I Need HELP!!! - Carrollton,TX

I don't know if he has the same foods at the daycare and at home. If the daycare is giving alot of juice/kool aid, the red dye #5 could be causing him to act out. It is not only in drinks but also in food. Also, watch his sugar intake, if my daughter (who is 3) gets too much sugar she becomes demon child. See if there is a certain time that his behavior gets worse (morning after drop off, after lunch, or pick up times)

morning drop off- he is missing you, doesn't want to stay, -drop in and see what is going on without the teachers knowing (I did this when my daughter started telling me teachers hit, the school denied it but it was happening)

after lunch- maybe really tired, or could be what he ate
pick up- again misses you, frustrated he isn't picked up

Try a behavior chart-- have 3 simple things listed ( ex. listens to teachers, shares, is kind) and have a spot for each hour he is there , if he is good that hour he gets a happy face if not he gets a sad face, If he can get 10 (whatever number you want) happy faces then he can get a special treat. Each week move the number up. If he gets 10 sad faces then he loses something he likes to do at home.

Hope this helps

Hi N.,

Three's are harder than two's. I would say he is throwing things out of frustration. Teach him to use his words to say how he feels. At three their vocabulary is limited and they can't express how they feel. "Are you mad? You can use your words but we don't throw things." "Did you want that toy? Let's ask if you can have a turn. We don't take things from our friends."

HOpe you find the answer you are looking for.

Have you tried the Love and Logic approach?

The book is "Love and Logic" by Faye and Cline

I guess I am really confused as to why your first step was to consult a pediatrician. Your son is exhibiting signs of anger and frustration and your first thought is to medicate him? That is something to think about.

2s and 3s are classic times for acting out because your child is at that age where he either can't communicate well enough to let folks know his feelings or he is at the stage where no one takes his communications seriously.

There are many good books to read but I think this is a sign that he is unhappy where he is. Spend more time with him and talk with him a lot and if you have to change his location, then change it even if it is inconvenient to you.

VickiS

If he is ordinarily a sweet child, and this is something that's happened recently--didn't come on gradually and escalate, then check out the daycare, etc. But also keep in mind that kids can exhibit these behaviors due to food allergies. The son of a friend of mine would get mean any time he consumed dairy products. He outgrew it by high school, but all through elementary, she had to take special foods to b-day parties and such so he'd be a normal kid. Just a thought.

Hi N.,

It really is hard for him to understand at his age that what he's doing is wrong and it hurts. I know this because I have a 3 yr old and I stay at home with him and since he turned 3, his behavior has gotten a lot harder to control. The one thing I notice that helps at his age is distraction. When I see him getting upset about something, I'll quickly start talking with him about anything and just simply distracting his mind from any bad intentions. That always seems to help....even just asking questions such as "what color is that tree" or "what is your favorite toy in your room" and then go on from there......however, with your son being in daycare, I'm not sure what they will do with him in order to distract or teach him. Boys are definitely different little creatures : ) and have to be approached in different more careful ways or you'll see a lot more upsetting behavior. Talk with the daycare some more and see if they can see what's upsetting him before he acts out and what they can do to "help" him control his behavior instead of punishing him every time because he's only acting out for some reason that needs to be addressed, not ignored.
Take care and good luck to you.

What kind of consequenes does he have when he throws things?
Something right at the moment helps the best so he relates the two. But also talk to him, explain how hurtful this behavior is. Try to re-enforce good behavior, so the attention won't alwaysbe when he is mis-behaving. Day care can't do all this, but at home if time out, or taking away a toy and explaining why, and a swat always helps. I knowsome people don't believe in spanking, and I think that came from people over doing for sure, but a swat never hurt any child, and sometimes all the other remedies don't work, and the surprise of a swat seems to get the message accross, and doesn't necessarly hurt, it's just the surprise of it to them. Do you think he misses you enough that he is acting out? If this could be part of the problem, I know people don't like to hear this, but the money you save on transportation, child care, work clothes etc. sometimes you don't make that much more than the extra expenses, and being home with him a year may make a lot of difference. Just a suggestion. I'm trying to think of a lot of different things in case one thing doesn't work you can try something else.

He is old enough to learn choices when he is upset. First I would find out how is the daycare handling it, maybe you can come up with a plan with them. Talk to him about feelings and how he can choose different behaviors. I like the ACT approach:
Acknowledge his feelings "I know you are mad because your sister took your toy away"
Communicate the limit "but you may not hit/hurt/throw things at her"
Target choices "you can use your words to tell her how you feel, you can go to your room and cool off or you can ask for my help"
Sounds kind of artificial but if he feels you "get him" and you give him tools and practice them (roll play) he will learn not to react to his first impulse and be able to use his words.
Does he have any speech delay at all? SOmetimes kids that cannot express verbally very easy act out more, but really any 3 year old is learning how to respond socially...I really think it is a "teaching moment" more than anything else.
Hope this long suggestion helps!
PR

Um...nothing you can do?? Yes, there is. Behavior modification. Work with the daycare to get it under control. See if there's anything that's bothering him.

Switch day cares. He is obviously unhappy there. Please always remember your side is on his side. Some may be age but some may be something else. Or switch care givers. He may need a change from another child too.

Is it possible you can work less hours? As long as someone else is raising your child you will always feel a bit helpless. Don't give up hope.

Make sure he knows those things are not allowed, be consistent but until he is old enough to tell you what is wrong, you will have to go by instinct or what the other adults in his life tell you. Encourage him to talk as much as he can and really really listen. Play role play with him on the floor with his toys and try a quiet time, like bedtime to talk about things and really listen.
Ask very simple questions too.

Good luck and God bless, c

Hello N.,

besides behavior modification, check his diet. some sugars/artificial colors can affect kids behavior big time! My son can't handle high fructose corn syrup. it's like opening pandora's box. Good luck! ~C.~

Hello N.,

I agree with the behavior modification but if that doesn't work you may need a different approach.

What does he LOVE? Does he have a favorite cartoon after school, an animal that he sleeps with, playing with footballs outside, a favorite dessert… whatever you can think of that will hit hard TAKE IT AWAY for 3 days!

My kids understand that they will not be rewarded for bad behavior and they will loose privileges, I am pretty No-Nonsense. If he wants to cry then OK, just have him go to his room and shut the door until he is ready to re-join that family.

Good Luck, this is a tough and stressful subject. I will tell you that a child was "released" from our Pre-K school just yesterday for punching another student in the mouth. Most schools are pretty strict about this.

E.