But I'll Miss You!

i see many things going on here;first she has discovered she can get her way,then she can make any and everyone feel guilty, and lst but not least she has a problem you need to deal with. First yes she can play you but then most children can do this-it is a matter of how much you let them get away with. It takes training to understand how to cope and to teach both of you (her and all the rest) I recommend a child therapist-CHILD- they can teach you lots! A therapist can work on the guilt also as well as teaching you how to deal and to teach her a better way than her routines. Find one you feel comfortable with-they are out there and can be at good prices too. Good luck.

OK, I am going to come at this from a little different angle. No hate mail please, I am speaking from experience.
I am thinking this little girl is getting a LOT of attention for this behavior. Hugging, kissing, talks, compassion, etc, and now it is getting (as you say) ridiculous.
I have several grandchildren. All are very intelligent kids, but one is especially good at learning how to "manipulate" to get attention. (yes, even when she was only 3 years old)
When she pulls something like this, and my daughter is beside herself with not knowing what to do, I wait until my granddaughter pulls the same thing at my house, then I look at her and calmly say, "knock it off. You know better." No anger, just an I-know-what-you-are-up-to tone in my voice. She gives me a sly grin and a look that says "How do you ALWAYS know ?" and drops the behavior and walks away just fine. (Though not before giving me a big hug first.) The behavior stops until she can think of something else to get her over-analyzing mother worked up.
Now maybe your little one is doing this, and maybe not. Only you can size up the situation. But if she is very smart at all, I would venture to say it is a strong possibility.
Good luck.
:o)

Maybe you could read her the book The Kissing Hand. It is about a child going to school and missing mommy, but maybe the lesson it teaches would help.

Of course if she's getting a lot of attention for it, she'll do it more, but fears are very normal at this age. My almost four year old had a hard time this spring/summer after we accidentally set off the house alarm siren on Good Friday and again on Easter. He did it the first time, and my mother did it the second. Until just the last month or so, he was afraid to be away from us for even a moment. I mean, he wouldn't go in the other room or sometimes even across the room from us. He always wanted to be in sight. This didn't seem to bother him when we played at other people's houses or outside as much (although I always keep him in sight then, anyway).

It took about four months to calm down. It sounds a lot like what your daughter is doing. We didn't pay much attention to my son when he did it. I wouldn't follow him all over the house, so if he wanted to go in the other room but was afraid to go alone, then he was out of luck. We also didn't punish him or yell at him, even though it was really annoying. I honestly couldn't figure out a way to stop him; he just grew out of it.

i like bonnie's response, sorry! i know it's not pc to allow your children to be scared sometimes, but i have a three year old little boy and we've had our own rough year...it comes to a point where it's not feasible for him to cower for five minutes in the doorway of a room with more than three people in it, and the a/c is on!...i love my son to death but there is a time and a place for cuddling. i have had to tell him, i know you're scared and it's okay to be scared, but sometimes we have to do things that scare us. period. i reassure him that he'll be fine, that i'll be right there with him, and continue. if it gets out of hand (he may start crying or in extreme cases shaking - he's terrified of spiders, bats, and train whistles - and we live right next to train tracks) i can tell if he's really freaked out or just acting. there are times when a little tlc is warranted. but you know if things have been especially stressful for her and she may truly be more upset than usual, or if she's just being dramatic.

kids get scared, that's a fact. if it wasn't daddy being gone it would have probably been something else at some point or another. how you teach her to deal with this is a life lesson she may draw on for the rest of her life. good luck! (no pressure!) lol!

maybe you could give her an outlet... like when this behavior starts... giver her something to hug, or let her express it through a dance... an i'll miss you dance, or let her draw.
you'll need to be consistant to let the association connect.

or simply ignore the behavior and reward her in other areas.

good luck... this parenting thing is hard!

G'Morning Le Anne. It's a tad bit normal for this to happen with little ones. Our son is in Louisiana right now and has been for about 2 months now working. What they do is visit every night on the phone or web cam. But Corbin 4, started a long time ago when his mom would leave for work telling her Not to Go stay home with him. He would block the door, grab her legs what ever. Even though we always had a great time together he would do this several times a week.
Now he tells her he has to tell her something, and it could take up to 5 minutes for him to decide what to tell her that might make her want to stay home. SHE would LOVE to be a WAHM, just won't happen yet.

Corbin will ask if I miss him while he is at school, well yes I did. Do you miss me now? Well no we are together now. Saying that makes him sad. When Mom comes home he hides so she can't take him home. Little Minx. Then tells her he wants to stay at Nana's house not Hers..

They met Dad at Emme's (gr ma Sherry)house in TX a couple of ago and they had a great time. When it was time to come back home Corbin told mom to put the stuff in the front seat in the trunk so Daddy could come home too.

Take your daughter with you when you check the mail or let her stand at the door and watch the dogs when you let them out. Show her they are coming back. Tell her you will visit Gr ma's house maybe on the weekend and mark it on the calender. If daddy is working again have him make a big deal about coming home when he gets there, tell her before hand it's almost time for Daddy to be home from Work!! Then have dad do something "Like Where is My Big Girl? I missed her while I was working. Then carry through with playing or reading to her for a few minutes. Have dad ask her if she had a Great day while he was Working. This could be a really great time for her and daddy too.

Its been a short time and there is some separation things still happening, but she will get it if you help her see people are really coming home.

God Bless you
K. Nana of 5

What your daughter is going through is normal abandonment issues...she really beleives she's not going to see these people again...It really just takes a lot of patience and working with her...I would starte with you, dad and the dogs...let the dogs out and tell her they will be back in 10 minutes and let her open the door to get them. Same with daddy/you... As for the classes you are in...that's a little harder but I would think once you get her to believe that you all are coming back, that she would understand that her friends will too....

It is normal at that age to go through seperation anxiety. However, her anxiety is extreme for several reasons-1)her father leaving the house for a long period of time (to her) and 2) because you may be rewarding the behavior without being aware you are doing it. For example, if by displaying the behavior, she gets your 'special' attention, that is a reward.
First, I would start by talking to her about what 'leaving' means-that saying goodbye is not forever. Goodbye means you will be back at some point in time. She'll need time to trust that is the case. Right now, she might not believe you. Start by leaving for short periods of time, then pointing out how you came home just like you said you would. Also, make sure you are not rewarding her for the behavior. When she starts 'freaking out', state the dogs must go out to potty, but will be back or dad has to go to work today, but will be back before dinner and say it without getting emotional. Just state it as a fact and move on (walk away if you have to).
If that doesn't work after a month or so, I would consult a child and/or family therapist to help you.