Custody Battle - Mountain Home,ID

Idaho is a joint custody state, no matter what proof you have he still has a right to his children, when my husband went for sole custody of his children from an extramarital affiar (the children were born during our seperation) everybody all but laughed at us for trying to get sole custody, well we did get it but only because the birth mom made no attempt to fight it, so it may be almost impossible to get what you are asking for, even under hardship conditions.

Know from someone who has been in your place, and through all the emotions you are feeling. Ask your self these questions... Are you doing this more out of your hurt and anger? Is this really the best option for your boys? And the most important Q would be who benefits the most from your hurt and lets face it revenge, which is all very natural!!! Your boys need thier dad in thier life on a regular bases, he deserves the chance to be thier dad, No one can take that place not even the worlds best step father, and vise versa. Step back from the situation, it is very hard but well worth it, and look at it as an outsider, how would you advise the outsider to handle it? The best thing you can do is let it go. Move on. tell him no thank you to the relationship for you and him, if that is what you really want to do, and be very sure of it, no wavering. If you think he is worth a second try then fight with everything you have in you but go in knowing it may not work out and in the end at least you can say you tried. The best revenge for you and your boys, if you decide it is over, would be to move on and become independent and happy to find another man one day who will love you and your boys unconditionly (SP) who will value you as the woman you are and be your shoulder to cry on. That is your best revenge, that is your revenge, I believe what comes a round goes around, the grass always looks greener on the other side, but what my husband found out was it isn't and sometimes it is a bigger hell, his time will come and you can sit back in your happy life and know he is miserable and deserves what he gets, just make sure to protect those precious boys they grow way to fast and help them to build a healthy relationship with thier father. If you want to talk more feel free to message me, my box is alwasy open!

I know in my state of Wisconsin that you can take steps to move to another state but you have to notify the dad in writing and then I think its up to him to take you to court and then you tell the judge you want to move to be closer to your family and support (not because of your ex-husbands affair, it will backfire) or a main reason should be because of a job. If you had an attorney consult them or there should be a place for free legal advice. With your ex in the military whose to say he isn't going to be transferred to another state anyway. Good luck!

The terms of the divorce don't change the custody laws. You can't take your children to live out of state w/o his permission or a court order. You can't 'go back' and change orders, either...its a whole new case. Hire a lawyer and file a motion, it's the only place you can start.
~L.

Hi C.,
I don't know how much help I am going to be but I would start a journal. Document everything. When he gets back, document when he sees your boys, if the "friend" is staying overnight when he has the boys, ect. I have a friend that documented everything because her ex kept claiming false things. So when they went to court she had all the dates of when things happened and didn't happen. Good luck.
Chris

In my experience with this type of situation it is going to be very difficult for you to find a judge that will allow you to leave the state right now. Your best bet is to hold out for awhile and see how things work out. If he eventually stops seeing the boys or if you get a great job offer in another state than you might have a better chance. The courts will look at what's in the best interest of the boys. If you have all your family support in TX and he only sees them two or three times a year then the judge will probably allow you to go. However, family support in another state will not be more important than the boys being close to their father if he stays involved in their lives. I know it seems overwhelming right now but it will get easier. My kids were 1 and 3 when I got divorced and their father hasn't seen them in 4 yrs now. It's not easy but there's alot of positives about being a single parent. Just remember...if you decide to take your kids out for ice cream at breakfast time there's nobody to tell you no. Good luck and feel free to contact me anytime. K.

Hi my name is C. and i am a 21year old female kinda going through the same thing only the county took my daughter when she was only 4months old and i still have not gotten her back but maybe i can help u through what your going through ok just email me back and ask me some questions where are u curently living i live in detroit lakes minnesota

Fisrt of all I am really sorry about your situation. Second I would get a great lawyer. There should be no reason why you should have to stay in the state that you have no ties too. Your ex-husband is military and I think it makes a huge difference to your situation. Does it makes sense that if he gets orders to another state that you would have to pick up and follow him there as well? I would fight it as hard as I could. Not because you are mad or because of the situation, but because you need your family too. Besides he is not even there either so why should you have to be? I once was a military wife and I know how hard it is. I even use to live in Idaho. Small world! The best of luck to you.

In Michigan (where I live) it is a 'no fault' state, so it doesn't matter what caused the divorce and in turn has no bearing on the children. Personally, I feel that you have to put your feelings aside (which are understandably clouding your judgment) and think about your boys. Their father has the right to be around them and they have the right to be around him.

i am sorry to hear this, but from personal experiences...i would try to get closer to my parents, family and friends....i went thru my husband cheating on me 3 or 4 times....i kept forgiving him, because i was always accusing him of doing things - even if he weren't- i was a VERY jealous and controlling person. we went thru couseling and both had to change, we were separated for about 10 months- during which our 2nd daughter was born, then my dad passed away....then a few months later, we got back together, and this was back in 94, then he cheated on me again in 2003, and i found out it was a one nigh fling with a girl he worked with....so i made him leave work and we talked for 10 hours driving around...then he begged me that he would spend the rest of my life making it up to me...so we now have 2 teenagers and 2 toddlers...which i love more than anything...i love him,but sometimes i wonder if i'd be a happier mom-and wife if i'd moved on..to someone that can treat me like I deserve to be treated, with a little more respect and help out more as a family- doing more family things...my husband was the same way...as far as spending time with them, and still is!! but he tries...sometimes...he also slept with who i thought was a friend, i caught them in bed together...although i don't bring any of the past up anymore...i've moved on...i forgave him....but it will never completely GO AWAY...i'm sure i will remember it for the rest of my life. but i am trying to make the best of what we've got...still think we could get some family counseling, so that he's not always soo hard on our two teenagers...yet i want him to be strict, so that they don't wander and get mixed up in the wrong crowds. i just don't want them to hate thier dad... for always yelling, or getting mad at them for little things. he spoils our 2-1/2 yr old daughter and our 13 month old son...but he's gotten to the point lately that he expects the older 2 to do all the work...help with housework, halp watch the babies...do homework...etc. etc. plus our finances got away from us a few years ago, and we have not been able to set a budget, ever since...we were behind on bills...my husband has had a couple diff jobs the last few years and he quit a good paying job back in march- because he didn't get a long witht he people that he had to work with, but 6 months later he's just 2-3 days into his new job, and he does not like that either, so he wants to find something else....i am stressed to the max!!! everyday!!! i work full-time, his mom watches our babies. i also have a 2nd job, at the same place, different pay...so that helps- and i do NOT want to move or look for different work!
i think i need to write a letter to the mamasource...just so you know - it's a long ROAD either way!!!
take care

C., the advice below about keeping a journal could be helpful. If you can show that he only sees the kids x number of weeks out of the year anyway, that may make it easier for you to move, if that's what you choose to do. However, if your ex is not abusive to you or your children (physical, verbal or emotional), it may be in the kids' best interest to have as much access to dad as possible. Just because he's not a great husband doesn't mean the kids don't love and need him. Also, since your kids are already in school, any unnecessary moves should be avoided. Why not keep the journal from now until next summer, and just make up your mind that you won't make a final decision until then? That gives you time to heal a bit and get some perspective. Good luck to you and the kiddos!

My question would be.... isn't it in the best interest of the child to be around support at the time of divorce of parents. Your ex an't there for them cause of him being deployed so why couldn't u possible have it where u guys could go back to texas while he is deployed. Then get things resolved after he gets back. Its not right to have yours or ur childs life on hold while he is deployed and u know they will drag it out until he gets back. Which is crazy. Just a thought... that maybe u could ask a lawyer. Good luck Military and custody battles are rough from seeing my friends go through it.

I guess I was fortunate, but, I divorced in TX. My ex is a truck driver and never home anyway- the judge let me do what I wanted and never blinked when I told him I was leaving- or actually- had already left the state. What I don't understand with military is- if the divorce says you have to stay in the same state- does that mean you have to move everytime he gets relocated?? I don't want to cause any trouble for you- but if it were me, I would at least go home as long as he is deployed. That gives you a couple of months of support that I am sure you are needing about now. I know the military has some options and you may want to ask his commanding officer what your resources are for assistance in this issue.

I too am going through a divorce. If I were you I would contact some lawyers in TX to see what that state law says. My state told me that I could file here after 90days. The only catch with that is that he fought it, the law in both states stated that if the children were living here for 6 months then my state could take jurisdiction, if there were medical reasons as to why I moved to the state that I am in. I have to have my divorce finalized in my old state but it is all done though my lawyer there and his lawyer. Everything is overnighted and i sign and notorize it all. I am in North UT, I moved because like you I had no family and I needed them really bad. I did have a few friends but family was needed more. I wish you the best of luck for you and your boys. If i can help you out (even if it is a shoulder to cry on) let me know.

DONT put yourself down, is the first piece of advice that I have for you. You were married to the guy so it was only natural to want to work through the first affair. After all it is easier to break up then go through a divorce. If anyone sounds stupid it is the former "friend" of yours who is possibly going to be dating him when he returns. He cheated on you twice, and who knows how many other former girlfriends, so what makes her think that he is going to stay faithful to her. Take comfort in knowing that you will have the last laugh.
Ok i dont have any experience in this field so I cant offer any advice only comfort and words of encouragement. I would hire a PI, funds permitting, to do some digging so that when it comes to any sort of hearing that you may go through you will have evidence of his behavior. His personal life will be on trial so he will look like a fool.
I can only wish you luck and hope that everything works out for you. In the end hopefully the truth will prevail. Be strong and try not to give him a second chance. If you do he may keep cheating thinking that its ok. Once is a mistake, twice is unforgiveable,
K.

C.,
This may sound a little bad, but have you thought of moving to Texas, and then filing for divorce there? I personally am from Texas, and I am also in the military. Even the suggestion of him cheating can get him in very serious trouble with his leadership! Also, another poster had a very reasonable statement, when he moves away (which he will if he stays in the military) the court cannot force you to move, so why not get to your support network. Yes, your boys' father need to be a part of their life, but you also need your support network. I wish you the best of luck with all of this mess. Feel free to email me if you need to chat!
L.

Don't move just because your ex is a jerk and is seeing someone else. You need to be strong, you have done nothing wrong. It is very difficult when parents split and the distance will make it worse not better, especially for the children. You are the better person, I would check the military options that you have as far as recourse for the adultry...

I'm so sorry for you! This is so unfair for you when he was the one that cheated. Moving out of state is risky. Be careful... I had a friend in the same situation. She moved out of state and her ex came and took the kids. She has been in court for nearly three years and he still has them. Good luck.

When and if you do still want to move out of state you have to have a really good reason. This other woman should not be the reason. If you have family out of state and no job where you are, you would have to have a good job opportunity in another state for them to even think about it. Also most husbands get lazy when the wife does all the "children" stuff. It wasn't until I was divorced that my ex started to show interest in what was going on. He will have to do everything for them! In the long run if YOU choose to leave state those boys will know it was your choice and may down the road see you as the reason they don't get to see their dad as much as they could. It's hard for you now, but I can promise things won't always be this hard! Either way I would give it time before you act on anything. Good Luck!