We bought our house 5 1/2 years ago. The neighborhood has proven to be a bad choice for us. Our neighbors are very unfriendly and mean. We have never said anything bad about anyone or complained to them or cops about their LOUD parties and on-going pot smoking in their back yards in spring thru fall. In the time we have lived here, several new families have moved in and around, even if we get to them first before the other neighbors approach them, they are very friendly/cordial until they start to meet up with them. Then that's when they shun us from then on, not sure what they could all be saying, since none of them have taken the time to get to know us, not at all. It makes it very hard to go out for a walk with the kids/family or even to just walk across the street to get the mail.
The neighbor directly across from us has a teenage daughter and used to be a very sweet girl when she would not be with in view of her mom, and would talk to us about the new baby but now she is "No longer allowed to talk to us". This is the neighbor that tried to run us down in her car, as we were walking when we brought our three yr old from the hospital, as a new born, I had a c-sect and was hard for me to move that quickly, we all had to jump the curb quickly, including shoving the newborn in the stroller. She laughed hysterically, and then finally asked if we were ok. Everyone says we should have called the police at that time, but we just wanted to keep the peace in the neighborhood and not make things worst than they already were. This has been going on the whole time we've been here to some extent. So now there are at least four families that shun us.
I feel so lonely and sad. It puts a lot of stress on me and I know it affects the way I am a wife and mom. My husband doesn't care, he just says they aren't the kind of people we want to be around anyway, raising kids in that kind of enviroment.
My best friend lives over 60 miles away so we only get together 2-3 times a month for a movie, dinner or a night at the casino (her favorite). Both my family and my husbands family live even farther away too.
So I'm not really sure what I am asking here, but more less just venting, anyone have neighbors like mine and would like to share your story. Any groups around that have a moms night away?
Hi Cheri,
Where do you live? I'm in Blaine. I have one boy, 2. I'm always up for playdates. Email me ____@____.com.
S.
moving does sound like the best option if you can do it. The market is terrible, though, and this house is hopefully safe and stable which is most important. I do have some neighbors who are absolutely impossible and then go around the neighborhood to influence others... just strange to me; I grew up on the east coast where there was much more of the live and let live attitude. Just a couple of ideas - one is to get exercise yourself. Go to a local community center - maybe one has drop in day care? Kids Park in Macalester Groveland is awesome! There you might find other people from your neighborhood with kids that you can take turns doing stuff with. Also, check out local coffee shops; even if you don't drink coffee, maybe have some tea or a smoothie and just see others around your neighborhood who don't happen to live on your block. Lastly, I think churches are a wonderful way to find honest, hopeful community connections. I very seldom in my life say that I really despise someone, but the family across the street has done it for me. I just avoid them as much as possible (which isn't easy, they have 6 kids, mom doesn't work, and they live in their front yard three seasons a year!) I don't want to give them the satisfaction that they bother me that much. I know we're not moving and neither will they, but I've had more than my fair share of tears over anger and frustration about how they've treated me, my pets, my children... just awful. (but no pot smoking or anything illegal. can you call the cops on that stuff?.?.?. in my humble opinion.)
Since your kids are pre-school age, why not move so that they can have friendships and fun in their childhoods? I definitely moved from a bad neighborhood when my daughter was small and am sooooo glad I did! Put your foot down darling and start looking for your husband too. He will also enjoy life in a good neighborhood.
I am sorry you are suffering in this way! My heart goes out to you.
Cheri,
I am so sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. We moved here just a couple years ago and we rented first for like 7 mos and in that neighborhood we had some really rude neighbors who swore at my children on their way to school because they walked on the sidewalk past their truck. Luckily we moved a week later into our new home and found that we have fabulous neighbors (with a few exceptions).
Unfortunately you don't have that and the best thing I can suggest is stay away from them. I am not sure what your yard situation is, but try to make your backyard a sanctuary for your family. Invest in a privacy fence or sections in places. Just make it comfortable for you to sit and for your kids to play.
Then find something you can do with your kids, such as an ECFE class or playgroup. Find local parks that you can take your family on walks. I am not sure where you live, but I have a 3 year old son and am always looking for playdates. Let me know if you are interested.
I know that it's hard to feel out of place, but just try to stay strong and ignore them. Are those the type of people you want to associate with and have your kids playing with? If you redirect your attention somewhere else, I am sure it will help.
E-mail me if you interested in setting up some playdates.
Hang in there!
J.
Move. No kidding. You certainly don't want them influencing your children!!!! Scary. Not to mention your mental state. . .could cause big health problems in the future.
Good luck.
J.
If any of these families have children the same age as your children I would definitely consider moving because the hatred could transfer to the classroom when they start school. Also, it sound like it is maybe 2 families that are poisoning your possible friendships (and it sounds like they would not be healthy people to hang around anyway) but have you tried talking to the new neighbors, invite them over. If they refuse for some reason I would ask them if there is a problem . You have nothing to loose and maybe you might learn some insight into what is being said and can correct some misconception. Be brave and confident and GO FOR IT!
I'm not sure where you live but you should check out Meetup.com.
They have lots of cool mom's groups. Here are two that I highly recommend for making friends and getting out of the house ---
http://sahm.meetup.com/114/ (St. Paul group)
http://sahm.meetup.com/87/ (Twin Cities group)
Cheri-
Our neighbors are really nice, but we don't see them much (especially in winter when we all hibernate). We've lived here a year and all our family is far. I, too, feel lonely. There is hope, however! We've found some great friends at church. We have gotten involved in things that interest us and are happy to have friends outside the neighborhood now. The kids are happy, too, to have friends at church and also friends at school...sometimes these friends even overlap!
If you don't have a church, visit ours! Crossroads Church in Cottage Grove (moving soon to Woodbury).
