My family is a blended family. My husband has two kids living about 40 miles away and mine live with us. For the most part we all get along well except for one area...his kids do no wrong. I love my stepchildren very much but there are times that they are extremely spoiled and their dad just looks the other say and says "It's okay" If my children do something wrong or causes an inconvience it is fully noted and analyzed.
We send a very large sum of money to his ex and do not receive hardly anything from mine. His ex takes us to court for more all the time so we don't have the money to take my ex back to court (which wouldn't do us any good anyway lol) My stepkids' mother makes sure that they have absolutely anything and everything and sometimes they can be a little condesending because we live a little humbler than they do.
My problem is that my husband just looks the other way. I've tried to speaking with him and he just doesn't want to discuss it (his ex or his kids) and/or get angry. Anyone else have this problem? Suggestions or just plain ole sympathy would help.
ps - I do admire my husband for his devotion to this kids, I just think they take advantage of him.
Thank you everyone for your comments. It put things in perspective for me and I feel a lot better. Just needed to vent I guess (lol).
Honey, I wish I had the words for you, but I'm blown away by even what you said. If you have talked with him already, what is next? Counseling? That is a thought, let a third party help you get this together
WOW!! I COMPLETELY understand!! My husband has 13 children, I have 2, & we have 3. Along with 10 grandchildren, by his children. We have been together off & on for 16 yrs. We were married for five yrs, I divorced him, we weren't together for about four yrs, & got back together & have been ever since. During the time that we weren't together he had 2 kids with a woman that he aleady had children with. That's all of the detail I'm going to give, because he has changed now, but he used to be horrible & cheated on me alot, that's why I divorced him.
Anyway, I have had numerous issues with Baby Mama Drama & Stepchild Hell!! So, I can empathise with your siuation. We are past the problems between us now, even where the children are concerned. It can & probably will change. Try to establish a positive relationship with the kids, outside of our husband, & then they will respond better to your disipline. That's what I had to do wih my stepchildren. I also had to stop seeing them as his, & start seeing them as mine too. So, everyone... I actually have 18 children, plus three siblings to the 18 for a total of 21. WOW!!
K.,
I too am part of a blended family. I would say that ours is a little more extreme then yours though. We have 6 children, 5 of which, we have custody of. Let me explain a little about our family. My boyfriend (we live together but not yet married because of financial reasons) has 3 children, Audrey (13), Alex (11) and Austin (8). I have 2 children from a previous marriage, Patrick (8) and Shannon (4). And last but certainly not least, Logan (1), who is our child together. Unfortunately, Audrey (our oldest) has chose to move to North Carolina with her mother. I think being part of a blended family is the hardest thing we do. I love our big family but it is a lot of hard work. My boyfriend has been raising his kids alone since before Austin turned 1. We have all recently moved into my home together. It is a very small home for such a BIG family but the biggest between the 2 homes. We have all the boys in 1 room and the 2 girls in a room. I would have to say the girls are the hardest because they don't get along as well as the boys do. I guess girls will be girls. hahaha I guess what I am getting at is stay strong! I am hoping with us staying strong, we can make this work for us. It's nice to know that there are people out there doing what we are doing and making it work. Keep up the good work and good luck with his kids.
L.
Sit down with him and go over all the points that bother you. If you two can't reach a solution that you are both happy with, counselling may be necessary. As for getting the support from your ex, you don't need to go to court just for that. Contact your county's Child Support Enforcement office and let them know if he's getting behind. I'm not sure if it is the same in IL, but in MO, child support cases can be reviewed and modified 3 years after it was first decided. They aren't always the quickest ones to do withholdings from the paying parent, but sometimes they are. It would be worth a shot to contact them about that and see what they will do.
I would venture take a guess and say he has guilt from the divorce and this is how he deals with it. Be it right or wrong, it sounds like he's over compensating for his children's loss. I'm not sure if there is much you can do here. 4 more years and the youngest will be out of the house. Hang in there until then. Good luck, K.!
oh my goodness...i can totally relate to the step-children deal. my husband has a 6yr, 12 yr and 14 yr old. this past summer we had the 12 and 14 yr old at our home and they treated their father as if he was one of their lil' buddies...they would talk bad about him and pretty much ignore anything he would try to tell them...swo of course i had to step in and cuss some kids out right quick. i had to tell them the blatant disrespect had to stop or else they were going to get a one way ticket back to their mother's home...and she would have to pay for their trip home (which the kids, their father and i all know that she wouldn't spend that"child support" money on bus tickets)...that's how sorry their mother is....i could ramble on and on about this...but i feel where you're coming from...trying to deal with ungrateful kids and their hood-rat mother can be tough but when we got married, that's all part of the contract!
The only part about your situation I can relate to is the receiving next to nothing from your ex. I am a single mother barely keeping my head above water. My daughter is extremely spoiled from her father, so I can relate to that too I guess. Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know that I sypathize with you. Good luck.
L.
K.,
I agree that looking the other way is probably more of a coping mechanism than his actually thinking that his kids do no wrong. And disciplining your children or criticiizing/analyzing is a way that he can feel better about himself, kind of like why bullies bully: if you can find something wrong with others, you don't feel like you've got so much wrong yourself. I would definitely implore him to seek counselling with you. Your marriage really depends on you two finding common ground here. And a third party is soooo helpful in communication, helping you to really say what you mean and helping you both to really "hear" what the other means too. This is not a subject that you want to be misunderstanding each other or assuming things at all. There are a lot of issues mixed in here that need to be addressed: past relationships, children, differing views on raising children and importance of money, finances....you are wise to seek advice on this and not just "deal with it". This is one of those things that many people would just sweep under the rug for years and bite their tongue, and then one day it all erupts and ruins relationship. I encourage you to continue to love your husband and try hard to understand where he's coming from and why he may be acting the way that he does. Remember in all of this your love for him and your family and life together. Keep that before you as you seek to make things right! "In the end, only kindness matters..." - Jewel
love,
Missy B.
