Good Manners and Ethics?

With people interacting more and more via texting/internet, they are losing interpersonal skills.
To fix it?
Hard to do but try to insist on a tech free family night once a week.

My main peeve is that people don't seem to RSVP to functions anymore! To me that is bad manners. Some people don't get e-vites in their inbox sometimes if you do an e-vite invitation but in general most people just don't RSVP anymore. I think that is pretty lame when you are the host and don't have a clue whether it will be 8 or 25! My other thing is thank you notes. I was brought up to write thank you notes and still do but it doesn't bother me as much as the RSVP thing because I understand people are busy.

I work so hard on my kids manners (asking for things nicely, asking to be excused from the table, no tv or video games when we have company) but they have to be reminded constantly - some day they will get it! I have been saying to my husband the last two months that I wish there were a class for kids on manners!!!

Simple: the golden rule.
Treat others as you would like to be treated.

I have a strong work ethic and am one to give more to a task or job than the bare minimum. If I am working on something-- really, no matter what, even housework-- I care about doing it well and doing it right. When I am around other people, I try to be considerate of both common courtesy manners as well as any sensitivities the situation dictates.

Life has taught me that it really helps to start a hard conversation with an open-ended question which would allow the other person both the benefit of the doubt as well as a chance to clarify their intent/perspective -- this actually eliminates a lot of the confusion and anger which comes from making assumptions. So often, we see a media culture which more or less rewards people for causing/creating conflict or a disgraceful scene. I find this sort of 'in your face' behavior very base and vulgar. A thoughtful person can get their point across and solve a problem-- even with a relatively difficult person, sometimes-- by keeping their cool and asking questions which help the other person gain some perspective.

And doing what one says they will do, in a timely manner (or making every effort to inform that person if I can't). We are only as good as our word, and yet our actions speak volumes more than our words!

Oh goodness, rejection of Christianity has nothing to do with lack of manners and ethics. Good manners are simply a matter of being considerate of those around you.

First of all, the Golden Rule, while a fantastic philosophy, is not uniquely Christian and I take exception to the idea that it is. To suggest that, as MyMission has, is to suggest that other religions and cultures do not embrace this ethic. In fact, it can be found in Confucianism (6th century BC), as well as in Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, and other religions. And many, if not most, atheists are pacifists and embrace this ethic as well. It did not originate with, nor is it uniquely a feature of, Christianity.

Second of all, many of the respondents here are boasting about how ethical and respectful they and their kids are. How is that boasting working for you ethically? If you really think this generation is so much worse than previous ones, then you've bought completely into the 1950s pearl wearing mom ideal, which is to say you're basing your understanding on the pop culture images rather than reality. Previous generations were fantastic if you were a middle class white male. Otherwise, forget it. Rude children, cheating spouses, racism and poor ethics were prevalent, it just was not as in your face as today. You might have gotten more "have a nice days" and door holding, but only those surface niceties were more wide spread. You are mistaken if you think the world has changed that dramatically. You're just maturing and starting to look past that surface gloss into reality. You are wringing your hands and saying "what is this world coming to?", just as literally every generation before you has done.

Good manners and good ethics, huh.

I can give you my opinion but it's not going to be popular.

There was a time in this country, that the golden rule was taught and it was followed because of WHO gave that golden rule. That Rule Giver has been rejected and replace with "whatever feels right". Everyman does what is right in his own eyes. Most of the time that devolves into "do what's in my Own best interest".

What used to be discernment, a good and wise virtue, has been thrown out like garbage.

It's not coming back. In fact, it's going to get immeasurably worse, quicker than you would ever believe. It's getting exponentially worse.
There is always HOPE, if we don't reject Him.

I believe that the best way to influence others is to act in a way that you reflects your values. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

I appreciate it when someone says thank you to me, so I try to say it to others (on here, I do it by freely giving flowers to thoughtful responses). And it's so easy to do more than that.

A simple example - did you ever have a stranger tell you that they liked your shirt/your hair looked nice/your child is adorable/etc? That kind of simple kindness can change someone's whole day and their whole attitude. I know it does mine, and so I try to pay that forward.

I think, for the most part, we see what we choose to see. Yes, there are many impolite people out there, but there are also many, many kind and polite and friendly people. We just have to want to see it.

When I go to my kids' school I come across so many teachers and parents that are just so kind. Sometimes it really humbles me and makes me think about how I act.

For the most part people I see at the store are nice, but they are usually in a hurry and very focused on what they need to accomplish.

I think the best thing we can to is try to be polite and smile. Try to be kind and do a little sometime to brighten someone's day. I know on the days I'm not feeling it, it usually helps when someone else smiles at me or says something nice to me. Kind of gives me the something extra I need to smile - that little kick in the butt to get over my own pitty party.

Life can be challenging, and it's not always easy to look outside of ourselves an notice the needs of others.

And I, too, tire of hearing that the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket and we've taken God out of everything. My husband tends to buy into this talk, and it drives me bonkers. No one is taking God out of anything. No one is taking the "Christ" out of Christmas. While it's true that some businesses and organizations are choosing to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," that doesn't change the fact that many of us believe in God, and many of us are, in fact, Christians. People didn't believe in God because there was prayer in schools. Forcing students to say a prayer together isn't going to change whether or not they believe.

God gave us free will. We have to make that decision for ourselves. Forcing it on a society (as some countries have done) might make people adapt various religious customs, but it won't make them true converts. We have to freely choose God. Otherwise it isn't real.

And there are plenty of wonderful, good, loving, giving people who do not believe in God. Christianity is very important to me and to my family, but it isn't the ONLY way.

Doing what is right even when no one is watching.

I hardly think a brag fest is good manners.

Ditto everyone on the golden rule. And ditto the point that it's associated with many, many faiths -- and with a secular system of ethics.

I also want to suggest -- the kind of behavior you see in people is largely contingent on your own actions. Would you like to see more kindness and gratitude around you? It's really easy. All you have to do is volunteer, and kindness and gratitude will be the fabric of your life.

I am a volunteer EMT. I deal with very sick, badly injured people -- and with people in profound states of gratitude. Which makes me a much kinder, more grateful person than I would be otherwise -- because I naturally reflect what's around me, everyone does. There are a million and one opportunities to volunteer, and they all desperately need you to join them. So why not do it? It'll change your outlook on everything.

A friend of mine has an almost 6 year old that rarely asks nicely for things. I loath when she comes over, her voice is just harsh on my nerves. I like pleases and thank you's. I like friendly smiles, and when people let you go first. I like it when people are nice.

But ethics is about a way of life, about living your values, and I support everyone's right to determine what they value for themselves and their life.

I think that how we treat others and how we respond to our environments has everything to do with how we feel about ourselves. I think that when we feel secure and have a sense of pride, we aren't so quick to offend or to feel offended. We want to put our best foot forward and turn out a quality product. We minimize envy and shame.

So many of us come from a place of hurt and lack, and then we spread that to others and even teach our children from that slant. We don't always recognize that we are damaged and greatly object to the mere suggestion of it. We are passionate about the things that affect us--whether or not that view is healthy--and any perceived rejection only makes us dig in our heels.

I don't know how to fix that for the world. How I do my part is to actively maintain my health and stay connected enough with my child to teach him how to effectively maintain his own. I remind myself to be kind to others and keep my mind open to validate the perceptions of those things that might not hit my senses in the way that I expect or am used to.

I don't know how I'm doing, but thinking about it too hard can be overwhelming. I just try to make it a general way of life so that I don't have to give it soooo much thought.

"How can we get our children and other adults to join such an act that for some has been forgotten or never taught?"

Get rid of globalization / Internet/ cheap travel.

I just responded to a similar post, so Im going to cut/paste my response here :
___________
"It's a cultural thing, not a generational thing.

Meaning,,, I grew up travelling.

In some places we lived, the POLITE thing is for a child to ask directly.
In other places we lived the POLITE thing is for a child to ask through an intermediary. (Your standard).
In others, the POLITE thing is for a child to not ask, but to take care of themselves.
In others, the POLITE thing is for children to not ask at all (seen but not heard)

4 totally different Versions of polite =
75% chance of being seen as rude

Now...When I was a child (insert 'the tone' ;) most people were pretty ethnocentric/geographically stable. What was polite was polite for the whole REGION. Everyone had basically the same standards. So it was pretty easy to evaluate. We'd move into a new town/state/country... And
1) Found out what was polite for the region (in this and MANY other matters)
2) Always follow the lead of the hostess (if the hostess is nekkid, ya strip down.)

THESE DAYS... It's a lot more difficult.
People travel a lot more (school, work, etc.)
People adopt different standards (people are more globally connected via media/Internet).

Which means that while I'll still generally pay attention to regional norms, ITs reeeeeeeeally common for a single gathering to have people with completely differing norms. Which makes following the Hostess step 1 instead of Step 2."
_________

The above post was really specific about kids asking adults for stuff.

But it's just one example of HUNDREDS of Polite v Rude standards of behavior that have ALWAYS varied by culture & region.

It sounds like you've adopted standards that are different than your general region. There are undoubtedly many others in your region who have done the same thing(as there are everywhere).

If you moved, you could find a region more closely aligned with your standards,,but because of globalization... You'd still find groups that act outside them.

The only way to make "everyone" start acting the same way is to restrict knowledge of other ways of doing things. Then each region would become very ethnocentric and homogenized, again.

I think that ethics are really lost in the workplace. My work environment is full of folk climbing the ladder. They will throw someone under the bus in order to save their skins (however temporarily). I am sooooo looking forward to early retirement due to such misbehavior!

I am a huge "please and thank you" fan and adamant about manners. However, as often as I reinforce them, society doesn't demonstrate them as they used to. The examples are just not there. For example, no one seems to hold doors open any more, or say thank you, or please or even just make a little extra effort. I really try to point out to my kids the good and bad examples and we talk about them.

That said, this year we are doing a giving calendar instead of a typical advent. It is from "100 Days of Real Food" and my 5 & 7 year old boys have really gotten excited about it.

http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2012/11/30/real-food-tip...

They have embraced and fulfilled each of the days' "assignments" and I really think it's teaching them about goodness and manners and helping people. It's about just being nice and doing good for the world. I love it and would definitely recommend it!

I agree with you, , and I disagree that rudeness and politeness are a cultural thing. It is not, I understand that you are talking about the basic concept of politeness and rudeness, the common sense of being polite or rude, and that is not cultural. Being rude or polite is the same attitude here on in China, it is not about cultural habits....that is something totally different.
Having good manners is the respect and thoughtfulness people show towards others and themselves, and good ethics I would say is having a good behavior and attitude based on our values, our moral standards and just a good heart. It is also a matter of choice, some people choose to be rude and others choose to be polite.

I take great pride in the fact that I receive great compliments on both my girls for their good manners.

I notice when I pass/cross my co-workers, I say excuse me and they say a-hum. When they sneeze, I say bless you, careful not to offend with "God" bless you and when I sneeze, they say nothing. When I call out to other organizations, I greet them with "Good morning, how are you" and some say, "Good, what can I do for you".

Now that I mention all of this, I am remembering the two characters in the Highlights magazine, Gallant and Goofus. I think they reflected on the same message.

Yes, there are a lot of rude people out there, however, there are still some great ones as well.