hi. My sweet just 3 year old started preschool this fall 3 mornings and is doing well despite brief tears at drop off. She has some little buddies but doesn't engage much at a playdate or party, she stays by my side and won't participate. We go to a gymnastics class and she loves it until the part where she needs to go to the middle of the circle and do a routine, which every kid loves and does but she won't do it. The coach told me she is good physically but "uncoachable" bc she won't go near the teacher, even though she is actually a nice teacher. That upset me a bit and made me wonder if this problem is bigger than I knew. I don't want her to be labeled an nervous wreck....She is very close with me and prefers me. A family member whom she knows well just babysat last night and they said she missed me most of the time and didn't have a great night. She is very close with her older sister and does better in general when sister is around and clearly is comfortable around the house and eats/sleeps/talks very well,. I am seeing her ped this week and I will ask him but I know for sure he will tell me it is just her personality. My husband thinks we are doing something "wrong" but doesn't know what. Anxiety runs in his family. I appreciate your thoughts.
Young children want to be with mom. She doesn't sound ready to be without mom. This doesn't mean you have done anything wrong, or that she is nervous, it just means that she is a young 3.
I agree with so many of the previous posters--her behavior sounds well within the normal range. My oldest daughter was very much like this, and while she will never be outgoing, she has come so far! I would agree that you might want to look for a different class. I had a great experience with The Little Gym, their instructors are super patient, super upbeat, and relate very well with the parents. I can't imagine a Little Gym instructor ever saying that a child was "uncoachable!" They would say, "Give her time!" I also want to tell you that I know what it is like to worry about your kid's temperament, and I sure wish I had just listened to my gut and enjoyed my daughter for who she was rather than try to figure out why she wasn't behaving just like all the other kids. It is hard on moms to have shy children. So my advice is to relax, enjoy your daughter in situations that are comfortable to her and you (if that means you are together and she doesn't do independent classes outside of preschool, that's absolutely FINE!!) and you are bound to see an improvement with time. And if by chance you don't, trust your instinct on when to really worry. Good luck!
My son would not stray from my husband & I , until between 3.5 & 4. He also started preschool at 3 & the experienced teachers told me later, they thought he would never adjust but he did. By the time he went to pre-K, he was a totally different kid. You guys are doing nothing wrong. She just needs extra time.
I teach preschool movement and yoga classes, and I work with a lot of children with widely different temperaments. Some like to jump right into the middle of things and others like to watch for many sessions before they participate. The latter children actually tend to perform better when they do decide to take action, since they have been watching and thinking about the action for some time. All of these children are normal.
On another note, my daughter is an HSC, and it is truly not a diagnosis or disorder but rather a normal variation in temperament. She had trouble being away from me until she was about 3 1/2, now she is 4 and very confident and well-adjusted. HSCs actually have more sensitive nervous systems, so things are louder, brighter and more intense for them. If you think your daughter might have this characteristic, a book I found really helpful is "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron (you can also look at her website about sensitivity).
I hope that helps! I think it's great that your daughter loves you so much!
My husband pushed me to take my d out at 2 to preschool/MDO so she could "Socialize". She was not ready for it. I should have waiting to preK.
It caused her and several others anxiety when we should have done more playdates at the park
You are not doing anything wrong.
If this is her first year of preschool she has only been going for a month or so...she needs more time to become comfortable with the big group dynamics of school/dance class/parties, etc.
She will be fine. this year next year you will be amazed at the progress she has made.
Just keep encouraging her to participate but don't force her if she doesn't want too.
There is nothing wrong with your daughter. Lots of kids take time to feel comfortable being in the spotlight (at class) and being away from Mom. Totally, totally, totally normal!
You have the wrong gymnastics teacher.
My so was like your daughter when he was younger. He was very smart and shy. We happened to have a tae Kwan do class open up close to us so I took him. It was new so really he had the teacher all to himself for a long time. This guy was from Korea and was SUPER patient. He never told him he did anything wrong, just showed him the right way over and over. My son wouldn't even take off his socks for a year! Patient, I tell you! After a while my son realized he knew more than the ones that started after he did. That gave him a boost of confidence that has never left him.
Find another class with a teacher with more patience. Invest time into the relationship and it can pay off!
My son was like this till he was about 3 1/2.
The first kids birthday party he went to was a taekwondo party and he loved watching it - just as long as he was on my lap.
Towards the end he felt better about running around with the other kids.
He's got a wait and see learning style.
He has to carefully scope out a situation and figure out how it works before he's willing to jump in.
Every school year at teacher's conference time they'd tell me he needs to speak up in class, then the rest of the year they can't get him to shut up.
At 3 - I would not worry about it.
In another year or so she'll be more confident about joining in with others.
Right now, she want's Mama security.
Enjoy it while it lasts!
this is a normal child.. stop worrying. my daughtert was shy.. from age s 2 to 4.. I took her to classes and stayed by her side. we went to library story time.. to kindermusik.. gymnastic (parent tot) everything i was there..
then at 4 she said she would go to dance class.. --it was a drop off class.. she had to walk in the room by herself.. I thought she would burst into tears but she went in the class...
she did preschhol pretty well.. and went to kindergarten without a tear.
now at nearly 7 she is quiet but not shy. she can function in a group. she answers questions in class.. my duaghter blossomed.
SSSSOOO,,, you have a couple of years to help her socialize.. go places.. do things.. classes activites... it doesnt matter.. get her out there in the world with you safely by her side.. she will graduallly feel more comfortable and hopefully by the time school starts seh will be fine.
A lot of kids are like this - they don't always carry a diagnosis!
3 is awfully young for organized gymnastics classes - a lot of kids just can't handle the structure (which includes going into the center of a circle). Being "uncoachable" might just mean "young"! And who knows if the teacher accidentally said something that triggered a fear in your daughter? YOU think she's nice but maybe one remark was misunderstood, or perhaps the way the teacher handled another child. Hard to know.
She's just learning to separate from you (at preschool) so maybe asking her to continue to do it with so many other situations (gymnastics, play dates, babysitter) is just too much. She needs to be reassured that you will always come back, and that it's not that you are trying to get rid of her. You have her entire childhood to work on building her confidence in her own abilities. It could be her overall personality but it could just be developmental. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her - it just means she does things (like all kids) in her own order. She's highly verbal, she eats well, etc. - give the social skills some time to develop.
She sounds like a normal 3 year-old, they do come in a range of personalities. And gee, when I was 3, I wasn't expected to leave my mother's side...
A coach that calls a student "uncoachable" is not a good coach. Your daughter may not be ready for this type of class, or she may do better with a more skilled or experienced coach.
I would continue to reassure her, to introduce her to new situations carefully, to encourage but not push.
I was a "shy" child who grew up to be an introvert, and have a successful career and family life. Introverts make up almost half of our population and most of us are pretty normal ;-)
