Coping with Chaos

Get help. If you can afford it at all hire some help, whether it's with the house, with the kids or both. Give yourself a break.

If you cannot afford it then recruit friends or family. I'll keep your kids for an hour if you'll keep mine for an hour.......etc...

Let go of perfection. A dusty house or clutter is not the end of the world. Don't try to do it all.

My husband traveled too HAP. He is a wonderful husband and excellent provider. He did his best to be "present" but there were many times he just had to be away or working. Sometimes I felt downright abandoned on top of being overwhelmed. My husband and I talked about ways he could feasibly help, and I hired a housekeeper. I joined a womens support group that met one night a month and a bunko group that met one night a month. (If you can't join one, then start one) My husband made it a priority to not travel on those two nights. Occasionally I had to hire a babysitter or impose on my mother or sister when he just had to be out of town....... just do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Or email me. I really get it!

The way I cope is organization and routine. It seems silly, but it works for me and my 3 year old to have a general, flexible routine for our days. It doesnt mean you do the same thing every day, except the obvious, eating and naps, and stuff, but when you know what sort of shape your day will be in, it helps.

I relax by reading. I get plenty of books from the library so I never go without something to read, and if one book isnt interesting, I can start the next.

I have a sticky note program on my computer. I look up bible verses online and then use various bible programs online to look up related verses. When I find a verse or a commentary that speaks to me, I fill a sticky note with it. Then I write out my own personal prayer a long those lines on the sticky note. I look at them as often as possible.

Sometimes, I think alone time is more important than sleep. The only alone time a mom finds is in the middle of the night when the kids are sleeping.

I also enjoy a good movie or tv marathon. I like to buy or rent whole series through netflix or Amazon to watch when I never saw the series. That way I get to see it from start to finish over a couple of weeks. I'll put my headphones on and watch it on my laptop while the kids watch something else. I'm in the room with them and we all get some quiet down time.

Whining and tantrums come from a place of boredom and or being too tired. Kids get overwhelmed too. When a child is too tired they bounce off the walls and become whiny. They need down time too. So when you are enjoying your movie, they can enjoy theirs. Thank God for being born in the 20th century and living in the 21st century now! I am no tv prude. Sometimes it's the only downtime we get and it's the cheapest entertainment out there.

I agree with the reading too. I belong audible.com for listening to books and I have a digital reader from Sony. I read their books AND, I downloaded the kindle software to my laptop for reading there. Listening to a book while doing the cleaning and chasing the kids is a GREAT way to decompress.

I have, quite possibly, the shortest answer you'll get: Stick to a schedule, keep it simple, stay organized.

The comfort of routine will destress your child (meaning fewer tantrums), and give you a feeling of control, which will help you cope and feel a whole lot better about dealing with future stresses.

Good luck,

C.

Find help. We have both sets of grandparents very close by and rely on them for overnight babysitting. Sometimes for date nites and sometimes to get DIY stuff done. Without this kind of help we'd spiral out of control too.

Let the housework go. Picked up is good enough. No one needs to be able to eat off of your floors. Your kids and husband love you you for yourself more than they do for your role as a maid.

Don't forget about you. Find time to read a book, take a walk, get your hair done...Whatever. Everyone needs a hour or two when they can stop being a mom, wife, sister, daughter, co-worker, etc. and just be themselves by themselves.

Exercise. Doesn't have to be anything serious and it doesn't need to be about weight loss. It is about giving your body a chance to kick in all those lovely, happiness inducing chemicals it releases when the body is active.

Sunshine. Seriously, here in MN with the cold and lack of sunlight from Dec-Feb, it can drive anyone crazy. Gardening or just sitting outside watching the kids play - I can feel the sun seeping into my bones and creating peace.

3 yrs olds are awesome, aren't they? When they get too "awesome" put them and yourself on time-out. Not because you are both naughty but because you both deserve a minute to cool down and get it together.

Get a sassy new lipstick and/or nail polish to remind yourself that you are still young, silly, and pretty. I have bright turquoise toes right now and it makes me inexplicably happy. = )

Ask your husband for help. But make your request specific and reasonable. For example, say, "Can you get the kids lunch in about 1 hour? A PB&J and banana would be fine. I need to get out for a walk. The baby kept me up all night and I think some fresh air would do me a world of good."

Put the kids in their bedrooms for at least a 1/2 hour or longer if you can, and make yourself a cup of tea and listen to your favorite music. It helps them to have some quiet time and you also.

M

Try to do O. goal a day (other than having everyone dressed & fed!) and focus on that. Also, on the REALLY whiney, chaotic days...bump up the bedtime so you have an hour or two to decompress. Good luck!

I'm coming late to the game here. No suggestions on decompressing (and it looks like you got some great ideas anyway), but I just wanted to mention something related to the tantrums. My 3 1/2 year old has horrible ones, and I have a life like yours--hubby is always working, or at school, and we don't have family nearby. I am with my kids for a minimum of 12 waking hours every day alone, and my 3 year old doesn't nap, hasn't for a year. I get overwhelmed, and my sister (a mom of 5) recently recommended a book to me called 1-2-3 Christian Magic. If you are not Christian, there is a 1-2-3 Magic book that is the same, but without the religious element. I have started to implement this way of disciplining, and it is helping both of us. Basically, you count kids to three for behaviors you want to STOP (not start). For example, you would not count them to clean their rooms, but you would count a tantrum. By "count" I mean your son asks for a popsicle right before lunch. You give a SHORT explanation (we're about to eat lunch, you can have one after lunch). If he asks again or starts a tantrum, you look at him and calmly say, "that's one". Remind him that when you get to three, there will be a time out (or other consequence if you don't want to do time out). The key is to stay calm, not show emotion, and not talk it out beyond the initial short explanation. So far, it's working great for my son, and it is keeping me from blowing up at him. Easy to remember, easy to implement and enforce. Sorry for the long response. Good luck!

Dear HAP, Having had 3 children in 2 1/2 years I remember the stress well. I do not know if you have anyone around to give you a break but whenever I could, I would fill the tub and relax for a while after the children were asleep. I also prayed with them and sang to them which also was relaxing to me. Prayer has helped me through many an issue. Divorce from an alcoholic, dependence on public assistance, more than one move and the death of one of my sons. I had re-married and had 2 more sons. We are stronger than we think we are. Try to muster it up from deep inside. You do have lots of issues but we are never given more than we can handle. Some day you will look back and realize just how well you handled things. My best wishes to you ...many blessings, Grandma Mary

I take a drive and listen to my CD's really loud or escape to the computer room. I used to have my scheduled "Nancytime" during the hours of 3-5pm, but my employment and school schedule nipped that in the butt.

I do not like change and being out of control either unless I'm the one changing things...lol. I've just tried to remember that with chaos comes rest IF we handle it correctly the first time.

The key is to realize that there are certain things that are going to be out of our control. Once we accept that and focus on the things we can control, life gets less stressful. I am no expert. I have to remind myself daily.

I am thankful that I was turned on to listening/watching Joyce Meyer. She has been such a great help over the past 7 years. I go into the computer room before the kids get up and watch her before starting my day. Then when I take a drive, I have some of her CD's to listen to while I am running errands. Less stress.

http://www.joycemeyer.org/ourministries/broadcast/

Nanc

I find when I stick to a rountine the kids are better behaved. Kids like consistency and rountines. It doesn't have to be inflexible. For example try to eat lunch at the same time..then nap or quiet time. My kids all napped until they were at least 4 yrs.
You need some down time while they have sometime to themselves.Read book to your kids.Have them help out with some little jobs. It will show that they are capable. I would sit them down when they whine ( my middle child whines he's 6yrs) tell the child this behavior is unacceptable. This is not the best part of you. Then tell them something you admire about them.
Listen to calm mediative music. Good luck.