Foillow-up SWH to How to "Let It Go"

I agree with theresa.

Time to make some new memories...and enlist the help of the kids!

They are ALL of an age where they can (perhaps for the first time) have some control over the decorations!

Maybe take a look at this as a challenge/opportunity???

Best!

I lost a bunch of items to a fire and then a couple of years later a flood. The photos were the most sentimental items, but I lost other things too. Know what I learned? They were just things. Be thankful that you have the digital photos. The photos I lost were the old-fashioned film ones, and the negatives were ruined as well.

This is an opportunity to start new traditions. Rekindle old traditions. And recognize that material goods are not the key to happiness.

It sounds like you've had a tough year. I hope you can make this a start of many beautiful, easier years to come.

Yep. What Theresa said.
Let it go. You have to.
You cannot change this.
All you an do is move forward.
Good luck!!

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ugh.

I agree with what everyone else is saying....start fresh!

I think it would be cool to record/ video each person saying what item (s) they miss the most& why, what was their favorite Christmas member so far, etc. and keepsake the recordings.

I think it is the essence that we try to preserve. Having a recording of the nuances of a persons speaking style, voice, mannerisms and emotions behind the tangible things is what matters IMO. The items just come in second when you cannot preserve the first.

You still have all that now.

People lose things in floods, fires, tornados, etc. Unfortunately it happens.
I have learned to at least take pictures of some of my kids projects, papers, crafts, etc and back it up so that if I can't have the physical thing I at least have something but even that isn't full proof.

Best of luck to you and your family as you start a new chapter!

My in laws retired last year and have moved to Europe. They got rid of everything they owned - the house, all the furniture, including heirlooms, diplomas and keepsakes, everything. The left for Europe with carry on luggage and nothing else. For her whole life, my mother in law has been scared of traveling because their house might be broken into when they were gone and they might lose everything. Living in Europe was a dream of theirs and they knew the only way to do it stress free would be to get rid of the things holding them back.

You have lost, but you also have a fresh start if you choose to look at it that way. Two generations ago, keeping things and having photos were a luxury few could afford. Yes, it's painful, but I would try to focus on where you go from here, on how freeing it could be not to be tied to possessions. It may be little comfort for now, but with time, it may make more sense.

I'm sorry about the loss of your belongings.

Holidays after a loss (a loved one, one's health, treasured family belongings) can be difficult. Of course, some losses are far more tragic than others, but still, if you've lost all your household belongings and family memorabilia, or if this is your first holiday season after starting chemotherapy or knowing that your diagnosis is life-threatening, or if this will be the first holiday table without that precious person sitting at it, it's a loss nonetheless.

So my suggestion is to give yourself some time to cry. Take a long shower and let the tears flow. (Long hot showers are the best crying places). Acknowledge the loss, seek forgiveness for those who caused it, and let yourself grieve in a healthy way.

Then try and look around you, and name just one thing you're thankful for. There's an old saying: "it's better to act your way into a new kind of thinking, than to think your way into a new kind of acting". In other words, don't wait until your frustration and sadness and anger have disappeared to start enjoying your family. Take action. The horrible people who stole your pictures don't have your family to make any new memories with. You do. So do one thing. Bake a pie that smells amazing. Or go to a store and buy one new ornament. Or buy a candle with your favorite holiday scent and light it. Don't do everything at once. Take one step at a time towards a new direction.

Your kids will learn from how you respond to this. You can teach them resilience, thankfulness, forgiveness, and how to find joy in the darkest circumstances, or you can teach them that a loss can defeat us. Be honest with them. Tell them you're sad about the loss, just as if you'd tell them you miss Great-Grandma after she passed away. But I imagine if this was Great-Grandma that you were missing, you'd smile as you remembered her favorite ginger cookies, or the way she'd knit mittens every year that were always too small for everyone. And you'd cry, and then you'd dry your tears, and maybe you'd make ginger cookies.

It certainly does suck to lose all the stuff that held so many memories. I can relate.

When I was 19 I took a job which required a lot of travel. I left my things in the home I shared with my roomates and packed a small trunk. 3 months later, they had sold all of my things. Keepsakes from when I was a little girl. Heirlooms. Everything. I was very much a packrat. I loved keeping special things. It rocked my world.

But there was also something freeing about having nothing. I pretty much had the clothes in my trunk...and that's it. And I was ALIVE and healthy and able. I still am.

I've started over a couple of times now. My ex would have taken the thoughts in my head and the feelings out of my heart if he could have figured out a way to get them from me. I walked away with nothing. But I knew from experience that I could start over. And I did.

Let it out. Cry over the loss of your things. Share with your husband about how upset you feel. And then...rebuild with a joyful heart. You have a LOT of living to do. Don't live in the past.

Heidi is so right, L.. Please listen to her wise counsel. It took me a long time to get over my husband taping "Beetlejuice" over our wedding video tape on Halloween. People who were in that video died and it was the last time I saw them laughing and talking.

Give yourself some time. If you don't, it will come hit you hard later.

You should let yourself grieve and talk about how much it sucks, all the ways it sucks, knowing how fortunate you are but it still sucks, etc. I'd talk to your husband because he'll be right there with you emotionally. It should be a release for both of you. A way to talk through the pain, own the grief and also plan because at some point you should turn the conversation forward. You can't undo what's been done so how are you going to move forward? What new traditions are you going to create, what decorations will you make or buy, will you create a new Christmas theme, etc. Good luck.

I am sorry for your loss. What is done is done and cannot be undone. You have the mental memories and that is good enough. I, too, have lost items that were stored and they were in an inside storage unit that the government paid fees on. There is nothing you can do that will bring the items back.

Now, you can make new memories in your new location. Make up the stringed popcorn. Have them get the construction paper and make new chains and things. Take pictures at the mall or wherever for backgrounds and such. Get what you can and add to it each year and build up your new stash.

You have your health and family. The lost items can will be replaced. You are healthy and happy and that is more important in the long run.
Yes, you all know that they are gone and the children are probably taking it better than you. Look at this as the beginning of a new chapter in your life book and feel blessed that you can do this where others can't. Be thankful for what you have and not worry about what you lost.

Have a happy new beginning and wonderful holiday season.

the other S.

I'm so sorry, I actually know how this feels, not as a parent but as a child. When we left Iowa for Georgia we put EVERYTHING in storage (or at least that's what my mom told me at the time, who knows, it was probably all just abandoned knowing her.) That first Christmas I BEGGED my mom, I said, I don't want anything new, just the stuff we left behind, special toys and mementos that I was still attached to. I was 11 years old at the time, and she just said, sorry, it's gone, we can't ever get it back :-(
So no advice I guess (sorry!) just lots of empathy. It sucks to be sure, just try to focus on what you have and can make going forward. I'm glad your kids aren't upset, that's a positive, right?

About 5 years ago I lost my engagement ring. One night before leaving for work, I took my rings off to put lotion on. When I went to put my rings back on, I couldn't find my engagement ring. I haven't seen it since.

I still mourn the loss. It's not just the money (though I do mourn that), it's the fact that my husband gave me that ring when he proposed. I'm almost in tears just thinking about it.

I always joke that on our 10th anniversary, I expect a replacement. But the truth is, it will never be the same.

So, I can relate. It really, really stinks. I know you'll find a way to create a special Christmas for your family.

You actually do realize that these are just "things" and that you have much to be grateful for ... but it really is ok to have moments of sadness. Losing those kinds of memories is really hard.

I'm sorry. That sucks. What I would do is get prints of digital pics so you have tangible things again. If those go back pretty far, you actually very likely have way more things than people had years ago before so many pictures were taken. I have so few old pictures from when I was a kid. Maybe it was just us but not every moment was captured on film. And I don't think my mom kept any school work or anything like that. Just my hand print that later broke. I never thought much of it and your kids won't either. The game systems and clothes are definitely replaceable though costly so at least not as much of a sentimental loss. And do you have any family members who could send one old Christmas item each? Like your parents or your husband's parents? That could add up quickly to having some old items again. So I don't blame you at all for being really upset but at least try to think that most people didn't save stuff years ago like we do now so your kids will be fine.

It is really hard. I moved as a kid and had to leave a whole unit full of stuff behind. I have few pictures of my childhood because my mom didn't process the film and it got ruined.

I would work on new memories. Recreate things that were most important to you. Allow yourself and your family to grieve the loss. Sometimes when we don't stop to be human, it just makes it worse. And ask around to see if anyone has copies. Reprint what you can from Snapfish. Write down memories from each family member. Make new things. Buy new things. Be deliberate about choices you might not otherwise have.

And maybe donate something to someone who would have a worse Christmas. Remind yourselves that no one is sick in the hospital, that you have food to eat and clothes to wear. You are together.

Sending prayers and cyber hugs your way Mama! Are you a spiritual person? The handful of times in my life that I have faced heartache and tragedy that defied anyone's (including my own) efforts at finding any sort of comfort, I prayed for Peace.

That's a big loss. I have no suggestions, I just want to say how sorry I am that this happened. It would really hurt me, as well, to lose those precious memories. I was just thinking of some keepsakes I lost when my house was burglarized three decades ago. Some of them were family heirlooms from now-dead relatives. It still hurts a little.

I guess ultimately, it's just stuff, and your kids won't be as bothered by it as you will. Your kids are the most important things. Try to let it go and start anew. People have fires and lose everything, and somehow they go on.

Hug.

oh, sweetie! i am SO sorry! {{{{{}}}}}
i'd be pretty devastated too. i'm overly attached to sentimental things, and this would break my heart. i think you are entitled to your emotions, and to grieve for all those beloved pictures and mementos and irreplaceable thingummies.
i'm glad you're cognizant of the current good stuff, and that you're working to prevent your own mourning from impacting your family members, who are doubtless going through their own processes, and their apparent lack of caring may indeed be an effort not to upset you any further.
i suggest that each time the grief sweeps over you, you allow yourself to go buy one new thing. doesn't have to be a big thing, and of course you shouldn't try to 'replace' things that can't possibly be replaced. but there are lots of cute and beautiful little things you can get at michael's or target that won't break the bank, and will give a little lift.
and you deserve a little lift here and there.
have a wonderful holiday, hon. i'm SO glad that this year is better than last.
khairete
S.

I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I love the suggestions below of starting some new traditions, etc. But I have some unusual advice as well, because as others mention- you can't just get over it with will power, it is something to grieve for sure.

I think that when people want to move past something, they do so by trying to avoid the negative feelings and white knuckle it through. This can make things harder. I suggest that when the sad, angry feelings surface, give yourself a second to feel them. Tell yourself that you have 30 seconds to think about how much this sucks- either think in your head what it is that you miss or what you hate at that moment, or write them down if that works for you. Then after 30 seconds distract yourself by getting back to your regular routine. I promise you'll start to find that the feelings are less intense after a while. And you may even find that before the 30 seconds are up you don't feel the need to keep thinking of things. Just giving yourself the permission to let it suck helps a lot. Seems silly or strange, but please give it a try.

I hope you have a truly happy and blessed Christmas.

Awww!!! I'm so sorry!!!!!! I've never been through a material (sentimental) loss like this, and whenever I see floods and fires on the news where people lose everything-especially photos!!!- my heart breaks. You're being very good about it, and you're entitled to grieve. In the end, we all "know" that things don't matter, and to focus on the positive, but still, it's hard, and you should let yourself feel bad and give it time while keeping a brave face too, like you're doing. Kudos to your kids for not feelign blue about it!

A great book is "A New Earth" by Ekhart Tolle which really helps with feeling things, addressing them, and letting them go in a healthy way. It helped me deal with mega betrayal and the loss of a marriage. Different, but similar in some way.

This is very very sad. We had a storage unit in town for a long time. My husbands childhood was in this storage unit. His coin collection, Lego collection, his grandfathers winter coat that he gave him years ago before he passed away, comic books, 1st edition Heinlein books, and more.

I had my daughter's baby clothes that my granddaughter was about to grow in to, my washer that I didn't have a hook up for (it was an Akso and worth about $800), and all my child care toys and books and records.

They broke in and took everything. We found out from friends that knew of our robbery that these thieves took everything to an out of town flea market and sold it all for pennies on the dollar.

They threw a ton of stuff away too. It was a lot of my husbands genealogy. One of his aunts had spent her whole like working on it. It had coffee grounds and restaurant trash dumped on it. Don't have any copies of it.

I still miss stuff and find myself missing it. I loved the little dresses that I bought my daughter as a toddler and had taken great care of them so my granddaughters could wear all of them. I only got one dress on her out of all of them. I at least have that set of pictures where they both have the dress on. Their pose is even identical.

I think my husband just pushed it down and has forgotten about it. There's no way to replace any of it, his grandfather is dead and all those things that were his are long gone. The dresses can't ever be found and the genealogy....his aunt gave him all the copies, all paper copies. Even though it's online on the LDS web site it's still not the written copies that have her hand writing on them with her little notes on the sides.

It's something that will be hard to get over but time will help it heal. I think trying to remake some of it won't hurt but if it upsets the kids then just drop it.

I would be heartbroken too, I get very attached to those kinds of things. You mentioned you do have digital pictures, maybe you could use a site like Shutterfly to put those digital photos into a photo book. That way you have something tangible. It's never too late to start making more memories too, if the kids are into crafting you could have a day where you make new ornaments.

I think I would feel the exact same way. I can be very sentimental about items and I understand. I agree with everything I read below so far (allowing yourself to grieve and really process that It Sucks).

Is it weird to "recreate" items you will particularly miss? Either go out and buy things that specifically replace certain things you will miss, or actually recreate art projects. Would your kids balk at that? If you made them recreate glitter art Christmas trees from pre-school and whatnot? It might be kind of a random, fun healing project... if they are into doing it... "for mom" :) Could be fun...

Pictures and memories are a lot, in the grand scheme of things. So is the ability to start again, in your new home, with new traditions and new things.
A few years ago, my Mom came back from her winter in AZ, a week after her housemate moved out, to find 3 feet of standing water in her basement. Everything had to go. To make matters worse, 3 months earlier she had had the attic emptied out and moved to the basement. EVERY keepsake from her childhood and mine, every picture, every saved outfit and toy, every decoration, our ornament collection, every saved paper and document, all of the itema from my deceased father's workshop, antiques, EVERYTHING! It's heartbreaking thinking about that kind of loss, but you just have to accept it and move on.
Take a deep breath, have one last good cry over the lost items, then take a good look around at what you have-a healthy family and the chance to make new memories.
You just decide to do it and let it go. You really have no other option but to accept and move on, so the faster you do the faster you can enjoy this Christmas. Good luck!

Oh my goodness, I feel for you! I'm glad you have the photos still and I agree with the idea of making a Christmas photo book, so you can look back on those memories. Another thought is to recreate some of the crafty things. My husband's mother is making us a felt crafted advent calendar to replace one that is stained from his childhood. If it's something crafty, you can probably find similar things online and recreate or have a loved one help. As for the precious childhood crafts, that's very hard. The little ornaments are precious. That said, we had to toss my childhood ornaments (made with dough a million years ago) and it really didn't bother me one bit. It's the parents who suffer though this. Your kids can go to the pottery painting store and have a ball painting new ornaments and pieces. :) They probably won't care that their 3 year old ornament blob didn't make it. Another thing is, my mother handed over all of my saved memories. Guess where most of those went? I sure didn't save all those arts and crafts. She didn't want to store them anymore either. It's sad when you lose them so suddenly, but in the long run they would run their course.

pictures are just..pictures. yes, you are pissed..i was pissed too when our car was broken into and baby pictures and electronics were stolen, i was, however , thankful that the sticky figured @#$$%$ didnt break into our car while our baby was in the car!! think about it from that angle..K. h.

Yes I understand because we lost many things in a fire. However, you need to manage your own thoughts. Briefly be sad, then focus on what you do have. You lost stuff sure but recognize that it is just stuff. The memories are in your head not in stuff.
Focus on being grateful for what you have. When feelings of sadness come up, be sad for a moment then turn your thoughts to the good stuff. Keep practicing this and you will learn to be happy most of the time.

Crying, yelling, stamping your feet or whatever you do to get the release needs to be done. That emotional energy has to come out. It would be better for it to come out in a more controlled way than to bottle it up and you explode.

If you have a close girlfriend you can cry with then cry with her or have one good cry with hubby then count your blessings. You have your family with you, you have the capacity to create new memories, you are together. Think about these things and not what you've lost.

Get the input and help from your husband and children about the creation of new memories and getting new things for your holiday.

Sure your things were stolen and you feel violated. That's normal. You won't let it go if you are only focused on what you miss and not what you have.

Please cry, yell or scream then COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.