My son will be five at the end of June and has been potty trained since two years 10 months. Stopping to go potty and accidents were never an issue. Shortly after the birth of my third son and the possible sale of our house he started to show that he was holding his poop in and not stopping to go. Sometimes for the whole day and into the following evening. He never had accidents, but still not a good thing. I asked the DR. and she suggested a sticker chart to get him going everyday. It was working great and then we started to notice that he was holding it in for so long that sometimes he wasn't making it to the potty. Just long enough to not make a total mess, but long enough that he still needs to change his underware. It seems as if it has gotten worse and was a huge problem on vacation. I have told him this is his problem and he can tell me shouldn't hold it in all day, but then it is quite obvious by the look on his face that he is. He actually stops playing to do this. Why not just go potty? I am quite irritated by it all. I attempt t remain calm, talk to him, etc. Has anyone ever experienced this? Is there a possible problem going on? I guess I should add that if I try to take him to the bathroom or remind him when it is obvious that he is holding it in he gets very defensive and fights me on going even more. He will even tell me to not talk about it which is why I have left it to be his problem. I can't force him to go.
Hmmmm.....
Maybe try using a timer and asking him how long to set it for. When it goes off, he goes to the toilet. Then he has lots of choice, but there's also a safeguard to him holding it too long. Just guessing here.
Why not just take him to the potty when you see him doing it and make him sit? I would also give him a little prune juice so it is not so easy to keep it in. Also give him some flushable wipes in the bathroom. My son does not like to poop without them.He also doesn't like to go in new places. He won't go at other people's house, and when we are on vacation, he holds it until he can't. I bought his wipes this past time and he was much happier to use the toilet then.
Does he sit or stand to pee? Maybe he doesn't like to sit on the toilet.
Yes, with the major changes in his life, your son could be regressing. Not wanting to talk about it suggests a great deal of resentment toward the new brother, and he's feeling lost in the middle.
Facing the potential loss of the home he's familiar with can certainly add another whole layer of anxiety and uncertainty – he may very well be "controlling" one of the few things he can actually control. So the behavior is understandable, though certainly not optimal for either of you. But he doesn't yet understand the value of making other choices.
There's a fantastic book that helps parents (and kids!) work through exactly these kinds of struggles, plus the many more that most families will experience during the child-rearing years. Check out the book Faber and Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. The authors have years of experience teaching parents how to help their children identify and communicate their feelings and needs, and participate in finding their own solutions. They teach how parents can establish their own needs and boundaries in a clear, understandable, and respectful way.
I use this approach with my grandson, and it really helps him when he's having a not-so-happy time. These authors also offer another book I haven't actually read, but have heard very highly recommended: Siblings Without Rivalry. I expect it is just as practical.
I think sometimes when kids have a lot going on in their life that they can not control, then they look for stuff that they can control.
I would try to go out of your way to give him other small choices, like what shirt he wants to wear, or a choice of lunch. I think once your life calms down a bit, that this problem will go away.
This is not regression. This is typical behavior for encopresis...the medical term for children who have held their poop for whatever reason and have therefore become so constipated that they have an enormous amount of poop in the rectum that they are no longer able to pass. When that happens going potty becomes painful and the situation just becomes worse. Not making it to the bathroom and soiling his underwear occurs because there is leakage occurring around the mass of poop in his bowels. It is VERY common for this age of children especially when you add stressers like a new baby, moving, school, and vacation. You can not punish him or make him feel any anxiety about going, or it will just make the situation worse. You should see your pediatrician and get an X-ray so you can see if this is indeed the case. We had a similar situation and were devastated to find out our son had three months of poop in him and was probably in a lot of pain. After they hold it so long they loose the sensation of having to go and it can become a vicious cycle. If it is then the only solution is to clean him out and treat it as a severe case of constipation. Miralax helps by drawing water into his stool therefore making it easier to pass. We had to give our child laxatives, mineral oil and miralax and are still working to clean him out. I understand your frustration but you have to realize that it is NOT his choice...he needs medical help and shaming him will not work. Good luck.
Sometimes when there is a lot of change going on a child will work on controlling the one thing that he can control--his own body. My guess is that as things settle down again that this stage will pass.
In the meantime, your attempting to stay calm is perfect. I would also put him in charge of his own clean up which you only supervise. So he has to rinse out his own underwear and put them away, etc. He also would need to take his own shower if that is necessary. This will get old pretty quick for him as he will have to take a lot more time here than just going in the first place.
Your mama mantra: This too shall pass.
M.,
I could have written your post!! Except my son is 6 going on 7. I wish I could say that there was something new going on and that he is regressing, but there isn't anything at our house. The only thing I can figure is that he just doesn't want to take the time to go. We have tried everything including taking away privledges, making him clean himself/undies, we've been calm, we've been frustrated. He has a wellness check coming up and we're going to be talking to the dr about it.
Been there, done that! at 5/6 my son was the same way. I was terrified to send him to kindergarten at the end of that summer. We just ignored it and made him deal with it himself if he had an accident. Guess what! He went to school, and never had an accident again. Once in a while I see the look on his face that he is trying to "hold it." But he doesn't have accidents anymore - Good Luck (Hang in there!)
