my 11 yr old step daughter was raised mostly by her father and older brother when her brothers 17 yr old male friends come around shes very flirtatious and doesnt respect personal space i feel she needs to learn how to respect herself and act like a lady she acts out with not so good body language i know she has low self esteeme and shes a little too quick to want boys attention instead of lookimg for a nice girl and maintaining a friendship im afraid she may think by acting this way is the only way to get attention i want her to learn to respect herself and her body the way she acts physically and verbally when boys are around is totally un acceptable please help?????
My kids went to Cotillion. Google it and find a chapter near you.
They teach manners, dancing, and appropriate behavior.
make it a universal message, not limited to boys, but about comportment, physical space, respectful distances, respectful tones, and cultivating friendship with people of both genders. Do some role playing so she can see what you mean rather than being abstract about it.
She may or may not have the intentions you ascribe to her actions. it may well be, that she simply doesn't know how to act differently. With her father's support, you can show her how.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
She doesn't need to be taught to be a lady. She needs help for her self esteem. She needs to belueve that she is worth more then throwing herself at boys. She needs to believe that attention seeking behavior like this, does not give her any respect.
She can't be taught, because she clearly doesn't BELIEVE that she is worth more, or BELIEVE that she deserves respect from others. Get her in to see a counselor, so that her esteem and worth can improve.
And, what the heck is an 11 year old doing hanging out with 17 year old boys? TOTALLY inappropriate. She will get taken advantage of, because she is too naive (clearly) to be following around boys that age. She is vulnerable to be harmed and manipulated.
Please use punctuation marks. Otherwise I will assume you are a troll.
You're just noticing this pattern? Hmmm.
You'd have to give specifics to know what you are trying to allude to.
Hi B. - welcome to MamaPedia!
Maybe you should focus on encouraging the older boys to set a good example? If they are 17...they are almost 18...they should not be messing around with an 11-year-old girl!
Once she sees the boys backing off and being friendly but not "too friendly", that might help the situation.
In general, though, these puberty years (around age 11) are when boys and girls both start "trying to flirt". It's natural, but, good to maintain boundaries.
If you don't want her pregnant by 13 I suggest some parental supervision is needed. She should NEVER have the opportunity to be alone or to flirt with these guys. This is hard for them. Not to say they shouldn't know better. They see a girl prancing around flirting and they see easy sex. Someone they can manipulate and make them do what ever they want.
This little girl might learn a much needed lesson if one of these guys told her off. Told her she was acting like a cheap slut...can't think of anything good to say. It will shock her and might help her to realize that she's acting inappropriately.
Are you able to put her in a sport of her choice? For now, she needs to keep busy and occupy her time with something other than her brothers friends. A sport will help her boost her self esteem and perhaps once that is established and she is not concerned with impressing others in the wrong way, you can work on positive body language.
For now, I would be careful about coming across too strongly that she is acting inappropriate or she may regress all together and never listen.
She needs lots of love and attention from you and other parental figures, so she isn't looking for it elsewhere.
Discuss with her how a young lady should act, and take her on fun outings, before she turns into a teen, and it's too late. Give her lots of hugs and physical affection.
How you do that would depend a lot on your relationship with her. You should be able to speak candidly with her father about this and work together to guide her. There's a chance that all you can offer is your example and the occasional blurb. If she is not receptive to you for whatever reason, this falls squarely in her father's lap. He can take advice from you or point her in your direction, but the person speaking directly to her will need to have a relationship with her. Otherwise, your words will mean nothing and might send her in the opposite direction. Look up some books and talk to some men about how they parent their daughters.
I've had friends but my best friends were always boys.
Girls were mostly too boring and/or full of drama.
When I was 11, I learned how to play tackle football with the neighborhood boys before my Mom made me stop.
I was angry at the time - I was pretty good at it.
I knocked the wind out of a guy who was 4 years older than me (I caught him round the ankles) and then asked him if I did that right - soon as he caught his breath he said "Yeah. Perfect!".
They were sure shocked a few years later when they eventually saw me wear a dress.
They knew I was a girl but I was always 'one of the guys'.
For your SD - sign her up for taekwondo.
It's great exercise, they'll all be sweating together, she'll be sparring with the guys eventually and they won't hold back just because she's a girl.
%50 of the kids in my son's class are girls - and some of them are spitfires when it comes to sparring.
Dad and bro need to be on the same page as you are here. Bro can have a serious talk with his friends. And maybe a serious talk with his sister. Her bio-mom needs to be on the same page and supporting this as well. I agree with sending her to play when her brother's friends are over. And you may need to be blunt with her on this. She needs to know what's going on, why she shouldn't be doing this. If she's not getting sex ed and the info she needs about respecting herself and her body, it needs to start NOW.
When I was 11 I was playing with barbies, so...
I agree with Fanged Bunny. Teach her about personal space depending on how close the relationship is.
