Controversial Debate :-)) Men Are Better SAH Parent than Women

Well...my wife seems to think I'm a damn fine SAHD!!!

It was rough at first. I admit it. But now - I've got a routine and me and my little beauties are loving it.

I don't think "sex" has anything to do with who is good or best - it's all about attitude. I WANT this. I love being here with my girls. If a man is a SAHD because of job layoff or anything else - it can make a man feel "less". We are wired to be providers. Bring home the bacon. He-man (beats chest). After talking this over with my wife for a few months BEFORE we did this - I realized I AM providing for my family, just NOT with money. I am doing better. I am teaching my girls what to expect in a man and how to behave like ladies.

Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!
No you can't!
Yes I can!
No you can't!
Yes I can!

Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!
No you can't!
Yes I can!
No you can't!
Yes I can!

((Sums up my thoughts in entirety))

I think that's a individual thing.
I know many men that could not cut it as a stay at home dad and I know a couple that are and they are great. I know women that are great at it and I know ones that would be climbing the walls in 10 mins if they tried.

I think that if either a M. or a dad is able to stay home with the kids, those kids are pretty darn blessed. The rest is splitting hairs.

I don't think this question can be answered with a yes/no that would apply across the board. Every individual has different strengths and weaknesses that make them better suited to some jobs over others. Not to be too polarizing, but our differences as men and women work to complement each other and provide for our kids' different needs so they are met completely (in a perfect world). In the case of our family, I know that our levels of strength can vary from day to day or task to task and we typically balance each other out - to our son's benefit. No one person, male or female, is really designed to meet all of the needs of another person, no matter how much we might debate that point as a society.

I really don't know how this can be controversial unless you absolutely believe in gender stereotypes. Both men and women can rock the stay at home parent gig. It's not a contest! :)

LOL @ Riley!!!!! I totally had that song running through my head when I posted! Haha!

Sorry - I don't buy the man vs woman or woman vs man thing. Individuality counts way over just assumptions.

Dawn

Well I can only speak for MY man.

If he were at home, the kid might be taken care of (fed, clothed) but my son would likely not get a nap, not get playdates, not play boardgames with Dad. The laundry would get put in the wash and in the dryer, but would not ever get folded or hung up. My son may or may not have his teeth brushed or get a bath unless I told husband to do so.

I like time to myself (last month I went to the movie by myself) but when I got home, I had to be the one to get the kid in his jammies, brush his teeth, etc. And last week I left to run errands for my husband. Kiddo stayed home with Dad. I came home at 1:00 and he'd not fed our son lunch!

I know MY husband is not the norm of SAHDads, but I don't think it'd be best for him to stay home with the kiddo.

I know a Dad who stays home, he totally approaches his day as he did at the office. He calls his kids his "clients" (with a smile of course) and he is there to work for them. He loves it, and I find his attitude refreshing.

I think this is a valis and GOOD question. (How in the world is this question "stirring things up"?!!!)

My opinion? There are probably as many men as women that are good parents. Period. Stay at home or otherwise.

My husband has had a little taste when we (with an infant) worked opposite shifts. He did an amazing job.

It's not an "easy" job to be a SAHP, but neither are lots of outside the home jobs.

I know good SAHMs and crappy SAHMs, I suspect the same is true with SAHDs--there are good and not so good.

I think you are looking to stir up something.

It is nothing but a generalization. You can no more say that "men" are better SAH parents than "women" are, than you can say ALL dogs are better family pets than all fish. You can only truly argue about specifics: THIS man might be a better SAH parent that THAT woman (or vice versa). Or "in this situation" this person is better than that person at being the SAH parent.

GENERALLY, I think it is true that more women are more nurturing than men tend to be. And GENERALLY, men tend to be more logic/action/discipline oriented. Can a man be a fantastic SAH parent without being "nurturing"? Sure. He can run a tight ship in the household with chores for everyone, lunches made in advance, meal planning covered by the week, a schedule for everything and everyone sticking to their schedule. And not be all that nurturing.
So, what are your criteria for being "better" at being a SAH parent? Nurturing personality? Organized to the nth degree? A blend of the two? What?
Your question is poorly worded to give anything but argumentative responses, so I am guessing that is what you are after.

ETA: and by the way, being a fantastic SAH man parent doesn't preclude them from ALSO being nurturing... Just saying that it isn't necessarily NECESSARY to be efficient at getting business taken care of at home.

I do not think Gender dictates this but personality, as you said women tend to get the nurture gene but I know MANY men who have it equal to or more than their female counter part. I think for each family that is deciding upon a SAHP role it is personal and specific to the home's personalities.

Hi amom-

I think the statements you are making are very sweeping, broad, even 'glittering' generalizations.

My hope is that 'individuals' will have a chance to explore and cultivate 'their' individuality and strengths without being confined to 'gender' roles.

My hope is further...that 'parents' (men or women...in ANY combination) will be freer to really work together in their role as parent...using their individual gifts and strengths without judgement....

That is 'my' wish

Best luck!
michele/cat

***ETA...
Can Riley NAME the musical??? lol***

I know from experience, that my husband would be a much better SAHP , than I. I honestly , don't enjoy staying home & tend to get depressed easily.

BAHAWAHAHA!!

That's the funniest thing I've heard all day!

Thanks for the giggle.

Sorry, guys, but, you know, C'MON!

:)

I think men are better right now because they have something to prove. In the long haul I doubt there is a big difference in the genders.

wow - this will be controversial!! you trying to stir up something here?!?!? (smiles)

I don't think my husband would be a good SAHD. It has nothing to do with HIM as a man - it's just his demeanor. he also contradicts himself!! LOL!! He LOVES to sleep!! So he would probably wake up - get the boys off to school and go back to bed!! then wake up and make a mad dash to get things done!

When I go away for a weekend? Yeah - they have fun - but he is TOTALLY happy I'm home!!

My husband is an excellent SAHD and much better than a lot of women I know. He cooks, he cleans, he takes care of our son, he has dinner ready for us when I get home from work. Does he do everything the way I would? No. But I don't do it the way he does. It doesn't make either way right or wrong. Just different. Sweeping gender stereotypes are rarely correct in all situations. It just depends on the people.

Have not read the other responses but given my experience, we've done both, and I am way better at it than my husband was. When he was in charge, at least DD was fed and was not in harm's way - but anything else I had to remind him or ask him to do. I don't feel that if you decide to be the SAHP, I should have to point what needs to be done. DH seemed to treat it like he was on vacation and wasted a lot of time playing on the computer and watching TV. Now I am staying home more and DH is re-entering the work force, and I make sure I am on top of laundry, cooking, cleaning, doing stuff with DD, etc. I am much more productive around the house than him and nobody has to tell me what needs to be done!

I'm 50/50 on this one.

I think women 'by nature' is what you describe, and the same with men who choose to stay home, I have seen a lot of really amazing sahds... of course, it is a generalization and mostly personality based. I've seen just as horrible sahms and sahds too.

One thing Stay at Home Dads do SO MUCH better than SAHM is share the parenting and house work. They dont say "You dont need to help cuz you worked all day" and then feel heartbroken when you dont insist on helping. My husband knows what he does, take care of our son, is important and he doesnt stress over what doesnt get done! and because working moms tend to spend more time with their kids then working dads the kids get the best of both worlds. My son gets outside more (backyard or park) with Daddy and then I read to him, and cuddle with him more enjoying that time I get with him more than if I had been home all day.

I think it just depends on the person. My husband would never focus or stay on a routine. He'd sometimes go do activities but most often he'd be busy on his iphone or whatever and would forget. He will forget to take the kid's coats or even a diaper bag. He always forgets to pack a snack and then he is in a bind when the kids are hungry and he thinks it is ok to just run in McDonalds or get donuts (all the time!). All routines would go out the window if he were the caregiver. The house would be a huge mess. I have gone away for 2-3 days and it is like he cannot multitask when it comes to the kids. He cannot watch then AND cook dinner...AND clean up. So all cleaning goes out the window. ALL of it. sigh. Also, he is not good at planning meals. We take turns planning meals and cooking. I do most of it but he does it 1 night a week (more if he wants to). He will write down what I need to get but then over and over his dinner consists of one thing...He'll grill salmon and have no sides. Or he will make some noodles but have no veggies or will not plan a sauce. Either he does not care or he just does not think ahead. I can't tell! When he gets the kids ready for bed he never once has them pick up the bath toys and he pretty much 100% of the time forgets to have them brush their teeth. I sometimes wonder, wow, what would happen if I were to die? Things would be out of control around here. He's a great guy though - the best! But I think a lot would be forgotten if he were the main caregiver. But I believe some women are like this and some men make awesome caregivers. It just depends on the person's personality!

Totally based on the individual. Different isn't better, just different.

How is that controversial? It's pretty much a given that sweeping gender stereotypes are not acceptable.

It's hard to generalize because individuals are so different. I know of some stay at home dads who may seem to be a better SAH parent because they don't view the cleaning/housework to be an equal component to their job, or don't hold the same standards of cleanliness that their wife would if she stayed home. I think there are a great many dads who spend more of their SAHD day actually doing things with the children and more moms who spend more of their day doing housework. I think that more women who work and have a partner at home expect to split the housework when they get home, whereas more men who go to work with partners that stay home expect their partner to take care of all of that - the cleaning, cooking, laundry. Now, don't all jump in and say, "My husband is a SAHD and does 90% of the housework." I never said that these scenarios fit everyone and I did say that it's hard to generalize. But if you see a bunch of people who fit one of these stereotypes, then it's easy to assume that they all do, but that's not how it works. I don't think that a sweeping general statement that one gender of parent is a "better" stay at home parent than the other.
I know that when my kids were small, on the weekends, if I was home alone with the kids for the day, I'd get a lot of stuff around the house done and not spend so much time playing directly with the kids but if Dh was home with them for the day, he spent more time actually doing things with the children and less time on house chores (there was no SAHP).

It's not a sex thing, it's person thing. Debates require facts & all that's going to happen here is opinion & experience.

I think that it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with the individual. Neither DH nor I could be a FT SAH parent. When DS was little - I had a weekday with him, DH had a weekday with him, 3 days in daycare and Saturday & Sunday we were all home. I don't think one of us does a better job than the other.

I am horrified by the women who don't think their children's father can take care of them at all. So - how are your boys supposed to learn how to be dads when they grow up and how are your girls supposed to learn what a father does when it is time for them to pick a partner? I do think in many cases women do not 'allow' their husbands to be equal participants - assuming that the don't want to/couldn't possibly know how/etc. Sorry - no one is born knowing how to change a diaper, pack a diaper bag or bathe a child - it's pretty much all learned behavior.

Well, obviously nothing is absolute, but barring the occasional exception -- no way!!!

I feel it has nothing to do with the gender, and everything to do with the person. Gender has sterotypes. Fathers in general may have better skills in one area, but will lack in another. Mothers as well. I know my husband could NOT do a full time stay at home, he cant make it more than 4 hours with out sending them to bed or having a melt down, because of the noise.

I don't think that gender has anything to do with it. I do think that two parents are better than one (no matter the gender of either).

I have a unique situation that I am a SAHM and my hubby works from home so we are both here all the time to help each other raise our daughter. As for my hubby doing house work that would never happen, he would have to hire a maid to get it all done. He would rather throw out dishes then wash them so he makes the money.

I think it depends on the man. I think men can just as easily watch TV and let the kids jump off the furniture as women. I think that some men can be better than some women...just as some women are better than some men and some PARENTS are better than other parents.

I think being a SAHD would drive my DH crazy, bu it suits our friend very well.

I think it depends on the person. My husband would not be a good stay at home parent. He's just too into himself and his interests to focus on the kids all day long. I won't even leave the kids for a long time with him because I don't think he's as good at parenting as I am. Now, I could never do my husband's job. It's very stressful and I'm not as bright as he is. I would probably get canned the first week. So, I'll stay a good ol' house frau who loves her babies. I have a dear girlfriend who works full time and her husband is the stay at home parent. He's great at it while his wife is a huge moneymaker and prefers to work outside of the home. Every couple is different. Gotta do what is best for your situation.

Lol, women are better nurturers and multitaskers. I really don't see the other side to the argument,.

I was relating a story from my childhood to my husband that turned into an argument about whose approach is "right" -- M.'s or Dad's -- and we ended up concluding that both approaches are important and crucial. Different is a good thing. And I realize that the "Dad role" and the "M. role" are generalities and there are exceptions. Different personalities probably affect our parenting style more than gender does, but generally speaking, dads teach kids how to function in the real world and moms teach kids how to function in relationships.

The story from my childhood is one day my M. was gone and I got stuck up in a tree I had climbed and couldn't get down. My sister frantically ran inside to tell my dad to come save me and his response was, "She climbed up the tree by herself and she can figure out how to get down by herself." My M. totally would have saved me, and as a parent myself looking back, I'm appalled my dad didn't. My husband sided with my dad stating that I didn't die or even break bones getting down and I learned an important life lesson about being more careful with the situations I get myself into. My dad refused to rescue us from stupid mistakes, and as a result we grew up understanding the relationship between cause and effect and that there were consequences to our actions. But I also loved knowing that I had a warm, nurturing mother who would empathize and didn't want me to get hurt and was there to shield me from the harsh world. So in the end, we decided that both are vital and that instead of trying to get the other spouse to parent like we do, to appreciate the diversity our kids are receiving.

I realize this doesn't directly answer your question, but it's my 2 cents. I'm a SAHM, and my husband would be absolutely wonderful with the kids (he's very patient and doesn't get overwhelmed easily), but the house would kind of fall apart because he doesn't care and we'd eat cereal or chips and salsa for every meal and who knows when the kids would ever bathe. Since I have a higher standard for the house, it's a good reason I'm the one primarily left in charge of keeping it clean. I also care about feeding the family healthy, balanced meals. I also do way more fun activities with the kids out and about, as well as learning activities at home. He plays with them really well with unstructured, spontaneous pay. He gets less stressed about things, which makes for a healthy emotional environment. I would love one day to switch roles and see the difference since I can really only guess. But at this point he makes way more money than I would, so I don't see how we could do that. Once the kids are in school and I start working again I would love to both work part-time and both help out with the kids and home but, financially speaking, the division of labor is a smarter move. We both get good and efficient at what we specialize in.

I agree completely in my situation. My husband is the SAH parent and he does an excellent job. He has a routine. He has more patience than I do and doesn't get overwhelmed with everything piling up. Our daughter loves her daddy being home. I can see though in other families where the mother would be more suited to SAH. I think it depends on the individual people and not whether they are the mother or father.