Explain This to Me Please???

Look, I don't really have any advice.. I just wanted to comfort you a little... I have 2 Sons, they will be 13 & 8 after the 1st of the year... I STILL hate when they leave to go to school, relatives or friends' houses.. When they used to stay over night at my mother's, I would call to talk to them & they would hang up!! I work now, mostly in the evenings & when I call home to talk to them, they always want it to be very breif.. Over the years I've just had to be tough on myself & I've realized that I miss them way more than they miss me.. I know that they love me, but day by day I have to let go a little more...

It is def. a case of seperation anxiety! You have to remember that it is good for your son to be around other people, and not just you 24/7. Example: I have a nephew is is the exact age of my little one 22.5 mths, his mother works 2 nights a week and everytime she leaves he screams and cries so hard he throws up, they are also expecting another in the spring, anyway she has been with him ALL THE TIME and now he can't let her go. The situation is hard for everyone involved. If you're really worried tell your doc. she what they think.

I had my son with me at home for the entire first 2 years after he was born. The time came that I had to get a job and I didn't want to but I knew I had to. I took him to a daycare and yeah I cried right along with him when I dropped him off. The first day I only left him there an hour and had to go back and get him, not because he was having a hard time but because I couldn't get his sad little face out of my head and I felt like I was abandoning him! But slowly it became a little easier. I mean real slow but you'll always worry about your kid. You are mom after all. You have to sorta pull yourself away from them a little. It's not as hard for them because they still aren't exactly sure whats going on themselves! All they know is there's someone to play with with mom drops me off!! (of course that'll be after the little crying spell because they can still see you!!)

hey V.,
I am a mother of 3 and astepmother to 3 all boys my youngest is 5 mo old and i do that with my boyfriend(his dad)it has to be my way or no way im scared to death of somethin happenin to him and unlike u i vioce it and i drive my boyfriend up the wall with it but i know for me my fears come from me being involved with children services in the past and how they use anything big or small to take them away. I am paranoid too from my other children being removed when i was younger they since are in the works to being brought home 4 yrs later but i know for me i want to be the best mom and if its not my way i dont feel its the best that can be done i guess. there are some places i dont like sending my kid like to my parents but i do it just in a pinch when i need a break.(about once a month) but i worry and call and check on him too there are only 2 places were my son goes that i dont worry or think of him and well sometimes its hard to rearrange the time for those babysitters cause of thier hecktic schedules. i have to catch myself when i start acting a fool and let it go and trust in god that as long as i am doin the next right thing that god will make sure that he is fine and taken care of wheather i agree to the method or not let it go let god handle it and pray on it when u start to feel like it has to be ur way cause in accuality it needs to be gods way not yours anyway

You are exactly like me! I had a very hard time working, all I could think of was my baby. Do not worry, I think it makes us better moms, honestly. It means we LOVE them. Mothers were designed to take care of children. You are the mother, you know what is best for your child, so you have every right, and you should be the one who makes the decisions for your child. I question other mothers who want the break from their child, and I feel sorry for their child. So keep up the good work, you are a wonderful mother.

I do think that it is seperation anxiety but I think it is more normal then you think. I know a lot of moms that feel the same way you do. What you need to remember is that your mother and your mother-in-law have your child's best interest in hand and they are taking good care of your son. It is also important to know that when you are nervous your son may become nervous as well. Your son needs to be around other people and he needs to have time away from you so that he can learn to socialize with people other then mom. You did a very good thing by leaving your son with each grandmother once a week so your son can be given a chance to be around other people. Basically my advice is to just keep leaving your son with the grandmothers and try to trust your decision to do so and try to trust the grandmothers.

I had the same problem for awhile. I have one child he is 15 months old. My husband and I went on a overnight trip for our 2 year anniversary and it was hard the whole week before we were leaving. I was so sad and I didnt want to leave my son over night. This was going to be the first overnight trip without my son. But when the day came I was fine and I had such a good time with my husband. I still thought about my son sometimes, but I knew that he was well taken care of by my in-laws. Don't feel like you aren't normal lots of other moms experience it. I don't have to much problem with it anymore, it really made things better to go on that trip without him. I think it just takes some moms longer to get over this. Hope that things get better for you. Take care.

I'm Cindy a stay at home mom of 2 girls ages 2 and 4. My 4 year old has been going to my moms almost every Sat. since she has been born, so she doesn't have any problem being away from her dad or me and I don't feel seperation anxiety with her....

But my 2 year old and I are insepertable.She has only stayed at mom's since she has been born maybe 10 times and cries for me all night. She and I have been sleeping on the couch together since she was out of her bassinet. When she does stay at my mom I wanna cry and have trouble sleeping without her.

I need help like you, because I want to get her from being so stuck on me, because she has me carry her alot and it's hard to do anything. Her dad won't even babysit her because she cries for me. Also I want her to start sleepng inher room with her sister.

If anyone can help or if you want to talk email me at: ____@____.com.

V.,
You are definitely not alone. I was the exact same way you are now. I wouldn't even let my mother take my son for fear of her being too far away from me if something happened. He is in a stage where he really needs you and you feel an overwhelming sense to stay close and provide. You are also still in that first bonding stage where the two of you figure out what your rolls are to each other. As he gets older, he will know that you will still be there for him, but that he can also form relationships with others. I think that, as you see your child get a little older and develop his own personality, you will feel a sense of accomplishment because he will start becoming a little bit more independent. Granted, your feelings may not totally diminish, but I don't think you would want them to. My son will be 4 in a few days. When I'm not with him, I'm totally excited to see him again but I don't feel that sense of dread anymore. I'm sure the feeling will return when he starts school. LOL!

V.,
You are very normal ;)!! I was the same way, but it took my 2 and a half years to figure out mine was a spin-off of post partum depression. It can lead to nasty anxiety. I talked to my doctor about it and with his help I am now past that feeling. And I can't seem to find anyone to take my son (now 5) as offten as I would like. Good luck to you!

Valerie:

It sounds like you love your son very much and want to be the best mom possible. It is very difficult to turn your baby over to other care givers, even really good ones. I used to feel that way too. I'm not sure I have any decent solutions, but I can tell you that as he gets older and learns to do a bit for himself and even talk a little, it will get better. It sucks to miss out on possibly some important event in the baby's life. Don't worry too much...You'll be there for the really major happenings. I think some of the feelings you have and what I used to have are from still trying to re-configure life with a kid from life before kids. It's trying to figure out a good rutine and comfort zone. Every month can be a new rutine for the 1st 2 to 2 1/2 years as they develop, so it's hard to figure out what's "right". I also know that a baby / kid can act one way with one person, (family, caregiver or whomever), and be just the opposite with someone else, so if you hear conflicting reports from the 2 grandmas, that can be very hard on you. (Kids do this later on when they are older with different teachers!) I used to feel like my MIL was attempting to take over my parenting. I knew she was working out some guilt over her own parenting choices 30 years ago, and I would worry that she'd mess up on my kid(s). What happened, I think, was she figured out things that worked for her with the babies, and I had other ways. The kids adapted to both of us, and they are very flexible and free thinking now. It's all such a big guessing game some days. Hang in there, and it will get easier as time goes by. Your intentions are good, and your son will know that. P.