How to Enforce Manners When Other Kids Have NONE???

It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Keep it up. I agree if you see bad behavior point out the negatives of that behavior and the consequences. Keep complimenting them they will like it. Also Complimnet them when you know they are eavsdroping it goes pretty far.

I hope that people say those things about my kid one day.

I love your question. I too also feel like I have held summer bootcamp at my home, for years, but I deal with children a little older - from 10 to 14 years old. Yes, my son is as mannerly as my daughter! I would expect no less! We've always instilled,in them, the importance that, whatever they do in life, they need to do it with kindness and good manners. We also have instilled in our children that we are all a reflection of each other - what we all do, influences how others see our family.

My children always have someone over. Just taking that moment to acknowledge the friend by their first name, asking them about their day.... some kids just don't get that time or respect at home. It's nice for them to know that an adult wants to hear what they have to say!

Here are just a few things that I do to instill manners:

- When having "guests" at our lunch/dinner table, all guests get served first. If the first one says "thank you" ... I immediately comment "how polite this group is!" and everyone follows suit. If they don't say thank you... so that I'm not embarrassing them, I will still say... "your welcome". Inevitably, you will have that child that will say... "but Mrs. P. They didn't say thank you, to which I reply..."oh.. I still have to remember my manners".
... Just by saying... "it's the rule in my home"... kids generally don't contradict that. Sadly, not all families sit down for dinner. I think this is such an injustice to a child - the family table teaches major life lessons!

- Meltdowns in front of you: Immediately say (and loud enough for the child to hear "Excuse me, I need to give you some private time to work this disagreement out"...take your kids and, swiftly, walk away to the next room. Don't give bad behavior an audience! This usually kills the moment, the mom is usually furious with her child, it sends the right message to your children and hers of not tolerating bad behavior. Or... leave if the attitude continues.

Good luck to you and keep being that great example!

What in the world do other kids have to do with yours? Nothing.

Tell your kids and repeat as needed, "In our house, we have certain rules. All houses and people are different. Just because your friends do it, doesn't mean that you can."

As for other people's kids, ignore them. Unless they are at your house, then feel free to correct them. "In this house, we say Please and Thank you."

I have a boy who says 'please' and 'thank you' (and 'bless you' for sneezes lol), and I don't give a rat's behind what people say about boys. It's an EXCUSE that people use because they are not persistent enough nor have standards high enough to expect boy children to act civilized and polite.

You're not being neurotic with your expectations. In fact, continue what you're doing with your girls because I think it is great.

If this stuff happens at your place - "my house, my rules" and that's just the way it is. If your girls witness these acts, use it as a conversation piece with them about how people may act differently but you still expect them to behave in a certain manner.

You can't change what other people do (or don't do) but you can affect how your girls act and react.

I know you already have posted about "what happened" but I just wanted to add that you sound like me from 15 years ago. I have a 21-year-old and an 11-year-old. Both kids are/were polite, but my older daughter became a teenager and had a few problems that were embarrassing for our family. So it taught me not to be judgmental because kids aren't perfect and just when you think they are doing great, they'll surprise and humble you. You have a long ways to go. Keep up the good work, but don't condemn others because you could be in their shoes in different ways down the road.

Dear Mom on the Go

What a wonderful job you have done with your girls. Keep it up and lead by example!!

Before having kids, I was abit judgemental on how kids acted in public. Now that I have my own, well, I've become more humble and accepting of others. Is that an excuse? I don't think so but until you have walked in someone else's shoes, don't judge.

Two examples of this stand out in my mind. #1 Last fall, I was shopping and an older child was acting out in some way (didn't see the misbehavior). Another female shopper took it upon herself to comment on this misbehavior to the mother. WELL....this mother let loose. Her child had autism and has behavioral outbursts. She began to say how difficult it is for others to judge, comment and sneer when they have no idea what it is like to raise a child with autism. All she was wanting to do is purchase some back to school shoes for her children but instead she received judgement and harassment. #2 Last December I had a very diffcult time with my 6 year while we were on a scouting field trip. My daughter would not follow direction and began to have a tantrum right in the middle of a crowded restaurant. As much as I hated to end our wonderful afternoon, I removed her from the situation and left. While I was removing her another mother in our group came to me and said "I fully support you in what you are doing. You are making the right (but difficult) choice." I was so thankful for her words of encouragement at that precise moment. It was difficult because we were downtown Chgo, others drove with us so I had to switch car seats etc, it was dangerously cold outside, etc. Was my daughter wrong---without a doubt! Excuse or not, she had just experienced the death of her beloved grandfather just 3 weeks before and was having a difficult time managing these intense and new emotions. These occasional outbursts continued for about 2 months but have since diminished.

We must remember that its our job to help our children through all of it...the good, bad and the ugly. Ensuring our children's social and emotional growth is, in my opinion, the most important aspects of parenting. I've had plenty of opportunities to see bad parenting, mine included, but you need to ask yourself: #1 are they (the parents) trying? and #2 are they well intended?. Remember we are there to set the standard, share our observations and guide our children to make appropriate choices. In the meantime, continue what you are doing. Don't judge but keep your eyes locked on your goal of raising polite, respectful and well mannered children.

Welcome to the girl club. I don't how many times I heard how lucky I was to have girls they are so much easier then boys. Little did these people know that I have a step son who was raised with the same expectations! Keep up the good work and be proud of the job you are doing with your family. Trust me in the end it will pay off!

I don't see anything wrong with you or your standards. I hold my son to much the same. There are times that I ease up, but I expect him to behave appropriately. My son is 3 and uses manners and knows how to act at the dinner table, especially out in public. Don't get me wrong, he whines, has tantrums and can be a bratty kid, but he knows the consequences also. He knows that he will be sent to his room when we're at home or put in a time out if at someone's house, if we're in a public place he knows that he'll get punished at home. My son has asked me why his cousins and friends don't have to do the same as him, I tell him that I'm not their mommy and if their mommies say it's ok for them to act that way then she has to deal with it but I'm not going to put up with that behavior from him. I might sound a little snotty to other moms, but it's true. I'm not going to tolerate it and he knows it. Keep up the fight for good manners and behavior! Good Luck, I know it's stressful.

It sounds like your children have wonderful manners DESPITE what they see around them. Of course you can continue to hold your children to a higher standard! Just keep doing what you're doing. Your children probably already see the benefit of having good manners.

I use other people's manners as an example, and it works! Sometimes kids can't see what they look or sound like. Once in a while I'll be with my stepdaughter and I'll hear another child whining. I'll look at her and say quietly "see, that's what it sounds like when a child whines. Horrible, isn't it?"

When you see this display, it's a great time to compliment your children. "I'm so lucky to have such wonderful, polite children like you!"

The good thing about holding your children to a higher standard is others WILL notice (and you said they do) and perhaps that will inspire them to take a look at their own children. Plus, your children will also inspire others to be more polite. Attitudes are contagious, good or bad.

I think you are doing the right thing, as your children are obviously behaving very well. Continue on the same path. As for your frustration and gaining some perspective, I would like to say that your message was offensive to every mom whose children have misbehaved in public. You are being extremely judgmental of the way other people raise their kids, and how much they can control of their kids' behavior. What works for one, does not always work the same way for another. I think need to let their comments roll off your shoulders, continue teaching your kids as you are doing, as it obviously working, and give yourself and your kids a pat on the back every time someone else says, "What's your secret?"

WTG for being a great mama! I agree about the boy/girl thing. That's so annoying when people say that. oh, you're so lucky to have a girl! Yes I am, i love my daughter, but she's well-behaved because I teach her manners and am strict with her and I'll teach my son the same.

At the same time, you don't know the problems that kids have, such as autism as a pp mentioned. I have a friend with a child with behavioral issues and she trys so hard and he still can't handle being in public all that well.

So you never know everyone's situation.

But , kudos to you for teaching your children manners.
M.

We are big on enforcing rules and manners as well. On the way to a play date, let your kids know what is expected of them. Explain that just because the other kids get to run around with their food does not make it okay, and you expect good behavior. If they can't behave in that situation, let them know the consequence ahead of time (leave the play date, lose a favorite toy, etc.) When they do behave, make sure you tell them how proud of them you are! When my son says 'why does he get to do that?' My only reply is that he needs to worry only about himself and his rules. I don't offer explanations. I think the hardest part about remaining strong in those situations, is I think that in a way you feel like you are telling other mom's their kids are crazy just by asking your kids to behave. I am sure I let my son get away with some things other parents wouldn't approve of, just as others let their kids get away with things I woulnd't approve of. Pick you battles & stand your ground, and you will raise leaders who aren't afraid to 'stray from the norm' rather than the followers who do what everyone else is doing - whether right or wrong.

I don't care what people say...your children are well behaved because of the parents doing whether they are a boy or girl.
I have a 7 yr old son whom is very well mannered as well.
You just keep up the good work!! Hey at least our kids will know that they canot walk all over us :)
As for other's whom are NOT well mannered...well this just proves that you ARE doing a great job with your girl's!

Good for you teaching your kids manners! Stay strong on it! One of my kids has been great, the other one gets about half of it (she says please and thank yous but wipes her face and hands with her dress).
It's refreshing to hear someone who doesn't give in to whining and enforces manners. Keep at it and don't back down. It's incredibly important and you'll be happy later...you're holding your kids to a higher standard. Try to not come off as judgmental to your play date friends, but if you kids inquire let them know, you are working to make them easier to be around. And whiners are difficult to be around. And again, good for you!