Can You Sum up Your Office with a Sound Bite?

Oh, man, when I worked as a hairstylist I could tell you some stories! There was the successful $500 a haircut stylist to the stars who did coke in the bathroom non-stop, wore Gucci and Armani suits even while slinging color everywhere and got his assistant pregnant (he was married w/ kids to a crazy lady who flipped out at the salon when she heard the news) ... the stylist who would run out the backdoor when the cosmetology board would show up unexpectedly (he had no license) ... the stylist who had horrible breath and would tell you about his foot fetishes ... That's only the beginning, it was drama non-stop!

Now I work with a bunch of laid-back professors ... one looks like he just rolled out of bed at any given time ... another wears shorts and t-shirts every day, no matter the weather ... all of them are super cool people. Brilliant in their field, but don't make you feel like a mental midget.

Having worked in the land of cubicles from 1986 - 2005 (I work from home now), I can't say there was ever one sound that could describe it.
For the longest time, I felt like I was living Dilbert on a day to day basis.

There was the time we were discussing a journal extract program that had some sort of leak in it, we called it jourex for short and a British co-worker thought we were talking about a European brand of condom. Were our faces red - we had NO IDEA, and in that context the conversation sounded so absolutely sordid.

Then there was the time we had a 3 person legal dept near our section of cubicles and the head of that dept had an actual office a few feet away.
One of those ladies had this thing about using her speaker phone and she'd call about a dozen relatives every single day and repeat the same exact story to each one of them and THEN she'd call her boss (in his office, with his door open ALSO on HIS speaker phone) and we'd hear both side of the conversation as she complained she had too much work to finish in one day. If she had any more relatives we would have had to pay her overtime.

Then there was the guy who you could smell coming from 50 feet away.
It was practically a death sentence to be in an elevator with him.
Seriously - eyes would water it was so bad.
I don't know if he had a medical problem or not but it was torture sitting anywhere near him. He reeked like he bathed once a year or less.

And the female supervisor who was fired due to sexual harassment, and the couple (one from IT one from HR) who were having an affair and were found doing the deed during work hours in a utility closet.

Working in an office can sure give you interesting stories to tell in your old age.

From Office Space: "What is it, exactly, you DO here?"

There have been so many layers of management added, all with about 10 seconds of experience with the products....it's laughable.

Maybe a good sugar rush and shiny balloons is what your office has been missing! ;)

Oh my working in cubie world with computer geeks is a whole different world
(I am new to geekville so I still find it amusing) We have Body Fat guy who works out 6 times a day and is trying to sell us all some protein shake daily- Hacker dude that his entire job is to break code all day long- Sleepy, seriously all he does is sleep - and snore. The Fighter- argues any point for any reason. and the Hippie Chick- I honestly have no idea what she does but is apparently highly educated and really good at scrabble( I just want her to brush her hair) Our "parties" last about 30 minutes because that is as long as we can take out meetings are conference calls or webinars- yes we are in the same building-
We actually had a guy retire and nobody knew for about a week until his email started coming back. Welcome to Cubie World

For anyone that started working here after working at another company that is semi-functioning, it's like falling down the rabbit hole.

Everything is upside down, but no one seems to notice.

.

My last job in Corporate America - Bring your soapbox, kids, and make darn sure you know those party lines. All miscreants will be blamed on the spot for all failures in the history of the company.

At the end of that job the company was deep in the age of promoting all women all the time in spite of a lack of credentials. They pitched to me. I let it be known I can see over my boobies so they needn’t be used as a basis for my promotions.

My current job – ‘Boys club’ in flashing neon. Boy humor, boy words, boy battles with measuring sticks and fire hydrants. For the most part a nice set of folks despite the rough spots. Also you know where you stand without all the politics and BS. What you see is what you get.

Girl I have been in retail for so long, It is like being in a stage production..
We have ti be "On" all day to help clients. We keep it together on the sales floor, but behind the scenes,,.

Of course we also have to have the balloons the Cake and Champagne!! There are always bottles chilling in the mini fridge, We never use paper or plastic.. we always have the real glass or crystal, we have a set of silver cake cutters.. we are so over the top..

Screaming crazies, the Christian Woman who works cosmetics, but has been married 8 times.. The women hiding from 3 different boyfriends,.. the college students with the hangovers.. The intern that her parents kicked her out with no money and she cannot read an analog clock..

The Police serving warrants to the floor staff. Usually for parking and speeding tickets never paid.

The bookkeeper who gets beat up by her husband comes to work with black eyes and mother is dying of cancer,. the crazy buyer in the back with hair dyed to match her handbag.. And then the saleswoman who steals every body's sales but will not be fired because her sales are so high!!!

The yelling, the pouting, the cannot live without each other. Yes.. That has been my drama filled work life. But somehow we make it happen.

I work from home now but loved reading the stories - made me remember all my old office days before I escaped to the quiet of my kitchen table.

In all seriousness - it's hard to fight with other virtual employees - but we have crazy management here that implements huge changes on a 6 month basis - and in the last year we've fired over 8 sales people and lost like 12 employees - long term ones - and the company only has 50 people total.

It's fun when we all get together but since it only happens about once a year the drama is never really worth writing about. But thanks for the giggle...

I think all smallish offices are like families - a little dysfunction, one sister always trying to make it all work, the uncle that is way too touchy-feely, the alcoholic aunt or uncle. How we try to make it work depends a lot on the senior management. If the senior people invest in the rank and file and do things that show that every person is important it will be a well-functioningi office. If senior management lies, no one will trust anyone - if senior management is selfish everyone else will be too, etc.

I guess I'm the quiet sister - I work part-time and handle a couple of sizable accounts. I work in order to make money to pay for my life. My life is not my work. So I get in to my office, do my work and go home. I don't go out for happy hour, I don't attend the vendor sponsored parties, etc. Although most of my coworkers are really nice people, who I really like, I'd much rather spend time with my family.

ooh my!! that was fast!! can I have her job?!?!?!

I am not in an office right now - so I'm lucky!! I only have to deal with my family! YIKES!! And that can be a handful sometimes!!!

is this one that complains about always being poor? If so! YEAH!! If it's one that works - boo!!!

For the employee that doesn't brush their teeth? Get them the wisps by Colgate - that might save everyone!!! I keep those in my purse!! LOVE THEM!!