How Old Is Too Old? - Chicago,IL

I don't think there is a magic age of 'too old'. Instead, I think each individual has to assess their health, their situation in life, how much energy they have, their mental health, etc. I know quite a few great moms who have had kids in their forties and did just fine with it-- it was a good time in their lives for them to do so.

I also would posit the inverse question: how young is too young? :) Some younger parents also have similar challenges (health, life situation) compounded with lack of life experience. It really depends on the individual if they are able to rise to the occasion and meet the rigorous demands of parenting.

For what it's worth, I had my son at 36 and would have done it a few years later too... I had a lot of years to grow up and for us, this was the 'best' time for us.

What I think is that kids keep you young- I am amazed at the difference between someone like myself, who has an 8 and 10 year old at 46 and someone who has much older kids at my age. Not to toot my own horn but I look and act MUCH younger than them. Theri kids have aged them both physically and mentallly.

The biggest mistake of my life was to not have another baby because I felt like you do. At 40 I felt that I should be 'done'. Now at 46 with the window closed due to age and medical reasons I would do anything for one more kid.

I had my first at 22 and my second at 30. I got remarried and i had my 3rd daughter at 37. Im now 38 looking to have #4....if i get pregnant now, id be 39 at delivery. My last was by far my easiest pregnancy, delivery and recovery. I also feel im more patient and relaxed as im older.

My mom was 46 when I was born, so I'll say 47. I should mention that I had a wonderful childhood, my parents had lots of energy and lots of time to devote to me, and they were financially secure. My mom stayed at home, then my dad retired when I was five. my parents were a little old fashioned, but they knew what they were doing. Sadly, my mom died young, when she was 70 and I was 24. That was the only drawback for me having older parents, was losing them so early.

Wow. 46?

For me personally, I think 35 would have been the latest for a newborn..

But that is just me.. I just knew I was not good with no sleep. Being older with a toddler and an infant at any older age.. Just would not have been good for me personally.

Our decision on when to get pregnant was based on how secure or marriage was, with the realization our main efforts for the next years with an infant/toddler, was going to mean most of our energy and attention focused on our child..

I think it depends on the mom! I'm 40 and expecting my third soon. I never thought I'd have a kid past 40, but this is my easiest pregnancy! In fact, it's been so great I keep thinking maybe we will try for another in a few years!

I think it's great when women have babies in their 40s! Good for them for not letting life dictate to them what they can do. As long as they are capable of having babies, why not have them?

The advantages of being an older parent are great. There is a lot to be said for financial security and maturity. There is no way I was mature enough to have kids in my 20s. I was too busy going to concerts and being a kid myself. In fact, one girl (24) I knew from my Bradly Class had a really hard time adjusting to being a mom. She just kept talking about all the things she was giving up...girls weekends away, a career, etc. I got to live, do some traveling, and now I am happy to nest with my little ones. And since we are older, we can afford to take them places if we do want to travel!

Completely depends on where you are in your life. I had my first at 24, so starting the parenting clock over 20 years later is not an option. However, I have close friends that had their first in late 30s (married later, 2nd marriage, or long time to get pregnant). For them, 40s is very likely for additional kids.

I became a mom in my 40s. I enjoyed my 20s finishing grad school, building my career, traveling and living the single life. I enjoyed my 30s, continuing to build my career, buying my home, traveling to kid free locales, spending time doing the things that I wanted to do living the single life. I chose to become a mom in my 40s, and it is life altering...no more climbing the corp ladder and no more kid-free, non-family friendly vacations. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I am glad I waited until I was at the right point in my life. You are now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where you can have the freedom that I enjoyed in my 30s when you were having your kids. I plan to retire when my daughter is a college freshman! It's just a reversal of lifestages, that's all.

For me? Menopause is too old ;-) I would love a bonus baby in my late child-bearing years. I'm currently pregnant with baby #4, and I am 31.

i'm with you, i think life has seasons and cycles. baby-making is a relatively long cycle (biologically speaking) for women, but it's supposed to end and that space that has been filled with nurturing and tending others should focus in other places. but there's not one age that fits all. 40 is truly so young these days that many women cheerfully bear into 'em, but it's certainly at the tail end of it all. i got pregnant in my early 40s, and it was such an ambiguous proposition. we went from utter horror, to contemplation, to cautious joy. ended up being a moot point, but i'll never forget the roller coaster of emotions.
but some people never get over the baby thing. i've got a friend who's in her late 40s now and is on baby 11 or 12. her uterus quit, so she started adopting. i'm a little worried about her.
khairete
S.

I always said my cut off age was 30...

I had my first at 19 and my last at 38 with 6 in between them. With the older 4 I am a young mom, with the younger four I am an older mom. I've been on both sides of the fence.

Pregnancy wise they were all pretty much the same, god awful and miserable. My oldest was the easiest, but not by much. I am not a good pregnant woman.

Energy wise I had more for the oldest, but not so much more that it is majorly noticeable. Patience is hugely different, the older ones, poor things, had the anal mom. The younger ones have the "Go ahead and eat the dirt, let everyone who meets you touch you. Want ice cream for breakfast,; okay" mom. Older ones tell me often how unfair it is that the younger ones got the more lax mom....the older ones didn't have it bad, I was just a little stricter.

I haven't really had a full nights sleep in 21 years, and I tired because of that or am I tired from raising kids for 21 years? What I do know is I am over late nights and constant waking. I'm 41 and think I deserve some sleep...the 3 year old does debate though since she has this internal weird clock that she has had since birth.

Heck my mom was in her mid 40's I have sibilings the same age as my kids. She has finally seen the last of them turn 18...she's almost 60. That's gonna be me someday. If I think about it...it's crazy!

I like hazel's question of how young is too young? I don't get having multiple kids into your mid 40s or older but if it was my first chance bc I hadn't married earlier, I'd go for it but have all the tests.

I would never have wanted to have a baby past my mid-30s. I had my kids just before turning 28 and just before turning 32. I had planned to have a third when my younger was 4 or 5, but it didn't happen that way. I see women my age (45) with kids under 5 and I would never want that for me. I have two teenagers. Next year, they'll be in HS and college. I'm enjoying this stage and couldn't imagine doing kindergarten orientation again, I'm busy filling out FAFSA. But life takes people to different places at different times.

I was done having kids by age 25. My youngest will be 18 when I am only 43. It seems like a great opportunity to explore life and try new, kid-free things. Still young, but old enough to have wisdom and money under my belt, rather than the idealism and empty wallet of a 20-something.

When it comes to others, I don't care about their age so long as they have the means and the ability to properly raise the kid to adulthood.

had 3 in quick succession 30, 34, 35 and I think I am done, not because I am too old, just cause 3 little kids are life and finance drainers. I am not interested in having another any time soon. However if I feel like it at 45 I think I will do it. There are some risk factors involved. I would weigh that with economic times as well, and if its a mistake it would be a welcomed one!

I think the answer to that is different for everyone. My kids are about to be 5 and 7. I am 38 and feel that I am way too old to do it again. I LOVE babies and would love to rent them for a few hours at a time :) However, my 2nd pregnancy was hard while running after a toddler. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to be pregnant and run after two other kids. My kids are beyond diapers and formula. They typically sleep through the night. We can actually go out to eat in a restaurant.

They are both in school (VPK and 1st grade) now so we are running with all the homework every night. I am enjoying this stage with them and just don't want to start over for any number of reasons.

However, I have also seen Moms do this in their mid-40's and be thrilled about it. I know of a couple in their 60's that frequently take in foster children...including babies. SO, I guess that it is all depends on how you want your life to be...

My aunt had her first (and only) baby at the same time I had my first baby. I was 26, and my aunt was 48! As you might imagine, when she would take her baby to the grocery store or to the pediatrician's or wherever, people would say, "Oh! How nice that you're babysitting your granddaughter!" - of course, this would really offend her, but she was getting on in years to be a first-time mom! Shoot, now that I'm 37, I can't imagine having a newborn in the house! We are at such a good age with our kids right now (they are 7 and 10) - they can tie their own shoes, take showers by themselves, dress themselves, help with chores, speak in full sentences, eat without getting food all over themselves, drink a glass of milk and not spit it up everywhere... LOL! Yeah, there's no way I could go back to square one right now. No way at all!

I had my first at 41 and my second at 43. Neither pregnancy was too tough-in fact, during my second trimester with my first, I felt absolutely fantastic!! My second pregnancy was actually even easier than my first, and that child is "easier" than his brother, although both are pretty typicallly developing boys. There is no wrong or right answer here. It all depends on the individual. I know "older" parents who are doing wonderfully and I know "younger" parents who are overwhelmed beyond belief. In my 'hood, there are a ton of moms in their forties and fifties. In fact, if a kindergarten mom is younger than 40, it's a little unusual!! It is a very, very personal decision, and age per se is not going to be the deciding factor, necessarily. Having said all that, I wouldn't wait too long because of the fertility issues, which can spring up real early. I actually had an easier time getting pregnant at 40 and 42 than some of my friends did in their twenties and thirties-again, it's very personal and everyone is different. Have kids when it's right for you and don't worry about what others think!! :o)

I don't think there is a specific age but the risks do go up the older you are. My mom had my oldest brother at 16 and me at 41, so she hit both side of the range. She was always very young for her age, even when some of my friends had grandmas her age. Everyone thought my brother was my dad. lol Even in her late 70s now, she's still more youthful the other women her age. I just hope I inherited those genes (the youthful ones, that is). I'm in my late 30s, and this factory has shut down!

I think it depends on the mom. I had my first at 28, my second at 31, and my third at 36. I will say, that physically, it was a heck of a lot easier when I was younger. The recovery was easier, and chasing after them was easier. That being said, I have had a lot more patience the older I got. Personally, I wouldn't have a baby past 40 because of the risk factors, but every one is different.

I don't read ahead so please forgive me if I repeat someone else.

My first was in at 20. My send was 34 and my last 36. For me? no later than 40.

Now, let's flip that around? How young is too young? It is MY OPINION that a female under the age of 19 shouldn't be having children. Why? Most haven't finished school - and gone out and LIVED with out children. MANY (not all) are but children themselves.

I know that there are several mom's on here that had children in their teens....I am NOT flaming or slamming them. This is MY opinion. I don't regret my daughter at 20. I thank God it wasn't at 17.

I am 37 and had my 6th child last year, and I think 36 is probably my cut off. being in my early 50's with 1 teenager in the house sounds like enough for me. I think it depends on the person, I would say between 35-45 sounds like a normal cut off to me.

Hmmmm...great question.
I had my first at 39.
That was the perfect age for ME.
I was ready. Emotionally, physically, psychologically, financially, and professionally.

So I'll say this: if a woman makes a conscious decision to start/add to her family, and can say she's ready emotionally, physically, psychologically, financially and professionally, then she's also at the perfect age!

My cut off was 30. I'm 30, and we are sooo done. I know that's very young for some people, but I just wanted to be done with that part of my life. (The baby making and birthing part.) I had already been married for years. If I hadn't been married by 30, obviously I wouldn't have had that number.

My cutoff would be 35. I had my kids at 24 & (1 day before) 26 and wouldn't change it. I think you can't argue with studies that show there are very real risks to mother and child after 35. I'm not saying it shouldn't or can't be done...just that it's a bigger risk. I chose to spend my 'younger' years raising babies and will travel (maybe even WITH them) when I'm (& they are) older and can actually afford to go somewhere other than the next state over.
I certainly don't feel like I 'gave up' anything by being a younger mother...if anything they've given life a purpose and made me grow up. Everyone is selfish before they have kids...no matter if it's 20s, 30s or 40s...KIDS change that, not just age.

i had my daughter 6 months ago, 2months before i turned 24.. she definatley was not planned but im loving every minute of being a mom. Since i was young having my first i would honestly like to be done having kids by 30... id only like to have one more anyway.. im thinking when my daughter is 3 we will try (her daddy will be 30 a few months after she turns 3, so to me it seems like a good time)
had i not had my daughter now i probably wouldve waited at least a couple years,, in that case the cut off for me wouldve been 35

I wanted to be done by 30. Turned out I was 31 and had four kids. I had plenty of energy and now my husband and I are retired and enjoying life. We travel when we can. This year we are babysitting our granddaughter so we put any travel plans off until she is about a year. We are young enough to enjoy her to the fullest. Yes I do get tired. That is why young people have babies lol. Personally I could not have imagined having babies in my forties, but that is just me.

I'm 43, too, and mine are 18 and 15. Like anything in life, there are positives and negatives. I wanted a baby in my late 30's but it didn't happen. And now I'm at peace with it.

I think I would have been a better mom if I could have the same exact kids, just 10 years later. That being said, my energy level isn't what it used to be.

I agree with Mallory - I feel like I look older than moms my age with little kids. I have a cousin who is a couple of years younger than me and she has a toddler and a pre-schooler, and she looks YOUNG! But then she probably looks at me and thinks "wow it must be nice to be almost done raising your kids."

So . . . I don't think there is any hard and fast age. I think it just depends on the circumstances.

There are pros and cons on both extreme ends.

Physically, it would be better to have a child in your 20s. Knowing myself and I speak for myself only, I am a better parent because I had my children when I was 34 & 36. I was all about me in my 20s and if I have them now at 43 then I would be an old biddy looking for them in the streets if they turn out to be wayward teen-agers (Ugh I think too much).

I had my only at 26. I didn't want another, but if I had wanted another, my personal cut off would have been 35.

I had my fist at 23 and my second at 27. I always told my husband that 30 was the limit. After 30 years old there are a lot more risks and I wanted to be young and have the energy to take care of my kids and be able to go out and play catch or ride bikes with them even when they are teenagers. I don't want to be 70 years old at their graduation.

I wanted to have my children while in my 20s. So I did. I wouldn't want to be 40 and pregnant but it works for others.

I had my last baby at 36. I honestly believe that 35-36 is about the oldest you should have a baby. I believe a younger body is more healthy and has an easier time with pregnancy and the mother has the energy to deal with the sleepless nights, then chasing the little ones.

Except in cases such as TV and Film star Tony Randall who had been married for many years his wife died from cancer. For some reason they could not have children and he still wanted to be a father in his 60's. He married a younger woman and finally had the family he always wanted.

In other cases I think it's selfish for someone who is the age of a grandparent to start having babies. I know young women today are programed career first -- marriage second -- babies third. I just think that isn't working out very well.

My limit is age 34 due to the risk factors for mother and baby. My five all arrived by 32, and at 32, it was 100000% more difficult than in my 20's (to be pregnant). Problems and issues. Nothing terrible, just not a walk in the park.

But I'd adopt even into my 80's (if you can). A teen, perhaps. Would I want to do that? I don't know but right now I can't imagine just living and not helping raise and better someone's life. But who knows!

Personally, my cut-off was 30 and here's why: I grew up with 2 younger sisters, 4 and 8 years younger than me. I hardly knew my youngest sister growing up because we were always in such different stages of life. Even as we got older, it was still difficult. I mean, we loved each other and got along just fine....but as far as having a really close bond? That has just started to happend and I'm in my 30s!

My first was born at 24, so I wanted to have all the children I was gonna have by the time I turned 30 so they grew up closer in ages and stages. I have 3 daughters and there are 4 years between my youngest and oldest and all 3 of them just LOVE each other! I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now, in a general sense of "what is too old"? I think that once Mother Nature has had her final word then it's time to close up shop. If a woman can handle a pregnancy physically, emotionally and financially then she should go for it. Though I'm personally glad I'm not going to be 58+ at my child's highschool graduation.

For ME....35.
But that's just ME.
Doesn't matter to me how old someone is.
L.

Well, I guess I am the "old lady" of the group! I had my first son at age 54, and my second son, at age 55. My pregnancy was better than any my friends and relatives had. Delivery came with a price. After 18 hours labor, with my first son, the doctor recommended a C-section, and my second son was came with a C-section also. I was really healthy, but I find that I now have more energy than I ever had, before my boys. The oldest is now 4-1/2 and the younger just turned 3. My life is better now, than ever, but I admit that I am fortunate that they are healthy, too! My mother was 40 when she had me.

I had my first at 27 and my last at 40. I would not change a thing.

I don't think 40s is too old. My DH was 47 when DD was born. He's in good health, his family has a history of longevity (and frankly, my uncle was 40 when he died in a car accident so you never know) and we were in a good place to have a child together (he has two older kids who are grown now). If I could have another, I would try to do so before I turned 40 just because I know it's harder and female fertility is finite.

i had my one and only at the age of 37 almost 38. if he hadn't be born with some issues that he had out grown now we would have tried for one more. i think 40/42 is the cut off. if you have a good ob/gyn that deals in high risk i think one would be fine. i did have a good ob/gyn that dealt in risk pregnancies.

My opinion only...35 is the tops for me, which is when I had my last child. I wish that I could have had them when I was 27, but I graduated from college and just started my career so I thought I had children late in life. I feel it's not fair to the children that want to play with their parents, but the parents are too old.