I Get It!! It's My Fault!

i agree with everyone...get a babysitter! it will be a much appreciated and well worth it expense. who knows..if you hire a sitter just so you can sleep and relax, maybe you can get a cheaper than usual rate since you will be in the house still. i just interviewed sitters and most of them were college students adn all of them were fine with $10-11 hr. (which i think is considered a cheap rate, right?) and definitely hire a sitter or maybe a family member can come on the weekend and do a DATE NIGHT!!! it will make such a difference.
good luck and try to get more sleep...

My husband works 2rd shift and I am a SAHM. I feel the stress b/c I do not get a break from the kids at all, I could not imagine how you do it!!!

I agree that daycare of somesort is in order. My only advice is that my neighbor had in home care while she worked from home and she said it was very hard to have her daughter in the home while she worked. She would hear her cry and the nanny would come in and ask the mom questions. Out of home care might be better.
K.

Please don't think it is your fault. The situation is not anyone's fault, but can be fixed with some cooperation from both parties.
You have some good ideas and you and your husband should discuss them all and see what will work for the FAMILY. There are many couples that work this out. There is a couple in my neighborhood that uses the same babysitter I do, but only certain days. The dad is a firefighter and she works 4 days. The dad works 24 hours and is off 48, but really can only be with their kids on the 2nd day he is off, just so he can rest.
I have to say, it is hard to find good care that is flexible, but you will have better luck with a in-home sitter (either your or theirs) than a structure facility. They just can't be as flexible.
Put an ad in the paper, maybe a college student would be willing to watch in the afternoons, since they likely have class in the morning. If you have a college nearby, check with their teaching and early childhood departments, there is likely someone flexible that can help.

I hope you find some relief soon!!

Hi T.-
Don't go and blame yourself for the whole thing. Marriage is a two-way street and is supposed to be a team effort. I know that it must be extremely tough for you in that you're trying to fill both the role of good wife and a good mom- been there, done that.
If you make that much more money than your husband, have you ever talked to him about being a Mr. Mom? It might be a suggestion for HIM to give up his job and be with the baby for awhile...or at least until you can decide if there's something else that you want to do job-wise. There's got to be decisions made that can appease both of you in order to keep your marriage working and not feeling like you're not there for your daughter. It may be a little more demanding on him to take on more with the household stuff, BUT you would technically be the bread winner then-so the rest would have to be his job. Lots more families are doing it these days, because of the women working more. There's no such thing as a traditional role any more. But there has to be a compromise- don't take all the fault or the blame- that's not fair to yourself.
I did everything in the house, the job, and my baby (now 6 years old). It stopped being a partnership between me and my husband- and that's why I divorced him. You have to explain to your husband that you're really trying and you NEED his help. Hopefully, you two can work things out and move forward with a happy life and family. :) Sorry to get so "chatty" about this, but you really sounded like you could use some encouragement.

Good luck!
B.

It's not your fault. We all want to do it all. If you make so much more than your husband, could he stay home? It may be a radical suggestion, but it might work. You would be more rested, he could see what the other side is like, and your daughter would still have the stability of having a parent home during the day. I hope you can find a solution.

M.

WOW! That is EXACTLY my position!!! I work nights my husband works days, Im up with my 2 year old all day with only 3 hours of sleep. We are having the same issues.....The only thing I can add is that I have a sleep apnea which Im progressively getting worse. If you get any good helpful responses PLEASE let me know!!!

I would get some help like a babysitter or drop your daughter off in the morning before u sleep. that's what we do.

T.,

Dont quit your good paying job. Maybe consider taking your lil girl to a daycare home for the morning, so you can sleep. and still spend time with her, or, take her full time, so you can sleep, wake up and get cleaning done. etc. I am daycare and I am happy to help those that need flexibility for that purpose. It is worth it in the end, you will be rested, and happy. It all makes the world, and relationships at home go around. There are many well qualified providers -

Find some daycare that allows you to spend some time with your daughter and some time sleeping. You are not only damaging your relationships with your husband and daughter but you are damaging your health. What about your husband quiting his job and staying home? Is that possible?

We were in opposite situations when our oldest was a baby. I worked days and he worked nights. It got to be too much for my dh to watch our daughter. We finally found a nice woman to watch her in her home. My dd was happier since she was getting more attention during the day and my dh was a much better father and husband since he got more sleep. Financially, there's no way that we could have made it on one paycheck

I can totally relate to taking out exhaustion anger on your husband! I think you should consider putting your daughter in daycare so that you can sleep during the day. She'll be able to get her energy out interacting with other kids, you'll get your rest, and everyone will be happier. Sure, daycare costs a lot of money, but it may be worth it.

I work afternoons and my dh works nights. I agree with getting someone to come to your house for a few hours so you can sleep. If you make more it would be silly for you to quit your job. I know many stay at home dads. I know for my dh it is hard for him to stay up in the morning he needs to go to sleep right when he gets home. there is no way I could work during the day it wold be way to hard on him. You def need a full 8 hours when you work nights, it is hard enough on your body as it is.

Dear T.,
I live in the Naperville area and I show people how to earn income from home by partering with an INC.500 health and wellness company. This company provides a way for people to work from home and earn income so that people can eventually leave their permanent job and regain their life back,if they choose to. My web site is www.dhilburger.executivemarketinggrp.com and you can email me if this is of interest to you.
Good luck with everything,
D. Hilburger

I had to ask myself the same question a few weeks ago...which is more important, a good job or a good marriage/family life? Whatever you decide, then the other one will get sacrificed. Simple as that. I had to decide when I realized my career was suddenly less important than my family. I had to take a different position at work to keep my job, so my previously fast-rising career has been put on hold so that I can be with my family. Career suffered, family is intact. Imagining the opposite would be scary to me. If you are a praying person, I'd suggest that. Whatever decision you make, good luck.

S.

It's not your fault at all. How can you blame yourself for working to help provide for your family?

Try getting a part-time sitter to just be there while you sleep, to watch your daughter and do some light cleaning. It should help. Let us know what happened.

Don't beat yourself up for being human. We all must have our basic needs fulfilled in order to take care of others. I know it is costly, but for the sake of your daughter's safety, have you considered a few hours of daycare so you can get some rest and she is being supervised by someone who has slept and has all their functions?
God bless you and I hope you find a way to work this out.
M.
Mom of 2 and 3 year old boys who has tried to take care of them occasionally on litle to no sleep.