Words of Wisdom for Something Dumb

This may be late but what if you wrote a letter to the exchange student. A reminder on how important the visit was and a recap of some of the great memories.

If you are into being "crafty" or creative write a poem or make a drawing, etc. and send it the the exchange student. I bet it would really make their day to receive that from you and may make you feel better too!

It sounds like you are on the right path. Crying can be a good way to release a loved item. And theoretically you know that it is all just stuff.

It was a little treasure you kept to remind you of the bird and the student, but do you really need something to remind you, can't you remember those times and that bird with out it. I suggest that you sit down and write out some of your memories of making the item. And put it away in a scrap book with pictures of the bird and student. The thing maybe gone but your love for the bird and the student aren't gone with it. Your good memories of that times aren't one just because the item is gone.

Page,
Your emotions are not "something dumb" at all. If you really think about it though, you are probably not crying about the actual "thing" - that is, the bird harness. Like you said, it was just "stuff." However, the harness brought pleasure when you noticed it or looked at it because of the happy memories associated with it. Memories of both your now-gone bird and of your sweet time spent with your exchange student were evoked. You are likely grieving over the losses of both your pet and your close relationship with the student.
Here's the thing. It's okay to cry over that. Then when the tears start to dry, begin to look for other ways to remember both the bird and the student. Do you have pictures of your bird? How about cards or notes from the student? You might frame them or other mementos and hang them where they can bring a smile to your face.
Another thing you might do is try to contact your exchange student to see where he or she is at in life right now.
On a different note, the family member who disposed of the bird harness most likely was simply de-cluttering. Ask that person if this was the case. If not, perhaps that person may just need more of your attention and not really be conscious of that fact.
You are loved and needed. So, have your cry, remember the good in the past, and then enjoy the present and the people and animals who are in it.
Blessings,
A.

Page, I totally understand as I am somewhat of a pack rat and have emotional bonds with some things. Did you have pictures of it or of that day??? I find that helps. Maybe you can do that in the future, I know it won't help now. Also maybe make sure you keep your special things in a place that someone else can't easily get to and make sure its marked in a way that says DO NOT TOUCH or IMPORTANT ITEMS TO PAGE or something like that. I know this isn't really helping you with this but time will help. I'm sorry, I completely understand.

Do you have a photo of the item? Perhaps looking at that, or putting it on your fridge will make you feel better. I have been trying to de-clutter my life and I have been taking digital photos of things that I am giving away. That way I can always look back on the item and remember what it meant to me, even if I no longer have it. (For example, artwork by my kids, and clothes they wore as toddlers, etc.)

Also, sometimes having a good cry is not so bad. Give yourself permission to have your feelings.

Good luck.

it's not dumb to feel that way.
congratulate yourself on getting through the loss of something you loved. it's difficult, it's painful, and you did it. you are a stronger person now!

Hi Page,

Sorry for your loss, but please let go and tell yourself * What's done is done*, you still have the beautiful memory from that day.

Make new memories and forgive. Whenever that thought comes to your mind, think of another happy memory to replace it.

Best wishes and Peace.

Page-

I attach more sentimental value to things as well - I haven't thrown away my son's first Happy Meal toy because it has a sentiment.

Let yourself grieve the loss of the item, perhaps even write about it so you always have the memory. That's what the sentiment is for afterall - the memory of something and someone special.

You are correct that they are just "things". Going through chemo a few years ago really taught me the value of the people in our lives, but things can help with the memories of those people and how we felt.

Some people (my husband being one) have no sentimental attachment to anything. he also doesn't remember what he wanted to be when he was a child (what he wanted to become when he grew up). He has few memories of his childhood because there isn't any sentiment.

Just like anything or anyone else, no one can tell you how to cope with the loss of something important.

Good luck getting past it.

Try writing something about it, or draw a picture. even if what ever you make make now does not totally replace what you lost, it might give you something happy to think about and remember the exchange student and the memory.

my generation high school was the first one ever to make a high school year book (trust me, where i come from this was unbelievable). i married. i moved from Ca to FL my husband move to FL, we bought a house. interesting enough all his stuff made it. my stuff got lost. a lot of it. this is during process of unpacking. he lost my high school year book. we think he donated it to one of those bookstores you sent old books and get new ones. i lost my high school year book. fast forward 7 years, i am still mad about it. i can't let go. i cannot get a new one. so no words of wisdom. you'll have to go through the emotions, you'll never be able to forget it but will be able to move on. good luck

I too am a person that holds on to tangible objects for sentimental reasons. One thing that helped me let go is to remember that throwing something away does not take the memory away. You will always have that memory no matter what.

Page, you have the special "memory" of the student, the bird and the event. No one can throw that away. Don't make someone in your family carry a burden of guilt for the unfortunate tossing of the harness. And, if you think about it, the tossing of the harness has given you the opportunity to relive that day with your student. That seems more like a "gift" rather than something bad.

Because this is important to you, it is not "dumb" at all. Your beautiful memory is always yours to hold and can be never taken away from you. Material items though they hold sentimental value are not nearly as valuable as what you hold in your heart.

If you enjoy "seeing" something to remind you of sentiment, consider a replacement item that will hold value for you or even better, write in a journal that you can revisit.

Blessings to you.

Hi Page, I can tend to be a very sentimental person too. Most people don't understand that unless they are the same way, or they were involved. My husband always wants to throw everything away and I do so when I am ready to. Are you able to replace the harness with a framed photo of your exchange student?

Any thoughts why you are like this? I grew up in 1 home, but didn't have much. My mother always made me make wise choices about my belongings. When I met my husband, he allowed me to have what ever I wanted. I think I am just now finding balance between the two...working on it.

hi
know how you feel
sometimes i have lost stuff vs. someone throwing it out
but still same feeling of loss
since it's gone
no amt of crying will bring it back
so i think you should write about it and mybe drw a picture
this way you will have something
this feeling is raw now
but will subside with time
or until you lose something else
or you could make a harness again?

jp

I feel the same way. I had a phone and an mp4 player that were stolen by my sister in law that lives with us and she still wont admuit to it but her boyfreind told us she had them in her things. Anyway i dont care about how much they were, I just wanted them back because they had pictures and voice recoedings of my granny who had passed a few months before they were stolen. This happened about a year and a half ago and i still get teary eyes thinking about how nice it would have been if my daughter could hear her great grandmother singing a song on a phone. I havent got over this and i dont think you should have to either. Take lots of pictures, take way more than you know whta to do with and you may think its silly now but later you'll be glad you have so many pictures of weird stuff you remember!

Awww. I too hang on to "things" and when my mother sent to Goodwill a handmade sweater from the mother of a boyfriend that I had 20 years ago I was so upset. It didn't matter that I'd never wear it again; the sweater represented the loss of that relationship and the fact that I'd never see him or the family again (they live in Europe) after a relationship of 5 years. Maybe it is better for us to let "things" go and hold onto the memories.

BTW, it doesn't matter if it is "dumb" as you say -- because it isn't. The experience and memory is important to you and the bird harness represented that special experience. So go ahead and grieve a little. You will get over it and always remember that day. ;o)

Some stuff is important to us because it gives us good memories. However, since it's gone you need to just cherish the memories you have surrounding it because that will never be taken from you. It's good that you are crying and letting the emotion out... after a good cry, you can start the positive with the memories.

I am very sorry for your loss...times two. =( Believe me, I can sympathize! I have moved around for 35 years and in that time a lot of things that I considered precious have been lost, stolen or broken. One thing that has helped me is my "memorabilia box". I have a rubbermaid with my name on it and it holds important things to me. I made one for each of my kids and my husband. Occasionally we go through our boxes, reread letters, touch important items and even get rid of things that we no longer see as that important. When I divorced my first husband I took the letters he had written to me during Desert Storm and gave them to my daughter. It is a way to keep connection with our past and when we get rid of things a way of letting go.
There is no way of getting the harness back but maybe this will spur you into getting your own treasure box. See if you can find a picture or a feather of your bird and have that be the first thing that goes in it.
And don't be so hard on yourself. You aren't really grieving for the harness, you are grieving for the bird. Go ahead and feel it! People who love animals hurt just as much when they die as when a person dies and that is ok. Have a good cry and then go do something.

Cry away!! The only reason you miss the little bird harness is because you miss the little bird.....and the exchange student.....and you treasure that wonderful connection of loving activity that you both engaged in to create the bird harness. These are lovely sweet memories that cause us pain only because we cared so much! These feelings are good ones, a reminder that the real 'things' you treasure are in your heart. No one can take that away.

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years
It's okay to be sad about the loss of the bird harness. You have to let yourself be sad before you can let it go. You still have the memories and those are the thing of real importance.