HELP! Advice Desperately Needed!!!

I would wait and see how this woman reacts next time you see her. If she is awkward around you or even avoiding you, I would quietly say sorry for the embarassing comment from my daughter, we're working on approriate things to say, or something along those lines.

If she seems fine, I would let it go. If I were her, I would just want to forget the whole thing.

When I was a babysitting teenager I had really bad acne and the kids used to ask me what was on my face. It was humiliating but they're just kids, it happens.

This is a tricky situation, because nobody can deny the obvious, and because children can be so incautiously honest. Your daughter really shouldn't have to apologize for either telling the truth or for not yet knowing that every truth doesn't need to be reported out loud. And you, technically, shouldn't have to apologize for not knowing your daughter would be so awkwardly honest.

I think the best you can do is to either talk to the large woman or send her a card and tell her that you (and your daughter, if this is true) feel bad that HER feelings were hurt. If you know the woman personally, you could go on to tell her what you value about your acquaintance with her, and that you hope your relationship is strong enough to weather this awkward event. Then leave it up to her – she may need some time to nurse her feelings.

I would NOT say "I feel bad that my child HURT YOUR FEELINGS," because in truth, it is the woman's own self-judgement that has hurt her feelings. She doesn't like having the truth pointed out to her. It's not your fault or your daughter's that the woman feels bad about her weight.

I say all this as an older woman, once svelte, who has developed a big tummy. I'm not delighted with it, but that's nobody else's fault. If anybody observes that I have no waistline, or could usefully lose some weight, or anything else that is true, I simply agree with them. I don't have to defend myself against the truth. In fact, my grandson likes to drum on my "big round belly." That's cool with me!

sounds like aybe she either needs to lose that weight or get some thicker skin! if she can't understand or know by the point in her life that children notice things about EVERYONE and will 9 times out of 10 call it out then it sounds like she has a personal problem. but you must also teach your daughter to apologize to people when she may offend them. but for the lady to react like that was a bit much. heck my 4 year old just told me the other day it looked llike i had a baby in my tummy, cause it was so big!! lol but how can i get mad at him because i have not kept ,y weight up better. my baby fat has been long gone i just kept eating like i was still pregnant! so this kind of 99%-1%, oh well if the lady has issues.

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kids will be kids-- your daughter was just curious and observing the obvious. I would tell her that it is wonderful that she is so observant, but its not nice to comment on anyone elses' body. Sometimes it can hurt their feelings. Leave it at that. If you come into contact with the woman and you feel like she hasn't let the issue go, I would say something like- I know my daughter hurt you with her comment- I am sorry.

The lady should have left it up to you to talk to your daughter- It wasn't like your daughter maliciously though of trying to hurt her feelings-- she should have been more understanding. In my opinion- good luck!

Molly

The burden does not rest on your 5 year old's shoulders, it is on the older ladies. You did well explaining this life lesson to your daughter. That's how kids learn. I think you should make an apology to the lady on behalf of your daughter. Little kids don't always know when they say something wrong so to make them apologize is confusing to them. Since you explained this incident to your daughter, should she say it again to the lady, she would need to apologize herself. The lady is very sensitive in this area and allows herself to be hurt instead of dealing with her weight. All you can do for her is pray for her and remain friendly. Adults should not take the comments of children so seriously, especially when they are true. (Grow up people!)

Yes, leave it alone!
As someone who has been overweight nearly all of my adult life, I am surprised that the woman has such thin skin, and especially where a remark by a five year old is concerned.
The truth hurts certainly, but please.......
You are best off not reminding her of the incident.
By the way, I would have smiled and said, "Yes, it is, isn't it?"

In my opinion, I suggest leaving it alone. Young children are honest to a fault and intend no harm. They do not yet understand thst even honest comments can hurt people's feelings. If you bring it up again to the woman it will just open the topic again and it is probably best left closed and move on. Your child did nothing bad and it is a matter of learning social graces. We all love the positive things children say but the honest negatives hurt our feelings. Time will heal all wounds,

Best to leave it alone. If the woman left early because she was upset about what your 5 yo said, she would be seriously overly sensitive. I suggest that she left earlier for some other reason or for several things that piled up on her.

She knows 5 yo speak "the truth." It's understandable why she would be upset at the time but she'll put it back in prospective and be OK. If you bring it up then she'll go back to that place during which she was upset. Everyone needs to just move forward.

I wouldn't make too big a deal of this with your daughter. It's important to know that honesty is important. She will learn, with your gentle guidance, when to do so is appropriate and when it's not.

It is not our job to make everyone happy. Each one of us is responsible for our own happiness. Your daughter did nothing wrong. She is just 5. It is good to tell her that saying that hurt the woman's feelings but it's happened and neither one of you can rectify the situation. This woman is responsible for how she reacts in situations. She could remind herself that your daughter is just 5 and let it roll off her back. Or, perhaps, she's working on some issue related to her size and she experienced this conversation in this way as a part of her own growth.

Unless she talks with you about it, I'd continue being friendly but not bring up the subject.

Ask the woman the next time you see her to help you with educating your daughter about interpersonal relations. You could remind her that your daugher spoke out of innocence and did not mean to hurt her and then ask her to sit down with you and your daughter and gently let your daughter know how her (honest but embarassing) remark made her feel. No one should be accusatory or attack your daugher. She shouldn't be disciplined for being honest. She should just be helped to see things from the other person's point of view if possible. At 5yo I think it's entirely possible.

I do think that the woman may feel better if you allow her to use this opportunity to feel like she's making a difference in the life of a child.

Hi M.

I teach five-year-olds and have seen, and heard, all sorts of awkwardness because of the honesty of kids. I think you handled the situation well since you explained about keeping observations to oneself. But I am really kinda disgusted by some of the comments here. Do any of you Moms seriously think this woman WANTS to look the way she does? Do you think she relishes comments from others as well as the uglier ones in her head? I feel so sorry for this lady. I don't blame M. or her daughter, but comments I read here do not do a thing for the stereotype of obese people being fat because they WON'T lose weight. More than likely, fat people would be more successful at losing weight when they are supported and made to feel they have some value in spite of their size. M., I LOVE the idea of your daughter giving her a flower. Or maybe even an angel pin or something she can keep to remember that somebody was nice to her. Maybe you can even get your daughter involved in random acts of kindness for many people.

I had a similar thing happen when my son was 3. We have a friend who was born missing an arm and a leg. My son said Ronnie why do you only have one arm and a fake leg. Micheal was very intellegent at 3, he understood so much. I was embarassed beyond all. I yelled at him. I have always told my children not to stair or make rude comments. Ronnie yelled at me. He said He would prefer to answer people instaed of having them to pity him. He said pity the solider who loses a limb in battle. Don't pity me I learned to deal without and I do just fine. He then proceeded to tell Micheal when his mother was pregnant she got a desease and it caused birth defects. After that he and Micheal were buddies. Micheal wasn't scared of him. I had known Ronnie his whole life and knew some of this.
Tell your little girl to say she's sorry if you see her again. Explain to her some people make bad judgements when eating or it could be a medical reason but stress it's not polite to say something to anyone that could be negative.
My grandsons told me once I was fat. They were right and it did hurt but I said your right. Do you love me less? They said no.

One thing I have learned with my 5 year old son is that children of this age have a tendency to repeat the obvious. They simple state what they see. I don't think that is was meant to be mean. Your daughter was probably more curious than anything else. You can appoligize if it would make you feel better.