Inquisitive 3 1/2 Year Old

Great question and I think we have all been there! I think our comfort level with difference and the language we use makes a big impression on our little ones and in time they will become more comfortable talking about difference and about children with disabilities. For now, they notice everyone and everything and they have loads of questions- which is awesome!

From a very early age, like 2, I have used every-day encounters to point out to my two kids how all people are "alike" and "different" ; how we are "all built differently, and all perfect in our own selves". Like, I might point out how one child has blue eyes, the other green, but they both have brown hair. Or we use different colored crayons to match the right skin tone on drawings of us and others, talking about friends and family who have different shades and how pretty all those colors are. That people come in all shapes, colors and sizes.

I point out in books or on TV, "look, she uses a wheelchair. Or, do you know why that child might use a cane?" so that difference is more normal to them. I work with kids with special needs so they have always been exposed to kids who use walkers, wheelchairs or might look atypical, but but very, very beautiful to me. They see photos of kids I know and I talk about the child first, then the disability. I talk about how each child communicates: some use words, others signs or computers, but how that each child is a regular child with wonderful thoughts and exciting things to say and share with them.

I am also careful to say, "a child who uses a wheelchair" or a "child with autism" rather than a wheelchair-bound kid, or an autistic child, always putting the "child" before the disability.

My kids are at an age where they can understand how certain disabilities are caused so I explain that this was part of the child's genetic code or how their brain developed while in their mama's tummy. Your kids are a bit young for that explanation! But, as long as they know that the difference was not anyone's fault, just "how they are built" and that the child is still a wonderful child who just happens to use a wheelchair or a cane to help her get around.

You could rent videos from the library about kids with special needs or just start with how your child and her more typical friends are alike and different.

Good luck!

I found that just asking the child to make observations in a whisper is the best solution. A child doesn't know what to sensor.

That being said, I also had to watch what I said around her about other people. Sometimes hubby and I will talk about someone at home like "did you see so-and-so's new haircut?" or maybe even an insensitive "so-and-so looks awful because she's been so tired with the new baby!" Comments like that, while in the privacy of our own home, give a bad message that it's OK to talk about someone and little kids don't know the difference between public and private. Setting a good example helps too!

My daughter did the same thing with a really large women. And it took all we had for my husband and I not to laugh. They catch you so off guard. We were'nt laughing at the over weight woman we were laughing at my daughter. Which as you know usually causes them to try to make you laugh more. Simply ask her to whisper to you her observations of others. She has a right to ask them but maybe a little more discreetly.

all 3 yr olds are 'blunt' gotta love it.
I tell my son that people come in all sizes.
In front of a woman w/speech issue he asked why she talked that way "you all talk differently don't we?"
In front of a large woman in an electric cart
"mommy, why is that woman fat? did she eat too much?"
"we all come in different sizes"

i've started with wheel chairs and caines and how some people can't see, and people have trouble with different things, some people are born with different troubles (since he was about 2).

now he sees someone in a wheelchair and says "do you have trouble walking?"

can't help you w/the god thing cuz i frankly don't know if i have an answer for that one!

and maybe its silly but i used to bring up how we have all different flavors of crackers and ice cream and people are all different flavors too : ) or the world would just be vanilla.

Hi JC,
We use the phrase "God makes us all different so we are all special". It is simple and to the point and we remind the kids that pointing is hurtful and when you have a question you must use your small voice to Mommy or Daddy so you don't hurt others feelings.
Most people are understanding so remember to not make it a huge deal!
Best Wishes!

The best thing to do is what you did - acknowledge that the person is different and explain why. You can tell her that she needs to be polite by asking quietly, but that is not a big deal honestly. As long as you are honest about what she is asking you are doing fine.

I don't see anything wrong with answering the questions honestly but at the same time pointing out that people have feelings and we have to be careful not to say things loudly that may hurt the feelings of people we feel are "different" from us. Encourage curiosity but also empathy. I also agree with other posters that we have to teach young people,yes-there are many different shapes and sizes of people, and people have different challenges they have to face in their lives, and that ultimately this enhances all of our learning and understanding of each other if we embrace it. (Whether or not you want to bring God into is up to you. Nature is a force, whether you want to equate that with God or not.)