Husband and Wife Time

Having a relationship with teenagers is around must be hard. I have little ones so I only know what my parents did and I'm going to follow.

Door is closed and/or locked you don't enter...yes I knew they were having sex and while yes it "grossed me out" I did also learn something from this. I learned that when they were honest with us about sex and their relationship, that this was what I deserved to have too. I firmly believe that by them talking to us about sex and letting us know they still had sex and enjoyed it with each other. That I no have a relationship I can say is just as fantastic as theirs.

My parents did 1 of 2 things:

1) Sent us to the movies

2) Told us to be back home in time for dinner.

My dad was navy, so for the first few weeks of his coming home (he was gone at least 6+ months a year, in couple month segments)... we were just sent outside to play until dinner. As we got older... they sent us out some distance. Typically dropping us off at the theatre or pool.

I am trying to nip this in the bud while my kids are still small...I just tell them "It's my turn to play with daddy"!

We never had that issue, my husband wouldnt have stood for that. We told the kids we were going to go take a nap and to not disturb us unless the house was on fire. They never did interrupt us. So what if they know what you are doing, it's a good thing for them to know their parents have sex. Trust me, they wont be at the door listening or anything, it pretty much gives our kids the chills to think about us "doing it".

Teenagers know that their parents have sex anyway so I would just tell them you need some privacy and do not disturb. As teenagers they can manage without you guys for an hour or so. My husband and I just say we are going to bed early and do not disturb us unless the house is on fire:0)

I would tell them - we are going in our room - don't bother us unless it is an emergency! And go do your thing. There is no reason for you to be embarrassed about it. Go have fun with your husband - you are married! It's not like you are taking your boyfriend in there or something. You are not doing anything inappropriate. Just Do It!!

You are right, I find it disturbing too to (eventually) have my son knowing I am having sex while he's in the house. I also found very bothersome to hear/imagine/know that my own parents were having sex if I were in the house.Can't you just wait till they are asleep, though? You could then lock the door and nobody would ever have to deal with your private moments at all. If they go to sleep too late for you to wait, then just tell them good night and lock your door...what are the chances two teenagers will come in your bedroom late at night? And if they do (and find the door locked) well...it's not the end of the world and I doubt they'll ever do it again!!! I say there is no reason to lay it all out for them to know...a little bit of caution will go a long way without publicity. By the way, don't teenagers spend hours and hours locked in their room anyways?? I know, I did...;-)

Well, they know you had sex at least twice (LOL)! I think you're just going to have to deal with the fact that they know. You're actually setting a GOOD example of what a loving couple is by making time for you and your hubby. Relax, do what you have to do - you can be honest without being graphic. You can arrange a weekly date night where you send them off to be with friends. Perhaps you can set up a rotating schedule with some of their friends parents so that each couple gets at least one "free" date nite per week. Good luck!

We have younger kids but what we do is...put a video in and tell them that "Mommy and Daddy want to talk privately." Then we explain that they are not to interupt us unless there is a problem, then we go into our room and lock the door. We also tell them that we can't talk in front of them because 1. They will interupt 2. We don't want them to hear what we are talking about, which really is the truth ;)
I think the same concept would work with your children. And, on another thought, it's good for your kids to know that their parents "love" each other and that intimacy is an important part of your relationship.

The rule we had growing up ALL the time was if a door was closed, you knock before entering, period. That way, no "accidental sightings" happen, but also it's just good form. I've witnessed some people fall out of graces with a particular boss because they didn't knock before entering. It's a good habit for them to get into.
My friend's parents would just say "Hey, don't y'all have something to do? Mom and I need a date night". When my son asks why he isn't going out with us or why he's going to the sitter's, we simply say "Y'all are going to have fun with Ms __ and we're gonna have a date!"

Lock the door and tell the kids not to disturb you unless there is blood or flames. The kids are old enough to understand that parents need couple time, and they can take care of themselves long enough for you and your husband to have some time alone without having to feel like manic bunnies.

I would say make some time while they are at school...It may not be as spontaneous as you'd like - but I'm sure it will be much appreciated!
I'm a SAHM and DH works 4am - 12pm...So we have the afternoon with no kids. Great as that sounds, there is little night time action since DH has to be up by 3am.
However, when he is off the next day, we tell the kids we're going to bed early, shut the door and have a little fun. We have a 17yo and 12yo...I'm POSITIVE the older one knows (as I have heard her tell the younger one "That can wait until tomorrow."). Morbid - but finding out it's good for her to know we have a healthy relationship. I try not to think about her knowing what we're doing...Good luck!

PS - What about going on an overnight date? I do like the idea about rotating sleepovers with friends (of course, you don't need to detail to the other parents your motive). Who knows? Maybe someone else is having the same issues and doesn't know what to do!

Is it out of the question to have this intimate time when the teenagers are sleeping? It sounds to me like you and hubby are trying to find time during the day when the kiddos are around. Do they not go to school? Are they home schooled that they are around all the time? Do they have a bed time? If you lock your bedroom door, how are they coming in and what consequences are you enforcing for them opening up a locked door? That is just not right! I would be taking away their most treasured items (cell phones, electronics, etc.) for being so disrespectful. Have they always been this way? My children are 11, 8, and 4 and they KNOW to knock AND wait to be invited in before opening the door and by golly if we are getting busy, the door is locked! My children clearly know that there would be consequences for (1) unlocking a locked door, and (2) coming in without knocking first. It sounds to me like drastic measures (consequences) need to be enforced.

Say if the door is locked, dont come a knocking for its parents time alone. My folks would lock the door after quietly sneaking out or staying it was their time. Us kids found something else to do or be somewhere else. If you werent bleeding or hurt enough to go to the hospital, they didnt open the door.

Well, if you can't get past being embarrassed that they know what you are up to in there, can you guys sometimes take the day off when they are in school? Go away for the weekend?

@InMy30'sAlready?! I'm ROFL!

Of our six kids, the 4 y/o and almost 18 month old still sleep with us. Hubby and I still manage to find "us" time.

When all the kids were little we just locked the door and went about our business. As they got older (and there got to be more of them), we began scheduling in time for ourselves (kids visited Grandma and Grandpap, went to visit their friends....Just got locked out lol). Depressing, but functional.

Sometimes hubby (or I :) wanted a quickie, which is easily enough fixed by popping in a movie. Kids will flock to it--we don't have a lot of TV around here.

Our kids are 13, 11, 9, 7, 4 and 18 mos now and we just tell them plainly that Mommy and Daddy need time alone. We decided when the oldest was around 8 that we had had enough of "scheduling" sex, and wanted to be able to be more spontaneous. So we just explained to them that, just like they all wanted to spend time alone with me or Daddy, we wanted to spend time alone with each other. And that, for the two of us to be happy and be able to devote time and love to them, we needed to be able to HAVE that alone time.

Our 13 year old recently told his Dad that he was glad we had our "alone" time. Apparently he likes that he gets to "watch" his younger siblings and "be a man". He also told ME the other day that it made him happy that his Dad and I love each other so much. I thanked him and told him it made me happy, too, and he replied with, "So many of my friends think it's gross that their parents get alone time. I just think it shows how much you love each other, and us, too." I asked him what he meant and he said, "If you didn't love each other so much, you wouldn't have made us. And if you didn't make us, then you wouldn't love each other so much".

Not 100% sure about that logic, but it was great to hear my son approves! lol