He's at It Again

I agree with Christy Lee as long as the wife doesn't have his password but from what you say I bet she does

I most definitely think you are doing the right thing. Mostly. In person no, I wouldn't want to see him either, because lets face it, your step mom is insane from what you have written. Who wants to be around that? And why your Dad hasnt said anything to her about shutting up, is beyond me. So I dont think anyone can blame you for not wanting to be involved in all that drama again, and subject yourself and your family to more hurt.

But, on Facebook if he wants to be your friend, then I think maybe you should let him. "He sounds healthier than he's been in a long time" so what harm would it be to let him see pictures of you and your son, and family? Let him comment on how beautiful you all are, and let him feel like he has some connection with you all. It is a way of letting him be in your life without actually letting him hurt you in "real life" type thing.

Let him comment on your status updates, and photos etc. And possibly ease back into being a real Dad. Make sense? If any drama occurs by this crazy woman then there are ways of limiting what can be seen on your page, or all else fails, delete him and done.

You dont have to be her friend, but maybe you should give it a shot online with your Dad, he obviously still loves you, and you do too, so give it a chance and see what happens. You never know until you try, and this way YOU have the control, not anyone else.

Best wishes to you.

I haven't read the other replies, but it really is as much his fault as hers. I don't know his story, but calling him "weak" and "broken" and laying it ALL on her isn't fair. He chose her, he continues to choose her, and he won't stand up for himself even though he has loving family. HE needs to make the choice to get help and make his life better. If you want a relationship with him, you'll have to find a way that feels safe for you. But you'll have to accept that it may not happen. You have to protect your family from her, and that whole unhealthy mess.

Allow him to friend you on FB.

But find her and BLOCK her first so she cannot even see your profile or what you post.

Problem solved.

Prayers for you! I hate to say it, but she probably knows (or will figure out) his password for Facebook. Then if she logs on under his name - she will see everything. I would ask him to contact you via phone at a certain time where he knows he is alone and then tell him you very much would like a relationship with him, but given the track record, you're not sure if you can withstand another let down due to his wife's overbearing and jealous behavior. Tell him you miss him and want him to have a relationship with you and your child, but cannot suffer the pain of "losing" him again to this woman.

By this point in your relationship, I don't think it's too much to ask for an ultimatum with him. Tell him that your relationship needs to be free from the wife, and that he needs to tell her that he is going to see you/spend time with you and that she needs to accept it. Look at it this way, maybe if he stands up to her, things will change. If he cannot do this, then I'm afraid there cannot be contact.

It's a shame she cannot see what she is doing to your father. She sounds crazy. Life is too short to endure painful relationships. You need to do what is best for your mental stability and your child's development and understanding of loving family relationships. Hers is not one of that, and if your father cannot separate her from the situation, then he has chosen his path.

As for Facebook - go to your privacy settings and you can block her from seeing anything about you. Don't just do it in your status posts. I would also recommend any of your other family members or friends who don't care for her
to do the same.

Thinking of you!

You are doing the right thing. What happens when she aims her craziness on your son? What then? Your responsibility is to your son and to expose him to kookoo for cocopuffs is not in his best interest.

If he asks why I would say that over the years he has subjected you and yours to his nutty wife and as a mom you will not allow crazy into your sons life. Make your Dad prove that he is your Dad and see if he will stand up to his wife. Make him go the extra mile. If it is important to him, he will. If not, you have your answer.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I just can't imagine having a parent allowing someone to treat their child in this manner.

She can be as evil as a devil, it's your dad responsability to keep his relationship with you guys...it seems unreal she can really drive him like a puppet, unless he completely lacks backbone or something. But if this is the case, the only way to go is to make him feel comfortable and avoid confrontation with his "boss". So sad, though...I am sorry!!!

If you haven't already, I suggest that you talk with your father and tell him how you feel. If he "get's it" and is willing to stand up to his wife, then try again. Do not include your son until you've been involved long enough to feel comfortable that this relationship is going to work this time. But if he's not willing to make that commitment for your sake then don't try again.

Facebook would be a relatively safe way to test this out.

You're concerned about hurting him. hmmm he's hurting you. The way to get past the hurt to a satisfactory relationship is to talk about the pain.

You are doing the right thing.

She cannot keep you from seeing/entertaining whomever you wish. Let her have her tirades, she's only making herself look bad.

I agree, that until your father grows a spine and stands up to this monster, you are better off keeping him out of your life.

I'm sorry. That's really sad. :(

Your father's wife sounds, uh, special. I'm sorry she's part of the family. She sounds like she's toxic and feels threatened and insecure. I feel horrible for you, and pity for her. She must be lonely.

Anyway ::shakes it off:: your father chose her and continued to choose her. At any point he could have chosen to establish his position as your father, he could have followed through on his obligations, and had a very rich life full of people that loved him. He made choices not to do that. She may have given him ultimatums, she may have given him orders, she may have given him hell... but she couldn't ever have forced him to stay away from his own children. It was still his choice.

Instead, he's behaved as if it were YOUR obligation as the child in the relationship to maintain and work for the contact and relationship. It seems that maybe something after all this time has shifted. If he's clean and sober, she may not be enabling him or co-dependent anymore. Eh, one can hope, right? Her attitude does sound to me as if she were a substance abuser as well.

With FB, you can not only block her but limit your father's profile too. He can only see what you allow him to see. You can set it up so that he can't write on your walls or photos... but only send private messages. Limit the parameters. It's up to you, and it can be revoked at any time.

My opinion is that you need to at least keep an open line for him. What if he decides to divorce her or she dies? He is your dad and not able to stand up to her. I get that, but I think YOU should be available to your dad, while maintaining that boundary of NOTHING with her. She is not included in any invitations, and block HER from your facebook. Your son can be mostly shielded from this, just don't talk about it in front of him. As far as him seeing his grandpa in person - it's no different than kids whose grandparents live in other countries, and they only see them every few years or rarely or never. I wouldn't make a big deal of it with him, just when it's available to see him, see him. You need to just accept that this is the relationship that you CAN have with your dad, and not say it's all or nothing. My Dad has been gone almost 5 years and I would give ANYTHING to see him. You don't want to be looking back and wishing you had done it differently. The high road is usually the best.

My bfs "step mom" ( dad refuses to marry her thank god) is the same way. I look at his dad as my own father because mine walked out when I was 4 so he means the world to me as well. If she can get in the way she does. And its all about her. I know "Henry" loves her but wow she is a b!*@h. When me and bf moved in together she was up and ready to help him. When we come over we are glared at. I do not let her tear us apart. Bf wanted to give up on seeing his dad and I said no to that. She wants me away I will be around more. She blocks my phone calls, she see's me more, she blocks his facebook well guess what honey I will be over for supper. Nobody takes the only dad I have known and she now knows that.

if HE wanted a relationship with YOU ... HE would make it happen. you should tell him straight out that you want him to be involved in your life but she is not allowing it and he is not standing up and just doing what a man should do. then accept it.

If you block her she cant see anything from you. Not even comments on others pages.