Extroverts and Stranger Danger!

I am probably going to get ripped for this but in general extroverts are not good prey. Think about it, if you are up to no good are you going to grab the child who is the center of attention or the kid in the corner that no one notices anyway.

The biggest thing I pushed with my kids is if someone trying to get you to do anything you don't want get loud! and keep it up until they stop.

Kind of sucked when my oldest pulled it on me when he didn't want to leave Chuck e Cheese but still they are all alive and well. :)

Do not teach Stranger Danger. Teach them never to go anywhere with anyone without asking mom. Teach them about personal space. Teach them how to ask for help. Don't teach them to be fearful of strangers!

I think the term "stranger danger" is crazy. There really isn't any reason to teach your kids that anyone they don't know is dangerous. I do get what you are saying, but what exactly is your concern about your kid chatting up a stranger when you are out walking together? Why is exchanging names scary?

I also have a 4 1/2 year-old who wants to talk to talk to everyone we meet. As long as he is with a trusted adult, and at his age, he always is, the only harm is that he potentially says something embarrassing. What we stress is that he is never, under any circumstances to go anywhere with someone he does't know, that his parents will never send someone he doesn't know to pick him up from school, stuff like that. We role play so he has some practice.

I don't want my kids to think that anyone we don't know is to be feared. What happens if my son gets lots at the mall or some other public place? By teaching "stranger danger" I've made a bad situation worse. Now, not only can't he find me, but all the people around him are scary. Instead we teach some common sense rules like, if you get lost and can't find mom or dad, ask a mom or a woman for help.

My kids are similar ages and the same. If I am with them and they are chatting with someone they don't know, I am OK with it. They talk to everybody. What I DO stress is that they are not to go ANYWHERE with ANYONE unless I KNOW about it. They must be able to see me at all times and I need to see them.

Jo is right.

My son is a full-on extrovert. He loves to talk to just about anyone.

Here's my suggestion: if you think he's going to blindly walk off with someone, don't leave him unsupervised. (Kind of the cardinal rule of free-range parenting-- know where your child's abilities lie and give them freedom incremental to what they've demonstrated they can handle.)

My son will chat with everyone hither and yon, but we talk (low stress) about certain scenarios.

He knows what to do if he gets separated from me when we're out. (sit down right where he is and wait for me, or find a mommy or daddy-- someone with little kids-- to help him). We review this when we go to the zoo or out to another crowded place. We talk about boundaries and where he's supposed to be at the park ("We're going to be at the play structure. If you want to go somewhere else, come and ask me." This is great for playdates, by the way.)

He knows not to help any grown ups to find a puppy or kitten or lost animal. Good grown-ups know that kids shouldn't help them find their pets, kids should stay with their parents. Good grown-ups will ask the other grown-ups to help them.

Good grown ups will not offer him food or treats or a present without asking mama or daddy first. Good grown-ups know to ask the parent.

He knows not to open the door for anyone, even if they ask him to. He knows that 'good grown-ups know that kids shouldn't open the door for anyone, so they won't ask you to open it for them. Mom and Dad have keys, so we won't ask you to open the door for us either." (handy for when I'm in the shower or bathroom or basement)

There are some good personal safety/stranger danger programs your son can attend. By and large, however, it's usually someone we know and trust that causes problems with our children's safety or molests them; very unusually is it some random stranger.

Kids are not really vulnerable to "stranger danger" until they are older and unsupervised (waiting for the bus, walking home from school, etc) Even then chances are very unlikely they will be snatched. At his age he is always with you or another trusted adult, right?
If you REALLY want to protect your child, teach him how to stand up for himself, say no, and recognize when an adult is crossing a line. Make sure he knows his private parts are PRIVATE, and that other peoples' privates are private as well. Let him know he can always tell you if something does not feel right.
Kids are almost always abused and/or molested by someone they (and their parents) love and trust. Prepare your defense against THAT, it makes a lot more sense.

Stranger danger is one of the most over promoted programs in the world. Many law enforcement agencies absolutely hate that phrase.

A child is more likely to be molested by a parent, sibling, neighbor, teacher, coach, friend, friends parent, or the bus driver than anyone else. They groom them to be what they want and basically brainwash the child into believing what they are doing with them is natural and normal.

Teaching a child to be aware of their personal places on their body and teaching them they are supposed to tell someone like a teacher or the principal or the school counselor and you is the most important thing you can do. Teaching them that some grownups are not good grownups is often hard to do.

I encourage you to go to the local library and talk with the children's librarian and ask her/him to help you find some books about this topic. Overview them and select the ones that convey the points you are trying to make. Kids identify with characters in a book pretty well instead of being lectured again about not giving away personal information.

I also thing that keeping him focused on what you guys are doing might help too. He seems to be able to stop and talk instead of riding along following, if he stops then you need to let him know it's time to go. It might be to the point where you'll have to tell him one time that he can't go this time because he stops to often and the ride takes too long.

He needs to stop having the free time to tell everything he knows...lol. Keep him moving instead of letting him stop to chat.

I think the more important thing, is to teach them what to do. Instruct him not to tell personal information. (Address, last name, street name, school name, phone number, etc. Things that could allow access to him.) Teach him what to do, if someone tries to take him. Make a huge scene, kick, scream, wiggle, punch, poke, pull. Make sure he explicitly knows what to do, if he gets separated from you. Make sure he knows to NEVER walk away with anyone. Make sure, he isn't easily manipulated...no candy, animals, help I'm looking for my daughter, etc. There is really no point in making your kid less friendly, if that's who he is. So long as he doesn't give people personal, accessible information...he will really be fine.

Hi!

The Safe Side is a program put on by John Walsh and his wife. Both of my daughters LOVE the movie, they even watch it for fun, and have most of the lines memorized. It's a GREAT way to teach them about stranger-danger in a kid-friendly way, without scaring them. Basic things like 'never answer the door by yourself', they really drive home in the movie. And it's very inexpensive. Check it out!

Great advice already. I wanted to add: Get a video called "The Safe Side" which is aimed at kids and teaches a "stoplight" system for understanding "safe" adults. It'll make sense when you see it. It's non scary but it's practical and easy for kids to understand. It does not overdo the "stranger danger" thing. Others here are right -- it's likelier for a child to be molested by someone who is an acquaintance or family member than a total stranger. And the age for abductions and stranger molestations tends to be much older than your son's age (but you are right to be thinking now about equipping him for the future). Your local library system may have the Safe Side video. There might be more than one -- it might be a series. Or you can order them online.

The Berenstain Bears Learn about Strangers is a good book. It helped with my son's over the top friendliness. He is still very friendly and talks to people when we are out & about but he no longer offers personal information to everybody & helped him to understand boundries etc.

I think for kids who are every young to make it clear and easy for them to understand, teach 3 things:

1. "I never go anywhere with anybody without first talking to my mom, my dad, or the grown-up in charge."
2. "Nobody gets to touch any part of me that is covered by my swimsuit (exceptions for medical appointments). If anybody does, I tell my parents."
3. Parents names, home address, phone number