little satisfaction over her embarrassment! lol Unfortunately you just have to decide not to let it bother you. And I used to hate when people would tell me this, but it's true...someday you will be so grateful! I'm now approaching 40 and would give anything to have that "looking too young" problem again! :)

I got married at 20, had a baby that year and a baby 13 months later. I could NOT BELIEVE the things people said to me! Trips to the grocery store were filled not only with the constant. "How old are you?" or, "You're too young to be having babies!" but even with lectures on birth control, population control, "Do you know how much it costs to raise kids?" lectures, and VERY fequent lectures that started, "You're not having any more, are you?" One woman actually looked at my baby and my pregnant tummy and said, "Well, at least you're done now." I always thought that once I explained, politely, that I was a married woman, a homeowner, NOT a teenager, that it would get better and people would apologize. It did not. People were just as incensed.

At the time, I tried to be very polite. As I got older, had 2 more children and had foster children in our home, I no longer had the patience to deal with rudeness. What in the world make people think it's OK not only to judge, but to expect perfect strangers to engage in conversation about their private lives? How would any of these busybodies feel if I walked up to them and said, in effect, "Let me tell you why you're wrong, and why you should let me make your life choices for you"?

When a woman (reeking of alcohol) walked up to me in a mall, looked at my family and my pregnant tummy and demanded, "What are you gonna do with another one?" I looked her right in the eye and said, "Love it." She staggered away without saying anything else. :) Use the same reasoning you would with any other kind of bully - if they think you're insecure or self conscious, it will get worse! Be strong and confident, and many of them will back off.

BTW, we had the opposite problem when I was growing up. I was born when my dad was 56 (Mom was 36), and people would occasionally refer to him as my grandfather, which I thought was odd. :)

And on the bright side - you'll look fabulous as you age! :)

Hang in there and don't let rudeness get you down!

Yeah, it's a pain, but you'll appreciate it when you're 40 (LOL)! Try not to let it bother you. You could always get a button to put on your purse that says "Chill out. I'm older than I look!"

I have not read your other replies.

I am also a young mother. I am 25 years old, but I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. I have never considered myself a teen mom. But I used to get dirty looks all the time when I was pregnant with my 1st child. At first I would get really angry. But then I started to realize that the people giving me dirty looks had too much time on their hands. These people have no idea who I am and how good a mother I could me to my child. My age had nothing to do with how I was going to raise my child. By the time I was pregnant with my 2nd child I was too busy to notice other people staring at me. I was too busy playing with my gorgeous daughter.

People have too much time on their hands to be judging others. If I were you , I would keep going out. Don't mind those people who have boring lives and play with your babies. Oh yeah, congrats on your new little one.

I'm just about to 28 and look younger too, I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me. I also don't have kids yet, but I can imagine the stares would not be comfortable. Just think they are probably impressed you can do it all and try to worry about it too much. My husband and I were buying beer last week to take to a large dinner party, they did card him since he was paying for it. Then they carded me too, lol. The cashier really looked at both of our ids and us closely. I figure if nothing else the older you get the greater it is to look younger. I got kids meal menus in restaurants until I was about 18. When we moved into a new house last year, my father in law was helping us move in and our neighbor assumed he was the one moving in with his two teenage kids. Some of the stories you can come up with are great and will make you laugh after the fact. When I was about 10 I had a short hair cut and had at least one person think I was a boy. I think the worst was when my friend and I were using a public bathroom and an older lady told us the boys bathroom was across the hall.

Just know you are not alone and try not to pay too much attention of others and short of wearing a shirt that says "I'm 25" or "Yes, I know I look young" take it in stride and laugh about it when you can.

Getnyour husband to go with you sometimes you might try to dress more formally you are still too young to understand how stuptid to think clearly when you sound like you are going to worry that poeple aregoing to look too old enjoy what yo now hhave grow up i am 86 my husband is 90 be happy that your life is so good A. no nills

Why don't you get a couple of t-shirts made that say "I'm older than I look" & where them when you go out to shop, etc.

I was 25 when my first child was born. I was told that I looked 13. I took him to the mall, and a lady stopped me and said, "You're too young to have *THAT*." I was shocked. Of course, I later thought of all sorts of responses I should have said. LOL But, now that I'm in my 40s, I still look younger than my years, so I'm thankful. :) Don't worry about what other people think. It should have no bearing on your life, especially this type of thing. Enjoy living and loving your son.

Wow -47 answers so far and only a minute to put my 2 cents in so may duplicate, apologies! How about joining a group? (I'm in a MOMS Club International chapter locally and that's what springs to mind - you can google to find one near you...) These clubs are great at offering support and can be a "safe" place for you to go with your babies. You can share your frustrations with them and they can back you up in situations as well as allow your kiddos to get out and have some fun. My guess is that after you have someone who you can trust to spend time with and validate you, you probably won't care what the random people think.

I totally second the suggestion that you read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It helped me SO much! You can read it in a couple of hours and it just might change your life. Once you really understand what it means to take something personally, you won’t do it anymore. What they think and what they say says SO much more about them than it does about you! You are so focused on what you imagine everyone is thinking, but are forgetting about all of the people who look at you and don’t give it a second thought. There are two kinds of people in the world, those who think those things and those who don’t. Not everyone is thinking, “How shameful…a teenager with a baby.” They might be thinking a million other things, like, “She’s pretty,” or “I like that shirt.” Maybe they wish they looked like you. None of what they think has anything to do with you, it has to do with who they are, how they think, whether they are judgmental types or not. And even if they DO think that you are a teenager and how awful and all that, guess what? They were WRONG! Oooops, their mistake!

As for me, I used to console myself every time I got carded, that even though I hate it now, I will be happy about it someday. And I am. Now that I am 45, I really don’t mind pulling out the ol’ ID and getting the raised eyebrow. And it still happens occasionally. It might be annoying right now (and you can control this by changing your perspective), but just remember that you will have a much longer period of time when you will see this as a great thing.

Hello,

My name is J. and yes I know exactly how you feel. I don't like it the most when all the kids say stuff. Because kids always have to remind me that I am short. (Its like no really.) It only bugs me a little when everyone else does. I guess I am finally getting used to it. I am 31 and I have three boys. My oldest is 13. When I was pregnant with him my husband and I always got the nastiest looks. My husband is 8 years older than me and is 6ft. 2. I am about 4ft. 10. It didnt take much for everyone to be bigger than me. Including my 2 older ones. My youngest is only 4 and he already comes up to my chest. Just 2 weeks ago I had a couple behind me at the store that thought the person in front of me forgot thier kids. I heard them talking and I turned around and she asked if I was thier sister. I said no they are mine and she couldnt believe it so I told her that I was on my way to pick up my oldest. The oldest people have thought I was is 17 or 18. I hope it gets better for you. You just have not care what people think and you will still look really well when you reach 20 years older and everyone else looks like they are 20 years older. Thats what my husband always tells me. Good Luck!
J.

You've gotten some great advice from the other moms; I just want to add that 'judging' is their problem, not yours. If someone is rude enough to ask how old you are, make up a real "whopper" that will make their eyes pop out, and have a good laugh for the rest of the day. Go out with confidence and just smile in response to their stares :-)

I'm not sure I have anything helpful to say except to vent away! I know it's annoying and just irritates the heck out of you, especially when you feel like people don't take you seriously. But give yourself a pat on the back for doing such a terrific job of being a mom. You are blessed with youthful genes, and you will be so grateful for those wonderful genes, I hate to say it, but later on into your 30's, 40's, and 50's.

I went through the similar looks and comments, not as a parent, but as a doctor. When I first started out, some patients would look me up and down and refuse to see me because they thought I was too young and, yes, calling me a "teenager". Because I was responsible for health decisions for these people, I had to get over any inadequacies I was feeling very quickly. I can't really explain how I was able to get over it, but I just had to tell myself that I was a very competent, experienced, knowledgeable doctor and that these people were the ones with the problem. I'm in my 40's now, and I still have to hear, "Where's the real doctor? You look like a 20 year old!" Gotta tell you, but now I take the age thing it as a compliment!

On the flip side, I would love to have the time to have more children, but time is not on my side. So when my 30-ish friends keep asking me when I'll have more children, because they think I'm 30 too, I do feel a little regret that I probably won't be having more. (But I still wouldn't want to be 30 again.)

My husband is a wise-cracker and terribly politically incorrect and would probably tell you to tell these people that, oh no, these were your GRANDchildren, then to walk away and see how these people then react. Hate to say it, but I've had a 32 year old woman walk in my clinic with her 16 year old daughter and 1 year old grandchild.

Seriously, don't let the inappropriate comments of certain rude people keep you from taking your children out. I really like what Michelle C said about being confident, mature and proud. Other people will see it, and more importantly, your children will see it too.

why do u even care what people think?? you're the star and they're just the extras in your movie! what if they're whispering and saying "wow what a pretty pregnant woman?" people always make pregnant women feel bad..i hated being pregnant more b/c of the comments..they'll always think of something lousy to say..i've given up on what others think of me...i don't like to dress like frumpy mom..i work out and i like to dress hippie-ish..my friends are all rock moms..and we get along great ..i've learned to ignore gawkers and whisperers b/c of them..they WISH they could look as good as u...
Enjoy taking your son out..if people comment laugh and say.."i just have good genes and look young or my age" smile at them ..wink and leave it at that..your business is to take care of yourself and your child..he's lucky to have such a young mom..also in the old days it was more common for young women to be pregnant..not older women..times have changed but it doesn't mean young women can't have babies..so don't let it bother you...people are always bugging other people one way or another!

xo

That happens to me as well and I am almost 30 with 2 kids. I am also very petite with a young face.

When I was pregnant with my first, my husband and I (who were in our mid 20's) would also get stares and people asked if we were unwed high school couple.

It was bothersome then, but now I just shrug it off. My husband gets asked even more than I do his age and people find it hard to believe he has a family and a career!

Also, I don't dress too much like high schoolers do now that I've matured some so maybe that has something to do with it.

I completely understand...the difference between you and me is that I'm 32. I just had my first baby 6 weeks ago and while pregnant people would do a double take when they would see me...now that my daughter is here people keep trying to tell me how to handle my child or why she may be crying....I've always looked young for my age...and I wish these people would ask me my age....I would be happy to show them my drivers license...

It is frustrating, but what I tell myself is that I can't help what others think...and even if I was only 16 they have no business judging me....these people don't have any influence or contribution to my life so what they think doesn't really matter!!

Focus on your little ones and don't worry about anybody else. Good luck!
K.

I didn't realize so many others have this problem as well, but it makes me feel better to know they do :)

The same thing happened to me with a salesperson that came to my house the other day. She asked if my parents were home, she thought maybe I was a teenage daughter. I'm 29! I was in my workout clothes, but it was still rough, and I was older than the woman who thought that. I sometimes feel like people wonder about my age, but where I live, most women at the age of 29 already have 4 kids (I have one 20 month old), so I guess everyone assumes I'm very young. You just have to let it go, and know that when you are older, you will still look young, and that will be awesome.

Sorry to hear that. You won't be able to completely stop the stares. After all, if you were 16 and pregnant, as you look, you certainly would deserve them (though it would still be tactless of the starers).

If someone confronts you about it, feel free to show your annoyance. Don't make it a guessing game. Tell them that you're certainly old enough, you've been married for x number of years, this is your second child, and they should mind their own business. It's one thing to speculate about a stranger to oneself (still rude) but it's quite another to confront that stranger about one's speculation (an order of magnitude ruder).

If you want to minimize the reactions, I'd say, try to dress older and do what you can to you hair to look older. Wear momish or professional clothes. Think conservative. Also, I assume you're married? If so, make sure to wear your wedding ring as long as you can. Once you can't, you might buy a cheap ring that looks like a wedding band in a size that will fit your swollen finger. If you're not married, wear a ring on that finger anyway. Try to look like a respectable married woman and mother as much as you can. That may not stop all the stares, but it will help, hopefully.

Of course, you don't have to change anything about how you look if you don't want to. Nothing wrong with being young-looking. Just a suggestion in case you do want to do something to reduce the stares. Remember, you haven't done anything wrong. They're the ones that are rude.

I think I know how you feel, and don't worry, it's okay to vent. I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring for a while because I take medication that makes my fingers swell, and I always feel uncomfortable when I go out with just my daughter because I feel like people are looking at me and judging me. Which is silly because who cares if I was a single parent!? There wouldn't be anything wrong with it if I was. Just like it wouldn't be anyone's business if you were 16 with two kids. : )

Don't worry, you're not crazy, you just have to get yourself to the point where you don't care about this. Just think about how much happier your son and new baby will be if they get to go out and do fun things with their mom. After a bit you will stop caring and start having more fun.

unfortunately teenage pregnancy is BIG problem these days. BUT you do not have anything to worry about. Other peope are judging a perception of you but NOT the REAL you. You have not done anything wrong so try your best not to let it bother you. And in a few years your going to LOVE looking younger. Embrace it. Congratulations on your growing family. =0)

You've probably gotten a ton of remarks to just let it go, that will be hard to do so instead embrace your youthful appearance! If someone asks how old you are just tell them that thanks to great genes you look a lot younger than you actually are and you hope your children are as blessed as you are. Then smile and walk away. I'm a bit jealous.

Good luck!

I was 26 when I had my oldest and went through the same problem. It got to the point that I started telling strangers that I was 17 when I got pregnant just to see their reaction. I was mad when it started but in the end I gave them something to talk about and I was as rude as possible to them. Have fun and make those people feel stupid. Good luck!!!

Hello, Your story is so close to what I went through. I was only 17 when I got married. One year later, our first daughter was born, then two years later (on our anniversary) our first son was born. Well, five year later, I was pregnant with our third child (another daughter). I had gone into the restroom with our daughter (now 7) and two older ladies began telling me that I was too young to be having a baby. I politely told them that I was, in fact, old enough to have a baby. You should have seen their jaws drop when my daughter came out of the stall. I could hardly keep from laughing while she washed her hands. When I came out of the bathroom, my husband wanted to know what those ladies had said to me. When I explained, he said he could tell by the look on my face that they had said something. We ended up with four great kids and now have 6 wonderful grandkids. I would do it all the same if I had the chance again. Don't let other people dictate your life. I have never known why people feel the need to decide how another person should live their life. Take your son out and have fun with him. You won't regret it. He and you deserve to enjoy his childhood. I people want to ask rude questions, answer them with the truth, that you are old enough to have these chilren.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

Sure stay home all the time.
People always ask me if my kids are my grandkids.
I always thinks this is funny, but now I realize what a problem
this is and maybe I should stay in the house.

so what ?

B. v.O.

I get this a lot even now that I am 26 and pregnant with my third. My favorite is actually when I get phone calls because I still sound young. When they ask if my parents are home I tell them yes, they ask to talk and I just say if you have pen and paper I can give you their phone number...LOL I just learned to have fun with it and take joy in looking and sounding young!! Congrats on your second pregnancy and enjoy your time where ever you go!

KF, I know your struggle because I had the same struggle even before I had any kids. I actually typed a very long e-mail about this..... then I lost the answer in this post. sigh~~~
Anyway, I just want to encourage you to be proud of WHO YOU ARE and how you look. God made you special and no one is like you. No need to be bothered by other's stare or comments about you, your kids deserve the best from their parents. If you are married, wear your ring.

You are just turning 25. I was 30 when I had my first child and I usually look 10 years younger than my age. So who's worst? ha... Well not trying to compete here but want to encourage you to be proud of who you are. This issue USED to bother me a lot and I thought after having kids, I would look "older". Well I look about the same and people often tell me "you look exactly the same as 10 years ago". Well... so what? I think they are just jealous. h.a... I don't let others' comments bother me so much anymore, I don't have time to worry about what they say, I need to focus my time on my kids and who I really am.

You can go out with your son with confident, what matters is what lay inside of you - if you are mature adult, then people can tell when they know you. So be a proud Mom and be happy about it.

Please, be proud that you can be a young- looking mama!! I have always been tall, and as a child was always assumed to be older than my age... very frustrating for a kid!! I had my first daughter at 23, and even though I looked my age, I still got grief for having a baby "so young"... I was married and everything!!! Now that I have turned 30, I WISH I could look the way I did even 7-8 years ago, I would LOVE to have your problem!!! If anything, now I might even be looking older than my age (what with the grey coming out, and the stress of having more children!!), but I always remember, that children love their Moms for what they do, and not for what they look like!! And as long as they are happy and healthy, then who cares what everyone else thinks!!! Enjoy that youthful face, because you are the one people will envy when you are 40+ and looking so much younger than that!!! :) Its hard to forget what people say to you, but those people would probably comment on something else if it weren't your age, they just like to talk people down... (I know, I have one in my family!!!).

:) Smile and remind them that its not polite to comment on a ladies age.... unless they would enjoy you commenting on THEIR age as well? LOL! Best of luck!!!!

Yup -- stop worrying what people think. It's pointless.

You'll be happy you have a young face when you're my age.

.

My mom had the same problem. Her first was born 2 days after her 23rd birthday. When she went out with my dad who was 29 (and looked older) for her birthday, my dad was getting all of the dirty looks for being the dirty old man getting the teenager pregnant. I always thought that was a funny story. Back then people had children at a much earlier age, though, so she didn't have a problem with it. All of my friends had their first child in their 30s or even 40s and some of them have the opposite problem of people mistaking them for being the kids grandparents. My mom is now 62 and occasionally gets mistaken for being her grandkids' mother. Don't worry too much about other people judging you. That is there problem, not yours. Soon you will enjoy looking young for your age.

Hello KF,
I've had similar experiences, however it was as a special ed. teacher with young adults. We'd go to the mall for community based training and people gave us horrible stares because we were a group of adults accompanying severely retarded adults. Our society is chalk full of what should look "perfect" which puts anyone outside those perimeters doomed for their thoughts of disgust. Sad our society is so full of prejudices.
The good news is, you'll look youthful as you grow older, believe me, you'll be grateful as you will spend many more years as an aged person than one of youth.
This forum is for mothers no matter what the issue, so good you came to vent, that is healthy!
Wendy

I am now a 41 year old mommy of 4 children. My youngest is 2.5 and my oldest 17. We were just laughing about this 2 days ago! I was in the same boat as you back when I was first pregnant. I was asked to leave the gaming floor in Vegas, I was looked at with "that look" of disappointment from the elderly ladies, I also got the "how old are you?". It used to fire me up as well when I was your age and I completely understand. I now know, being older and living the years through, that it was nothing. My only suggestion is to maybe own the moment. Either walk away laughing or smiling (not rude-like, but like it is a funny secret that only you know)..or if it is an incredibly uncomfortable situation, then address it without being defensive. Maybe let that person know how you feel. Put it on them. We are not going to change the world and the judgemental people out there and I am certain that you are not a huge fan of teen pregnancy yourself...Now we know that we don't always know the real story and maybe we can only change our perception and the way we handle things, not others. That is the lesson to show your son and new baby. Walk with pride..go out in public and know that you have nothing to prove or answer to other than your children and their good time. One day you will get older, have wrinkles, gray hair and will look back at this time and know it was a blink in time...don't let it get you down..