J.L.
Hi K.,
You poor tormented soul!
I believe that you are looping your fears/anxieties in with a mother's gut. My husband has the same fear of our son dying and will randomly call me, not even saying hello, he will exclaim "Where is he?!". I have run the gamut on responses and emotions on this one, to say the least.
My advice: Let your husband take them. You need the time to yourself and it will HELP the way you feel in the long run. Just make sure you tell Mike that you will be calling at random times and explain your anxiety thoroughly to him w/o emotion. Ask him to work with you on it and to help you through it. Discuss which activities you feel would be inappropriate. To me, a 3.5 yr old has no business being in a kayak, honey.
The fear of death is not the real issue, it is the fear of having something precious taken away. To say that it will go away....no, probably not; but it will diminish significantly. As your children grow older and your marriage more and more settled, you will begin to receive a lot of closure on issues you never realized were open, let alone issues at all.
Trust God completely and just give this to Him. He is giving you this weekend as a gift, either to start the healing process, or to cut loose with a glass of wine and a movie at home!
Relax my sister, and let someone else be in control of the boys. It is soooooo very liberating and decadent!!