I Feel Horrible

I know how you feel.
I had a REAL bad morning this morning too... I am PMS'ing, and was so grumpy, which was an overflow from last night. I just woke up feeling so crabby.
I was not pleasant to anyone... and I feel bad too.
Some days, is just so hard.... I feel like I can't keep up with anything, the house is a mess and I feel like no one but me does everything, and everyone is asking me to do things for them since I am the one home and like I don't have anything better to do. I have a play-date to plan for tomorrow and prepare for, personal errands and appointments, taking my son to his things, putting him down for his nap, cooking dinner, cleaning and washing and laundry and where do I find time to even wash my hair?!!! All has to get done TODAY.

My daughter, told me to just calm down. I felt so bad. I apologized too, to my kids. It wasn't their fault, or anyone's fault. I just felt so drained and like I am on a constant treadmill... 24/7.

Anyway, hugs to you. I feel like that too, today.
I feel like a "bad" Mommy too, and that I have no right to feel like this.
But, I am only human.

All the best, you are not alone,
Susan

Don't feel horrible. If you've made it 5 years without yelling, you must be some kind of superhero. Kids are remarkably resilient. He probably doesn't even remember that you yelled at him, and is busy ingesting mass amounts of sugar at the class Valentine's party even now.

If you want a bad mommy story, I've been traveling on business all week and got a call from my oldest last night saying, "We were the only ones who didn't bring Valentine's cards and gifts to ballet today! How come you forgot? Daddy says you forgot and it's not his job to remember that kind of stuff." Grrrrrr... (PUT...DADDY...ON...THE...PHONE!) So apparently every other mother on the face of the earth spent all weekend making cute little goodie bags to hand out at ballet class. (Really? REALLY?) At least your kid isn't embarrassed in public because his mom FORGOT to make gifts altogether... ugggggggh.

There's probably not a mom among us who hasn't had moments like those. I recall when my daughter was about 8 and I was a newly-single mom, wondering how to keep finances together. I was more emotionally volatile than usual (I seldom yelled or demanded before that period). One day my daughter gave me a picture she had drawn of a crying girl with the caption "Why are you so mean to me?"

Well, you can imagine how I felt; shocked, horrified, and very sad for my really terrific daughter. I sat down with her and talked about my tensions and short temper, apologized and promised to treat her more thoughtfully. I told her she didn't deserve the lack of consideration she had been receiving, and that I wanted her to tell me if she felt that way again. I turned things around rather abruptly, took more time to relax and have fun with her.

In a way, I think it was almost better for both of us that we had that crisis. There's nothing like the negative to help you appreciate the positive. And I got to model that even parents are flawed, can learn and make up for our mistakes.

Yes, you hurt right now, Jamie. That's good – your conscience is healthy and your heart is tender. You are demonstrating invaluable self-awareness. Make the most of it, mama!

Awww! We've all been there, I promise :) I get frustrated with my older kids and banish them to their room... and then I sit in MY room and think about what I'VE done, LOL! As long as you've apologized, and recognized that this was YOUR problem, not his, then it sounds like you've 'learned your lesson' and that will more than likely make you stop and think twice before you blow up again in the future... but honey I can guarantee that you'll react like that again once in a while, and it's perfectly normal and OKAY!! I would even ask your son how it made him feel, and ask him to forgive you... might as well make a life lesson out of it for him too :) *hugs*

Jaime- i understand what you are going through. Been there- done it more than once I am not proud to admit. My oldest is also very sensitive about the things that are said to him and takes everything as a personal attack. Especially being yelled at. I have yelled at him more than once when it was not his fault and sometimes it was but still shouldn't have yelled. I think the fact that you already apologized will help him move on. If you already told him you made a mistake (gasp-moms are not supposed to do that), he didn't do anything wrong and that you were sorry he has probably forgiven you and forgotten about it. You will be beating yourself up about this long after he has gotten over it. Feel him out when he gets home from school and make sure his feelings are not still hurt. Talk with him regardless about it now that you have calmed down and explain how badly you have been feeling for hurting him. Kids appreciate it when they see that we make mistakes and say mean things or whatever and then apologize and admit we are wrong. Then they know that is what they need to do too when they mess up. It will be ok, I promise. If you want to check on him right now... you could call the school and ask if the teacher is noticing anything different about him today. That would be a good indication if he is hanging onto those bad feelings or not. If he is playing and interacting the exact same way as usual... then he is ok and you can have alittle piece of mind until you get to talk to him more.
Your son sounds like mine and I am still learning how to better/ fully communicate with him (he is almost 11) but.... the book the 5 love languages for kids really helped me understand him alot better. You should borrow it from the library.
Hope this helps:)

Hi Jamie, you are not the worse mom in the world, what happened this morning in your home has happened in every home across America, including mine. You telling your son you were sorry, told your little boy, more than what your yelling did. When I did this, while my son was at school I baked his favorite cookies, that made me feel better. and it validated my appoligy you would be surprised to know how many parents don't believe in apoligizing to their children. Rushed mornings are stressful for everyone. so don't punish yourself for being human. Kids are very forgiving. J. L.

Oh don’t feel bad! We’ve all been there! Honestly you’re such a wonderful Mom for even caring that you yelled. Some Moms wouldn’t care one bit and go about their day! Your story made me think about when my daughter was in kindergarten and a similar incident happened right before school. She was crying, I apologized and off she went. Like you, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I was crying and crying. At one point I couldn’t take it just thinking about her hurt little feelings in class and trying to hold back the tears so I got in my car and drove there. The classroom had a window and I peeked through (of course I went to the front office first and let them know and they were so understanding). Sure enough there she was looking as happy as can be! I can’t tell you what a relief that was and the few people I had talked to before going there said “she’s probably at school totally happy and having fun”! I guess I needed to see it for myself.

Don't worry, all moms have been done that at some point. I agree with Mel's response, just love him and explain that you feel bad. I'm sure he'll have a bad day one day and take it out on you:)

Aw, it's ok, mom! I have a 6yr old and 3 1/2 yr old. I have had my fair share of those times. And yes, you are right, it is definitely the WORST feeling in the world. But, it's also important that our kids learn that we have bad days, too. As long as you took that time to apologize, it's ok. It's totally normal. And I can assure you, it probably won't be the last time you lose your cool. We're only human. Give him some extra love tonight and re-explain your words and just ask him if he can forgive ya. Give him a big kiss and hug and then just move on. At age 5, he will be able to understand that mommy was super stressed. He gets it more than you think. =0) Don't feel bad. You are not alone! Even if other moms won't admit it.......you are definitely NOT alone. =0)

I bet there isn't a mom who hasn't felt this way! Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are only human. Why not take him out for ice cream and tell him again how it was a crazy morning and you didn't mean to yell at him?

More than likely, your son has already forgotten the incident, but saying 'sorry' again and enjoying a treat together will no doubt make you both feel better.

Yes I am sure this is a very common thing and you've gotten a lot of sympathetic posts. However, I will say that you should try to take a deep breath and think about what's important and how you want your kids to see you. I have a fantastic Mom, who was very attentive and took great care of me and my two siblings. But I can tell you I remember very specific instances of when she "lost it" or said something mean or uncalled for - it was hurtful and confusing and even at 43, when I remember so little of my childhood - those moments live with me. I am sure she'd be horrified to know that I remember those moments vividly and I do my best to keep this in mind as I deal with my 2.5 year old. So, while I wouldn't beat yourself up over this one incident - I would absolutely think when you find yourself in a similar situation about how you will diffuse it rather than react that way.

Best of luck in your quest for sanity in today's crazy world!

I understand your feeling.
He is 5 years old and it seems like it's exceptional, maybe even the first time you yell at him. Then, you said sorry.
Everybody has bad days from time to time.
He has received good parenting during 5 years. He has good foundation. This exceptional slip won't damage him. It's not like of you were yelling at him everyday as some moms do.
There are great chances that he will have forgotten all about it by the time he comes back home.
If you feel he is different/still suffer from it, just talk to him about it and explain again how much you love him, that he did a great job, that you were upset for some other reasons and shouldn't have yelled at him.
To make him feel that it's really exceptional and you were wrong, you can tell him that he can send you to time out if he feels so.
This way, he can get control over the incident; he can see that unacceptable behavior has consequences for everybody (he would have gotten a time-out if he would have yelled at you), he can officially forgive you and forget about it.
I sometimes send myself to time-outs when I'm about to loose control.