I have been married for one year and husband is kicking me and my 11year old son out of the house. Every time we get in to an argument he reminds that the house is in his name. I always tell him I’m not going anywhere! This time he really means it! Can he just kick us out with no where to go?
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Not sure where to update or answer questions, so I’m doing it here! I have confronted my Husband about his actions and asked him if he still wanted me to move out, and the answer was yes. I told him that he will have to file for divorce and get an eviction notice, because I’m not going anywhere. For once the man was speechless! He left the house and I quickly started putting your Mom advice into action. My son is staying with family for the weekend and having a really nice time. I have booked myself a hotel room for the weekend with internet service. The first thing I did was suspend his cell phone service, the house might be in his name the cell account is in mine.
We both lived in the house before we were married! I love this man with every bit of my heart, but I have to be a mother to my son first. I can not be in a relationship with a man that is emotionally abusive to the both of us. He is loving one minute and kicking me out the next! I can not live with unknown! All of our arguments are mostly about our children. His daughter can do anything and get away with it, and my son can not do anything right. I have to constantly come to my little boys rescue. My husband is way too hard on the boy! This is not just my opinion…his own sister and my father noticed it over the 4th of July weekend. That’s when things really started going down hill! So that is it! I feel like a huge load has been lifted off me.
Thank you all for your post! You all have helped me more then you know!
Yes, I do have a job, but only work part-time because I’m in school. I can’t wait to get out! My husband isn’t always like this. Most of the time he is wonderful to me and my son, but the last few months he will just get upset over the stupidest things. I hate to get a divorce so soon, but we (my son and me) don’t deserve this kind of treatment. Walking on egg shells is not how I roll! I stand up for myself, and he has always respected me for that. I just say I’m not going anywhere! If anyone ends up crying it’s him. This time is different. He woke up the next morning and told me that as far as he is concern I can start looking for a new place to live. This morning he didn’t have on his wedding ring.
I really thank everybody for the advice and will follow every bit of it. I’ve always had my on checking account, so he can’t touch any of the small amounts of money I have left. I just paid some bills, so the cash is low. I hope to stay a few months, and save as much money as can! I have already started looking for a place near by, so my son can continue to attend his school and play with his friends. I have talked to my little man about this and told him not to worry, because I can handle it. He knows how strong I am and trust that I will do the right things. My husband is his step-father, so there is no love lost in that department. Thank you all so much! I will let you know how things work out!
Call your police department. Depending on state, i don't think he can kick you out, wether your name's on it or not you are now married. And by most states that means the house is now legally yours too.
If it weren't for the fact that he's telling you to leave and take your son with you, I might be tempted to tell you he's just angry and saying things he doesn't mean (like Lacey said). But clearly this is much more serious than that if he's kicking both you AND your 11 year old child out. What kind of a person would do that?
Look, his rights are pretty limited as long as you two are married. If he physically tries to force you to leave, you need to call the police. They will be able to tell him (and you) what the law says about this situation as it's certainly not the first time it's happened. From what I understand, even if he has the legal right to make you leave, he still has to give you reasonable notice...30 days according to some of the things I've read. But that's just guesswork and you should really contact a divorce attorney to get solid answers.
If he calms down and changes his mind about you leaving, I would STRONGLY encourage you to not waste another minute and start looking for another place to live starting tomorrow. You absolutely must get your son away from the toxic enviromnent you are both living in right now and that means putting on your big-girl pants and becoming self-sufficient. If you don't currently have a job, get one and start saving (in a private account at a different bank) immediately. If you have no family or friends you can live with, please look into state or federally funded emergency housing for women (especially single parents), help with food and even transportation. There is TONS of help out there that's yours for the taking...you just need to do a little bit of homework.
Once you and your husband have gained some distance from each other, you'll need to make decisions about your marriage. If you both truly want to work things out, I strongly encourage you to insist on some pretty heavy duty marraige counseling before even considering the idea of living together again.
Many attorneys offer a free half hour consultation. Find one that specializes in family law and make an appt. I don't know about IL, but here in NH if you're mail comes to the house you don't have to leave until the "owner" goes through the entire process to evict. The fact that you're married may give you more rights as well, but the only way you're going to get the absolute correct information is to contact an attorney. Good Luck.
I agree with some of the posts recommending getting professional advice about your rights. I would also urge you to try to step back and look carefully at the situation. It's very easy to at first be reactive in a difficult situation. This is more than about just you. You have a son and you are the one who has to look out for him. Perhaps a therapist would be worth talking with to help you be able to see things objectively so you can make the best decisions for all concerned. Take care.
You haven't given us enough information to answer that. I suggest that if he's violently trying to kick you out that you call the police. If not, I'd hold my ground and stay there. Once you leave you may have less rights to return. Then I'd call an attorney tomorrow and ask about your rights.
My daughter and son-in-law sometimes fight by telling the other to get out. Once they calm down it's OK again. Sometimes he does go for a walk and when he comes back she's calm again. She's never left because technically, it's her apartment. His name isn't on the lease. What an outrageous way to think of a shared abode!
Your husband is being unreasonable. I suspect that since you're married, even if the mortgage is in his name, you have equal rights to live in the house. Talk with a lawyer, tomorrow. In the meantime, do not say anything else to him. Stop the fighting by refusing to participate. Even tell him you'll look into finding a place to stay tomorrow but for tonight let's just not fight any more.
If he physically pushes you or picks you up to remove you then the police will get involved.
You definitely need to resolve this issue as soon as you can. I urge you to get counseling so that you can decide how to proceed. Do you want to continue living with someone who pulls this on you? How much can he love you if he kicks you out? Is he drunk? Then it's not about love but about alcohol. He needs alcohol more than he needs you. The next move is up to you. What is your boundary, as far as how well do you expect to be treated?
No, I don't believe he can kick you out. Years ago we lived next door to a single guy. He moved his girlfriend in, and then about 6 months later he caught her running around with another guy. They had a terrible fight and he tried to kick her out. She said no, she was not leaving. He came over to our house to use the phone to call the cops and ask them to come out and make her leave. The cops told him that if she recieved her mail there, then that was considered her legal address and he could not just kick her out. They told him he had to go down to the courthouse and file an eviction notice. He went & stayed with his parents (the cops told him to go stay somewhere else) and she stayed in the house. He filed the eviction at the courthouse. The sherriff came out and served her a 30 day eviction notice. Well, she stayed the whole 30 days! Thirty days later they came back and escorted her off the property. It was a very sad situation. We were home when they came to kick her out, we watched the whole thing out the window. So NO, I don't think he can just kick you out. This happened in Ohio, so I don't know if the laws are the same in your state. Either way, he does not sound like a very nice husband. If I were you, I would try to start to find somewhere to go. Do you have any family or friends you can call? Good luck to you! You are in a tough spot.
If he has been physically violent in any way I would make sure the police were involved....this way you have a record of what he has done and he can be asked to leave. You should consult an attorney or if there is a domestic violence shelter they may have some words of wisdom for you. You might try googling domestic violence or any other related topic to get information. If he is angry, it is abusive in some way, I am sure.....You can always call the domestic violence hotline....I would definitely make a back up plan for your future. I just read your update and it sounds like there is someone new in his life.....call me suspicious but why else would he do what he is doing? I would also check into services such as food stamps, section 8 housing and any other support you can get. DO keep us posted and good luck with finishing school. I hope it is soon for your sake!
sounds like a shoddy husband and a terrible role model for your son, not to mention how he is hurting your son. i wonder why you are hanging on so tightly to someone who is so toxic. talk to a lawyer. consultations are often free.
I doubt that he can LEGALLY make you and your son physically leave the home but my question is...would it be SAFE for you to stay there with things escalating the way they seem to be? I would not want to expose my child to the anger and fighting that would surely ensue if you forced him to allow you to stay there.
Check with the police to see if there is a shelter for abused women in your area...you are being emotionally abused and need to get away from there and at least let the situation cool down.
Think of the emotional upheaval that your son is going through with all of this. At the very least he is learning that it is "alright" for married couples to fight and bicker...and for threats to be made. I would not WANT to stay with a man who was constantly threatening to "kick me out"...what kind of a marriage is that?
I would say that you need to contact a lawyer and find out exactly what your rights are. Good luck to you and to your young son.
Oh how I understand this. I have had this happen to me several time, while dating and after we got married. Always after a huge argument. At first I would freek out, cry, be made to feel stupid, as really I didn't have any money of my own to go anywhere. Once I got a stable job, he threated it again over me not telling him I was staying after work to look for new shoes. I had told him, but he didn't seem to remember that, and as I had his truck, he tossed a fit, told me to throw away the clothes I bought for myself in the trash, and what not then said he was going to kick me out. I said fine, I have the money, Just take me back to the house and let me pack my things. Thats when his tune changed. He wanted control, wanted me to beg his fogiveness, and when I didn't he freeked out and said "What? you don't want to sit and talk things out?" Course not, not with him yelling at me the way he was.
There have been other agrument simular to that one, where the threatning of kicking me out has come across. Now that we have a son, he will get him dressed and act as if hes leaving, or take him to the car and leave for a bit then come back. Expecting me to chase after him, or to beg him to stay, or beg to stay. I just muddle around the house, clean up the trash or do the dishes, it always makes me a little shaky just being yelled at, but I have gotten to a point he don't scare me, and I don't let it bother me.
Mind you too, he owns this house, his name is on it not mine. Technicaly nothing in this house or out is mine, so he could if he really wanted to kick me out.
I think you just need to let him cool down, use a little reverse phycology (sp) on him, see if he really wants you to leave or not, or hes just trying to control you in making you afraid of him kicking you out. Best thing is not to let it bother you, and stay there unless he ends up actually calling the cops to have you removed. You are his wife, so you have every right to be there.
Kick his a$$ out! You and your son need the house and he should man up and leave!
He can’t kick you out. But if you are in fear of your safety (or son’s) then you need to get a temporary restraining order which will kick him out. Contact your local DV shelter, they will have trained individuals (Advocates) who will help you though this process.
In Illinois if he had the house prior to the marriage then you will probably not be entitled to any of it. You are only entitled to what you accumulated during the marriage. However that doesn’t mean he can make you leave. SO DON”T GO unless you don’t feel safe.
If you acquired the house while you were married, and even if your name is not on the loan/deed, you are entitled to ½ of the value. But the house will need to be sold to pay off the loan or one of you will have to “buy the other out” if one of you wants to keep the house.
You need a lawyer with a back ground in family law andf don't forget to request temorary maintance to help you "retrain" to support you and your son.
If you decide to make any of these moves it might get worse so consider that. My guess is that he has someone else on the side and needs to make room for her.
Good advice about checking into student housing. You are responsible for providing your son a stable environment. This is not it and it won't get better.
Good luck
Don't leave Mom. What is his problem? Personally I would start looking into finding best divorce attorney you can find. It sounds like you made a mistake and married a selfish, immature man . You dont deserve continual threats. Good luck to you ,
I doubt it. In Va it's hard enough to kick out a renter who hasn't paid the rent and continues to stay on the property. It takes a court order and that can take 2 weeks. You definitely need a lawyer who knows family law and the laws of your state.
the house is marital property so it's as much yours as it is his... seek legal advice
K.,
I am so sorry, what a jerk!
Why you want to stay? It's because you don't have where to go or because you are still in love of him?
Is he being physical abusive too? Is he saying this in front of your kid?
I am not sure if he can kick you out, I would think that is not legal but no sure.
You should go (without him knowing) to ask to your local police.
Also, if you are not ready to leave (don't have where or money) start getting ready. Talk to your son about it, he is old enough to take his point of view too, not that you should do what he tells you but you both have to be very smart against this jerk.
Whit my first husband I had my baby, and he was also a jerk, but I wasn't ready to leave, so I save some money I took a short class (secretary back then) and then when "I" was ready I pack and leave him.
BUT, if he ever gets physical abusive, anything, even a "soft" slap, ANYTHING, please call your local police ASAP.
I am really sorry and hope hear good news from you soon.
Take care.
Im pretty sure if you are married the house is half yours, get a lawyer.
Depends on your state. No, he can't just kick you out one day with no where to go, he'd at least have to go through the courts. But yes, he might be able to keep the house without owning you anything depending on your state laws.
It sounds like a horrible situation and I think you need to find somewhere else to stay.
first of all you should never leave unless he is violent toward you or the child(ren). if you do he can use it against yuou in court as abandonment. yes his name is on the house but as his wife anything that he ownes is half yours. if you do however decide to leave have him sign something and get it notorized saying that he wants you to leave and that you are only living sometplace else until a judge tells you two how everything you both own is to be split.
Did you purchase the house after your marriage? Did he own it prior? If after, it doesn't matter if the title is in just his name, still half yours. Why does he want a divorce? Someone else? Have you asked him about counseling? Is this his first marriage? Used to being single? So much info left out. What (if I may ask) are the argument's about? Your son? Has he ever laid a hand on you or your son, or verbally abused either of you? So, really the only answer is one (with the info given) was the house his prior to the marriage? If so, where did you live before? Does he pay tuition? Do you have a joint account? Was it like this from the beginning? Whew, sorry but it does bring up alot of questions, plus, you don't say that you love him and would want to have counseling. Was this marriage a mistake for both of you? But, again, if he owned the house prior to the marriage, it's his. Now, if you began school after the marriage and then went to part time, you may be eligible for some kind of spousal support. You can always go to legal aide(free) and ask them. They will have answers, from my perspective, call ask if there are "women" available, and make an appointment. Good luck, you and your child will be in our thoughts and prayers.
This is no way to live. You absolutely legally do NOT have to leave, in fact legally you are owner of the home too & have rights to the equity in the home. I wouldn't suggest fighting him over the equity unless you have been paying towards the mortgage for sometime otherwise morally I couldn't take something that wasn't mine. Anyhow this is no way for you or your son to live and even if he did say sorry please don't go, I would say that this is unacceptable & give him an ultimatum to go to counseling or you will leave.
The best thing to do is tell him you will agree to move out but you need several months to save money. Best wishes
