I Need Help - Saint George,UT

My daughter was like that too. SHe would constantly rub it on something. SO i sat her down and talked to her about what she was doing. I told her that I understand that it feels good to rub hersrlf there, but she needs to do that in her room. That she was not permitted to do that while out and around other people. I had to remind her a few times and i even took away her favorite toy for a day but she finaly stopped doing it in public.
Hope this helps

I have heard of this before and if she does not have an itching problem then I would ignore it. It could be laundry soap or bath soap allergy.

It will pass in time if it is behavorial.

Hi. Only because I'm hoping you won't worry too much and I know that the worst of possibilities come too some, I have 3 daughters and Will tell you that sometimes one of mine was seen for what I thought was abnormal behavior and I was told by a professional , after they were seen of course, that if something feels good, children will do it. either out of stress, or frustration, or just that it feels good. I'm sure that if your instincts were telling you something were wrong, you'd listen. After a while, I had to acknowledge that she was enjoying this, I had to explain about time and places that were appropriate for this to happen. NOT in front of people. ANd belive me, if the DR. Thought that she was a victim of a crime, you would know about it, the DR would have to do a thorough exam and you would be told of suspicions. I pray that you have a good Dr. for youre little one. If you want to email me privately, I would be glad to discuss w/ you what I know from personal experience. God Bless !!

Here are some links on the subject. It is curious that she is doing this in "public."

http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_bmasturb_hhg.htm
http://www.christian-mommies.com/ageless/physical-educati...
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/worries/masturbating.html
http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpdevelopment/0,,3q9m,00...

It's really hard to "diagnose" this...but I guess your daughter is doing this a "lot" and in public... more than the norm?

Hope the links help. I really don't know enough about this to comment otherwise.
Take care and perhaps it's just a "phase?"
All the best,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Yes, this is normal. My daughter did the same thing when she was about 8. My daughter was stressed at school, and this was her way of dealing with it. But, sometimes it just feels good. Just talk to her and explain that it's inappropriate with others and allowed only in private. My daughter stopped pretty quickly. But, it was pretty embarrassing to have the teacher tell me she was doing it in class! LOL ;) Good luck.

I don't mean to freak you out, but is there a chance she may hbe been molested? Before you say no, stop and think. When did this start, have any other behaviors changed, etc? When you ask her, why does she say she's doing it? If it were my child I'd take her to see a good psychoogist and check it out. Per your doctor it does not seem to be physical, and it sounds as if she can't stop doing it on her own. Good luck!

I don't know what advice to give, but I'm having the exact same problem with my 6 year old daughter! She is constantly rubbing her vaginal area on the corners of couches, etc... I was told by her doctor that this is perfectly normal, not to overreact, but to let her know that it is private and she should be in the privacy of her own room. He also said that she would eventually grow out of it. I'm at a loss too! I asked her if it itches, burns, etc...she says no, but that it feels good. I'm trying not to overreact, but she has been doing this since she was about 3 years old and more frequently the older she has gotten. My husband wants me to talk with her and tell her to stop, but I don't know, I don't want her to feel bad, ashamed or embarassed.

I to agree that it is normal behavior for small children, I have worked with children that would do the "rubbing" during nap time and at all other times during the day, We just simply reminded them that, what they are doing is normal but it needs to be done in privacy at home not in front of other people. Good luck, but it does pass as they get older. You are not alone on this issue!!

I had the same issue with my daughter when she was 10years old so after trying to figure out what it was i decided to take her to the doctor well she had an UTI and was given meds and she was fine after that. Check with your doctor kids get those too.

It is a coping mechanism. Try showing her other ways to modify her feelings, like running or something. Try skipping food as a coping thing. Anyway, good luck.
R.

Hi B. C,
I remember when I was a teacher assistant some 25 years ago in a 1st grade class, a little boy came up to me and said:"So and so (a girl who shared the same double desk as him) keeps on shaking the table and I can't work!"

For a few days I could not figure out what she was doing: grabbing the table or her chair, intently shaking back and forth staring straight ahead, with occasional glances to see if anyone was looking. If her table mate tried to get her to stop, she would get very upset (an otherwise super sweet child).

One day, it dawned on me! She was masturbating. I approached the lead teacher with this information, who received it in as much disbelief as I had. But after a few days of observation she could only come up with the same conclusion. She then called the mother in for a conference. I was not privy to all the conversations about this matter, but it turned out that she had been doing this at home also, and after a few weeks of investigations it turned out her older brother had been touching her.

Now I am not saying someone taught this to your daughter, but you should at least rule it out. It sounds like the pediatrician may have ruled out yeast infections et al... This self discovery is much more common than we would expect in girls. In boys of course, not so taboo. But us girls, we are still brought up with different standards aren't we, so not much info out there on this, especially for such young children.

Obviously it is a natural act, she is doing this out of pure innocence so this is not a cause for punishment, but rather cause for inquiry to how she came about this discovery. Yet, she must understand that this is not a socially acceptable behavior, and just as passing gas, burping, picking your nose, sneezing on people, defecating or urinating in public, it is not acceptable in public so it must cease. You must strive to help her find a positive behavior to replace it, so she distracts herself from the urge, and overcomes it.

I would suspect this is not an easy habit to get rid of, and if your own efforts are not producing results, I would urge you to consult a child behavioral specialist who can help redirect her behavior. There are therapists who use play therapy to help children open up and converse about issues and help them learn ways to modify her behavior. I know it's difficult to spend money on these kinds of therapy, very expensive, have to take time out of your work day perhaps. But look at how much many parents drop cash on toys, game systems, clothes, sports activities, vacations...look at this kind of intervention as an investment in your daughter.
Don't tarry B. C! I would hate to see your daughter embarrassed in any way over this.

In Friendship and Support,
V.

Do you suspect your child was sexually molested? Has she been having those behaiors around other children? Did she have nightmares, bedwetting, clinginess, spacing out around the time that behavior happened? If she is in child care, what does the child care provider tell you about her behavior during the day?

Oh wow! I don't want to be negative, but you should try and figure out if she was molested. I can't remember if I read about this on MSN or watched a TV show regarding this type of behaviour, but they stated it was a sign of molestation.

I know this could be a mother's worse fear, but I hope that is not the case and that it's just the soap or laundry detergent you are using.

I've read some of the responses and women are saying this is normal, but maybe some of them needed to have their child checked and they didn't because they didn't want to think that happend to their child or they were just naive.

Do you have a boyfriend or have you had one in the past? Could he have been touching her inappropraitely? Has the doctor done a physical examination of the area to check for trauma? If there are no signs, it could be that she was just "touched" there and continues to do it. I know this is the last thing you'd want it to be, but you need to consider everything if the doctor cannot figure it out. She may also have a yeast infection. Try asking her why she does it. Otherwise, she may just like the feeling. I've read that some kids just like the feeling of touching themselves down there. If that's the case, you could tell her she is not allowed to do that at school, but can do it at home in the bath for instance.

This is more common than you can believe! My best girlfriend went through this with her daughter. It's totally sensory--she loves the way it feels. All you can do is tell her she can do that in the privacy of her own room and that's it! It's not for any other room in the house OR School or out in public. Don't give her a complex by telling her it's bad and horrible or whatever---take the pressure off--just set boundaries. (This advice came from a pediatric psychiatrist to my friend.) And you know what--it worked! They did have a bit of a hard time at school--because she'd get bored and would self-stimulate. So they made a list of things for her to do when she was done with her work--and obvoiusly that was NOT on the list! :) She's fine--just set the rules.

I agree with Jennifer C. You may ask your daughter if someone has touched her inappropriately. Or maybe have a "conversation" about that subject and see what she says. Her behavior sounds like a cry for help to me. I'm not a medical expert or trained in that area, so I hope I'm way off base!.
Good luck to you.

Hi - my 5 year old son does his own version of this behavior - and he uses this to relax before going to bed. However, we explained to him about "private parts" and "private time" and he understands that that behavior is only done in private. You don't want to make your daughter feel bad about the behavior but you want her to understand that she can only do this at home, in private.

Just keep talking about it, she'll get the idea.

Good luck!

I can understand why you're concerned about this behavior. As young as your daughter is, I don't think this is a discipline issue.

Does she complain about the area itching or hurting? It could possibly be a yeast infection. You don't normally see this in young children, but it does happen. There are some great over-the-counter medications you could try. If that works, there are things you can do to try to prevent future incidents. Make sure her pants aren't too tight and that she has cotton panties so that enough air gets down there. Have her switch from tub baths to showers, so that she's not sitting for extended periods in the water. Yeast thrives in warm, wet places, so you want to keep her skin and genital area as dry and cool as possible. Cut back on sugar and caffeine in her diet, as these things will attract yeast, also.

If that medication doesn't solve the problem and her doctor can't find any other physical reason for her behavior, you may want to consider taking her to see a child psychologist or psychiatrist. This behavior could mean that someone has abused her in some way. As parents, we do everything we can to protect our children and keep them safe, but predators are everywhere. I hope and pray that this is not the case here, but for your daughter's well-being, it's a possiblity that you have to consider.

My thoughts and prayers are with both of you.

I hate to put this out there, but if I don't it will eat away at me. If the doctor has ruled out any sort of infection or vaginal itching... could she have been sexually molested? Is she watching something on tv that maybe she should be exposed to? I am NOT in any way trying to attack you, but I know from having been around children that that is one of the signs that we look for in little girls.

I have to weigh in. This is perfectly normal behavior. My daughter went thru it. It feels good. Thnk about it. We never want to admit our babies could like that. It doesn't mean she was molested.

Yes, I would ask her why she does it. That can let you know if there is another reason, and set your mind at ease if there isn't, but don't push and don't lead. Kids often will tell you what they think you want to hear, if they feel ashamed, or embarressed. If she tells you because it feels good, let that lead you into a conversation and tell her that is fine, and it is ok, but it is private behavior. I told my daughter that it is either bedroom or bathroom behavior. She was fine after that with only a couple reminders.

Maybe she is starting to explore her own body. Some kids find that it feels Good and relaxing. For instance when you get your back rubbed it feels good. I know it might be uncomfertable but ask her why she does it. see what she says? I hope it helps.Krissy

What you are going through with your daughter is normal please google in www.sover.net/ and then your tool bar will show the rest of the email and hit on that . This is the most right on information and it is very informative.....R.

Hello

I don't want to sound flippant - but have you asked your daughter why? Is it because it's sore or itchy? It is becuase it feels 'nice'? Is it because she'll get attention (albeit perhaps a scolding or a rebuke) when she does it?

I think that it's important to ask HER why. If it is sore or itchy then you know it's something for the doctor to sort out. If it's because it feels nice, or she is just exploring herself, then it's important to make it clear that whilst there is nothing wrong with learning about herself, it is only appropriate to touch herself when she's in hte privacy of her bedroom (or something).

Good luck!
C. x

In general, exploration is normal at this age. Doing it in public may be a sign of something emotional- maybe stress at school or something- and may be a sensory issue. Does she like hugging particularly? touching surfaces? touching other kids (not in their private areas, just in general)- you can call a pediatric occupational therapist, and if it is in that direction, she or he can guide you.

hi-
first of all rule out any medical issues-- and with that goes bathroom issues, wiping etc... have you tried asking her if anything or anyone is bothering the area? see if she is bothered by anything or anyone else- has she observed this behavior anywhere- ask her if she has any questions about her privates.... have you looked at how she spends her day, who has contact with her and if she may be exposed to any inappropriate material, or persons? hard to look at, but behavior such as this indicates that she has something going on either thinking about, curious, it may just feel good, and she is confused about exploration and appropriate time and place for that... just a thought

it's not unusual for children to discover their "private parts" and to want to touch them, rub them, and masturbate. it's really normal. if i were you, i would tell her that she can do that whenever she wants IN THE PRIVACY OF HER OWN ROOM. Discipline is not necessarily appropriate.

There are a couple of things to be worried about. Has the doctor tested to see if she is actually iching or needs some medical attention? That would be my first bet. In general, kids don't do those things all the time if they know that mommy says not to UNLESS they are hurting in some way. Maybe get a referral to a specialist or have some extra tests done. If that is definitely not the problem, she may be enjoying the sensations that are aroused when private areas are touched. If this is the case, you should talk to her carefully (and privately) about what is acceptable and what is not. If you are absolutely certain that there is no medical reason for her to do this, ask her why she does it. Does it feel good? Does your private area hurt if you don't do it (would be a good question for determining medical problem)? Then explain to her that certain feelings are normal but that she needs to wait until she is older before she explores those feelings. Tell her that some things are just not okay right now (or "in public" if that better suits you). Like any behavior that we want to stop, sometimes we just need to reason with the child to help her see why what she is doing is wrong. She might not be old enough to understand all the reasons, but she can at least understand that some things are only done in private. If you want her to stop completely, you will have to use some form of punishment, but I would think that she will outgrow this and as she gets older you can talk to her about the appropriate use of those feelings.

B. C,

Have you tried explaining to her that rubbing herself is okay as long as it is done in the privacy of her room at home? And that if she keeps this up in pubic other kids won't want to play with her? I know a lot of people keep squicky about this type of thing but sometimes it is better (and more effective) to set boundaries on a behavior than to try to stamp it out. Some kids just do weird stuff and you have to kind of go with it until they get past it. You just have to figure out how not to accidently reinforce the behavior in the meantime. Also, have you asked her why she does it? If she does it because it feels good, that probably isn't a big deal but if she's acting out in a sexual way, it doesn't hurt to really question her about whether or not someone has inappropraitely touched her. Good luck!

T.

Hi B.,

This is totally age appropriate! Don't make an issue of it, just try to ignore it or distract her gently. She is discovering something that feels good. She'll outgrow it eventually (at least the public behavior). (I remember doing the same thing at that age)

V

Dear B. C,
Has your Doctor ruled out yeast infection??
C. S.

She's discovered that it feels good, and she's baffled as to why it bothers adults. She's never seen an adult be upset when someone rubs, say, their elbow, so she can't figure out why this is different.

My oldest had a bad habit of having one hand in her mouth and one in her crotch at school, especially when she was thinking hard or frustrated. The teacher (1st grade) suggested we keep her in pants for school, since it seemed to happen far more often when she was in a dress. That helped a LOT. Try keeping her in pants. Yes, I know the weather's warm, but she won't melt, I promise.

My daughter got better about keeping her hands where they belonged when we presented it as a combination being grown up and health issue, by telling her that she couldn't be spreading saliva or anything else around the school, because it was icky for other people to have to touch if she'd gotten it wet. Maybe you could phrase it about that way to your daughter - if it wouldn't be appropriate to spit on the furniture, etc. - and surely she knows that it wouldn't be! - then it's not appropriate to get other bodily substances, including sweat, on. We don't rub sweaty feet on things, either. Other people wouldn't like it. Let her see that it's not necessarily about her private parts, but manners and consideration for others.