Husband Not Treating My Kids Nice, Help!

I would not leave them alone with him anymore! "I will try to be nicer." Um, no! You will be nicer or I am out of here! You're children always come first!

You don't know what to do? Or you don't want to do what you know you have to? It sadly sounds like you went from one abuser to another. After you do the right thing you need to go into counseling yourself. Why make your kids live through a nightmare? There emotional development is being impacted severly and you are setting your daughter up to marry an abuser as well. I have faith that you know what the right thing to do is. If your husband hurts your son and the teachers find out about it. You have lost them to a CPS System. Who will protect them if you won't from emotional, mental and physical torture. Keep in mind the system does not favor mothers who do not protect their young! Good luck!

This man is a toxic a-hole to put it mildly! You need to sit down with him this evening and tell him you're going to family counseling or he will need to find another home. It's not about whether he's their biological father or not -he knew they were part of the package when you married. The issue is one of being a decent human being. Since he accepted the "package" of you and your children enough to marry you, then he needs to be nice to them. Decent people are nice to children -period. You don't mistreat (ever) or be mean to a child for absolutely no reason -ESPECIALLY if you live with that child and are in a position of parent to them. This behavior will only get worse -don't fool yourself into thinking it will resolve itself. Either he gets help and changes NOW or you need to divorce him. Your older two will wind up with severe problems -and they're already exhibiting some -as they go through childhood and adolescence around this man.

Please don't make your children live in this type of situation. So...very...sad....for them. And your "mommy gut" sees the unfairness and cruelty of the situation.

Was he like this before your 2 yo was born?

Please be the voice your kids so desperately need you to be.

Get counseling. Ask your husband to attend. Get help for your kids as well.

Is he spending O.-on-O. time with each child? He should.

Did this just start? If not, you should not have married him. But that is history now.

You need to stand up for your children right now. Don't wait another minute. Not only because you are their mother and it is the right thing to do, they are your primary responsibility and you must keep them safe. If you don't and something serious were to happen, by not stepping up you too could be charged and then your kids would have neither parent.

It is typical for the little one to get a lot of attention but the others should should get love and attention from mom and dad as well (and stepfather or not, he is their father!).

You are right, you MUST take this seriously. Ask your husband to go to counseling with you (or at least him). This type of behaviour will harm your children for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. I say this, because I was raised by a step-monster who hated my sister and I, and favored my half sister. It's horrible and all of us have suffered the repercussions, even my half sister, all of our lives. He thought he was just being mean to us, but it hurt his child the most in the long run. It is going to teach his own child that he is a mean person and his love is conditional. Feel free to show him my answer. He needs to act like a MAN, not a child and if he can't do it, he is not worthy of being a father to any of your children or your love. Real men don't act like that. Be a mamma bear on this, don't back down.

You need to talk to your husband first, then, make strict boundaries, if he's not going to obey, you leave. I'm not saying getting a divorce, I'm saying separate and if he is not going to change for himself, not for anyone else, for himself, then don't go back. Your children are suffering. That is not fair to them. Your son is only six years old, what happens when he gets older? He already has an image of his bio-dad is scary dad, he may come to the conclusion that all mean are mean, and may grow up to be an abusive male. Get the whole family into a counselor. If your husband is not willing to go, leave HIM!
I'm praying for you and your children!

Obviously talking with your husband isn't working. You may need to show him how serious you are about him being kinder and gentler to your two children. (He knew what he was signing up for when he met and married you.) Set up a place for you to live for a time. Make certain he goes to counseling and then see what happens from there. This is totally unacceptible. Did he show any signs or symptoms of him being this way before you married? How was he with you children before the I do's? Rhetorical questions. I just hate it when people mistreat the babies. Also he could be brought up on charges from Child protective services which would put all the kids at risk but they do have resources and services which include counseling.

I think you know what you need to do. You need to get couseling ASAP. If he refuses, then you need to leave! He can't go around being mean to the kids. He might not feel the same about them as he does about it own but that is not a reason to go around and pushing a child and hurting their shoulder. There is resentment on your husband's part towards your children and if it doesn't get under control CPS could come knocking on your door. You're the mother and advocate for your children, take a stand.

Well, as you said and already know, you cannot tolerate your babies being treated badly. I would suggest that instead of just a general commitment to be nicer, which hasn't been working for you, that you and your husband sit down and plan how he can build a better relationship with the older two children. Have specific goals, like him sitting down and spending some time talking to them when he comes home from work, asking about their day, giving them some physical attention like a hug or a kiss good night. Just anything to start positive interactions between them. You need your husband to fall in love with your kids and your kids to fall in love with your husband. Of course, family counseling would probably be desirable but I think continuously building on small goals would help everyone build a better bond over time. And if he's not willing to do that, if he can't see from having his own child how important these kids are to you and how much they need a stable, loving environment, then I would be very very concerned.

That is such a tough situation to be in, for you and your children. It seems that your current husband is a step up from your ex (now deceased) husband but he isn't totally as emotionally healthy as he needs to be for you and your children to have a safe and happy home to live in.

If your older children are asking you not to go to school because, when you are gone, he is mean to them, then I think you really need to listen to that. Your husband may not be as abusive as your ex husband but maybe he is abusive but in a different way. He's definitely emotionally abusive and that can do just as much damage as bruises and broken bones sometimes. So please don't leave your older children alone with this guy. I know that school is important for you, for your future and for your livelihood so, what I would do is see if you can find someone else to watch your children on those nights that you have classes.

Next, I would suggest that you go get some counseling. It's human nature to attract familiar situations and people with similar characteristics that come into our life. It is very difficult to break this type of pattern, especially when you are unaware that it even exists. I think some counseling for you and also some counseling for the two of you would be greatly beneficial. If he won't go to counseling, then you just go on your own. You need this to figure out where you've been, where you are at now and where you are going in your life.

I am sorry that this is happening to you. I hope that you can figure out a solution for this soon.

"You said you'd work on it, but whatever your trying isn't working. We need to get some help to build the safest, healthiest environment for ALL of our children. Whatever adjustments you're going through now that the baby is here doesn't erase the fact that these children see you as their Dad. We're a package deal, not an a la carte menu."

Hopping in here late.... and didn't read the other answers.... I'm sorry that people ridiculed you - not cool and very obviously NOT what you need right now.

I hope your sessions go well with your husband and that you find the strength to do what is right for your family. Hopefully it will be your hubby making a turnaround - great sign that he's willing to speak with someone.

I would be so upset.
All kids deserve love and a happy home. After 4 years of sharing the same house, if he can't give that to them, something has to change. Like, maybe where he lives, for instance.
You can't let your kids be raised with someone they feel doesn't love them as much as their sibling or is mean to them.
They are kids for such a short time. They deserve better.
Some men are amazing and love kids no matter whose they are. I had a wonderful step father. He never called me and my sister "step" kids...we were his girls.
Some men, unfortunately, can't bring themselves to love another man's kids. I've seen that happen. The marriage either doesn't survive or the kids feel like even their own mom loves someone more than them.
He has a kid. Big whoop.
YOU have three. All of them are yours. They came out of you. You can't love one more than the others or witness someone else do it. Especially the person you're supposed supposed to spend the rest of your life with. It's that simple.
That's exactly what you should tell your husband.
Things are going to change. He can talk to someone to deal with his issues or resentments or whatever his problem is and things will change, or YOU will change them.
You can't choose between your husband and kids.
There is no choice.
If your husband were to die, God forbid, what would he think of your next husband being mean to your precious two year old?
He needs to really think about his actions.

Before some real damage is done.

Best wishes.

Make other arrangements for your older kids while you are in school or quit school immediately. Do not leave them alone with him for a second. You've asked him to be nicer "a million times", and he isn't willing or isn't able to make that happen. You can't force him to love them. He either does, or he doesn't, and it sounds like he doesn't. It sounds like he resents them. Your children are crying and scared, you KNOW their concerns are valid. Short term, never leave them alone with him. Long term, start planning a separation strategy.

I am sorry to hear about your problem :(. I just wanted to offer you encouragement. I am glad to hear your husband is willing to go to counseling.

Years ago, my dad was a lot rougher and meaner with us kids. I don't know if I would describe it as abusive per se, but we were afraid to talk to him. It's like he didn't know how to communicate with children. And he had a temper. One day it sent my mom over the edge; I don't remember exactly what happened; probably one of us kids got the belt or something, but it was the final straw for my mom. She told him if he ever did anything like that, their marriage was over. And it didn't ever happen again, and I know my dad has come a long way and is a loving grandpa now. So, if your husband works hard, I am sure you can keep your marriage intact and he can be a good father. Just make sure you make him keep his end of the bargain, and remember your kids are your priority- get out if things don't improve. Good luck!

I just read your SWH and I am very proud of you! Protect your littles :) they need you!!
I pray he gets the help he needs and becomes the Father those children deserve.
Good luck.

Go to counseling....The safety of the kids come first..Has he always been this way with them or just since your third was born...Either way, he is a Dad to all three and needs to be a man and handle his responsibilities if he loves and you!!!