Does Your Sitter Keep You Informed?

If you left clear instructions on when you expected him into bed and she didn't follow those instructions she'd be DONE in my book.

Unfortunately I think this is an all too common issue with using "teenagers". The reason they aren't considered adults yet is because they lack some of the judgement and reasoning.

Think about it, not only is she responsible for your son's care and safety, but your home and everything else in it. What if she decided to "have some friends over" after your son went to sleep? Or have her boyfriend over?

The flags have been raised, do yourself and your son a favor and don't use her anymore. Maybe it's just a "bad judgement" incident, however this is your SON we're talking about, not the family dog.

I'd take immediate steps to get a new person to care for your son.

I think this is just a case of her being a bit young and not realizing how much we moms can (justifiably) freak out about such things. I'd just tell her that, in the future, she needs to clear outings with you, and that the bedtimes need to be followed.

I have a client (I have a petsitting biz) that has a 3 year old girl. She has had maybe 2 or 3 different nannies take care of her and they have all (on the instruction from mom) used a small notebook to log in everything they did while there with the child. This is since she was a baby. It's ridiculously detailed (for my taste). They write exactly what time she wakes up, what she eats for all meals and snacks, when they changed her diaper and then later when she used the toilet, sometimes describing her bm's. Do you get the level of detail? Lol. But it made mom very happy, so that's what matters. They are all grown women, not teenagers. Speak up mom. Ask for what you want. You are paying her after all. She probably won't like it, but you know what? It's a good life lesson for her. She'll see that when you work for someone else, you have to do what they say. This isn't a babysitting job at this point, it's child care. Sit her down and tell her what you expect from her and I would definitely ask her to track everything in a journal. Good luck, let us know what happens.

sorry, that's not ok. i understand you want to be nice and this is probably a sweet girl, but she CAN'T take your child somewhere without your permission. she just can't. it's not ok. i don't know how old your son is but did she have a booster seat for him? did they walk? and he's getting over being sick....i would just really have a problem with that. i might give her one more chance if you REALLY like and trust her (i.e. it's not that you don't trust her to take him somewhere, just that she didn't talk to you first) but ONLY after a good long serious heart to heart. and honestly if this is just some girl off the street, not a family friend or anything, i would probably just not have her watch my child again.

You have to be specific with your expectations. Some kids who babysit will just assume that if you don't say that they can't go somewhere, its probably ok. (the sitter is still very young and thinks this way) So, either get an older sitter who is more experienced or tell your babysitter specifically that she can't take your son anywhere without your approval and that she needs to follow the schedule. GL

M

Yes she should have asked but... you don't say how long she has been taking care of your son or how old he is, so that makes it a bit more difficult to answer.

Even if she had called you at work and said would it be okay if we went to the ballgame and then stopped at ..... for dinner? It could be it was her way to celebrate the fact that he is feeling better. She could have been trying to make their time together more fun especially since he had been sick and cooped up for a few days. I would say have a talk with her and explain that you do not want him going out unless she has given you detailed plans. If all other things are good--he likes her, she straightens up, doesn't have friends over ect then it was probably a temporary loss of good judgement.

It's a lot better than having a sitter who sits on her butt and plays video games or talks on the phone and totally ignores your son.

Yea that's not cool. When I was sitting I always followed the parents instructions. If they had a bed time, they were in bed at that time and I didn't take them anywhere unless the mom let me (I one time had a girl fight me so badly because she wanted to go across the street to play at her friends house and even had the other other people's mom come over and ask and I still wouldn't let her until her mom said OK). You can either explain your disappointment and your expectations to the sitter, or you can get another one.

Find a different sitter. You live in a college town. See if there is a someone in early childhood development that would like to make some extra money. I used to find my best sitters at church.

I watch a couple of kids and I take them places, but I have the agreement that I will treat them just like my own. If I need to run to the store or get board and want to go to a museum I just pack everyone up and go. I would never do this without expressed permission.

You need to find new sitter ASAP. She used terrible judgement when she took your child out of the home without consulting you. She knew if she asked, you may say no. She really wanted to go to that game so she kept her mouth shut until after the fact - Tisk tisk. What else will she use that judgment for? You don't want to look back and say; "I should have fired her after the ballgame incident or such and such wouldn't have happend." Time to get into mama bear mode and protect your cub. You don't want this person watching your child.

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My sitter keeps me informed and I ask about things. "How was she with the potty?" "Did she take a nap?" If my sitter took my child to a ball game or a cafe in town I'd have a new sitter. "Field trips" are not cool unless I approve. What if you came home early? How freaked out would you have been, poor thing. I think that shows some irresponsibility and incompetence ON TOP of just blatantly going against what you specifically said about bedtime for him. My babysitter (daycare provider) took them to a nearby park once and she texted me (she knew I was in class) and said "Hey I'm thinking about taking them to the park at blah blah street, would that be okay with you?" I asked if she was driving them or if it was nearby and she told me it was around the corner so they would walk and her mom was with her (I know her mom too) just in case, but there was only 3 kids that day so she thought they'd go to the park. I said yeah sounds good. Like I said, I'd find a new sitter... if I can't trust them to follow my preference for bedtime, etc and can't trust them to let me know where they take my child then they are out the door. Just politely tell her "I feel like this isn't working out. When I leave my child in someone's care I expect to know where my child is and be in bed at the time I said. I appreciate you watching him in the past, but we will have to part ways." or something like that... As for the schedule sounds like you posted one right? I don't know, the girl seems to be on her own program. I mean she had to dress him out of his pjs to take him so she probably got the clue she was just going against what you laid out for her and what it ultimately boils down to is is HE safe with her taking him around town to where ever she pleases? To me, it sounds like straight-up disobedience (lack of a better word), she had a schedule, knew your wishes, and did otherwise knowing these things.

Maybe you could write down a schedule for them as to when to eat, get ready for bed & such. If you don't say something right off the bat, she's going to think that things are okay and continue doing so as she is. If someone does something w/my children and I don't say anything, they are going to thing that it flies and do it next time & the next time after that. I have this pet peeve about eating over - I have no problem if a child eats over at our house or if my child eats at some else's house, but I always have the child call their parents to let them know - none of this texting bs & I HATE it when my girls come home & tell me, oh i already ate at so & so's house - don't u remember the rules????? Anyways, keep the communication open otherwise you'll drive yourself nuts. Best of luck to you!

Interesting, she is a high school student? She has no idea it would be an issue. Most people don't put their kids to bed that early and she probably figured since other kids were at the game that it was okay for him to go.

Sounds like you need more of a nanny than a high-schooler babysitting. Think about hiring an older mom figure that would understand about schedules and such, and about recovering from an illness and being outside at night.

I think it depends on the arrangements. I do the daycare in my home on my turf. Most in home providers still ask permission about field trips. I don't. I am open crazy hours and never know for certain when everyone will show up and if I can afford to go someplace. I just get up and go. That's the arrangement we have.

I agree with the others. Either this child is really too young to be caring for other kids, or at some point things have been left open ended enough that she thought it would be okay.

I'm not sure how to proceed but that wouldn't fly with me. NO ONE under the age of 21 is driving my kids around! They certainly wouldn't be taking them to a game and to town. I'd be livid. I sure as heck would put the squash on that. I babysat from 12 till I got married and NEVER would have presumed to remove children from their home. Half the times the moms didn't want them outside in their yard with a privacy fence and I was fine with that. I sure as heck never drove them around.