Husband

YOu really do need to lay her down if she is nodding off - this wil lhelp her get herself to sleep - trust me - you will be greatful as she gets older that she can self sooth a little.

LOL!!! I have to agree, just keep poking him as he's falling asleep!

With mine, it doesn't matter where he reads it, because "well there's conflicting data on other websites..." and I just tune him out and do the right thing for my baby.

I'm amazed that your 3.5 month old baby is sleeping through the night! I can't imagine! Sounds like you're doing just fine!!

Dr. Sears has info on sleep and waiting 20 minutes or more for the "limp limb" sign that they are in deep sleep. You can probably find it at askdrsears.com and have your husband read it. It's also in "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears. It explains all the stages of baby sleep.

Why not just recommend to him that when he puts her to sleep, he's welcome to do it his way but when you put her to sleep, you'll do what you know works best for you and her. You can back this up by acknowledging that children respond to different people differently, as evidenced by a child who listens well to one parent and defies another. (As well as many other situations!!) : )

Just remember that he means well, and maybe he's feeling a bit left out. Why not give your daughter to him after you're done nursing, then let him hold her until he's ready to put her down to sleep.

HTH!
D.

Pull open one of your baby books. I know the Dr. Sears books discuss it and I think the AAP book discusses it.

Heck, it is probably on the web, but my husband believed it when he read it. The baby has to be asleep enough so that if you pick up the arm, it falls back down. If the baby prevents it from falling, baby is only in a light sleep.

Hi L.,

When your husband says lay her down and she wakes up make him put her back to sleep. I find that men get a little tired of doing that after a while and want the baby to stay asleep as well, so you end up being able to hold her longer. I had the same problem with my daughter and her father, that's how I finally handled it. It's worth a try (for you too).

Lay her down and then make your husband console her and get her back to sleep (you go for a walk!). After a few days of this he'll back off and you can go back to doing it your way without him making comments. A few days of this will not make a difference to her but it will make a big difference with him! Good luck.

All I can say is that your husband may be on to something. He probably doesn't want to see you holding a 20 pound 11 month old until she falls asleep before you put her down. Now is the time to re-train her in to falling asleep on her own while still somewhat awake so that when she's older she'll be able to self soothe and you won't be up rocking/swaying/holding her until she passes out. It'll be hard, but you can do it!

Honey, you don't need to say anything to him. I know he's the Daddy but no one knows a baby more than her mama! A baby is suppose to be in a slighty upright position for about 15-30 after feeding or it can cause gas and babies don't like gas!! Any anyway your baby is only 3.5 months you should be holding her anyway, my son is 4 months and I still do the kangaroo cradle witch is holding the baby skin to skin ( no shirt). They teach this in the NICU. You can never spoil a baby.

hello,

we have a rule in our house
you wake it you take it.

so basically you need to do as he says and then get dressed and go for a walk.

now one of three things will happen he will not enjoy dealing with the screaming alone.
you will get good exercise
and or the baby will get used to this and he will eventually be right.

hope this helps.

I think it's better to feed when my baby first wakes up and put him down awake so that he learns to sooze himself. He is almost 6 months old and has been a great sleeper since before he was 2 months old. I think it's because I learned to to this and to put him down on a schedule (rather than when he seems sleepy). My daughter is 3 years old and I used to feed her right before she went to sleep, I'd wait until she fell asleep to put her down and she still has problems sleeping.

Here's the schedule I started with:

7 am wake/feed
8:30 am put down for nap
10 am wake/feed
11:30 am put down for nap
1 pm wake/feed
2:30 pm put down for nap
4 pm wake/feed
5:30 pm put down for nap
7 pm wake/feed (sometimes he'd sleep longer but I'd wake him up to feed and he'd go right back to sleep)

You can start the morning whenever you choose (I chose 7am). You don't need to wait until your child wakes up. Sometimes my baby wakes before 7 but he has just plays in his crib until I come get him.

Our schedule is somewhat flexible (I try to both listen to his variable needs and use the schedule). Now that my son is almost 6 months old he takes 3 naps a day (not 4) and usually goes to bed anywhere from 6:30 - 7:30 pm. His nap schedule will change to 2 naps a day soon, I imagine.

My son stuck to the above schedule pretty well until he was a little over 4 months. It was a great place for us to start because I didn't know anything about schedules like this when I had my first child.

A great book to read on this is "On Becoming Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.

I would say put her down drowsy but awake so she can learn to soothe herself (trust me, this will help you later on when you are sleep training). If you put her down right after she falls asleep, she is going to wake up right away and wonder where she is. Your other choice is to hold her until she is fast asleep, which is great now, but won't feel so great when she is 25 pounds.

I would give your daughter to your husband and let him put her to bed. Let him try to get her back to sleep. If he doesn't like it and wants you tp do it, then tell him you will do it your way. It's very frustrating for someone else to tell you how to do things, if you are the one who will then have to follow through if it doesn't work. Good luck.

simply that he can do it his way and you will do it yours. you want o hold your baby and that's what you are going to do.

L.,

I read the advice because I have the same problem. My advice is that different things work for different people. I have a 2 month old. I read "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Karp (highly reccomended for colicky babies) and it seems that until the baby is 4 to 6 months old, you can never spoil them. As they get older, it may be best to do what your husband suggests so that the baby can self soothe. But if you want to hold off for another month or two, do what you feel is right.

Good luck

Hi L.,
I have to agree with your husband. I have two kids. a 7y and an 18m. With the 7y, we would hold and rock him until he was sound asleep. To this day, we have to lay with him in his room until he is a sleep or he will complain and stay awake waiting for us to come in. With the 18m, I lay her down shortly after her bottle and burp. I also don't rock or sing to her. Just hold her. Sometimes she's awake and squirmy, somethimes shes calm and sometimes shes lightly asleep. However, no matter how I put her down, within minutes she's sound asleep.
M.

hi L., I certainly understand and sympathise.... especially when all you want is for baby to get some sleep :), and you too! Eventually, the baby will have to learn to fall asleep on own, and that includes putting baby down before she is fully asleep. If we continue to feed her and hold her until she is "fully" asleep, she will not learn how to fall asleep on her own. I agree to do it once in a while, especially if you are soo exhausted, and just want to get some sleep yourself. Although, your husband has a point.... the baby should be put down before being fully asleep.
The second point here thought is "how long do you let her cry" ... I was not good at this AT ALL with my first. If you can comfort her by rocking, or pacifier, maybe this will help some. best of luck, and I'm sure you will do fine. kind regards, J.

I know breastfeeding is a wonderful experience for both you and your precious baby. I experienced it myself with my kids. However, I always made sure that my husband fed the babies either a bottle of breast milk or formula at night so that I might take a breather. Maybe he feels like he is missing out on something.

Hope this helps.

L. S.

I have to agree with Candice H. It sounds like he may be a bit jealous. And this is NORMAL. Make sure you are making time for JUST HIM. Sometimes dads who arent exposed to breastfeeding throughout thier lives are even more prone to jealousey when they see the baby at what used to be THIER breasts. Silly, I know, but that is how our society has labeled them. Making time for just him every day or every other day will help with the jealousey issues, but stand firm in your resolve. You can gently say, dear, Let me get her to sleep and then my attention is ALL YOURS.

HTH,
~J. (Mama, midwife & family and health educator)

I agree with your husband. What you are doing is what I did with my recently turned 1 year old. I would hold him until he was sound asleep before I put him down. He just started sleeping through the night last month at 11 months old because he never learned to self soothe at a young age. With my oldest, I would put him down just drowsy and then rub his back so he wouldn't cry and he slept through the night at 4 months.

ie. Dr. Spock! Girl, you go ahead and use your intuition. It is amazing how many multiple of millions of children grew up before all the studies and actually made it. Har Har.

I am a wellness coach who coaches people in common sense, wellness measures, and I have come to believe that most studies published by "Pharma" have an alternative motive undelying. Generally, pharmaceutical sales.

I am proud of your perspective! As a grandmother, who helps others listen to their bodies and helping my 28 year old daughter use her common sense to raise her 5 year old, I salute you for reclaiming your parental authority with the anointing that comes with it to know what is best for your child.

Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap!!!

G.F.

Next time he lays down to go to sleep, push and nudge him just as he's about to drift peacefully into dreamland and tell him that's what happens to your daughter everytime he makes you move her when she starts drifting off.

poor old doofusy husbands!
they get no respect.
:)
are you so sure he's all wet? it may well be that it would be a good thing for your daughter to lie down before she's all the way zonked and learn to put herself the rest of the way to sleep.
maybe not.
but daddies know more than they're credited with sometimes. they've got instincts too!
:) khairete
S.

Sounds like you need "The No-Cry Sleep Solution." I SWEAR by that book, and used it for both daughters. You should pick up a copy asap. Don't worry about logging your child's sleep patterns, just jump to the chapters on solutions and put them into practice. Happy sleeping! :-)

I hate to say it but I think your husband is right. I have twin boys and we never put them down already asleep. I wouldnt even say they were even really drowsy. They had their nighttime bottle and lots of kisses and hugs and into their cribs they went. Sometimes they might fuss a little for a few minutes but then they went right off to sleep and stayed that way all night long. The pediatrician even told me that we should always try to put them down before they were totally asleep to help them learn to put themselves to sleep. I know that sometimes its hard to take our mommy hats off and remember we were a partner with our husband first. There were times when I fought my husbands advice because I was the "Mom" and I should know what's best. But sometimes when I tried it his way, it really did work better even though I hate to admit it. Fathers bring a different (and sometimes needed)view to child rearing. At 3.5 months your daughter has gotten into the habit of being totally asleep before you put her down. She's not going to change overnight. It will take a few tries. Feed her and hand her over to him. And then leave the room. I have always been amazed at the things my kids will do for my husband if I am not around. They are 10 years old now and that is still the case! Good luck!

This is going to sound silly, but I think what he really wants is your attention. Don't forget to make time for hubby. :) And simply tell him no, you'll put the baby down when you're ready. You both have a say in taking care of the baby but when the baby is in your arms, it's your say. I try to respect the same with my husband (even when the baby is crying because he just doesn't get it :) ).