Consequences for Stealing

I have to say that I think you are handling the situation well, but I disagree with what Nina K. said. You should not buy him erasers and marbles so he doesn't steal them, that will only teach him that if he threatens to steal something mom will buy it so he doesn't have to. We don't get everything we want in life, he needs to learn that now. Just because we don't have something doesn't mean we can take it. I'd tell him that if he wants something he has to work to earn it.

I think you are doing it right (pay for it, apologize) I am sure you are also explaining why it is wrong and the consequences.

My son stole something from a hardware store, and I made him go back in to return it and tell the manager himself. I called the manager first and told him not to tell my son it was "okay" because it's not. They handled it great. Having to admit to the guy that he stole the item was difficult and humbling for my son. It never happened again.

So, I think your son should have to pay for what is damaged (although I'm not sure how much a child that age understands about money), but I think it's more of a lesson if he has to confess to the teacher. I would not prompt him or do the lead-in for him. It's not just enough to say "sorry" - he has to go through the action of telling the teacher what he did, handing her the items, and facing her. That should do it.

The second problem you have is the lying about it - saying the marbles came from friends. You can address that by showing your child that you figured out the truth and checked on him. Let him know that lying doesn't pay - you have to keep lying to cover it up.

I think you have a handle on it and are reacting appropriately.

Since you know he took the erasers, he's broken your trust. I do think you are giving the right consequences to make amends for the erasers. And unfortunately, now you do have valid reason to be suspicious of the origins of other small things he brings home. If it were me, I'd purse the marbles a bit more. You could ask him which friend gave him the marbles. You could go in to school with him a few minutes early and genlty ask that child if he gave your son the marbles, and where did the marbles come from? You can compare them to the marbles from the marble run to see if it is obvious they came from that toy. It his story doesn't add up, you can talk to him again and ask for the truth. If you have catch him lying, yes, more consequences because you have warned him. Even if you aren't able to prove or disprove anything about the marbles, I'd still make him return them to the friend and explain that because he lied about the erasers, you can't be sure it is right for him to keep the marbles either. He's broken your trust and he will have to earn your trust back, which will take some time.

Hi A., I personally think you're doing everything exactly right!

Hopefully a short phase, right?

:)

Hi, A.:
His buying new erasers with his own money and
apologizing to those he stole from and also
he needs to have a cirlce dialogue with his
family to apologize with answering these questions:

1. What happened?
2. What were you thinking of at the time?
3. What have you thought about since?
4. Who has been affected by what you have done? In What way?
5. What do you think you need to do make things right?

Then each family member answers these questions:

1. What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3. What has been the hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

Hope this helps.
Good luck.
D.

If these are the first things he has taken, I think your consequence is perfect and and the explanation to him of what he did along with making him apologize suffices. Make sure he knows it will be more serious next time now that he understands. Good work!

My daughter was coming home with 'things'... Long story short, I met with her teacher, and the teacher would check her backpack every day, as would I. I made her write apology letters to the PARENTS of the students whose things she had taken, and made her verbally apologize to the students. Their school truancy officer had a short chat with her about being an outstanding citizen, and asked her how she would feel if someone took something of hers.

Overkill? Maybe... but I know my child better than anyone else, and this was appropriate for her and her mentality. It's never happened again, and she's sure to tell a teacher if someone else is taking something that's not theirs. She really is a very kind, selfless child... she just messed up, and now she knows better.

If he lied about the erasers (which you've already verified), why would you expect that he's telling the truth about the marbles? Just saying!

I don't think you can over-react to lying. We're dealing with that right now with our 14 year old and the consequences are very severe this time around. When trust is broken, it's very hard to rebuild. Your son is young, but he need to learn now how important it is for you to be able to trust him.

I would be checking his backpack/pockets on a daily basis.

I would make sure he has all the erasers and marbles he wants, too, so that he doesn't feel like he needs to steal them.